CHAPTER 31
SAMANTHA
“You don’t have to do this, Xander. You’ve proven to yourself that you can go back to your music any time that you want.”
My plea was uttered in fear as we stood in the tiny backstage area of the temporary platform at the fairgrounds.
Had I pushed too hard to get him performing again when all I really wanted was for him to find his creativity?
Now that I heard the thundering sound of the local band who was performing before Xander on the outdoor stage, I wasn’t absolutely certain I’d done the right thing.
It was Labor Day weekend, and the crowds were horrific for a small town. The show and the traveling carnival at the fairgrounds had brought in a horde of last-minute visitors to the coast.
Not to mention the fact that there were rumors that Xander Sinclair was going to perform a few songs for the very first time in years.
I wasn’t sure how word had traveled. The appearance should have been spontaneous. Nevertheless, we’d all heard rumblings around town for the last week, and it was evident that fans were expecting his performance. None of Xander’s family would have revealed the secret. It had to have been spread from the few organizers who knew he might be here.
I let out a sigh of relief as the last chord of the band on stage died out.
“Don’t worry,” Xander said as he adjusted the strap of his guitar. “It’s not like I haven’t played to a hell of a lot bigger crowds than this.”
I looked at him, uncommonly unable to gauge his mood. He’d been quiet most of the day, but I’d attributed that to his concentration on practicing in his studio for this evening.
Now I was having misgivings, pretty sure I might be more nervous than he was.
I’d forgotten about the noise.
I hadn’t expected this big of a crowd in such a small area.
“I know. But you didn’t choose this,” I said loud enough to be heard over the rumbling of the crowd. “I did.”
He grinned at me. “Samantha, I’m good. As long as I can see you out there, I’ll be fine. I’ll just pretend I’m singing for you.”
My heart clenched. “Are you sure?”
He nodded and leaned over to kiss me on the forehead. “I’m getting used to the noise and the crowds. The more I go out there, the less it bothers me.”
I grabbed both sides of his face and planted a kiss on his mouth. “Okay. Then go. The audience is waiting.”
Xander headed out to the stage as I flew down the makeshift stairs, tripping over my feet as I tried to rush back to a seat.
Dammit! I cursed in my mind as my body hit the ground, stunned for a moment because I’d landed on my back and gotten the wind knocked out of me.
I sucked in a breath. And then another. As I finally sat up, I saw Xander enter the stage to a crowd of cheers that was nearly deafening.
That’s when the fireworks started.
Pop! Pop! Pop!
I panicked as I realized that they were so close because they were part of Xander’s introduction, exploding right behind him in a beautiful array of colors. Or they would be . . . if I wasn’t so terrified because they sounded so much like gunshots.
I raced for the front of the stage, my eyes never leaving Xander as I saw that he was hesitating.
His gaze was looking around frantically, and I knew he was trying to find me.
As my ass landed in one of the folding chairs in the front row, I realized that we weren’t close enough.
The entire first line of chairs, which was occupied by me and all of Xander’s family, was far enough back from the stage that the spotlight wasn’t illuminating me in the crowd.
Kristin was seated next to me, and I said in an anxious voice, “He can’t see us. And he was fine until they brought out the damn fireworks.”
Watching Xander struggle for composure was killing me. He’d done a long, hard battle, and I’d be damned before I’d let him fail just because of some unexpected circumstances.
I hopped up and tore down the fragile tape that was meant to keep the area clear in front of the stage. Once I knew I was in the spotlight, I stood on the grass, waving my arms at the hesitating man on stage.
“Look at me, Xander. Just me. Don’t go back. Stay here with me,” I whispered frantically.
His eyes finally met mine, and I locked on to his and wouldn’t let go.
Xander’s family moved in a wave of bodies from the front row to stand beside me, every one of his cousins, his brothers, and their wives forming the first wave of faces he could see when he looked out at the crowd. Like me, not a single one of them had any issues tearing down the fragile barriers to stand up for this member of their family who had fought for so long to come to this particular day.
“He’ll be fine,” Kristin said in my ear. “The stupid fireworks are done, and he can see we’re here to support him now.”
Xander nodded to me subtly, letting me know he was present in the moment, and then started his first number, the song he wrote for me.
I gradually relaxed and got lost in the music. Xander’s former band had moved on to other things, but he’d hired some local musicians to back him up, and the performance was magical. At least it was for me.
Tears flowed down my cheeks, and as I gazed down the row of faces, none of the Sinclair women were holding back their emotions, every one of them crying just like me.
Xander was nearly whole, although he’d probably always have his quirks from his traumatic past. But he was right. The more he exposed himself to the world, the better he’d become at conquering his reactions. When I looked at him, all I saw was a beloved man who had hit rock bottom, then slowly clawed his way back up again.
I loved him for his strength.
I loved him for his kindness.
And, well, if he was more cynical than he used to be, he’d damn well earned the right to be that way.
Life completely sucked sometimes, and some people got that more than others. But there were times—like this one—that were made so much sweeter because of all of the pain.
As the last note died down, and the crowd roared, Kristin turned to me with her face swollen with tears. “That was amazing. That was Xander. Thank you, Sam. You’ll never know how much it’s meant to Julian and Micah to get their brother back.”
Kristin threw her arms around me, and I hugged her back. “It wasn’t me. It was him,” I said in her ear. “He’s stronger than he thinks he is. He always has been.”
She gave me a tremulous smile and nodded as she let me go, then turned to hug her husband.
Micah and Julian headed toward the stage, and I hung back to give the brothers time to talk. Xander deserved this time with his brothers, and he needed all the encouragement that I knew Micah and Julian would give him.
I waited for the crowd to clear out and go rejoin the other festivities at the Labor Day Fair, chatting with the Sinclair women as the male cousins, Hope, and Jason all went to congratulate Xander on his performance.
“Is he planning on going back to performing?” Kristin asked in a normal tone of voice as most of the people had left the now-darkened stage.
I shrugged. “I’m not certain. He said he was getting tired of being on the road, so I’m not sure where he’ll go from here. He mentioned the possibility of opening his own record label, but he hasn’t pursued it yet. But music is a big part of his life. He’s not going to leave it in the background anymore.”
“We want him to stay here,” Tessa commented from her place beside Kristin.
Kristin added, “We hope you’re planning on staying, too.”
I didn’t want to explain my bargain with Xander, and that as of right now, I had no idea whether we were parting, or if there was a future for us. “I’m not sure what’s happening right now,” I told the two women honestly.
“I’ve watched you all summer,” Kristin said. “I’m not sure what your life was like in New York, but you fit here, Sam. You belong with Xander, and Amesport is where you need to be. I’ve never seen you kicking for more action, or missing the bright lights and the big city. And even if you did, Xander could take you anywhere.”
“Are you trying to convince me?” I asked with a weak smile.
Kristin and Tessa both nodded emphatically.
“You don’t have to,” I confessed. “I love Xander. I love his family. And I love Amesport. But you have to understand the trauma he’s been through—”
“You helped him conquer that,” Tessa interrupted. “This is about how you feel about each other now.”
“We’ll see,” I answered vaguely. “Let’s go see the superstar.”
Kristin and Tessa joined me, and I knew the other Sinclair women wouldn’t be far behind. They were chatting in pairs or in groups.
When I thought about it, it was mind boggling just how many Sinclairs were now residing here in this small town.
The three of us carefully climbed the stairs, but I stopped abruptly at the curtain that separated us from the men as I heard arguing.
“I’m not going to do another contract or agreement with Sam. That isn’t what I want. It was okay while I was still recovering and I needed her help. But I’m a hell of a lot stronger now, and I don’t want it. I’m done with her being tied to me. She needs to be free to go.”
It was Xander’s voice, Xander’s bellow that wafted through the air and punched me straight in the heart.
I felt Kristin grip my arm gently, probably in sympathy.
“It’s okay,” I whispered quietly. “I knew this might happen. Xander is getting better, and sometimes feelings change.”
He’s getting his life back. He doesn’t want or need me anymore. I was always well aware that this could happen. I knew it.
But I had just never wanted to imagine how painful it would be when and if it did.
I turned and awkwardly took the stairs, then started to run.
I wasn’t sure where I was going, or what I was doing.
Honestly, it didn’t matter, because my heart was torn to shreds, and I knew I was never going to be able to put it back together ever again.