Violet

“You’re welcome to any of these, really,” Darcy said as I sat cross-legged on the floor at the foot of her huge four-poster bed, facing into her closet.

I winced at the scrape of the hangers against the rail. Darcy was going through her closet looking for dresses I could borrow to wear to the awards ceremony.

“But which one do you like the least?” I asked.

“They’re dresses, not ex-boyfriends,” she said. “Take whatever you like.” She snatched a hanger off the rail and spun, holding the plastic-covered dress in front of her. “This color would look beautiful on you.”

“Purple?”

“It has a diamante belt. It’s so pretty.” She unzipped the bag and pulled out a fountain of purple-blue chiffon. “It’s cornflower blue.”

I leaned forward to grab some of the vast amounts of material. “It feels expensive—it’s way too nice for me to borrow.”

“Don’t be so ridiculous. Try it on.”

I stood, deliciously tempted by the fairytale dress but unable to escape the feeling I’d never pull it off.

“Come on. Strip and take off your bra. It’s one-shouldered.”

Darcy looked at me expectantly and I began to undress. “So, how’s the man situation?” she asked, her eyes dancing as she spoke.

I still hadn’t told her about Alexander. “No situation,” I said simply, peeling off my jeans.

“Surely another whole week hasn’t gone by without you having a man under your spell?” Darcy handed me the dress and I stepped into it. The chiffon floated against my skin like a thousand kisses. I shivered.

“Wow. That looks amazing on you.” She fiddled with the material at my shoulder. “The shoulder kind of acts like a train or a scarf,” she said as the material of the sleeve floated behind me. On the hanger the bodice had looked like it was just loose material but it fit snuggly around my ribcage, draping across my body in a close fit.

“It’s too beautiful,” I said, looking down. “I can’t possibly borrow this.”

“Of course it’s beautiful; it’s Elie Saab, and you must borrow it. Take a look in that mirror.” She pointed at the full-length mirror on the other side of the room. “You look amazing.”

I stood on my tiptoes to avoid trailing the skirt across the floor. “Oh wow, it has a slit,” I said as the fabric parted, revealing my leg almost up to my hip.

“Just on one side,” Darcy replied. “With your legs, it’s the perfect dress for you.”

I stood in front of the mirror—I looked so different. And I wasn’t sure it was just the dress. Things were different in London. I was different in London. The bravado I normally wore as a shield had been replaced with a genuine eagerness to learn and experience new things.

“If you’ve not found yourself some guy in London yet, you will in this dress,” she said, grinning at me.

I’d never worn anything so beautiful and certainly nothing as expensive. I turned to the side. My waist looked half the size it really was, and the sweep of the fabric over my hips made me feel like I’d just stepped off the set of High Society. For a second, I imagined Alexander’s face as he spotted me—that reluctant grin he had made me want to curl my hand around his neck and kiss him. I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the thought.

“Maybe,” I said. There was no way I was going to be able to wear anything but this dress now. I’d fallen in love with it. But I wasn’t so worried about finding a guy. I was just enjoying my life here in London.

“I’m glad you’re going out, finally. You don’t seem to be out as much as you are in New York. Are you sure you’re having fun?”

In New York I went out as often as my tips would allow. Of course, I had fewer friends in London. I’d been asked to go to the pub a couple of times by the admin staff or the clerks, but I’d always found an excuse. For some reason, I didn’t want to drink and flirt my evenings away. In London I looked forward to going to work in the morning instead of cursing each step I made on my way to the restaurant. I reveled in nights alone at home instead of finding random colleagues to go out drinking and hunting for boys with.

“I am having a lot of fun. It’s just not my usual fun.” It was the first time in a long time I’d felt as if I were in the right place. In New York, I’d worked so hard at living in the moment, not worrying about what was farther down the track, that I’d failed to make sure the moment was worth staying in. I’d just assumed that working toward something in the future was a waste of where you were, but I wasn’t so sure anymore—in chambers I was surrounded by people working hard toward the future and it didn’t seem so scary. I was beginning to see that maybe things could be different for me—I didn’t have to be weighed down by my past. I could choose a new path.

“I’m so pleased that you are. It’s so nice having you just down the road.” Darcy and I stared into the mirror at my reflection.

“And you’re sure you don’t mind me borrowing it?”

“I insist you do. Now what about shoes? What size are you? Oh, and a bag!”

Darcy was possibly one of the most generous people I’d ever met.

We wandered back into her closet. “Try these,” she said, handing me some silver, strappy heels.

“I can’t. They’re way too high.”

“They look perfect with that dress, and you have a few days to practice. Wear socks at first to stop yourself from getting blisters.” Darcy was clearly used to this world of fancy parties and London events, but I wasn’t. I’d watched Scarlett get ready for these things a million times, but I’d never thought I’d ever want to attend one, let alone be a little excited about it. Which I was. Being in London, I felt freer than I could remember ever feeling. I’d never felt trapped in New York, but looking back, I had been. I might have worked in a hundred different restaurants with a thousand different people, but my days had all been the same. I’d been constrained in a way I wasn’t here. In New York, my past trailed along behind me and it felt as though everyone kept glancing at it over my shoulder, reminding me it was still there. Here no one knew me.

“I don’t know how to thank you, Darcy.”

“I told you, it’s no big deal. I’m pleased it’s being worn—it’s too pretty to keep in a cupboard.”

“I don’t just mean the dress. Thank you for suggesting I come to London, for letting me stay in this house. I can’t tell you how much better I feel.”

She grinned. “I’m happy you’re happy. All we need is for you to find a knight in shining armor to rescue you and everything will be perfect.”

I shook my head. “I don’t need rescuing.” I meant it. I always meant it when I said I didn’t need a man, but normally I was fucking some random guy I knew would last no more than a month before I got bored with him. Now I wasn’t fucking anyone and I was okay with that. I was more than okay with that. London was changing me.