Alexander

Lance had been right about coming to New York. I’d known it the moment I’d agreed to come, but as I’d stepped off the plane yesterday a weight had lifted, not from my shoulders but from my very soul. Teaching was something my father had never done. There was nothing to live up to, and I had no caseload to manage, no concern that the work would dry up, no pleadings to draft, no strategy to create. For the first time in my life I was excited about my job—not pleased because something had gone well or relieved I’d got some work in, but genuinely excited.

Campus was quiet as I wandered across the South Lawn Saturday morning. I’d wanted to take a look at the place before I started on Monday.

The place reminded me a little of the Inns of Court. It was relatively peaceful among the bustle of Manhattan. But the buildings were larger—a pastiche of various eras rather than the organic mishmash of Lincoln’s Inn. I enjoyed the difference and took comfort from the similarities.

The law school and the business school were quite separate, but it felt odd to be so close to Violet, yet for her to have no idea I was here. Perhaps my exploration today was really a desire to bump into her. I hadn’t decided how to tell her I was here or even what to say.

The campus was big, but it wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility that we’d run into each other, and I didn’t want her to be caught off guard. I had to let her know as soon as possible.

And of course, I wanted to hear her voice.

I wanted things to be different between us.

Would she see that me being here was proof I was capable of creating a future with her? She was the only thing that had ever been important to me other than my work, and her leaving had wounded me deeply. It had changed me forever.

I pulled out my phone. I’d call her. Warn her I was here.

My heartbeat thrummed in my ears as I dialed.

“Alex?” She sounded confused, as though she couldn’t begin to think why I’d be on the other end of the line. I clenched my teeth at the idea that I had no place in her life anymore.

“Yes. It’s me. It’s good to hear your voice.”

I sighed at the sound of her breathing on the other end of the line.

“Are you okay?” she asked. Her voice was sad, as if I were torturing her, and I hated it.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’ve taken a teaching post at Columbia law school. It’s only for a few months. And I was wondering while I was here whether you’d agree to meet with me. I would really like a chance to apologize face-to-face.”

“You’re teaching?” she asked.

I wanted to tell her all about it, but I didn’t know if I should say any more. “Yes. Someone’s taken sick.”

“And so you’ve left your job? You’re not a barrister anymore?”

I took a seat on the steps in front of Butler Library. “I’ve not abandoned the bar. I’m just taking a sabbatical. I need time to reassess my priorities. A chance to redeem myself. I miss you.”

“I had to protect my heart, Alexander.”

“I know, and you were right to do so. I’d never provided any indication that I could give you more than snatched moments here and there.”

“But I shouldn’t have run away and I’m sorry for that. I should have found the courage to tell you I wasn’t coming back,” she said and paused.

“I don’t blame you for running. I understand.”

“And now you’re in New York,” she said.

I sighed. “I am. I was burnt out. Exhausted. I’d lost something important to me and it affected me in a way . . .” She didn’t need to hear about my pain. I’d caused her enough. “I spoke to Lance, and he suggested I take this teaching post to reassess things.”

“It seems like a big coincidence that it’s at Columbia.”

“Lance is friends with the president of the university.”

“I didn’t know that,” she said, her voice quietening as if she were thinking while speaking.

“A happy coincidence, I hope.” I paused, hoping she would agree with me. At least she didn’t hang up. “I was wondering if you’d meet me. I’d like us to talk and if possible work through what happened in London. I realize I was an idiot, and I want to make it up to you.”

She sighed. “I don’t have a lot of time. I’m just trying to focus on the program and get settled.”

I closed my eyes, trying to block out the pain of her rejection. But I was here for three months, and I wasn’t about to give up without a fight. “Maybe later in the semester then, when you have a little more time.”

“Maybe,” she replied.

I swallowed. “I miss you.”

There was a pause before she spoke as if she were carefully considering her response. “I should go. I hope you enjoy the teaching thing.”

It sounded so final, as though she had no intention of seeing me again while I was here.

“Okay, it’s been good to hear your voice. And I’m free anytime when you feel ready to talk.”

“Goodbye, Alexander.”

I couldn’t say goodbye. I wouldn’t.

I waited for her to hang up and then put the phone back into my jacket pocket. Today was just opening arguments. My fight for Violet hadn’t even begun.