Sunday December 22nd

 

“Granny Reen’s here!” Sierra exclaimed from her position with her cute little button nose pressed up against the glass panel at the side of the front door.

Cate quickly adjusted the black bow in her youngest daughter’s inky-black hair before she went to answer the door. She didn’t know why she felt like everything had to be perfect – her mum would be the very last person to care if the bow in Sierra’s hair was a little wonky.

“Hi Mum,” Cate beamed as she opened the front door.

“Sweetheart,” Irene gave her youngest daughter a big hug. “It’s so good to finally be here. I’ve missed you too much.”

As Cate stepped back so Irene, Erin and Oliver could come inside, Irene was immediately accosted by Lola, Mats and Sierra.

“Oh my goodness,” Irene smiled, stretching her arms out to accommodate them all, “aren’t I lucky to have so many hugs?”

After she’d greeted her grandchildren, Irene wanted to have a shower to get rid of all the grime from such a long flight and then make a start unpacking so Cate, accompanied by Sierra, showed her upstairs to the guest room.

“It’s beautiful, sweetheart,” Irene smiled as she looked around. The walls were pale-grey and the wooden floors were white-washed. There were three framed black and white photos of Manchester, their hometown, above the king-sized bed. The bedding was mainly navy-blue, white and grey with a pop of colour from the mustard quilted comforter.

“I helped,” Sierra said proudly, hanging off Cate’s arm.

“Well you did a great job,” Irene smiled. She sat down on the bed and then quickly stood up again.

“Is something wrong?” Cate asked.

“That bed is so comfy, I’m afraid that if I sit down for longer than a minute, I’ll be tempted to fall asleep and I don’t want to ruin my time here with you all by having jet-leg. I think I’ll have that shower instead to wake me up.”

Leaving Irene to settle in, Cate and Sierra went downstairs and while Sierra joined Oliver and her siblings in the lounge, where they were trying to decide which movie to watch, Cate joined Erin in the kitchen.

“How’s your mammoth to-do list looking now?” Erin asked, taking a seat at the counter.

“It’s a whole lot shorter than it was yesterday when I had my mini freak out. Thanks again for picking Mum up from the airport.”

“No problem,” Erin shrugged.

“I’m glad to see that Ollie’s feeling better.”

“Me too. There’s no worse feeling in the world than when your child’s poorly and there’s nothing you can do.”

They were interrupted by loud voices coming from the lounge. The children were split fifty-fifty on which Christmas movie to watch.

“Ollie shouldn’t count,” Sierra insisted, “because he’s only visiting.”

Cate frowned, “that’s not how we treat guests in this house, Sierra. I want you to apologise to your cousin.”

Sierra rolled her eyes and Cate wondered what the world was coming to when even her six-year old was rolling her eyes at her. “I’m sorry,” she said begrudgingly.

“What are the choices?” she asked Lola.

“Miracle on 34th Street or Home Alone.”

Cate flinched when they mentioned Miracle on 34th Street even though the original version with Natalie Wood used to be one of her favourite Christmas movies. She picked Home Alone instead.

“Are you OK?” Erin asked softly as they walked back into the kitchen.

“Mm,” Cate said, struggling to shake off the memories of that Christmas Eve all those years ago when her whole world had been turned upside down. “I was just thinking about that Christmas Eve when Lola was three.”

She didn’t have to elaborate; Erin had borne witness to one of the hardest times in Cate’s life. “We’d just settled down to watch Miracle of 34th Street when she knocked on the front door.”

Jenna, who’d been friends with Kian’s sister, Sinead at that time, had walked into their home and announced that she’d slept with Kian while he’d been at the World Cup and he’d been paying her to keep quiet about it.

“I wonder if that’s what’s making you so stressed out?”

Cate picked up her mug of tea, “I think my stupid brain just won’t let me be happy sometimes. It was a long time ago. I should be over it by now.”

“It can’t help that she’s been in the gossip columns back home since she’s getting divorced again.”

Cate shook her head, “nope, I’m not going to let her ruin another Christmas for my family. We need a change of subject, stat.”

“I was thinking since Ben’s in D.C. tonight, I might take Ollie to the Taco Shack for tea. Why don’t you, Irene, Kian if he’s home and the children come with us?”

Cate’s mood immediately brightened, “that sounds good. I need to drop off Heidi and Diego’s gifts and I don’t think Mum’s been to the Taco Shack before.”

 

It was only just getting dark when Kian parked the Tank in the driveway. With Ben being in D.C. he’d been able to leave the office at a decent hour for once and was looking forward to a quiet night in with his family but then he noticed his sister-in-law’s car was parked in front of the house and he grimaced. He’d been so caught up with work that he’d forgotten his mother-in-law, Irene was arriving today. After a shaky start - she’d hadn’t exactly been best pleased to find out that he’d knocked up her eighteen-year old daughter and then eloped with her to Vegas – they had a good relationship now but he’d wanted to spend some much-needed time just with his wife and children.

“Hello?” he called as he walked through the front door.

“Hi Kian,” Erin smiled. She was just putting on her wool coat. “Cate’s in your office.”

He was thankful she knew that touching base with his wife when he got home was as much of a physical need as that first cup of coffee in the morning to a caffeine addict.

He loosened his tie as he walked down the hallway to his and Cate’s shared office.

“Hey.” Her whole face lit up when she saw him and he hoped that she would always respond to him like that.

He was glad that their argument after Miles’ party the other night seemed to have been forgotten.

He wrapped his hands around her slender hips and gently brushed his lips against that sensitive spot just below her ear.

She turned around and kissed him. A soft, sweet life-affirming kiss that was over far too soon.

“Erin and I were going to take Mum and the kids to the Taco Shack.”

He worked hard to hide his disappointment. “Sounds good.” He slipped off his jacket, hung it on the back of Cate’s chair and removed his tie. “Ugh,” Cate murmured as she helped unbutton his vest, “Seeing you like this, in a three-piece suit, is definitely my kryptonite.”

He smiled and when she’d finished undoing the buttons he shrugged it off and replaced it with his jacket. It wasn’t exactly casual but it was a lot less stuffy. “I’ll have to wear them more often then.”

 

“Daddy?” Sierra asked before chomping on another French fry.

“Yes, sweetie?”

He hadn’t got the quiet night at home with his wife and children that he’d wanted when he’d first arrived home but this was the next best thing. He was sat in a large circular booth at one of his favourite restaurants with his youngest daughter on one side and his wife on the other, her soft thigh pressed up against his. He reached over and squeezed Cate’s knee and she put her hand on his for a moment.

“Daddy, you’re not listening to me, are you?” Sierra pouted, drawing his attention away from Cate.

“Of course, I am. What’s up?”

“Do you think it’s too late to make a change to my Christmas list?” He felt Cate stiffen next to him. She must have overheard what Sierra had just said. He felt guilty that he’d left all of the Christmas preparations to Cate again this year but work was like a beast at the moment; it didn’t matter how many hours he put in, it would never be satisfied. Hopefully, he would make it up to her with the anniversary gift he’d gotten for them.

They’d married in summer but although he relished being Cate’s husband, that wasn’t when he’d become hers. It had happened many months before, on Christmas Eve, when they’d kissed for the first time in a dark alleyway at the side of her mum’s house.

“I tell you what,” Kian turned to face his daughter. “Why don’t you tell me what you’d like to change and I’ll have a word with Father Christmas and see what he can do.”

“I really want four sleeping bags.”

He wondered if he’d heard her correctly. “Why do you want those?”

She picked up another French fry and dipped it in ketchup. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does, sweetheart. Why do you look so sad?”

She looked around the table at everybody. They were all engrossed in their own conversations but he could tell that Cate was listening to him and Sierra.

Sierra was usually so feisty that he didn’t like seeing her look so quiet. He slipped an arm around her tiny shoulders and tugged her into his side. “Talk to me, little one.”

She looked up at him again and her black eyes were a little glassy. “I miss you, Daddy. I want four sleeping bags so when you have to sleep at the office, Mommy, Lola, Mats and me can come and keep you company.”

Her softly spoken words were more painful than a dagger to the heart.

“I know it’s been rough these last few weeks, sweetheart and I haven’t been home as much as I’d have liked but I promise you that things will settle down soon.” He felt Cate flinch next to him and he really hoped that he was going to be able to keep the promise he’d just made to their little girl.

Everything he’d done since he’d found out that Cate was pregnant with Lola and they’d married in that simple chapel in Las Vegas had been to ensure that his family would be provided for when he retired from playing professional football. But when that day came and he was fortunate that he’d made the decision to quit the game rather than injury forcing his hand, he hadn’t been able to relax. Perhaps he was terrified of ending up like so many of his former colleagues who’d floundered without the discipline imposed on professional athletes. Or maybe it was a chance for him to find out what he could have become if he hadn’t been pushed into being a professional footballer almost as soon as he could walk? Whatever it was, this company that he’d started with Ben had become almost like an addiction to him – it gave him something that he couldn’t find anywhere else.

When they got home, it was late and so Cate insisted that Erin and Oliver spend the night. Cate’s car was still parked in the underground car park at his office building after she’d met him there before Miles’ party so Erin could give her a lift into the city on their way home tomorrow morning.

He wanted to have a chat with Sierra about what she’d said at the Taco Shack tonight but before he could, his cell-phone rang again. It was Mark, one of the designers at the telecommunications company in Fresno.

When he’d finished with the call, he went upstairs but the children were all asleep. Cate was already curled up in bed when he walked into their bedroom.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, stripping down to just his boxers.

“It’s OK,” she said sleepily, turning over to face him as he climbed into bed.

“I feel like I’m failing at everything,” he admitted.

“Sierra will be fine,” Cate stroked his cheek and he turned his head to place a kiss on her palm. “She’s just been used to having her daddy around all the time. I’ll have a talk with her tomorrow. Like you said, things will settle down soon.”

“You’re too good to me,” Kian murmured, slipping his thigh between her legs. He cursed the layers of fabric between them.

“I’m not perfect,” she looked up at him, her long lashes fluttering like butterfly wings. “I get frustrated sometimes.” He pushed his thigh a little harder and she let out a sharp intake of breath. She rocked her hips against him. To feel how needy she was, he was filled with masculine pride.

“I wish you were home more,” she rasped. “I miss you.”

“Miss you too, angel.”

There was a knock on their bedroom door. “Mommy?”

Kian immediately stilled. Why did it hurt so much that their children didn’t ask for him anymore?

He removed his thigh from between his wife’s legs and she climbed out of bed. “What’s up, baby girl?”

While Cate guided Sierra back to bed, Kian fell backwards on to the mattress and put his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. Things had to change. But how? Cate and the children were everything to him but the company filled this hole inside of him that he hadn’t even realised was there before now.