Chapter Eight

Sasha

THE air was nippy, but incredibly, the sun was shining, which Sasha understood was a rarity in Seattle this close to winter. He’d planned to spend most of his free Saturday at the Seattle Art Museum to avoid inclement weather, but as an addict of outdoor activities, he had to take advantage of the clear skies.

It turned out to be one of his better decisions. Alki Beach had some of the best cityscape views of Seattle, hands down, and it was the perfect lighting for photography. He wasn’t anything close to professional, but his skills and camera were on par for some high-quality, high-resolution stock photos. Though he didn’t make enough from his uploads to live on, it paid a few bills. And it certainly wasn’t a tedious way to earn extra cash.

As he walked, exploring away the daylight hours, he couldn’t keep his job out of his head. He’d see something the kids would love, and his mind would be right back on Vashon with them. His favorite had been the six-foot Statue of Liberty replica. Who knew this little gem was way out here in West Seattle? He’d never heard of anything like it. He retrieved his phone and nearly called Lucy to ask if they’d ever been to Ellis Island. Then he reined himself in. A little over three weeks with them, since right before Thanksgiving, and his boundaries were already blown.

Had he ever gotten attached so quickly to his other students? Maybe that was the problem. He had to stop thinking of Lucy and Ben as students. Nic had made the point clear that he wasn’t there to homeschool them.

Of course, thoughts of Nic had been rolling around the back of Sasha’s mind all day, but now they came right to the forefront. That scorching kiss had haunted his dreams, but it was before, when they were making cookies, that got to him more.

When he’d walked in, Nic had stood frozen on the sidelines, his body unusually tense. Sasha couldn’t see Nic’s face, but he didn’t need to. So perhaps it wasn’t much of an accident that he’d “run” into Nic when he came in. The man needed a hug, and he’d thought physical contact might bring him back into the moment. The mindfulness technique worked only for a few minutes before Nic started to tense up again, something inside winding him tighter and tighter.

He’d seen this before. Many times, actually. On holidays, there had always been children who weren’t allowed to celebrate for one reason or another. They stood at the periphery with such yearning in their eyes. That had been Nic on Thursday night. He had wanted so badly to be a part of things, but something had held him back. But what could that have been? Nic was rich and powerful, authoritative and in charge of his own household. He’d had no trouble letting Sasha know how he wanted things.

He was glad he’d eventually pulled him in. To his endless surprise, nothing had felt better in years than when Nic made his first Christmas cookie. The way that man looked at him afterward had branded him, reached so far past his organs, it touched his soul and left a mark. And that, more than anything, had made their kiss that night so much more than a kiss. When he’d gone to bed later, it was Sasha who’d been consumed by yearning.

Nothing could be more dangerous than that. He was too attached to those kids already, and it would chew him up to have to leave because he’d screwed up a personal relationship at work. He had no other choice but to stay away from Nic as much as possible, no matter how attracted and fascinated he was with his boss. His heart couldn’t take another move.

It was obvious Sasha needed to settle down with a man and have kids of his own. He’d never wanted to admit the dream because it had seemed so impossible—not so much the having kids part but the finding a soulmate and partner in life part of it.

With a heavy sigh, he tucked his camera away. The light was getting low, the skies grayer as the hours passed, and he’d promised himself to find a place to chill and meet new people. He needed someone to get his mind off the temptation of his new boss.

An online friend from Cali had recommended Pony and said to get there early, during happy hour, because the place got crowded, especially on event nights. Sasha caught a Lyft and headed to Capitol Hill, barely registering the scenery as it passed. As much as he wanted to find the beginnings of a meaningful relationship tonight, running into someone as compelling as Nic would be an impossible task. The attraction between them had been more instantaneous and supercharged than any other first impression Sasha had experienced.

At first sight, the bar seemed like a total dive. There was nothing glitzy about the neighborhood, and the bar itself was a plain, small black building with no more than the logo of a running horse on the sign. At least the décor was interesting. Some rather large cock and balls hung from the ceiling, graffiti from hilarious to outright vulgar graced the walls, and the bathroom prominently featured a glory hole. Turned out Pony was amazing, though. Good music, good food, and plenty of good-looking men trying to chat him up. He had a few decent conversations but soon made his exit from each one. He wasn’t feeling it tonight, and call him emotionally needy, but he’d never been one of those guys who could hook up with strangers.

Before it got too crowded, Sasha got a prime seat at the bar where he could people watch with abandon, and then a tall, broad figure took the last seat at the bar next to him.

“Hey, make any new friends?”

That voice jerked Sasha around in his seat, his head swiveling to the newcomer.

“What do you know?” he said with a laugh. “Nearly a million people in this city. I can’t imagine the odds of running into you here. How’re you doing, Percy? I thought you were with the kids on weekends.”

His stomach flipped as he imagined Nic hanging out around the house with the kids over the weekend. He was usually a ghost, almost always working out of his Seattle office or holed up in his home office.

“Nah. Nic got a drop-in sitter for them. He’s in town working on the contracts for the De Franco deal. That’s actually how I got stuck here.”

“Lucky you.”

The grimace on Percy’s handsome face told him exactly how the guy felt about it. Sasha rather liked Percy, though his first impression had been of a cold contract assassin who’d kill you in a hundred horrible ways if you looked at him sideways. The guy was actually quite laid-back, but he had a military-style cut, a little longer on top, huge muscles, and a tall, dominating physique. That imperious quality appealed to Sasha in a mad, mad way, but his preference went toward a leaner build. Like Nic. He shook the thought away as quickly as it appeared.

“It’s what happens when you work for Nic,” Percy said. His sudden grin took the bite out of his words. “You’ll get used to getting sucked in. He lives for work, so he forgets not everyone operates the same way. Just don’t let him steamroll you because I guarantee he’ll try a few times.”

“I take it this isn’t just a busy time for him right now.”

Percy shook his head. “Nope. Sorry to say.”

“I didn’t realize you, uh….” He waved a hand toward the crowd behind them.

“Yeah, well, I do surprise a lot of people. It’s the most fun when I show up to a business dinner with a man on my arm instead of someone with tits and a vagina.” Percy chuckled, his white teeth flashing in the dim light. “It was like hitting a jackpot to find Nic to work for. He doesn’t give a flying fuck who my dates are, and he’s as out as I am. I guess from the outside, it might be hard to tell with Nic, too, though.”

That hit Sasha right in the curious bone. “What do you mean?”

Percy studied him a few moments before answering, and Sasha had never felt more like squirming in his seat as he did so.

“I’d say he has a ‘don’t shit where you eat’ philosophy. He doesn’t date business associates or employees. He doesn’t even date people here in the city and doesn’t frequent the clubs here.” He leaned on the bar and took a long drink of his beer. “To my knowledge, he only hooks up when he’s out of the area.”

Sasha looked down at the bar coaster he’d been toying with and then spun his martini glass. “Makes it kind of hard to maintain a relationship, doesn’t it?”

A huff of cynical laughter was Percy’s immediate response. “Like he has time for that. I’ve tried for years to talk sense into that bastard. It wouldn’t kill the business if he took more personal and family time, but he won’t slow down for anything. I’m worried he’ll work himself into an early grave. Plus….”

Twisting around, Sasha angled toward Percy, who’d disappeared into some internal debate. “Plus what?”

“Plus, I think something happened a while back, right before you got here.” He shook his head and frowned. “He’s been more preoccupied and obsessed than usual about profits lately. I’m used to him telling me everything. Too much. Way too much.” He laughed a second before continuing. “Now, it’s like he’s locked himself behind a wall.”

Something about that reminded Sasha of Nic’s reaction to the Christmas cookie baking, when Nic’d had the appearance of standing behind a wall that kept him from joining in. Guess the man had a lot more walls to go around.

“Hey, uh, incoming on our six.” The edge of alarm in Percy’s voice pulled Sasha out of his thoughts. Why the hell would Percy, of all people, be nervous about getting hit on? From the corner of his eye, movement drew attention to two nice-looking guys approaching with intent written all over their faces.

“Okay, roll with me a little.”

With that, he reached up and stroked the side of Percy’s close-cut hair. It was surprisingly silky, making it a concerted effort not to take advantage of the situation and stroke his friend’s hair again. Then he smiled enticingly and rubbed Percy’s thigh. The stunning smile of gratitude Percy sent him was difficult to look away from, but he did turn enough to see the two men drop their shoulders and give up on their mission.

“Wonder what made them think we weren’t into a four-way,” Percy said. He clapped his hand on Sasha’s back. “Thanks, man. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.”

“You’re obviously not here to hook up.”

“Nope. Just needed fresh air and a drink before heading home. I’m kind of a regular since it’s only a mile walk to get here.” He studied Sasha again, apparently approving of what he saw and deciding to elaborate. “People take one look at me and make assumptions about what kind of man I am. They’re almost always wrong. Neither of those guys were what I need or want.”

It took only a second to analyze what had happened in light of Percy’s words before Sasha figured it out. “I’m sorry.”

A confused look furrowed Percy’s brow. “For what?”

“I did the same thing.”

He laughed. “It’s okay, Sasha. You know now, so when you run into any good, hard, sexy tops who could handle me, maybe you can send them my way. That’s harder to find around here than you’d think.”

“Nic never appealed to you?”

“No, no, no, and absolutely no.” Percy gave a decisive shake of his head. “First, he’s my boss. Second, he’s my best friend—”

“I hear a romance novel or two in there somewhere.”

He laughed and then continued, ignoring the comment. “And third, he’s not strong enough to pin me the way I like.”

“Well, there’s the deciding factor.”

“Goddamn, Sasha, why do you have to need a top? You’re so fucking charming and funny. Are you at all vers?”

“Nah. Anyway, I may have more muscle mass than Nic, but you’ve got me beat. I still couldn’t pin you.”

“Hell.” He patted Sasha’s shoulder, wordlessly reassuring him that the flirting was in jest. “I’m heading out, back to Vashon. Are you staying in the city overnight or could you use a ride home? I have the helo tonight if you’d like a bird’s-eye view of the city and the Sound.”

Sasha leaped up from his stool, about as excited as Ben was when they’d gone to the zoo the other day. He’d never been in a helicopter before and never imagined he’d ever get to ride in Nic’s.

“I take it that’s a yes.” Percy tried to hide his smile, but the attempt wasn’t very effective.

“It’s all right. You can laugh at me all you want. Won’t make me enjoy this any less.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that smile will take a week to pry off your face.” Percy led the way out of the bar to the town car he must have sent for a while ago. “We have to get back to our building where the landing pad is. Won’t be long, though. The pilot’s already standing by.”

“A pilot, huh?” Sasha asked as they rode from Capitol Hill to the Price building in downtown proper. “Is he cute?”

“She is quite cute. Just not sure she’s your type.”

Covering his face with his hands, Sasha groaned. “Ah, I’m a dick. That was a rather sexist assumption, huh?”

Percy patted Sasha’s thigh right above his knee. “Don’t sweat it. Most of the pilots are male, and Lorna knows that. I’m sure she wouldn’t take offense to it.”

The helicopter ride captivated Sasha with the incredible nighttime panorama of the city. The sparkling lights, towering buildings, whitecaps on the dark waves—all of it took his breath away. As they’d pulled farther from land, the cars shrank until they were tiny toys in the distance. The best part was Lorna. She was a complete sweetheart, endeared with Sasha’s enchantment with the flight. Maybe taking it as a chance to show off, she banked and swooped often. Sasha cheered her boldest moves.

By the time they finally landed on the helipad, they were all laughing. Lorna took off again shortly after. She lived in one of the suburbs around Seattle with her boyfriend and his three-year-old daughter. She promised to take him out whenever she was on shift and they both had the time.

He split ways with Percy at the stairs, Percy’s suite being the only one on the first floor. As he climbed the steps, it occurred to him that there’d been no tiresome effort on his part tonight. With Percy, anyway. It wasn’t easy to be the fun party guy with all the jokes and charisma, especially now.

Two years away from thirty, he never thought he’d still be so lost, alone. He should have been settled into a career by now, with a husband he could start a family with. Fuck, he didn’t even have a home of his own, and after getting screwed over by Drew, his finances were a shit show.

A petite little body crashed into him with a sharp yelp, yanking him out of his bout of self-pity. He reached out instinctively, balancing Lucy on her feet.

“Oh shit. I’m sorry. Are you okay, Lucy?”

“I’m all right. Don’t apologize. I’m the dummy who bolted out of the room without looking.” She kept her head down, her curly golden hair covering most of her face.

Something was wrong. Lucy never hunched her shoulders like this. She had the same commanding personality her Uncle Nic had. Before she could slink downstairs, Sasha cupped her chin and tilted her head up. She resisted for only a second, her good manners not allowing much in the way of defiance.

Her eyes were puffy and her nose slightly rosy.

“What happened? You wanna talk about it?”

“It’s just a little cold.” Her voice faltered.

“Nope. That’s not a cold,” Sasha said. “Want some hot chocolate made the old-fashioned way?”

“What way is that?”

“The way that requires real chocolate and no packets of powder.”

She gave him a real smile and nodded. They went downstairs to the kitchen where Lucy sat on one of the stools while Sasha pulled out chocolate, milk, cream, sugar, and vanilla. He gave her time to relax while he began mixing and heating everything in the saucepan. It wasn’t until he began chopping up the chocolate bars that he spoke.

“So, was the sitter cute?”

She burst into laughter, caught off-guard by the unexpected question. “I guess if you’re into the geriatric types. I don’t know why Uncle Nic insists we need guardians anymore.”

“Hmm.” He rubbed his stubbly chin with the back of his hand. “Probably worried about you. That’s usually why people can’t let go of childhood rules.”

Lucy’s derisive snort made him smile. It seemed too indelicate for such a delicate girl. He whisked the cream mixture, removed it from the heat, and added the chocolate pieces, stirring until it was thoroughly melted and creamy. He poured the beverage into two mugs, sat next to Lucy, and watched her have a chocolategasm over her drink.

“God, you need to bottle this. You’d make a fortune,” she said, her eyes nearly rolling back as she sipped the thick liquid.

“I’ll keep that in mind after I get fired from this job.”

She smacked his arm. “Don’t even joke. I’d boycott this house if Uncle Nic ever got rid of you.”

“Ah, so life is good after all. Then, why were you crying?”

Her eyes narrowed on him, too smart to not see how she’d been maneuvered into a better mood. She must have decided she like the better mood, though, because she finally started talking.

“I loved what we did the other day, making the cookies and earlier at the zoo and everything. Even you making us do our homework didn’t ruin the day for us.”

She stopped, her gaze dropping to the mug between her hands.

“I see. I’d cry about that too.”

Sasha cupped his hands over hers in a gesture of empathy, trying his damnedest to keep a straight, serious face.

“Stop it,” she said with no heat in her words. She laughed and turned her hands over to grip his. “It made me miss Mom and Dad, that’s all. We used to do stuff like that all the time, but when we came here, things were so different. It feels like everything good drained out of our lives. I thought I’d never feel like that again, the way we used to be when Mom and Dad were alive.”

He squeezed her hands. “I’m sorry it hurt you.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“If you’re about to backtrack, forget about it. What I’d like to know instead is what about doing all that fun stuff hurts?”

A thoughtful look crossed her features, and then her pale jade gaze met his. “I was thinking we’d never get to do anything like this with them again. Their absence hurt.”

He sighed and pursed his lips. “Would it help to think about it all a little bit differently?”

“Like how?”

“Maybe instead of focusing on their absence, you can try to remember them, remember doing these kinds of things with them. Think of what they would do if they were there with you. Make it a way to be closer to them.”

Her brow furrowed, and her lips tightened while she tried not to cry again. “I would love that,” she whispered. “I’ll try. Can we do more stuff like that?”

“Yes, of course. As long as your uncle allows it.”

A frustrated breath blew the curls away from her cheeks. “Great. That means no.”

“Why so?”

She tipped back the last of her chocolate and set the cup down with an aggravated click. “He used to be different. You know, when he came over to our house. He had more fun, and he treated us like we were people who mattered. It’s changed now. We’re another responsibility in a long list for him. I don’t think he ever wanted us.” She shrugged. “I guess that’s fair. He hasn’t had children for a reason, and I’m sure he never expected to have us to care for.”

“Trust me, I can tell he loves you. I’m sure he’s only preoccupied with business issues right now.”

She rolled her eyes. “For four years? It’s okay. I can deal with it, but Ben’s another story. He’s younger, and he was little when we moved here. It’s harder for him. I try to make up for it, but Sasha, I’m not a mom. I don’t know how to be one.”

He pulled her into a hug. “You don’t need to be one, young lady. You are, however, one hell of an amazing older sister.”

After sending her off to bed and taking care of their dishes, Sasha headed to his own suite, his mind buzzing. Today was supposed to relax him, not get him all tied up in more knots. Talking to Lucy had made it painfully clear the kids needed more from Nic than they were getting, but Nic was too focused on work to see that.

Ironically, it was equally clear Nic needed them as much as they needed him. Those imaginary walls surrounding him had to come down if the man was ever going to experience real happiness, but Percy had already tried and failed to get Nic to notice. How the hell was Sasha supposed to help, especially when he was supposed to stay away from Nic?

Fuck if that didn’t give Sasha yet another restless night.