‘So you’re coming home now, right?’ Warren’s question was more of an expectation than a query. In fact, it sounded more like a demand. Esme’s resolve was already in danger of crumbling and they’d barely been speaking for more than ten minutes. One day some scientist would quantify it and classify it and label it The Warren Effect.

‘I would but it’s not so easy.’

‘You can get a flight – I checked online.’

‘I know I can get a flight but—’

‘Come home now before it all gets out of hand. If you’re worried I won’t forgive you for running off, don’t be – as soon as you get back we’ll sort it.’

‘But I haven’t even seen the Northern Lights yet. And it’s only a couple more days until I can get back on the scheduled flight. What’s the point in paying more for another one?’

‘Because you left me here on my own. You abandoned me—’

‘You said you didn’t want to come. I asked you.’

‘I said I didn’t want us to go. We’d agreed to cash in the holiday and have the money! Is your memory that bad?’

‘No, of course not. I’m sorry. I needed to… I just needed to do this. I explained it in the note. I needed to get it out of my system. Grandma left this for me and I can’t tell you why but I feel like it’s all happened for a reason.’

‘A reason? You’ve gone nuts! What kind of bullshit is that?’

‘I know it sounds crazy – it sounds crazy to me.’

‘Has this miraculous thing happened yet?’

‘Well, no, but…’

‘For God’s sake, Esme! I’ve told Shelly I’m leaving her and then you go and do this! Is that any way to repay me for choosing you over her?’

‘Leaving? So you haven’t left her yet? I thought—’

‘Where am I supposed to go with you missing?’

‘We have the flat.’

‘Nobody’s there to look after me at the flat because you’re in sodding Christmas Land! I’ve had to stay at Shelly’s, haven’t I?’

‘What the hell…?’

‘You don’t get to sound indignant about this!’

‘But you’re supposed to be divorcing her! It’s hardly giving out the right message when you’re still there! I feel sorry for her!’

‘I’ve got to get fed somehow! Anyway, what do you care where I am? You proved you didn’t care when you took off on holiday without me! I told you we could have gone to Clacton but you just went off on your own selfish way anyway!’

‘I do care! I didn’t want to go to bloody Clacton – that was your idea!’ Esme let out a sigh. They were going round in circles, and something told her that they would continue to go round in circles until she caved in and gave Warren what he wanted. She was beginning to wish she’d carried on ignoring his calls. ‘Look, it’s probably better if we talk when I get back.’

‘Talk? What does that mean? What are we talking about?’

‘This. Us.’

‘Us? What’s there to talk about?’

Esme looked out of the window, where fresh snow was gently falling. She shivered, even though she was warm in her room, propped up on fat pillows as she sat curled on the bed.

‘You’re dumping me?’ he yelped without a reply. ‘Again?’

‘No, no, of course not. But there are things—’

‘What things?’

‘I can’t explain it properly now. Not like this, not on the phone.’

‘Explain what?’ He paused, and Esme could almost hear the gears grinding. ‘You’ve met a bloke there?’

‘No!’

‘Then what’s there to talk about?’

Esme was silent again, her gaze still fixed on a sky full of billowing snow clouds beyond her window.

‘You’re at Shelly’s for a start. I thought you were supposed to be leaving her.’

‘I’ve told you – maybe if you were here I wouldn’t have to be at Shelly’s.’

‘I know and I’ve said I’m sorry.’ Esme’s voice rose with her building frustration. God, she’d forgotten just how infuriating and unreasonable and sometimes downright intimidating Warren could be when he didn’t get his own way. ‘But it doesn’t mean you get to break your promise to leave her the minute my back is turned.’

‘I told you I was leaving her when I thought you would be here for me.’

‘I was there for you – I gave up my family and friends for you! All I wanted was this one favour in return. Just one time when I get something I want, one time when you compromise.’

‘I never make you compromise.’

Esme held in a groan of frustration. ‘I’m always compromising.’

‘OK, so I won’t ask you to compromise anymore.’

‘You can’t help it. I don’t even think you know when you’re doing it. Anyway, I’m not saying I never want to compromise – I just want us to be give and take, like normal couples. Right now it’s me giving and you taking all the time.’

‘I’ll change.’

‘You’ve said that before.’

‘I will this time. Now stop dicking around and come home. Then I’ll prove it to you.’

‘I’ve already told you I can’t come home early.’

‘You keep saying that but I know you can.’

‘I can’t afford it.’

‘You could find the money if you really wanted to.’

‘From where?’

‘You’re spending money there? So you must have some.’

‘Well, yes, of course, but not enough for a flight.’

‘Then ring your mum and dad and ask them. They’re loaded.’

Esme bristled. ‘They’re not, and I wouldn’t phone them for that even if they were.’

‘No… of course you wouldn’t,’ he sneered. ‘I expect they’re happy as Larry about this. I bet they’ve been telling you not to come back to me. In fact, I’ll bet they’re behind all this. Them two and your gran… I bet they cooked this up together to get rid of me—’

‘We had already split up when Grandma booked this! And please stop phoning my parents – they have nothing to do with this and they don’t need the stress!’

‘What about my stress?’

‘Warren – it’s just a couple more days. Then we’ll talk.’

‘Babe… you don’t really want it to end like this, do you?’

‘Nothing’s ending like anything.’

‘But we’re good together, aren’t we? Think about all the good times we’ve had together, all the laughs we’ve had on nights out, all the daytrips, all the steamy nights in…’

‘I’m sure you’ve had lots of those with Shelly too. I’m surprised you can remember which fun nights out you’ve had with which one of us.’

‘That hurts. I was confused and I was out of order and I know that now – I’ve learned my lesson. I only want you now, babe.’

‘You want whoever is free at that moment.’

‘That’s not fair.’

‘It’s true.’

‘It’s bollocks.’

‘Then why are you at Shelly’s now?’

‘There’s nothing in it – she’s just putting me up. I was lonely without you, and Shelly and me are friends now. She’s just helping a friend out.’

‘How can I believe that? You have to see it from my point of view – how can I believe that’s true after what happened?’

‘I thought we’d sorted that; I thought we were straight now. I am leaving her, promise. Just come home and we’ll—’

Esme cut the call. She couldn’t do this anymore. But within seconds Warren’s name appeared on the phone display again. She rejected it. They’d talked and talked but said nothing, just as she’d suspected they would. There were things, important things, she should have told him, and in the midst of the noise, her courage had failed her. Because while she was still mixed up over a lot of things in her life, one thing had become clear to her today. She had to leave Warren. And this time she had to mean it.

When she’d first arrived in Rovaniemi she’d been uptight and nervous, but as the town had worked its magic, despite hiccups and mishaps, she’d come to see that life could be so different. And part of what was keeping her from that new life was Warren. She shouldn’t have returned when her grandma had worked so hard to cure her of her weird addiction to him, to loosen the strange hold he had on her. She’d come so far only to end up right back where she’d started. Perhaps here, in Rovaniemi, was the final piece of the puzzle and somehow Matilda had known that. Esme wasn’t sure about anything, but she knew she owed her grandma at least this – to start anew in a life that would make her happy no matter how scary that might be. It was what her grandma would have wanted more than anything.

And even though it was truly what she wanted too, Esme began to cry.

---

She was still on her bed and it was dark outside. She’d thought once or twice about changing out of her outdoor clothes, but in the end she just hadn’t had the energy. She could have gone to find Hortense, but that would mean opening up about her life back home and perhaps Hortense wasn’t the person for that right now. As for Zach, that was a definite no, and Brian would be about as useful as a paper dishcloth in his current state. She’d thought about phoning her mum for advice, but she didn’t want to give her parents anything more to worry about than they already had. In the end, Esme didn’t have to make the decision because the phone rang and she picked it up from the bed to hear her dad’s voice.

‘Alright, love? We hadn’t heard from you today and your mum said I should ring – you know what she’s like.’

Esme couldn’t help a smile. She knew exactly what her mum was like and she never wanted it to change.

‘Have you had a good day?’ her dad asked.

‘Yes, not too bad.’

‘And there’s nothing to report?’

‘No, nothing to report.’

‘Right… good.’

Esme’s dad had never been one for small talk in the flesh, and on the phone the problem was magnified by a thousand. At least it was a problem for anyone else, because he didn’t seem to think it was an issue that none of his conversations ever lasted longer than three minutes. Practical to the last, just like Esme’s grandma – his mother – he didn’t say anything that didn’t need saying. This wasn’t an issue when he was fixing an engine or putting up shelves, but not so good when you wanted to touch base. That was why Esme’s mum usually did all the phoning.

‘I’ll tell your mum you’re alright then,’ he said.

‘You can. Thanks, Dad.’

‘Alright, love.’

‘Dad…’ Esme added before he had time to hang up. ‘There’ve been no more phone calls from…’

‘Warren? No, love.’

‘Are you telling me the truth?’

‘Well, I am in as much as he’s phoning but we’re not picking up. So technically there have been no more phone calls because we haven’t actually answered any of them.’

Esme laughed. ‘OK, that’s fair enough.’

‘Would you rather we picked up? Would it be better? Do you need us to tell him anything?’

‘No. If anything needs saying then I have to be the one to do it.’

‘Does that mean you have something significant to say to him?’

Esme was quite sure she could guess what her dad was hoping she might need to say to Warren, but she didn’t want to get embroiled in that conversation when she was so far away from home. Her parents would worry, and she wouldn’t be able to reassure them as she’d want to. ‘I’m not sure. I’ll speak to you soon, Dad.’

‘Goodnight, love.’

Esme locked her phone and the screen went black. She stared at it. And then she took a breath, before unlocking it to find a number, a number she’d wrestled with the temptation to dial. But she dialled it now.

‘Hello?’

Esme hesitated. It was the first time they’d ever actually spoken, woman to woman, and Shelly’s voice was not as she’d expected. It was a bit husky, confident and emphatic. It didn’t sound like the sort of voice that belonged to a woman who’d allow herself to be messed around.

‘That’s Shelly?’

‘Yes. Who is this?’

‘I’m…’

Esme looked at the phone. She was a millisecond away from ending the call but then Shelly spoke again.

‘Is this… Esme?’

‘Yes,’ Esme said, putting the phone to her ear again.

‘What the hell do you want?’

‘I… I don’t really know. To talk to you.’

‘Why on earth would you think I have anything to say to you?’

‘It’s more what I want to say to you. I wanted to say… I wanted to say I’m sorry.’

‘For taking Warren from me? Honestly, you did me a favour. I’ve finally seen the light, thanks to you.’

‘But I do feel terrible about what happened. I didn’t know, you know. I didn’t have a clue about you.’

‘That’s what they all say.’

‘All?’

‘You think you’re the first? He’s done this twice before since we got married, and those are just the times I know about.’

Esme’s eyes widened.

‘He can’t help himself.’

‘But…’ Esme thought back to the promises. He was still pursuing her, even now. He’d never stopped pursuing her, even when she’d first left him and gone back to Little Dove Morton. Why would he do that if she was just another in a long line of conquests? Why go to all that trouble if she was no different from the rest? It had to mean something, didn’t it? But what?

‘So, are you two… are you back together?’ Esme asked.

Shelly laughed. ‘Why the hell would we be back together? Do you think I’m that stupid?’

‘But he’s with you now? He’s staying with you?’

‘Warren? No he bloody well isn’t!’

‘You’re sure?’

‘Are you soft in the head or something? I’ll just go and have a look, see if he’s under the cooker, shall I?’

So if Warren wasn’t staying with Shelly after all, why would he say he was? Esme’s head was spinning. Nothing that Shelly said made any sense and yet she had no reason to lie.

‘So where is he?’

‘Don’t know and don’t care. Is there anything else because I have a kettle boiling in the kitchen and frankly that’s more important than this conversation.’

‘So Warren’s not paying half the rent on your flat?’

‘Oh, that he is. Do you think I’m going to let the stupid bastard get away with that after all he’s done? He’s the one who left me with this place and he can keep me here until I’m ready to move on.’

‘But he’s not staying with you? Not even just for a couple of weeks over Christmas?’

‘For the last time, no! Christ, I know he said you were a bit dim but I never realised he was telling the truth!’

‘He said that?’

‘What do you think? I know him better than anyone. We might not be together but he still tells me things.’ There was a heartbeat’s pause. ‘So how come you don’t know where he is?’ Shelly asked.

‘I…’

‘He’s left you?’

‘No.’

‘You’ve left him?’

‘No. I…’

‘On second thoughts, perhaps I don’t care enough to know. If you want him, he’s all yours. Good luck if you take him on, though. Take it from me – you’ll need it.’

Before Esme could reply, the line went dead.

Warren had made up the whole thing about staying with Shelly, but it made no sense. What on earth did he have to gain from telling her that? But though it was perplexing, was there any reason it should change how she felt about him now? Should it affect the decisions she was making about her future? She’d barely had time to consider it when there was a soft tap at her door. She went to the spyhole and looked out.

Zach.

Was he ready for round two, because Esme wasn’t in the mood. She opened the door.

‘I just wanted to apologise,’ he said before she could speak. ‘I was out of order earlier.’

Esme could have cried with relief. She was confused enough by what she’d just heard from Shelly and the last thing she needed was to continue an argument with Zach. She shook her head. ‘No – you were right. We shouldn’t have left Brian.’

‘But you had a point about Niko too. It’s just that he and I—’

‘It’s OK.’ Esme pulled her cardigan tighter and folded her arms. ‘I understand.’

‘But that doesn’t make it right.’ He looked up and down the empty corridor before turning back to her. ‘Truce?’

‘Absolutely.’

Zach paused. ‘What are you doing now?’

‘I don’t know. I suppose it depends if the Lights chase is on again.’

‘They’ve been called off – it’s snowing like crazy out there – can’t see a thing. I’m surprised you haven’t had a phone call from the tour company yet.’

‘Perhaps they did call – I’ve been on the line…’

Esme turned to check the window. What had been light snow had become fat flakes, driving against the glass. She’d been so preoccupied with her thoughts the fact had barely registered.

‘Are you OK?’ he asked.

‘Yes, I’m…’ Esme sighed. ‘No. I don’t know, if I’m honest.’

‘Would it help to talk about it?’

‘I’m not sure about that either.’

He produced a bottle from behind his back. ‘I have lakka – want to share?’

‘What’s that?’

‘I have no idea but it tastes good and makes everything look better.’

She arched an eyebrow. ‘Is this the thing you got smashed on with Niko?’

Zach grinned. ‘Don’t worry – I’ll know when to stop this time. It’s a sure-fire way to forget your troubles though – trust me, I know.’

Esme stepped back to let him in. ‘I’ve only got the toothbrush glasses in the bathroom.’

‘That’s all we need.’

‘You don’t mix it with anything?’

‘I don’t know. Niko drank it neat.’

‘Niko would.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘Nothing. He’s just a bit…’

‘Unpredictable?’

‘I guess you could call it that.’

‘He’s a good guy. Kind. There if you ever want to talk. He’s not what you think he is.’

Esme went to fetch the glasses from the bathroom. She didn’t want to talk about Niko, and it suddenly occurred to her that she was jealous. Returning to the bedroom, she dismissed the ludicrous idea and held out the tumblers for Zach to fill.

The first went straight down. It was sweeter than she’d been expecting but it was potent and it went directly to her limbs.

‘That’s the stuff.’ Zach gave the bottle an approving examination before holding it up to her. ‘Another?’

‘What is this muck?’

Zach looked at the label. ‘It’s all in Finnish. I think Niko said it was made from cloudberries.’

‘What are cloudberries?’

‘I don’t know but they make good liquor.’

‘Only in Lapland would I be drinking something made from cloudberries.’

‘It is a strange and wonderful place.’

Esme grinned, holding up the glass he’d just refilled. ‘It is that. Here’s to cloudberries!’

She drank that one, then Zach refilled and as that went down, his phone rang from his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the screen before answering.

‘Niko… sorry, man, something has just come up. A friend in need – I know you understand, don’t you?’ He paused as Niko replied. ‘Thanks; I knew you would. Another night, eh? We’ll do it again before I leave, promise.’

‘You had plans?’ Esme asked as he put his phone away.

‘Not set in stone.’

‘You could have gone, you know.’

‘I could have done, but right now I have a feeling I’m needed here. He’s OK with it, and it’s not like he’s short of friends.’

Esme smiled. He’d put Niko off for her, and the thought warmed her more than the lakka.

---

Esme opened her eyes. For a second she stared at Zach, sleeping on the bed beside her. His arm was draped across her collarbone and his shirt was partially unbuttoned in a failed attempt to remove it. Esme craned to look down at herself and was relieved to see that she was fully clothed and that they’d both slept on top of the bedcovers. She looked at Zach again. There was no denying that his breath had smelt better, but still, he looked…

She pushed the feeling away – no good could come of it. And while she could have happily watched him sleep all day, Mother Nature had other ideas, and she suddenly realised that if she didn’t get to the bathroom soon they’d have more immediate problems than the aftermath of getting inappropriately drunk. Delicately, she tried to move his arm and, managing to do it without waking him, sat up.

OK, so there was the headache – cracking across her skull as she changed her position. If this was the same hangover Zach had been blessed with after his night with Niko then no wonder he’d needed time in a dark room to recover.

Sliding from the bed she padded through to the bathroom, clicking the door gently shut. After doing the necessary, she leaned on the sink and, while she waited for it to fill, inspected her reflection. The same as yesterday, but different. Almost certainly rougher, but that wasn’t the only change, though she couldn’t pinpoint what the change was. Shaking her head, she turned off the taps and plunged her face into the water. As she dried herself, there was a knock on the bathroom door.

‘Esme, I need to…’

Esme opened up and before she’d had time to move he squeezed past, straight to the toilet where he dropped to his knees and hugged the bowl. Not wanting or needing to see any more for fear of a chain reaction, Esme hurried out and tried not to listen.

When Zach came out again his face and hair were wet and he gave her a weak smile.

‘I’m sorry, I just… you know.’

‘Honestly, I’m amazed it wasn’t me. I must have a high tolerance to cloudberries or something because I’m usually always sick when I’ve drank too much.’

‘I have to say I’m impressed.’

‘Don’t be – it’s hardly a talent at all.’

‘What time is it?’ he asked, massaging a hand through his hair.

‘Breakfast time.’

Zach sat on the bed. ‘Oh God – don’t mention food to me.’

‘Not even a nice bowl of pickled herring?’

‘Please!’ Zach held up a hand and Esme giggled. From her toiletry bag she produced a blister pack of aspirins, and after taking two she handed him the same.

‘Always prepared,’ she said as he gave her a grateful look.

By the time she’d returned with a glass of aired water from the bathroom tap Zach had already swallowed his straight down.

‘Thanks.’ Esme swallowed down her pills with the water.

‘For giving you a hangover or for letting you see me in all my barfing glory?’

‘For staying with me. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much I needed last night.’

‘Then I’m glad to have been of service. So, do you know what you’re doing?’

‘Maybe.’

Esme couldn’t quite recall how much detail she’d shared with Zach the previous night. Past their fourth shot of lakka it had all got a bit fuzzy. She seemed to recall laughing a lot, crying once or twice, and Zach almost telling her something that he then seemed to think better of. He mentioned his last visit to Lapland a few times and being here with someone else who was no longer in his life. Just like all the other times he’d hinted at something big, something not good, Esme’s courage had failed and she hadn’t dared to ask him. Then the conversation had got too drunk to be anything but silly and at some point she now had no recollection of, they must have decided to sleep together. Literally. As in just going to bed and sleeping. It must have been nice because Esme hadn’t felt weird or guilty about it, and there had been no regrets on waking up. In fact, his arms looked rather inviting right now and she wondered how he’d react if she asked to go back to bed. To sleep. So she did.

He smiled, and he opened his arms, and they snuggled down, this time under the covers, and before she knew it, Esme had drifted off, listening to his heartbeat.