‘Why are you doing this?’ Warren’s voice cut through the silence. Esme was still thinking about Zach and what Niko had told her and she was finding it hard to focus on the more immediate problem of Warren’s arrival. In reality, while it was rotten timing, it had only served to hasten a moment she’d gradually realised had been coming for some time. Perhaps it was a blessing after all. She just had to keep it together now and stay strong to take advantage of it.

‘I don’t know what you mean. I’m doing my best to help you out here.’

‘You’re hurting me. You’re making me look like a mug.’

‘I don’t mean to. The flight problem – that’s your mess.’

‘I don’t mean the flights. I don’t give a shit about the flights.’

‘Then what do you mean?’

‘I love you, babe. I came all this way to get you – and I haven’t even got a proper coat. How can you throw it back in my face like this?’

‘I know you think you love me…’

‘You don’t think I do? Why would I fly all this way to get you if I didn’t love you?’

‘If you loved me you’d have flown all this way with me in the first place. Not just to take me back because it was annoying you that I’m not doing what you want, but because you wanted to be with me. You knew how much this trip meant to me and you knew why. It wasn’t a case of me being unreasonable, demanding, spoilt. It was because of what it represented – that was why I wanted to come.’

‘You think the only reason I’m here now is because you were annoying me?’

‘Isn’t it? You and I both know the truth. Perhaps I didn’t quite phrase it right – you’re here now not really because you’re annoyed at me, because annoyance is too mild. The reason you’re here now is because you’re proud and you hate to lose. You love to call the shots. Usually you do – with me, with Shelly… but this time you can’t and you don’t know how to deal with that.’

‘What the hell does that mean?’

‘It’s a battle of wills. It’s always been about control for you. You always win, but just this once you were scared you might not. So you pull out all the stops – fly over here, take me home, get me settled in the flat again, pile on the guilt for what I’d done to you, make certain I don’t ever want to do it again and preserve your unbroken record of wins over Esme.’

‘You’re not making any sense.’

‘For the first time in a long time I am making sense.’

‘So you’re not coming home with me?’

Esme turned her face to the heavens, clinging onto the scream of frustration building in her throat. How many times did she have to explain this?

‘I’ve told you already that I’ll come back when I’m supposed to.’ She turned once more to the road ahead. ‘When did you arrive in Rovaniemi?’

‘This morning.’

‘This morning? So what on earth have you been doing all day?’

‘Trying to find you,’ he said, a new tone of accusation in his voice. ‘You weren’t at the hotel you said you’d be at and I went there at least four times to look for you.’

She turned to him. ‘Didn’t it occur to you that I’m on holiday and that being on holiday might mean leaving the hotel occasionally?’

‘You were gone all day.’

‘I was with some friends.’

‘Who? That bloke I just saw you with?’

‘No. And it was nobody who might be a threat to you, if that’s what you’re thinking. Even then, you’ve no right to lecture me when you’ve been trying to get back with Shelly!’ She paused, tried to even out her tone again.

His mouth turned into a perfect O of shock, but Esme waved an impatient hand at him.

‘Don’t think I don’t know about that.’

‘But, babe—’

‘Don’t bother; I don’t need your excuses. When’s your flight out?’

‘What does it matter if you’re not coming?’

‘I’m just trying to work out what we need to do if you want to be on it. I’m assuming you do want to be on it, as you said you couldn’t afford another and you don’t seem all that keen to organise anything else with the airline.’

‘They wouldn’t let me organise anything else.’

‘You’re not even interested in asking, are you? Still convinced that I’m going to change my mind and come with you. I’m right, aren’t I?’

‘I don’t see what difference it makes to you anyway. Tonight, tomorrow… it’s nearly the end of your holiday and you said you’re supposed to be flying out in the morning anyway.’

‘But maybe there are people I want to see before I go.’

‘Like who?’

‘My friends.’

Warren sniffed. ‘I don’t see why these friends you’ve only just met are so important.’

‘I know – you wouldn’t. Nobody’s important to you. Except you, of course.’

‘What does that mean? What’s happened to you? Why are you being like this?’

Esme shook her head. ‘So what time is your flight supposed to be? The one you’ve got booked?’

‘Midnight,’ Warren replied, sounding like a sulky teen.

Peeling back a mitten she checked her watch. ‘It doesn’t leave you much time to get back to the airport if you’re going to catch it.’

‘I don’t understand why you’re being like this,’ he said, ignoring her warning. ‘Just tell me what’s happened. It’s got to be another bloke!’

‘Nothing’s happened and it’s not another bloke.’

‘I knew I shouldn’t have let you come here.’

Esme turned to him, incredulous. ‘You didn’t!’

‘I couldn’t stop you, could I? You came anyway after I told you I didn’t want to. I didn’t expect you to come on your own.’

‘Exactly – you had the option to come with me. I never once said you couldn’t – in fact, I wanted you to. You knew how much this trip meant to me and it would have cost you nothing to come. But still you said no. You can hardly blame me for coming without you. Why shouldn’t I?’

‘Yeah, well, I’m here now – freezing my balls off. This was why I never wanted to come in the first place.’

‘Yes, you’re here to take me home early.’ Esme stopped walking and inclined her head at a brightly lit building. ‘This is my hotel.’

‘Yeah. I know – remember. I’ve spent all day hanging around it waiting to see you.’

‘I didn’t ask you to.’

‘Well, I did. That should mean something to you.’

‘Should I call a taxi for you? To take you to the airport?’

‘Babe… Don’t do this…’

‘Or you can come into the hotel and stay with me until tomorrow and we’ll see about getting you on a flight then. Of course, there’s no guarantee that there’ll be room on my flight so we might have to make it the next one they have, but there’s not a lot I can do about that now. So it’s your choice really whether you stay tonight and take that risk or whether you go now on your own.’

‘Please…’

Her glance went to the hotel windows. She half expected to see Niko in there waiting for her, perhaps having raced down a shortcut to head them off. Or maybe even Zach. But the brightly lit bar was almost empty, apart from a member of staff cleaning tables and a couple on a corner sofa wrapped in each other’s arms. It was hard not to be disappointed by the absence of an ally, but she couldn’t think of that now, and, in reality, either one of those men being at the hotel waiting for her might only complicate things again. Perhaps it was better that she was on her own with this after all, as the reason she was in this mess that only she could sort out was because she’d never grown the backbone she’d needed to deal with Warren long before now.

She turned back to him and held him in a frank gaze. ‘Warren…’ she began slowly, ‘what do you think of my hair?’

‘What?’

‘My hair. It’s short again. I took the extensions out.’

‘But you can put them back in, can’t you?’

‘I don’t think I want to.’

‘Oh.’

‘And I’ve put on a little padding this week.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’ve eaten like a pig. Cakes morning, noon and night. Probably put on about half a stone. What do you think of that?’

He smiled, letting out a long breath of relief. ‘If that’s all you’re worried about, babe, we can get it fixed. Extra gym for the next few weeks, a low-carb detox and you’ll be back to your normal size again.’

‘Only it’s not my normal size – it’s the size you want me to be.’

‘You look good that size.’

‘You think I look good that size.’

‘But you do.’

‘Why?’

‘You—’

‘I don’t want to be that size. It makes me miserable trying to stay that size. And I bloody hate your gym. I don’t want to see it ever again. I don’t want to wear that horrible itchy underwear you love so much, and I don’t want to spend half my life on Oxford Street trying to guess what clothes you’d like to see me in, and I don’t want to be woken up at three in the morning for a cheese toastie when you’ve had one too many at The Duke.’

‘What are you saying?’

Esme shook her head. ‘I think you already know, and that’s why I won’t be coming home with you tonight.’

---

She was sitting at the bar of the hotel. For a while she and Warren had been able to hear the fireworks display, even from this many blocks away, but in the last half hour it had become silent, apart from the low strains of easy-listening music being piped in through the bar’s sound system and the low hum of conversation of a few other guests who, like her, had returned from the show early. Inari was on duty at the bar. Esme hadn’t really talked to her since their chat at the start of the holiday when she’d grilled the barmaid about Niko. Inari brought a fresh coffee over and placed it in front of Esme with a courteous smile.

‘Would you like that charged to your room?’

‘Yes, thank you.’

‘You are checking out tomorrow?’

Esme nodded. ‘I’ll be sorry to leave.’

‘Perhaps you’ll come back?’

‘I hope so. One day.’ Esme gave her a grateful smile; Inari nodded, smiled in return and moved on.

Esme took a sip of her coffee. It was hot and fresh and she needed the caffeine. She wanted a clear head tonight. She wanted to say exactly the right thing in the right way and alcohol was not going to help.

Esme watched Inari walk away with her used cup. She could have gone back to her room with Warren but she wouldn’t have felt comfortable in there with him now that she really thought about it. Besides, down here in the bar she could keep an eye on the hotel foyer. Zach hadn’t replied to her message from earlier and she couldn’t help but think he was ignoring it on purpose.

Her phone lay now on the bar top, next to her coffee. Despite everything that had happened, Warren was still on her mind too. He’d come a long way to be disappointed and she felt guilty about it – some old habits were going to be harder to break than others. Unlocking the phone, she began to type.

Her finger hovered over the button that would send it to his phone. But then she deleted it and locked her phone again. A message like that might only complicate again what she’d hoped was now sorted. And what did she really have to be sorry about? She’d made mistakes, she’d handled some things badly – everyone did from time to time. But at least her mistakes had been genuine ones. Warren’s had been deceit, lies and manipulation dressed up as mistakes. He’d wanted it all and he’d been willing to do anything to get it. Everyone but her had been able to see it all along. She pushed her phone away, afraid she’d succumb to temptation if it was close to hand.

Since the day she’d met him, Warren had been subtly and insidiously reshaping her into someone who suited his needs, crushing everything that had made her attractive to him in the first place. She supposed, looking back on it all now, she had been a challenge he couldn’t resist. He’d always been a game player, and she’d been the ultimate contest of wills. He’d almost won too, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Shelly had once been like her. Had Warren reshaped her, discarding her when he’d finally got what he’d wanted to start again on a new project? Was that what he would have done to Esme if she’d let him? One day she might have woken up to find herself replaced in the way she herself had replaced Shelly – but would she have had the good fortune to find out before the bombshell had landed, as Shelly had done?

Just to be certain that she wouldn’t pick up her phone, Esme wrapped her hands around the coffee cup, savouring the warmth beneath her curled fingers. It wasn’t particularly cold in the bar but there was something comforting about cradling a hot cup when snow was driving against the windows.

As she gazed at the window and sipped her drink, Esme gradually became aware of a commotion in the foyer, racing footsteps and raised voices. Placing her coffee back on the bar, she made to get up to investigate, but then Zach burst into the bar. He rushed over.

‘Are you alright?’ His eyes were all over her, as if looking for signs of distress or injury. ‘Where is he? You’re not going home with him? Niko told me… no, don’t answer; there’s something… let me tell you this…’

Esme shook her head. Her heart was pounding again; she felt sick with nerves –excited and hopeful and yet despondent all at the same time. She’d become a stronger person in the last hour, but there was no trial that could make her ready for this. She took a breath, and although her voice was measured and calm, it was nothing like the emotions under the surface. ‘There’s something I need to tell you and I really need to do it first.’

Zach dragged a hand through hair that had been flattened by a woolly hat. He stared at her. ‘Can’t I… please? If I don’t say this now I might never…’ He looked pained, like the words he needed to say were barbed, lodged inside. They were painful to keep in, but even more painful to get out. ‘Are you going home with him?’ he asked. ‘Because you can’t. You might hate me, but I have to say this because I care about you—’

‘Zach—’

‘Please, Esme… just let me finish. He’s not the man for you.’ He took a gulp of air, wringing his hat in his hands. ‘I know he’s not the man for you. I know this because… well, because… I could be. The man, I mean. The right one.’

Esme stared as Zach took the stool next to her, holding her in a pleading gaze.

‘I know I’ve been a top wanker and you must have wondered what the hell I’ve been playing at,’ he said. ‘And I know there are things I should have explained. I couldn’t…’

‘Your wife,’ Esme said.

Zach nodded, relief evident in the way his features relaxed. ‘Niko told you, I guess.’

‘Some. I don’t think he told me everything. We were interrupted. That bit you already know about.’

‘Your boyfriend…’

‘Warren.’

‘He’s here? In the hotel?’ Zach glanced around the bar. ‘In your room? Niko said—’

Esme shook her head. ‘On his way to the airport. It’s over – for good this time.’

‘He’s OK with that?’

‘I wouldn’t go that far. But I told him straight and I don’t think even he would try to argue this time.’ She gave a small smile. ‘He’ll be OK… he can go home to his wife.’

‘His wife?’

‘Long story.’

‘Right. But you’re OK?’

‘Depends on your definition of OK. I’m dealing with it and I’m relieved it’s over, if I’m honest. At least I hope it’s over. I should have done it long ago. I know you were trying to tell me as much that night on the bus. In fact, a lot of times. I was listening, you know. I was just scared.’

‘It was nothing to do with me and I should have kept my mouth shut. It was just…’

‘It’s alright. It’s done now, either way.’

‘So you’re…?’ He made a move towards her but then shrank back. ‘Presumptuous of me… You’re single – it means nothing, of course. It’s just that—’

‘Has he told you yet?’ a new voice rang across the bar. The few customers sitting in quiet corners enjoying a peaceful drink whipped round to see Hortense gripping the doorframe. She was panting, and a second later Brian brought up the rear as she began to march over.

Esme opened her mouth to reply and then closed it again. Her gaze switched from Hortense and Brian and then back to Zach and she wasn’t quite sure what was going on here. She’d thought Zach about to tell her something important, maybe the thing she longed to hear, but now… Then she was drawn to the doorway again as Niko arrived too, following Hortense and Brian in.

‘I hope you’ve sent that animal packing!’ Hortense continued. Despite fighting for breath it seemed she’d rather become hypoxic than let a moment of drama pass by without her input.

‘What? Warren? How did you…?’ Esme saw that Niko looked a bit too sheepish and it didn’t take much to guess the rest.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I was worried about you and I did not know who else to tell. Things seemed a little… dangerous.’

‘He’s all bark and no bite,’ Esme said with a wry smile. ‘Warren likes to think he’s dangerous but it’s all a show.’

Niko narrowed his eyes. ‘It did not look that way to me. It didn’t feel that way when he hit me either.’

Esme flushed. ‘Oh God, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make light of that, I only meant…’

‘I’m not hurt,’ Niko said. He gave a small smile. ‘Perhaps my pride, a little.’

‘I do feel bad that you got involved, though,’ Esme said. ‘If I’d known things would get that out of hand I would never have—’

‘You could not have prevented that. Men like him know only one language,’ Niko said. ‘It’s not the first time I’ve been hit.’

‘But you’re alright? No permanent damage?’ Esme asked.

Niko shook his head. ‘Don’t worry.’

‘What a monster!’ Hortense put in. ‘And he flew all this way to drag you home?’ she added, folding her arms tight across her bosom as she looked at Esme.

‘I’m afraid so. It sounds a bit silly now, though, saying it like that.’

‘There’s nothing silly about physical violence,’ Hortense said. ‘Is he a terrible brute? Has he done this sort of thing before?’

‘Never to me,’ Esme said quickly. Warren might be many things but at least he’d never hit her. ‘He’s been known to get into the odd fight outside a bar and he’s got a jealous, possessive streak a mile wide. But it’s all for show really – he’s not as tough as he likes to make out.’

‘Hmmm,’ Hortense said, looking at Brian, Niko and Zach in turn.

‘You can all relax now anyway,’ Esme said. ‘Because he’s gone.’

‘And you’re not going back to live with him?’ Hortense asked, though it was evidently a rhetorical question because Esme was certain that if she’d given any other reply than a negative one Hortense would have restrained her and refused to let her leave Rovaniemi. Just to reinforce her intent, she started forward, but she wobbled so violently that Brian had to race to catch her.

‘No,’ Esme said. ‘I’m not. I have a little house in Derbyshire that needs some TLC. It’s missing life within its walls and it’s not used to being cold and empty. I think I’ll go and live there for a bit. I think my grandma would like that. It’s been a weird day,’ she continued, looking at them all. ‘Who am I kidding – it’s been a bloody weird week! Would it be very rude of me to say thank you for coming to my rescue but I might just need my bed right now?’

‘If it had been anyone else I’d have considered it rather ungrateful,’ Hortense said with a smile. ‘I’m glad to see you finally came to your senses, dear girl. I said to Brian there was a man at home, even though you hadn’t told us. I said he was trouble too. Didn’t I say it, Brian?’

Brian nodded. ‘You did.’

Hortense barely gave his answer a moment. ‘I’m seldom wrong about these things.’

‘I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before,’ Esme said. ‘I just… I suppose I thought if I didn’t mention him I could pretend all that trouble at home wasn’t going on.’

‘Absolutely,’ Hortense said. ‘A brief escape.’

‘Sort of.’ Esme turned to her coffee and wrapped a hand around the cup. It was almost cold and she wondered vaguely whether there was any point in ordering a new one. It wasn’t like she needed much help to keep her awake tonight, but perhaps more caffeine might not help in that regard.

‘If you’re quite alright then we won’t keep you,’ Hortense said. Esme looked up with a grateful smile. Brian took Hortense’s hand and nodded towards the door. For a moment she looked as if she might say something more to Esme, but then relented and leaned into him.

‘Goodnight then,’ Brian said to Esme. ‘Sleep well.’

‘Thanks,’ Esme said. ‘You too.’

Esme thought about the few hours now remaining between her and a return to her life back in England – which was almost certainly messier than it had ever been for all her efforts to tidy it up. Warren was gone but there was still a lot to sort out. Her flight home was tomorrow, but what was waiting for her at the other end? The fact was, she no longer had anything in particular to rush home for. The idea was oddly appealing though. What if she just rebelled? What if she refused to follow the rules? Where was the rule that said she had to go home anyway? What if she just stayed here in Lapland? She could do it, and the notion was deliciously full of the promise of adventure. Would it be so hard to get work and a place to stay? Perhaps Niko could help. What if she phoned her parents tonight and told them? She was sure they’d take care of her grandma’s house for a while. How long was a while? Three months… six months? There was no denying it would be the adventure of a lifetime. Although, now that she thought about it, she wasn’t entirely sure she hadn’t already had one of those in the week she’d been here – it had certainly been eventful.

‘Goodnight, dear girl,’ Hortense said. She bid the same to Zach and Niko and then leaned on Brian as they made their way to the lifts. As they disappeared into the lift Esme turned to Niko.

‘Thank you for looking out for me. I appreciate it.’

‘I would not have done anything else.’

‘I don’t doubt it for a minute. You’re a lovely person.’

He smiled and nodded, and then he clapped Zach on the back. ‘Take care, man.’

It sounded as if Niko had already decided they wouldn’t be seeing him again. Perhaps he was their Mary Poppins or Nanny McPhee – when they no longer needed him, he simply disappeared over the blue Arctic horizon. Although what he’d fixed for them, Esme still wasn’t entirely sure. She wasn’t sure anything was fixed as far as her and Zach were concerned, because she wasn’t even sure what did or didn’t need fixing.

‘You too,’ Zach said, and then Niko was gone. Not with an umbrella or a walking stick, but with an airy wave that took him out of the bar.

Which just left Esme and Zach. He stood and looked at her, and it seemed he was in no hurry to go anywhere, despite what she’d said about being tired. She could understand why – they needed to talk and she knew that, but the truth was she didn’t feel strong enough right now. The future was all new and untested and she needed to understand how she felt about that before she could make promises of any other kind.

‘We need to talk,’ he said.

‘I know. But everything’s happening at once and I don’t know if the answers I might give you at this moment are the right ones. They’d be instinctive, not measured enough.’

‘What if I promise not to ask questions of you? What if you just let me talk?’

She shook her head. ‘I can’t. I might speak from my heart and not my head and I might give answers whether you’re asking questions or not.’

Zach stepped forward. He placed his hat on the bar and took her hand in both of his. ‘You say that like it’s a bad thing.’

She couldn’t deny the pull of his eyes and the heat of his skin, and she had to tear her gaze away, even though she couldn’t bring herself to relinquish the feel of his hand closed over hers. Her heart was screaming for him, and yet her head was telling her to beware. For once, she was going to listen to her head because her heart had got her into enough trouble. ‘I need time,’ she said. ‘Sorry.’

‘OK.’ He let her hand drop and retook his stool. ‘At least let me explain some things. Then you can sleep on it – tell me in the morning what you think.’

Esme nodded and braced herself for the full story. To see him pained would cause her pain too but he needed to tell it and she needed to know.

‘You know about Libby,’ he said.

‘Your wife?’

‘Yes.’

‘Niko told me she died a couple of years back. He said you hadn’t been married long.’

‘A year. We were in that first blush, trying for a baby, getting the house perfect. She used to say our life was like a fairy tale. It wasn’t – nobody’s is. We had bills and worries like everyone else, but it was OK because we had each other. She was the best, the most amazing woman. Whenever we were together all we did was laugh.’

‘So what happened?’

‘She had this… this heart defect. All along this ticking bomb in her chest. We didn’t know – nobody knew. Why would we? She collapsed one day at work. Died on the floor of her office. They told me it would have been quick – instant. She wouldn’t have known anything about it.’

‘Oh God. I’m—’

‘Sorry, I know. What else can you say?’

‘It’s been hard?’

‘Yeah, but I think… sometimes I think I’m over the worst of it and that makes me feel guilty. I shouldn’t be moving on, because Libby can’t move on, can she? I feel like I owe her grief for the rest of my life.’

‘She doesn’t sound like the sort of person who would have wished that on you.’

‘She wasn’t. I’m being weird about it, but that’s how grief gets you. You think weird things. I mean, isn’t it awful that my first thought when I heard the news had been thank God we hadn’t had that baby we’d wanted?’

Esme put a hand out, but then drew it back. How did you comfort someone for a loss such as that? No gesture felt big enough. She wanted to pull him into her arms and kiss away his sadness, but that was her heart, misbehaving again. Her head told her to sit and listen.

‘It’s the shock that gets you at first,’ he continued. ‘I didn’t even believe it – for days I kept expecting her to walk in, throw her bag down, ask for a foot massage or a cup of tea, tell me something funny that had happened during her day.’ He gave a small smile, his gaze somewhere in a perfect past. ‘She was a real live wire – full of energy and endless enthusiasm – like a big kid. That’s what made it really hard to believe. How could someone with such vitality and spirit have this fatal weakness all along? How could someone so completely alive suddenly be dead? If we’d known perhaps I could have told her to slow down, look after herself. Not that she would have listened. Life was for living, she used to say, and she lived it well, even if it wasn’t for long.’

‘You came here with her?’

He nodded. ‘She loved Christmas – like, seriously adored it. She’d always wanted to meet “the proper Santa”. We had the most incredible time here – huskies, snowmobiles, cross-country skiing… did it all. But as we flew home she was still disappointed that we hadn’t managed to see the Northern Lights – the weather hadn’t been quite right – so I promised her we’d save up and try again the following year and she was so excited she’d marked a date on the calendar – we hadn’t even booked it at that point. She said it ought to be our annual Christmas trip, and when we had kids we could take them every year too.’ He gave a short laugh. ‘Not sure where she was expecting the money to come from, but I would have tried. God knows I would have tried to get it for her. I’d have done anything for her.’

‘But you never made that second year?’

‘She died in the September.’

They were silent for a moment, Esme taking it all in and Zach lost in his own past.

‘I don’t know what to say,’ she said finally.

‘Whatever you might think of, you can bet it’s all been said already anyway. I don’t need you to say anything; I just wanted you to understand why sometimes I was a bit…’

‘I know. Why did you come back alone? Wasn’t it a painful thing to put yourself through?’

‘This year I just decided… I don’t really know why. For some reason I just needed to come back and see those lights. To go home to Libby’s grave and tell her all about it.’ He looked up at Esme, finally back in the room. ‘I suppose that sounds morbid,’ he said, his expression one of self-conscious awareness for the first time since he began the story.

Esme shook her head. ‘No, not one bit. I understand it more than you realise. Like you said to me, we deal with grief the best way we know how and sometimes it makes us weird – at least to other people. Who am I to judge how you handle yours?’

‘So when we were out the other night,’ he continued. ‘On the Northern Lights chase… and I finally got to see the Lights and then…’

Esme flushed, the memories of that impetuous kiss barrelling into her. There were many things she’d wished undone in her life, but right now that topped the list. She shook her head. ‘I’m so sorry… it was a silly impulse. If I’d known—’

‘Of course you didn’t know. I was the idiot for not telling you, so if it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine. And the truth is I liked it. I mean, I really liked it. I like you, Esme, but…’

She could only imagine what kind of pain and guilt that must have caused him. To be on what amounted to a pilgrimage to honour the memory of his dead wife and yet, at the moment he’d made the focus of that memory, he’d found himself kissing another woman. It was no wonder he’d been avoiding Esme – he must have been going through emotional torture. More than ever she wanted to reach for him. But was this explanation his way of saying that even though he liked her there were still barriers they couldn’t hope to overcome? Wasn’t she doing the same by holding back and trying to listen to reason where her own feelings were concerned? There was an indisputable attraction, there might even be the beginnings of love, but was it enough?

‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘I suppose it’s just bad timing for both of us. Maybe if we’d met at a different time or place…’ She shrugged. ‘Who knows?’

His smile was bleak, the smile of a man accepting the inevitable.

‘Bad timing,’ he repeated. ‘Seems to be the story of my life.’

Esme rifled in her rucksack and drew out his gift. This might be the last opportunity she had to give it to him. It might be the last time she ever saw him at all – at least alone. She slid it across the bar towards him.

‘What’s this?’ he asked.

‘I didn’t think I’d see you tonight to give it. Maybe not even at all, considering… But you might as well have it now.’

‘It’s for me?’

‘That’s why I gave it to you,’ Esme said with a small smile.

‘What’s it for?’ he asked, taking the gift and turning it over in his hand.

‘Christmas.’

He pulled at the sticky tape. ‘I didn’t get you anything.’

‘I didn’t buy it to get something back. I wanted to show you how much I’ve appreciated your friendship this week. It could have been a very different trip without you, Brian and Hortense.’

‘I’m not sure I really deserve this,’ he said. ‘I would imagine I’ve given you as much annoyance as I have pleasure.’

‘Not really. Well, not often, anyway.’

He briefly looked up and she smiled. Then he turned back to the present and tore away the paper to reveal the snow globe inside. He shook it, and then stood it on the bar.

‘I love it,’ he said, gazing into its depths as the silver snow began to settle on the tiny replica of Rovaniemi. ‘It’s perfect.’

‘It plays music too,’ she said, taking it and twisting the base. She looked up to see him smiling as the tinkling tune began.

‘I thought maybe it would be a nice souvenir,’ she continued. ‘You know, remind you of the holiday. Maybe even a little of me.’

‘I don’t need a replica of Santa’s village to remember you,’ he said softly. ‘I’ll never forget you.’

Esme forced a smile that didn’t care. But she ached to reach for him, to feel his arms around her as she had before, to feel his lips on hers. Things had changed since then, though. It wouldn’t be smart or right to rush into something that, ultimately, neither of them was ready for. There was too much at stake, too much that could go wrong and, in the end, they might hurt each other more. Friends – that was the best outcome now. They couldn’t go wrong as friends, could they? They could love each other as friends, couldn’t they?

‘I think I ought to call it a night,’ she said. ‘We’ve got an early start, haven’t we, and I’m exhausted.’

‘But you’re OK?’

‘As OK as I can be considering the night I’ve had. Maybe not the best I’ve ever been but I’m sure a few weeks will cure that.’

‘A few weeks at your grandma’s house? Not back in the flat with Warren?’

She shook her head. ‘Not back with Warren. I’ve learned my lesson this time. I’m looking forward to some quiet time at my grandma’s house… my house, I suppose now.’

‘I’m glad.’

‘Me too. What’s waiting for you when you get back to England?’

‘Christmas with my sister and her brood. It’s not as bad as it sounds though.’

‘Honestly, it sounds pretty nice to me.’

‘Will you stay for one more drink?’ he asked. ‘A lakka, for old times’ sake?’

Esme almost said no. But something stopped her. ‘Just one?’

‘Cross my heart. We’ve all got to get up tomorrow, and even I don’t fancy a hangover on an early-morning flight.’

‘OK, just one. That’d be nice.’

He nodded at Inari and she began to walk down the bar to them. He ordered their drinks. ‘What I said earlier,’ he began slowly as he watched Inari go to get them.

‘Which thing,’ Esme asked, though she already knew.

‘About…’ He turned to her. ‘Don’t make me say it again. I just want to know… is there a chance?’

‘I want to say yes, but I honestly don’t know. Everything’s a mess right now.’

‘I understand. I’m sorry I asked.’

‘Please, don’t be. Please just be patient. It doesn’t mean we can’t keep in touch. In fact, I’d really like that.’

‘Me too. I don’t want to hassle you—’

‘You’d never be hassling me. In fact, I might be very disappointed if you didn’t hassle me a little bit.’

‘Friends, then. I can deal with friends.’

‘Friends. Thank you.’

‘I should be thanking you.’

‘What on earth for?’

Esme looked up as Inari placed their drinks on the bar in front of them.

‘Your room?’ Inari asked Zach, who nodded.

He continued as she left them alone again. ‘I think it’s no exaggeration to say you might just have saved me. I’d been so wrapped up in my loss for all this time, thinking I could never move on from Libby, and you showed me that wasn’t true. You showed me without even trying, and you made it feel so natural and easy that it’s not this thing anymore, this mountain I can’t climb. There is an end in sight now to all that grief. It doesn’t mean I can ever forget Libby, and I wouldn’t want to, but it does mean I can start to pick up the pieces, get my life on track again. Maybe even find love again.’

Esme smiled as she picked up her glass. If she’d done all that, then she was glad, but maybe it would end up benefiting some other woman, not her. Maybe she’d paved the way for Zach to find happiness with someone else. Only time would tell.