GIDEON WIPED HIS FINGERS on the napkin and leaned back in the seat. This was twice now they watched the sun set, though the first time was more spectacular. The view from the front seat of his Jeep wasn’t bad. One look at traffic and they’d realized the only way to eat still warm fries was finding a spot to pull over. The ocean side parking lot was a perfect solution.

In hindsight, he should have triple checked with Piper before they left the house. He’d wondered if she was ready for a public, two-person outing but hadn’t wanted to make her doubt herself.

“What’d you think?” Piper asked.

Gideon winced. His thoughts weren’t food focused, and he didn’t know how to convey his concern. The old Piper was a much more fragile creature than the one he was with.

“Food was good,” he said.

“Yeah?” She peered across the cab at him.

“Yeah.”

She kept studying him, those baby blue eyes of hers too perceptive to not know his mind had wandered.

“Want to take a walk?” he gestured at the beach.

“Not really. What’s that look mean?” she asked.

“I was just...” He blew out a breath. He had to be honest. “I was kind of kicking myself for not checking with you before we left. I don’t want to undermine you, but I also...it’s hard to turn that switch off the one that makes me want to protect you.”

Piper leaned her head back against the seat and reached across, wrapping her hand around his. He was keenly aware that up until now, it was almost always him reaching for her, not the other way around.

“Thanks for letting me fall on my face. I need to do that, or I’ll stay in my bubble, never dealing with my anxiety. I don’t want to live in my bubble anymore.”

“I can’t say I liked it.” Sitting back and watching the struggle play out on her face brought up all those helpless, frustrated feelings he’d gone through watching her have to endure Carl’s vitriol. “How are you really doing?”

“You mean about tonight, or...?”

“Tonight, and in general.”

“Kind of annoyed with Josh.”

“What’s the deal with you two, anyway?”

“Tamara tried to get us to go on a date. It...did not go well. Josh is like the big brother I never knew I had, and he can be annoying about it. He sent me a text instead of coming over to say hi. It was dumb and a little passive aggressive.”

“What’d the text say?” There had to be a real reason she was annoyed.

“Having fun, or something.” Piper glanced away.

“And that annoyed you?”

“I was doing okay, but... The whole idea that people were at other tables talking about me. Us. It just fucked with my head, and I didn’t need it from a friend.”

“You have had to endure more than any one person should. I think that you have rebounded and built an amazing life for yourself.” Even during the darkest period she’d done her best to heal.

“Thanks,” she mumbled.

“I think you are absolutely amazing. I always have. Nothing has ever changed that.”

“Gideon...” Piper glanced up at him, her lower lip pinched between her teeth.

He didn’t like that look one bit.

“Come here.” He tugged on her hand and she leaned toward him.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. She turned her face toward him, their noses bumping until her lips slid against his. He tightened his hold on her and pressed closer. Her fingers scraped along his jaw and then twined through his hair.

Gideon wanted nothing more than to prolong this, pull her across the Jeep and kiss her until they were both drunk on need. But he knew better.

He lifted his face from hers, stroking her cheek.

“Let’s go back to my place, okay?”

Piper nodded and retreated to her side of the vehicle.

He shoved the last of the food wrappers into the brown paper bag and did his best to covertly adjust his jeans. She turned the music up. Most of the time he’d appreciate the mutual enjoyment of his preferred music, but this was different. She was avoiding whatever was coming. The kiss hadn’t changed that. What couldn’t she tell him?

They made the drive back to his house in silence, which had the bonus of killing his boner. Other than that, he wanted her to go ahead and say what was bothering her. Put him out of his misery.

Gideon pulled into the drive and she got out first, proceeding him to the front door. He gathered the trash, another sign Piper was consumed with something and not wholly there with him. She was hyper aware of garbage in vehicles since she’d grown up living in a van. This wasn’t like her. She waited for him on the porch, her gaze boring into the ground. He unlocked the house and let her go in first. She stood on the entry tile, at the foot of the stares, her face creased with lines he didn’t like.

“I think... I don’t think I’m being very fair to you,” she said.

“You’re fine. Come in here.” He nodded into the living room. If he could get his hands free and her on the sofa, they could talk this out. Whatever was bothering her, he could deal with it.

“I told you that you were the first and only person I thought of when it came to going on a date. Maybe it’s because I always had a crush on you when we were friends, or whatever, but...I’m clearly not ready for whatever this is.”

“What?” Was she trying to break up with him? “Let me put this down and then we can talk about this.”

Gideon had to fix this, or at least get into her head. He couldn’t do that with his hands full and her standing in the doorway like a statue. He didn’t want to leave her by an exit, but he also couldn’t keep holding the bags and drinks. He had to touch her. Hold her. He’d get through to her. He needed to.

Piper remained rooted to the spot. She wasn’t budging. He ducked into the living room and quick stepped it to the garbage can, all the while listening for the front door. He shoved the trash into the bag and turned.

She stood in the arch, still staring at the floor.

“Piper, sweetheart...” He walked toward her, slowly, rolling words around in his head.

“I thought... I thought, when I came here, that I could do this and if things went badly, if it was really awful, we’d just go back to not speaking or seeing each other. I know we aren’t close anymore, but I miss hanging out. I don’t want to lose that, and I’m worried we will.”

“I don’t want to lose you, either.” He stopped with their toes almost touching and gently wrapped his arm around her waist. She swayed toward him and laid her cheek on his shoulder.

“I am a complete spaz.”

“But only in the best way.” She was trying to give him an out. Break up whatever they were. He couldn’t let that happen. Not unless it was what she wanted. “Come here.”

He took her hand and led her to the sofa. If he could remind her that she felt safe, he could perhaps make her see the potential in them. As a couple.

She sat on the edge, shoulders slumped. He jostled her sitting down next to her, then pulled her back against his chest. She curled up without hesitation, her head on his shoulder and her arm around his waist. He breathed a little easier at her reaction. Her head and heart were doing two different, out of synch numbers.

“We like hanging out, right?” he asked.

“Yeah...”

“Do you like...where we are now with things?” He still didn’t know how to phrase what they were doing.

“Yeah...”

“Me, too. So, how about this? We can be whatever this is and take it as slow, or as fast, as you want. Okay? No more talk about not being good enough.”

Piper didn’t reply, but she didn’t pull away either.

He’d take what he could get.

PIPER STRETCHED HER legs against the silky sheets. She had to get some of whatever these were. They made it feel as though she were sleeping on a fluffy could. That wouldn’t be such a bad way to sleep, away from the world, the stress, the people. It was a good thing Gideon hadn’t discovered these sheets back when she was really fucked up or she’d have never left the bed.

She cracked her eyes open and covered her mouth to mute her chuckle. Gideon had the oddest way of sleeping at times. His head tilted back at an angle that had to hurt, one arm across his chest, and his knees were drawn up.

This made two nights in a row she’d slept here.

All she’d meant to do was make an apology. Put things right between them. When he’d opened that door she’d checked all her good intentions and gone with what she wanted. The rest was one of the most relaxing days she’d had in months.

Gideon was good for her, but was she good for him?

She couldn’t imagine a world where she was a positive factor for anyone, at least not in her current state. Maybe in another five or ten years, but she couldn’t even sit in the grill last night without losing her cool. It was the most ridiculous bullshit, and yet, this was her life. The only consolation she had was that every day was a little better than the last.

A lot of the improvement was because of Gideon. From the moment he’d thrown his lot in with her, he’d been nothing but patient, kind, caring, thoughtful. He might be a terrible flake when work picked up, but did that really outweigh all the good he did?

What the hell was she doing here? With him? What was this?

The rational thing to do was have a conversation and lay out what they wanted on the table.

She swallowed and folded her hands over her stomach.

The vulnerability, putting herself out there—she could feel the knots starting deep inside of her. What she had with Gideon mattered, and that made this scary.

Piper had made a mistake. She’d thought, of all the men she knew, Gideon was the safest and their relationship the most disposable. It would have been better if she’d have asked Josh. With him there were no emotional quandaries. They were friends, end of story. With Gideon, it was complicated.

She’d known her attraction to Gideon when they met was another signal that things with Carl were over. Back then, she’d intended to break up with Carl and see where things went with Gideon after a few weeks. Then Carl decided to go after her and Gideon became her safe person. The one who was strong when she couldn’t be.

How had she expected fake-dating him to go?

The truth was, she’d never stopped caring for him and wanting to get back to being a girl and a guy who just clicked. It wouldn’t happen. Their priorities weren’t the same. She’d make time for him, and he’d slot her in between projects that could go on for weeks or months depending on how big the job was. She wanted more than a few days here and there. She wanted to be whole and happy. Which was why she’d landed on his doorstep in the beginning. When Piper thought about her best self, Gideon was part of that picture.

The idea of asking more from him scared her. The last time she’d thought they were about to tread into the more-than-friends territory he’d vanished from her life. She wasn’t sure she could take that happening a second time.

So was this what they were? People who clicked and only saw each other occasionally?

Maybe if they’d taken that next step after the Christmas she’d spent with his family she’d be happy enough with that, but not now. She wanted more, and she wasn’t going to settle for being Gideon’s convenient girlfriend, no matter how much she loved him.

Piper stared at the ceiling. The knots in her stomach relaxed.

She’d always had deep feelings for Gideon, but love?

It seemed to fit. Felt right.

The one thing she’d learned about love was that it didn’t always matter. It might give her the warm fuzzies, but it didn’t make the world a perfect place.

She could love Gideon and still be wrong. He was a great guy. He’d been there for her during the hardest period of her life. That didn’t mean she was going to be satisfied with what he’d give her.

Gideon turned toward her, his face scrunched up. He rolled to his side and inhaled a deep breath.

Piper would always care for him. That wouldn’t change no matter what transpired between them.

She reached out and brushed her fingers against his. He winced, probably because his previous position had cut off all the blood flow. One of his lids cracked open, and he squinted at her. His cheek creased and somewhere under that immature beard was a dimple. He hooked his fingers with hers and tugged.

Her insides melted. All it took was a squinty-eyed look and a touch.

She rolled to her side, and he scooted closer, one side of his mouth hitching up.

“Morning,” she mumbled.

“Hm.”

Piper chuckled and wrapped her arm around his waist, bringing their bodies even closer. She craved this kind of human connection, the intimacy. Without it she’d starved her soul. She couldn’t go back to that way of living.

Gideon folded his arm around her and wedged his knee between her thighs. He closed his eyes and sighed, his breath stirring her hair.

Today they’d both have to return to the real world at some point, but right now it was just them. Everything else could wait for a bit longer.

She leaned in, tilted her head and pressed her lips to his. He turned into the kiss, muscles constricting and mouth working against hers. She hiked her thigh up around his hip. He tightened his hold on her, fitting their bodies together like a complex puzzle. His stubble tickled her face and scraped her lips.

Gideon rolled onto his back, taking her with him. He stroked her skin, sliding his hand up under the borrowed T-shirt. She could feel his hardening erection trapped between their bodies.

Yesterday they’d simply hung out, returning to their old patterns. Nice as it was, she wanted more. Everything she could get, for as long as this lasted.

She pulled the shirt off and tossed it over the bed. Gideon slid his hands up and covered her bare breasts with his palms.

“Morning.” His voice was low, raspy with arousal.

“Hm.”

She shifted her hips, grinding against him.

The next thing she knew, she was on her back and Gideon’s mouth was on her skin, kissing his way down her chest. She arched her spine and slid her hands across his shoulders. He traced the line of her breastbone with his lips down to her stomach. She pushed her hands through his hair at the same time he pulled her panties down. He kissed her stomach and hip.

Oh, boy...

Piper tugged on Gideon’s hair, but he ignored her.

His fingers brushed along her folds. She sucked in a breath and her vision blurred as he slipped inside her. His teeth bit down gently on her hip. She undulated, driving him deeper. He kissed her navel, then her mound.

He pumped his fingers, adding another, stretching her more. His touch warmed her and eased her sore muscles.

His lips trailed lower.

She tightened her grip on his hair. There was no doubt where he was headed. Her heart beat faster and those knots in her stomach wound tighter.

He shifted, wedging her thighs open wider while he thrust into her with an easy, unhurried rhythm.

“Gideon...”

Piper lifted her hips, wanting more. It seemed like all she did was take, that he was just here to serve her needs, but he did it with so much enthusiasm.

He rubbed her clit with the flat of his tongue and held her hips down with his free hand. He pumped, using his fingers, stroking her insides. She could feel the calloused pads of his fingers, against her stomach and her fold.  His touch was different, stronger, more purposeful, and deeper. She felt him inside of her in ways she couldn’t explain, farther than she could define with physical words.

She flattened her hand over his, curing her fingers around his palm, and shifted. He held her there, not allowing her to move, all the while his tongue made love to her and his fingers filled her.

Piper threw her head back and groaned, her whole body rippling with pleasure. She curled her toes into the mattress and dug her nails into Gideon’s palm, holding onto him so she didn’t get lost in this out-of-body feeling.

She was going to miss this when their fake-dating was over.