Lowell

I feel like I’ve been dumped back in time over the next few days, and it’s not in a good way. I don’t know how to decide if it is good or bad even because, for the first time, I realized why Charlotte was concerned about us. Why she was so hesitant.

If I could change it, I would, but I can’t help being easily recognized these days. Maybe at any other point in the season, it wouldn’t be, but I can understand why she wouldn’t want Kimberly around all the public exposure.

That day at the park was the last time we were all together, and that Sunday morning was the last time I was at their house for longer than dinner. Charlotte doesn’t let me pick Kimberly up from school anymore, and I can understand why, especially since when I’m alone or with Jacob, there hasn’t been a day when someone doesn’t ask for a photo or autograph, and a crowd of people follow shortly after. I hope it is only for the Super Bowl season and will die down so I can at least tell Charlotte something more concrete than ‘I can’t help it.’

Secretly, I know she wonders why I choose to live this life when I could change it if I wanted. It wouldn’t matter much if I retired now or after the Super Bowl if I make it, since I’ve already broken enough records and done enough for the Hall of Fame and such. So, to her, it’s why I chose it in the first place right out of college when I probably had plenty of other options. The problem is Charlotte and I don’t know enough about each other to understand our personal motivations.

Now I don’t know if we ever will.

I miss her… a lot. She’s so cautious now, and I know it’s to put Kimberly first. I’m afraid I’ve scared her off. From me. I haven’t touched her properly in days. I haven’t kissed her, and I feel like I am missing something.

“What’s up your ass?” Donnie laughs. He has no idea what he’s done or how it even matters.

I barge into his office, probably looking as angry as I feel right now. My phone hasn’t rung with Charlotte’s identification on it in a while. She has only texted short confirmations and instructions, pretty much.

But she called—upset as hell. My chest panged at the obvious hurt in her voice she tried to hide as she explained everything. And my blood boiled for her. I’m sick of this man, sick of his lies.

“You are.” I slam the door, walk around his white couch in seconds, sneakers hitting the plain hardwood of his ugly floors. He swivels in his chair and gets up, smirking.

“What did I do this time? I haven’t pampered you enough?”

We haven’t been on the same terms since I cut him off for speaking to Charlotte the first time.

“Leave Charlotte alone, Donnie. I mean it. I know what you did with her salon, trying to get her shut down. You’re crazy if you think I’ll let you get away with that.”

He laughs then as if I have told a joke.

“I didn’t do shit.”

“Regina told us everything.”

He rolls his eyes and drops his smirk. “How much did you pay her for that?” he scoffs.

“Not everyone can be bought or needs to be bought.”

He turns back to me, a sneer in his eyes I truly haven’t ever seen. “Charlotte can.”

“Excuse me?”

His grin is dark. “Your perfect little Charlotte. Always been a pain in the ass.”

“You don’t even know her,” I growl, my fists balled up in anger.

He sits back down like this conversation isn’t worthy of his two stubby feet. It amazes me how much I thought he had my back and was a good person.

“I don’t. I know of her now and back in college.”

“You better start talking, Donnie.” Charlotte didn’t tell me anything along these lines, and I can’t even tell if I wish he were lying.

“Training camp, summer after college. It was your first day. Rookie camp suited you. Anyway, I had your shit, and your phone was ringing off the hook. I always promised to protect your interests, so when this confused girl called, I coaxed the truth out of her. Now I know you’re not worth all the dedication I gave you protecting your career.”

“What the hell did you tell her?” I hardly recognize the strain in my voice. He looks right at me, his dark eyes blazing.

“She said she was pregnant. With your kid. I told her it wasn’t a very good idea to keep pursuing you. Of course, she didn’t agree to, not at first. But, fifty thousand dollars later, she was easily agreeable. No more calls, no contact. I changed your number for good measure.” He chuckles the same time my heart breaks. “You must have thought she was some sweet girl you left behind, huh? On the contrary. I wonder what she did with all the money. What do you think?” He lets out a dark chuckle. “Don’t believe me?” He starts shuffling in his drawer. I stand in place like I’m frozen. Perhaps I am.

He brings out a manila folder, not too thick, and takes out papers one by one. “There were conditions. Her paternity test was mine.” He slaps it down. “And then her bank info and my cashier’s check beforehand. It’s all here. And truly, I wasn’t going to tell you. Deep down I always liked you more than any of my other athletes. But you’ve taken her side, and now all I want is for you to regret that.”

I can’t do him justice by responding. I turn from him and quell my anger somehow to walk away. I pause at the door, turning to him with a glare.

“In case you missed it, you’re fired.”

I leave and can hear him laughing behind me. As if it’s funny somehow.

I grabbed the folder and papers from him. In the car, I review them and hope that I’m just seeing things. But it’s true. Charlotte lied to me. Kept Kimberly from me for—for money. I don’t get it. I can’t believe it either. But it is true.

I’m driving before I know where I am going, and she calls once I park outside the bar probably wondering how my talk with Donnie went. I am in no position to talk to her now. I let it ring and go inside, straight to the back, lucky not to be bothered. When Jacob calls shortly after, it’s a call I can take. A few beers later, he sits down with me in the back of the bar.

“This better be good. I’m missing my wife’s one horny night a week.” He pulls down the gray hood of his hoodie. As if on cue, the bartender brings me two more beers, and Jacob takes one. I finish half in one gulp before I can even say it out loud.

“Donnie paid Charlotte to keep Kimberly a secret from me.”

“What the fuck?” His face falls, the usual cheer gone from his eyes.

“Back in college, right after I left. She had called me, and he was there. He said the right things until she told him. Then he offered her fifty grand to… leave me out of it.” I swallow hard, and my stomach still aches at the thought. The only thing I have any interest in keeping down is alcohol.

“Shit man… I’m sorry. That doesn’t sound like her. What did she say?”

“I haven’t told her. Or asked her, I guess.” I exhale. I try to think about Charlotte and why she would do something like that. Even back then, I knew she was a good person. This isn’t good. Keeping a family apart, a father from his kid. I don’t know what to think or feel other than hurt like I haven’t felt in a long time.

“You should. I’m sure there is a reason.”

“She’s been stringing me along all this time. She never wanted me to. She never wanted to have a family with me.”

“Nah, I don’t think that’s true.”

“It makes sense.”

“But it isn’t right. Not for her. Look, I can’t tell you what to do, but I strongly suggest you talk to her.”

I nod once. “I’ll need more alcohol for that.”