Lowell

I never knew how much that stuff weighed down on me, not until I told Charlotte. Before I saw her, it was easier to be angry with her, to feel betrayed, and like I would never forgive her. But as soon as I saw her, all of it faded away. Looking into her deep, gold-brown eyes grounded me and reminded me how good she makes me feel—despite everything.

Like my sister, Lily, would always say, the past means nothing, even if she was joking most of the time, and it was never about anything as serious as this—it still proved true. What Charlotte went through back then—her parents, being alone—I can’t hold it against her. I knew what I was doing when I left. We were both afraid of the truth, and now we aren’t anymore. As I hold Kimberly and look at her, smiling, I know we’ve truly tackled everything.

Almost everything.

“I’ve been around, haven’t I?” My pointer finger brushes Kimberly’s nose, and she cackles.

“Whatever. Not really.” She fists my hair to hang on with her little arm around my neck. I hug her close, and she smells like her scented shampoo—orange—like her favorite color.

“Okay, Keeks. How about dinner? Are you hungry?”

“I’m always hungry.” That makes us both laugh. Charlotte finishes packing her bag and steps closer to us hugging Kimberly around her back.

“That’s true. Want to stay in?” She nods.

“We can go to my place,” I suggest before really thinking, but I don’t regret it. Charlotte raises her brow at me briefly.

“Is it big?” Kimberly pikes.

I chuckle. “Sure.”

“It’s a school night, though,” Charlotte adds.

I make a face at her. “It’s not an all-night affair. Besides, have you ever had a chef cook your dinner for you?” I try to bribe her. I know Charlotte could never turn down a laid-back night free of her usual responsibilities.

“No. I guess it will be fine.” She relents, and Kimberly reacts with happiness.

“Yay!” she shrieks.

I smile at her and kiss her cheek until she shrieks at me before I set her down. I take Charlotte’s hand and lean in for a chaste kiss before I realize it. But my lips meet hers, and she doesn’t pull away until the kiss breaks naturally. My eyes meet hers as we separate, wide with a momentary shock like mine, but it’s broken by Kimberly tugging us both along by the hem of our shirts.

“Come on, I said I was hungry.” She bounces on her toes beneath us. We both look at her, who acts like she is none the wiser.

“Okay, we’re going.”

I didn’t drive to the park since I was coming from the stadium after morning practice, and Jacob and I carpooled after he took care of a half-drunk me last night. Practice was brutal because of that, but luckily Coach was too involved with the defensive line this time. Otherwise, players aren’t so lucky when we do stuff like that during the season.

Charlotte rides with me in the front of her car, so I can drive straight to my house. I start wondering what condition it’s in since I haven’t had company in weeks. And weird things like if she’ll like it or if she will have something to say about what I added since she was last there. It’s secluded in the back part of a bigger neighborhood at the end of a private road. Semi-hidden by trees on three acres of land, it’s been home for a while. But I never realized how empty it was until I stepped into Kimberly’s house with her mother.

“It is big!” Kimberly shouts and starts trying to unbuckle herself when I pull in the circular driveway.

Charlotte calms her down and gets out to help her. I lead them inside feeling like I am on display. Kimberly has wide eyes as she steps into the large, open foyer and looks around, swallowed up by the modern open concept and dark gray and white colors. When I look at it with them here, I realize I hate the design, it looks like a medicine cabinet. Maybe I hate the entire place too because I bought it at such a different time to say I could, because Donnie recommended it, and because everyone else did.

“I like it.”

“Where’s the chef?” Charlotte asks. I laugh and pretend to frown at her.

“So demanding.” I roll my eyes. It’s Tuesday, so she’s probably already here. She’s the only one with a key besides the housekeeper, both on alternate schedules. My nutrition is probably the most important thing as a professional athlete, so she has my exact diet and everything down and in order. I listen closer and do, in fact, hear her.

“In the kitchen. Do you want a tour?” I ask them both.

Kimberly eagerly nods, and I’m glad. Charlotte does too. I take her hand and lead her along with Kimberly skipping down the hall before us not knowing where she is going. I show them all the boring stuff—living room, office, game room. Kimberly gets to my trophy room slash second office staring up at the shelf of trophies.

“Be careful.” Her mom walks to her and takes her hand pulling her back. I notice them both look at the photograph in between. Charlotte would know immediately, but Kimberly asks.

“Who’s this, Daddy?” She looks over at me. I step next to her and stare at it with her. Lily and me when I first got to college on my orientation day outside the stadium. My group advisor took the picture.

“My sister and I.” I glance at Charlotte who gives a sad smile.

“You have a sister?”

“I did. She passed away. She died,” I simplify not knowing if Kimberly ever dealt with that. From the looks of it, she hasn’t.

“But she’s young, right?”

I nod, looking down at her. “She was, she got sick. It happens sometimes.”

“Oh.” Her eyes soften as her bottom lip trembles. “Sorry.”

I force a smile and kneel down to hug her. “It’s okay, Keeks. But hey,” I pull back and look at her, holding her small hands, “I have something to show you.”

She nods with a half-smile and follows me out. Charlotte glances up at me with a funny look, and I feel a bit unsettled. Charlotte gets weird about things sometimes, especially like this.

Upstairs, past my two guest bedrooms and second living room, is a great room I made into a playroom w leads to the third bedroom which is decorated and set up for Kimberly. I did it when I first found out about her, after the night she knew I’m her dad. It was the only thing that felt right at the moment, and so I had it done. The carpet in the playroom is orange, her favorite kind of toys and gadgets are on the shelves, and her bedroom is decorated with a plush orange bed frame and matching custom-made sheets. I hope she doesn’t grow out of her favorite color anytime soon.

“Wow! Is this for me?” She spins around bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Yeah, of course. You like it?” I smile down at her.

She barely nods before she’s off heading to the piano in the corner of the room first. As she plays test notes, Charlotte turns and blocks my view of her.

“When did you do all this?”

I take her hand lacing my fingers with hers. “A few weeks ago. Is it okay?”

“Yeah… thank you.” She smiles, her eyes lighting up. I grin and pull her close around her waist, her soft body against mine as I kiss her.

Soft and slow with something new laced in between us.

“Thank you,” she says again, whispering against my lips.

“You’re welcome. I have something for you, too.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” I lower my voice. “In my bedroom.”

She swats at me and pulls away, “Lowell,” she whispers harshly.

I laugh. “It’s not like that, I promise.” I kiss her again, and then we watch Kimberly bounce around all the corners of her room.

Charlotte says something about spoiling her, but I don’t listen. Little kids should be spoiled especially sweet girls like Kimberly. I want to give her everything, and I don’t know how, so I start with stuff like this as long as it works.

When Kimberly remembers she’s hungry, though, she can’t get to the kitchen fast enough. Haley, my chef, made my usual weekly meal array but added what I texted her to—chicken parmesan—something I know Kimberly likes. As usual, she entertains us with talk of school, no longer getting in trouble in class, and her next piano recital with the studio where she takes lessons. Charlotte has gone easier on the music thing, but I understand why since I found out about her dad.

Charlotte and I have only just gotten to know more about each other, and I’ve fallen for her more. But I don’t want to scare her away again by moving too fast. Back then, I always knew I was in love with her. I had never felt like that about any girl up until then, so I knew it.

Leaving was hard, but I thought it’d be best in the long run, afraid the game would change me. Since I now know how important she and Kimberly are, I never want to leave her again.

“Can I stay in my new room for a while? Please?” Kimberly helped clean up after dinner, and now we know why.

“Okay,” Charlotte relents. “Be careful.”

“What could I possibly do, Mommy?” She cackles and runs off.

Charlotte and I laugh at each other before we hear the patter of her feet return, and then she barrels right into me, hugging me around my legs up to my thigh where she reaches.

“Thank you, Daddy.”

I chuckle, patting her head before I lift her up. “You’re welcome.” I kiss her cheek and set her back down, so she can run off again.

“Hopefully, she doesn’t get lost,” Charlotte jokes.

I smile, pulling her to me by her waist as she giggles in response. “It’s not that big in here.” I kiss her forehead, her cheeks, then finally her lips. Taking it further without company, I press her into the counter as I deepen the kiss. My lips coax hers open and my tongue darts to taste the fruity wine on her tongue.

Her arms wrap around my shoulders hugging me close as I lift her onto the counter, spreading her knees to settle between her legs. Her hands press against my chest soon after to push me away.

“Lowell,” she warns, but I hear the want in her voice. It’s all around me too. Now that we’ve gone through everything, I want to have her over and over. I can’t get enough of her.

“Charlotte.” I smirk at her, the whites of her eyes bright.

She shakes her head at me as she smiles.

“You’re insane.”

“For you, maybe.” I exhale with all my inhibitions in it.

“I love you, Charlotte.” It kind of barrels out of me, but it’s not like I didn’t mean it.

Charlotte glazes over me with doubt before she sees how unwavering I am.

“I did back in college. I still love you now. I’m so in love with you.” I kiss her before she says anything else or questions me, more than before, somehow, pouring myself into her as I do.

The intensity overcomes me. I forget breathing and inhale her instead—all that comes with her—her strength, kindness, grace, and beauty. I love her so fucking much, and I can’t believe I ever left her.

But I know I will never leave her or let her go again.