Every Friday Cam and I met for dinner at our favorite place, the Chop House. It was within walking distance from Cam’s apartment, and I was already on my way there. It was our favorite spot to unwind at the end of the week. This was not only because of the great steaks and pork chops, but also because it had a unique way of sampling beers. Customers interested in tasting the selection of four local microbrews would purchase a wristband with a built-in sensor button. The beer selections were available from four spigots mounted in the wall near the bar area. Long, narrow wooden paddles were available to carry the samples, notched with four circles that held four short beer glasses. When the sensor button was waved in front of the spigot, the amount and price of that beer was recorded for your bill. The glasses were carried back to the table with the wooden paddle, and you could return for refills of whichever beer you decided was the tastiest.

My phone pinged a text message alert. I pulled it out of my purse and stopped dead in my tracks when I read the message. It was from Cam. It said not to come. He wasn’t at the Chop House, he was with Lisa and needed to talk to her alone. Two red flag words jumped out at me, Lisa and alone.

What the hell?

I furrowed my brow, staring at my phone right in the middle of the sidewalk. The people walking behind me had to make a sudden swerve to keep from running into me.

Lisa? Hadn’t t he told me they didn’t see each other anymore, and that it was over a long time ago? I started to get a sinking feeling in my stomach. So it’s the weekend and why is she here? And furthermore, why does Cam want to talk to her alone? Has he been stringing me along while still secretly meeting up with Lisa on weekends? I turned to head back in the direction I’d come from then stopped, throwing my weight to one hip. His text said to go back to the apartment and wait for him there.

Oh, hell no!

My gut told me, something was up. This was too suspicious and right on the heels of all that stuff his mother had told me about Lisa. I gnawed at my lip, lost in thought. For some reason, I had a suspicion that maybe he really was at the Chop House. I decided I’d go there. Maybe he wasn’t there, but I had to check for myself. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t.

My pulse picked up and I began to walk faster. This was too much like all the shit in my past with relationships. Men I couldn’t trust. I thought Cam was different.

As I got closer to the Chop House, I slowed my pace. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I saw him there with Lisa, but I wasn’t going to make this easy for him and go back to the apartment like he said. He had a shit load of explaining to do.

When I was in sight of the outdoor seating area, I pulled my hood up to cover my hair. If I saw Cam and Lisa, I wasn’t sure if I’d approach or just get the proof I needed that he was a lying jerk like all the others.

Once in range, it was easy to see that he wasn’t at any of the outdoor tables. The Chop House had a large glass window in the front of the building with booths and tables on the other side. I stepped up to the glass windows and took a peek, but didn’t see him at any of those tables, either. I knew this restaurant well. There was more seating inside that I couldn’t see from the window. I slipped inside the door. It was filled with the usual Friday night dinner crowd and the place was packed. A throng of people waited right inside the front door, and when I squeezed in I blended right into the crowd. Once I reached a point with a better view of the entire room, I could finally tell that Cam was not there. I pursed my lips and snorted out a breath.

Shit. He wasn’t here but my mind wasn't doing me any favors, bringing up images of Cam and Lisa somewhere else, alone, together.

There was one more seating area farther in, through a kind of a narrow seating section, past those beer spigots. The entire restaurant was housed in a long narrow space within an historic building, and the owner had used every square foot available to cram in as many tables as possible. There were people milling around the beer spigots filling their glasses, so it was difficult to see everyone sitting at all the tables in one glance. I knew I’d have to continue the entire way to the back section and take a look, before I’d be satisfied. If a couple wanted to be alone, together, that’s exactly where they’d sit.

I knitted my way through customers with wooden paddles of beer, and stopped just short of the entryway to the back seating area, camouflaging myself behind a fake potted palm. I felt stupid. Like I was in one of those silly old spy movies, but I didn’t know what else to do. My nerves were jangling and I wasn’t exactly thinking logically, thanks to all the emotions I had tied up in this relationship and my past bad relationship with Jade.

Why was a dead relationship influencing me so much? It seemed I was stumbling over the same old residual emotions and memories of abuse and betrayal. Why, after all the self-talk, and chats with girlfriends, couldn't I resolve that relationship and move on? I should be in the moment and trust Cam. Why didn’t I just do what he said in the text and go back to the apartment to wait for him? Cam was perfect, my hero. I couldn’t stand to think I was wrong about that. Had I made a mistake? Had I been fooled by his good looks and charming smile? It was like the download button had been activated and all the negative, self-deprecating thoughts came pouring out.

I took a breath and turned to peer between the fake green leaves.

Fuck!

There he was, having drinks with a woman, a very beautiful woman.

Fuck me, again.

It’s Lisa. It had to be, and she was prettier than I’d imagined. I’d pictured her being mousy, or at least average, but she looked like the perfect girl next door, shiny auburn hair, a heart-shaped face, perfectly bowed lips, and… I stopped looking before they saw me, turned so my back was against the wood paneled wall, hoping its strong support would keep my weak knees from buckling.

Jealousy stung first, then the hurt, and it felt like the world was falling out from under me. Cam’s mother was right. He had a girlfriend and she’s sitting right there, tossing her gorgeous hair and giggling at his every remark. It seemed I was intent on almost embarrassingly re-creating the same disappointing emotional pattern over again.

I peered through the leaves a second time in disbelief that this was really happening. I was startled when a waiter suddenly appeared at my elbow. “Can I help you with something? Would you like to be seated?”

I turned to him and stuttered, “I, um, there's nothing here for me.”

The waiter gave me a puzzled look.

“I mean, no thank you, I’m just leaving.”

He nodded and walked away. I took a deep breath and started to leave, but the devil inside made me take one last look at the table, and that’s when the knife in my heart twisted. Lisa had one delicate hand lying on the table. Then I saw Cam reach out across the table, head tilted slightly to the side, and in a romantic gesture he laid his hand over hers.

That was all I needed to see.

Maybe I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but that was more than a friendly gesture. It sure looked like he was gazing into her eyes when he put his hand on hers and drew it toward him.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I’m out of here.

My mind went spinning off in all directions. Cam wasn’t the guy I thought he was. Feelings of worthlessness sprung up inside along with the tears that were burning my eyes, as I turned to leave. But where could I go? I’d screwed up my entire life. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to be safe and feel wanted.

All I knew was I wanted to get the hell out of this place, before I completely broke down into a river of tears.