Breathing heavily and with his eyes closed, he leans his forehead against mine. I feel his wet hair tickling my skin and his cock still spurting his seed inside me. Suddenly, he opens his lids and I am staring into the star-burst of his eyes. This close, they are beautiful gems that have the ability to see right into my soul. I feel naked. All my secrets laid bare. Do you know about Luke, Jake? Do you know why I was willing to betray you?

He raises his head, gently pulls out of me, and unhooks my legs from his thighs and sets me back on my own two feet. Very shakily I lean against the wall and look up at him.

‘Are you purposely being succulent?’ he teases.

I shake my head. I can’t say anything. My throat has closed over. He leans forward and bites my mouth. I reach down and rub his glistening cock. He starts kissing me, no, not kissing, devouring me. It is rough and it is possessive. I rewrap my hands around his neck and the empty ache between my legs starts again. I want him back inside me. And I know exactly how to do it. I pull away from his mouth and drop to my knees.

With him I am a dirty girl. Nothing is taboo. All is allowed.

He rests his palms on the wall at shoulder level and throws his head back as I hold his semi-hard shaft by the base and swirl the tip of my tongue around the crown. Languorously, I lap up the shaft as if I am licking ice cream melting down a cone on a summer’s day. Then I suck it voraciously, as if it is a massive, muscular tongue. I swallow it halfway… Then I take it so deep into my throat, a growl smolders in his throat. The sound is so damn hot, it’s sinful. It shivers onto my skin, scattering goose bumps wherever it touches. God knows how long I suck him because my lips have become numb, but I do get him rock hard.

I slide him out of my mouth and look up at him, my lips parted.

He looks down at me with naked hunger. Mother of God! His eyes are almost lime! I want him. No, I need him. I stare back, my eyes speaking a language of their own. Cock. Dick. Hard. Delicious. Ready. You. Get inside me.

‘Fuck my mouth,’ I whisper, but it comes out harsh and throaty. I fit him back, hard and thick, between my lips. A hand slides into my hair. Clenches. Tugs. But this is not me submitting. This is me at full power. This is me entirely in control. Me deciding. Me being greedy. Because I already know exactly what he is going to do.

He is Mr. Generous. I never come away with nothing.

He begins to thrust. Softly first then harder and harder—enough to see me gag and choke. Then he comes out of me, and grabbing me by the waist, picks me up as if I weigh no more than a feather. He puts me face down over the armrest of the sofa. Shivering with anticipation, my ass in the air, I twist back to watch.

He opens my legs wide and looks at my bare ass and my sex, open and smeared with sex juices. Glossy, swollen, needy. For a second his eyes rise up to mine. What is in his eyes is pure, unadulterated possession. I get it immediately. My sex belongs to him. And only him. Woe betide any man who comes between him and me.

With a wild cry, he grabs my hips and plunges into me. He is branding me. With an answering cry, I push back into him. It is crude, it is primitive. It is what we both are. His skin slaps against mine as he fucks me so hard I feel the leather of the sofa chafe against my thighs.

With the solid heat of his body pressed against me I feel strangely safe. As if the outside world with all its problems and demands does not exist.

‘With you the burn never dissipates, even slightly,’ I whisper.

‘I’m glad,’ he mutters. ‘Because I wish I could tie you to my bed with your legs wide open so I could come and bury my tongue or my cock inside you any time I please.’

Considering how hard and intensely passionate we have been, it surprises me when I feel my cheeks burn.

He strokes me with the back of his finger. ‘What a strange little thing you are. Big-eyed innocence and—’

The word innocence pulls me out of my languor. And suddenly the air between us changes. I start to wriggle under him. He rises and pulls out of me. My sprawled position feels awkward and embarrassing. His seed is leaking out of me. I try to right myself, but he puts a restraining hand on the small of my back.

‘Don’t hide from me, Lil. Just relax,’ he says. There is husky control in his voice, and I cease all movement. He picks up the towel he discarded earlier and kneeling at the apex of my spread thighs tenderly wipes my swollen sex. After the rough fucking his touch is so gentle I am surprised.

‘I love your pussy. It is so beautiful,’ he murmurs and plants a kiss right on my core, making my stomach clench.

Then he opens my flesh wide and whispers something into my sex. Hazily, I hear my name, but I cannot make the rest of the sentence out.

He cannot not have feelings for me. It is impossible. He must care some. Nan is right. He cares. He must. I can’t even imagine the alternative. He pushes his tongue into me and gently licks me. As if he were a cat or dog cleaning its baby.

‘More,’ I whisper feverishly. ‘Fill me up, Jake. I am so empty without you.’

He pushes a thick finger into me. ‘You’re not empty, Lil. I’m here.’

He plays with me, never-ending circles, until I feel my back arching. ‘I think I’m coming. Can I come?’

‘Yes.’

The sensation is so intense, so wild, I try to pull away, but he tightens his hold and makes me submit. I climax with my slick clit inside his hot mouth.

He stands, closes my legs into some semblance of respectability and pulls me up. Our eyes meet. God! This man is so beautiful.

‘You look like you could do with a drink,’ he says, tying the towel around his hips.

I find my jeans and pull them on. He walks to the bar, pours us a glass of whiskey each. He passes me a glass and our fingers touch. A spark goes through me. I withdraw my hand, spilling whiskey. His eyes are dark, but I can tell by the set of his mouth that the sex is over. It is time to talk.

I pour the whiskey into my throat. It burns all the way down.

He raises his eyebrows, but says nothing. I notice that he doesn’t drink, but puts his glass down on the counter. He swivels his head.

‘You wanted to talk?’

‘Yeah.’

Suddenly I am nervous. What if it is only sex with him? What if Nan is wrong? I swallow hard. I open my mouth and his phone rings. He frowns. I have noticed that his phone almost never rings. The last time it rang it had been Dom telling him about the fire.

‘Can you wait one moment?’

I nod.

He moves toward it. Looks at the screen and immediately presses the answer button.

‘Yeah,’ he says and his voice is worried.

I can hear a woman’s voice. It sounds panicked and hysterical.

‘Calm down. Calm down,’ he says.

The voice becomes slightly subdued.

‘Yes, it’s true,’ he admits.

And the voice screams so loud he stares at the phone in disbelief. Then he looks at me and silently mouths, ‘It’s my mother.’

I nod solemnly. A family problem of some kind, obviously.

‘Look, Ma. I’ll come around tonight. Just please calm down. I’ll explain everything when I get there, OK?’

Even from where I am I can hear her ranting, not in the least comforted. At one point Jake has to hold the phone away from his ear.

‘What the hell are you on about? I’m perfectly fine.’ He runs his hand through his hair distractedly.

‘All right, I’ll be there in less than an hour,’ he concedes.

I hear another explosion of sound.

‘OK, OK, I’ll leave now. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.’

I hear quiet sobbing.

‘Ma, stop it. Ma?’

I hear another hysterical outpouring.

He sighs with frustration. ‘I’ll come right now, OK? Just wait for me.’

He terminates the call and looks at me. ‘She’s a bit distraught.’

‘What happened?’

‘Apparently, Andrea called and told her I married you.’ He raises an eyebrow. ‘Any idea how Andrea knew?’

‘Oops, sorry,’ I say, biting my bottom lip.

He grins at me. ‘It’s not like I wasn’t going to tell her anyway, but it does mean I have to go see her now. Will you wait for me here? We’ll talk when I come back.’

I nod.

‘Come upstairs and keep me company while I dress.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah.’

And I thought it was going to be difficult and awkward. It is not. I smile. God! I’m so in love with this man. ‘OK.’

I watch him pull on a pair of black jeans in silence, just drinking in the sight of him. He pulls a black T-shirt over his taut muscles.

‘Why does your mother hate me?’

He looks at me seriously and doesn’t try to gloss over the issue. ‘I don’t know. But I know she doesn’t know you the way I do and when she does she’ll absolutely love you…’ For a moment it seems as if the sentence is not complete, then he smiles and goes to the door. I follow him.

At the door he turns and kisses me.

‘You smell of sex and me,’ he whispers in my ear.

I rear back. ‘I’ll have a shower before you get back.’

‘Don’t you dare. I love it.’ A smile tilts his mouth and warmth kindles in my belly. He goes down the steps, turns back and starts walking backwards mouthing, ‘Be back soon. Don’t go anywhere.’

He blows a kiss and I shyly return it. Maybe, it’s going to be all right.

I watch him get into his car and drive off. Then I close the door and lean against it. The house is large and deathly quiet around me. I shut my eyes and hold to the fierce joy that burns in my chest. I think of the way his gaze had followed my tongue as it licked my lower lip. I remember the heat and I recall the tenderness between us, almost surreal. And I cover my mouth to hide the smile of pure happiness.

And what do the gods do?

They make my phone ring. I look at it and for a few rings I do nothing. Just stare at the number. I knew I shouldn’t have called Robin. Then I press Answer and put it to my ear.

A woman says cheerily, ‘Hey, Lily. It’s Amber.’

‘Hey, Amber,’ I say automatically. Amber is the way that Robin makes contact with me.

‘How are you?’

‘Fine.’ I clear my throat. ‘I’m fine.’

‘We should meet. Go out for coffee or something.’

‘OK. Where do you want to go?’

‘How about Starbucks? You like the green tea thingamajig there, don’t you?’

‘Yes, I love it. Let’s meet there. When?’

‘How about now?’

‘Now?’

‘Yes, I have so much to tell you.’

‘Right. I’ll be there in the next twenty minutes.’

‘Oh, good. Can’t wait to see you again.’

‘Same here,’ I reply.

‘Bye,’ she says in a high, bright voice.

‘Bye,’ I say in a low, sad voice.

You take your aim. You fire. And shoot me down. Fuck you, Fate.

My legs feel like lead. I go into Jake’s office. I have only been here once. I know the drawers are all locked and the desk is always stunningly bare. I take a piece of paper from the printer.

I take the quill from the ink stand. Just like him to have a fucking quill instead of a ballpoint pen. I feel the tears pricking at my eyes. No, I will not cry. There is a way out. I know it. I am unlucky but he is lucky and he will get what he wants. And he wants me. I know that. Well, I think I know that. Maybe he doesn’t love me. But he wants me. I can tell. With every action he shows me. And Jake always gets what he wants.

I write my note. It is short and to the point.

Jake,

I have to go out for a bit. I’ll see you when I get back, OK? x

Should I add another kiss? One seems so informal. A jeering voice says, WTF! So I add three more kisses.

And then I leave my sanctuary.