CHAPTER THREE
Sean
“Lock up when you’re done, Sean,” my boss said as he waved goodbye. “See you tomorrow.”
“Night,” I said.
The back door closed with a boom, and I was alone. I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the counter. Everything in the shop was closed for the night. I locked up the equipment and closed out my accounts, but I wasn’t quite ready to leave. Going home would mean sitting alone in my living room and watching television while eating a microwave dinner for one. I was in no hurry.
Instead, I used the office computer to log into my bank account. I wanted to see how much money I had. Maybe I could send Claire a little extra for Paisley. Three fifty would cover the camps, but maybe Claire could buy her some extra art supplies.
When I saw my account balance, I knew I was dreaming. It would be a stretch to send the last hundred and fifty to Claire. There was no way I’d be able to swing more until the following month. I sighed and logged off the computer. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I’d spent Paisley’s entire life failing her, why should anything be different now?
As I sat there, I remembered my conversation with Claire earlier in the day. Her offer seemed genuine, but I didn’t trust her. Claire’s history of lying and cheating made me hesitant. She wanted me in Paisley’s life today, but what if that changed tomorrow? What if I let myself hope and then Claire took that hope away from me again?
For years, I wanted nothing more than to see my daughter. I thought of Paisley every single day. I wondered what kind of person she was becoming. Except for a few pictures twice a year, I didn’t know anything about her. Claire kept Paisley safely tucked away, far removed from me. As much as I hated her for it, part of me was grateful. If Paisley never knew me, I could never truly disappoint her.
Still, the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to take Claire up on her offer. Getting to know Paisley would have been a dream come true. Maybe, after all these years, we could have a real father-daughter relationship. I smiled at the thought, but it quickly faded from my lips. There was a reason I didn’t fight Claire over Paisley. Paisley deserved the world and I couldn’t give it to her. She deserved a good life and, so far, Claire had provided exactly that. I didn’t know if I could do the same.
My mind was still racing when I heard the front door ding. I jerked my head up with a frown. We’d been closed for an hour. Who was coming inside?
“I’m sorry, we’re closed!” I called from the back. I poked my head around the corner and saw a man wearing a suit step further inside. Rolling my eyes, I stood up and walked out front.
“Are you Mr. Yates?” the man asked. “Sean Yates?”
“I am,” I said suspiciously. “But like I said, we’re closed for the night. You’ll have to come back tomorrow.”
“Mr. Yates,” the man said. “I’m not looking for a mechanic. I’m sorry, but I have some bad news.”
The world around me seemed to shrink at his words. A million possibilities flew through my mind. My father died. My brother was in the hospital. The FBI was investigating the shop, and I was being arrested.
“A few hours ago,” the man continued. “Your ex-wife, Claire Holland, was in a car accident. She was pronounced dead on scene.”
Of all the horrific possibilities flooding my mind, that was the last thing I expected. I blinked. My heart was racing. My breathing slowed. I shook my head slowly, not wanting to believe what the man was saying. Immediately, I pictured Paisley’s face.
“Paisley,” I said weakly. “My daughter. What’s going to happen to her now?”
“That’s why I’m here, Mr. Yates,” he said. “Paisley Holland is at the police station downtown. We had an officer pick her up from summer camp and a CPS agent informed her of her mother’s death. The same agent is with her now.”
“CPS?” I asked. My mind was blank.
“Child Protective Services,” he explained simply.
“I know,” I said impatiently. “What happens next? Does she go to Claire’s parents or...”
“Mr. Yates,” the man said slowly. “I thought you were aware of the situation. Your ex-wife has no surviving family other than Paisley. Her parents died years ago, and she was an only child.”
“I never met her parents,” I said with a shake of my head. “She didn’t keep in touch with them when we were married.”
“By law, custody of Paisley transferred to you upon Claire’s death,” the man said. He looked at me like I was going to combust at any moment. “Now, if you’re unprepared or unwilling to accept that responsibility, we’ll assign her to a foster home, and she’ll become a ward of the state. It’s up to you.”
His words felt like ice being poured in my ears. My entire body went cold as I thought of my baby girl being taken to a stranger. I remembered the way she looked as a baby. Small and pure. I was terrified to hold her because I thought she might break. Even then, I knew she was special. Part of why I agreed to stay away was because I didn’t want to rob her of her innocence. I didn’t want her to inherit my bad luck.
“No,” I said suddenly. I shook my head firmly. “She’s my daughter. I’ll take her. I want her.”
“Good,” the man smiled for the first time since he’d arrived. “Come with me, then. I’ll take you to her. You’ll need your I.D. so we can fill out the necessary paperwork.”
“Okay,” I nodded.
***
At the police station, I climbed off my bike and walked over to the man’s car. He climbed out and motioned for me to follow him inside.
“I don’t know your name,” I realized, speaking out loud.
“I’m Tony Hudson,” he said.
“Nice to meet you,” I said awkwardly. Every inch of my body was shaking with nerves. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this way before. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. It was like I was living inside of someone else’s body, someone else’s life.
“Relax, Mr. Yates,” Tony said kindly. “She’s your daughter. She’s just going to be happy to see a familiar face amid all this.”
“I’m not familiar to her,” I explained. “She doesn’t even know me.”
“She will.”
Tony’s words, more than anything, calmed me just enough that the shaking stopped. I followed him inside the police station and down two hallways. We turned to the right and there she was. She was sitting with her back to the far wall. Her eyes were focused on her feet and her dark hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She was wearing an overly large t-shirt and shorts that covered a bathing suit. She must have been at swim camp when they picked her up.
“Go ahead,” Tony said. He nodded toward Paisley. I moved without thinking.
When I approached her, she looked up quickly and stared at me with wide eyes. I couldn’t tell if she recognized me or not.
“Paisley?” I asked, even though I knew it was her.
“Yes,” she answered simply. I expected her voice to be hoarse from crying, but she sounded fine. Just like a normal little girl.
“My name is Sean Yates,” I said slowly. “I’m your—”
“You’re my dad,” she interrupted. “I know. I’ve seen pictures.”
“Oh,” I said. I fell silent, trying to think of something else to say. My mouth was dry and my tongue felt heavy. I wanted to say something, anything that might make her feel better. There was nothing.
“Is my mom really dead?” she asked bluntly. I sat down beside her and exhaled loudly. I tried to answer her, but the only thing I could do was nod. She nodded back and said, “Yeah.”
I waited for her to cry. I expected to see her slump in her chair and succumb to sobs, but she didn’t. She simply sat there and stared off into the distance. I watched her closely, waiting for any sign that she might need comfort. She never gave any. In that moment, she reminded me so much of myself. She was quiet. Stoic. Strong. Everything I was, and everything I wished I wasn’t.
“So,” she said. “I guess that means we’re stuck together now.”
I nodded again and she sighed deeply. She folded her hands together and turned to face me head on. I started into her eyes and it was like looking in a mirror. They were the exact same shade of blue as mine. I wanted to reach over and wrap my arm around her shoulder, but I told myself to wait. She didn’t even know me yet.
“When can we leave?” she asked. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”
“I’ll go sign the papers and then we can go.”
I hurried over to Tony and dealt with the formalities. By the time we were finished, it was late, and I knew Paisley needed to get some rest.
“When can we get inside the house?” I asked Tony. “Claire’s house, I mean. Paisley will need clothes and…”
“We took her home to pack a bag,” Tony explained. “Everything else will be handled quickly. We’ll be in touch.”
“Okay.” I nodded and turned back to Paisley. She grabbed a duffle bag from underneath her chair and walked over to me.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
She followed me out to the parking lot. I led the way to my bike and held my hand out for her bag. I flung the strap over my head so it sat across my body. Pulling out my helmet, I placed it on my head before grabbing my spare and handing it to Paisley. When I turned back to her, I saw that she was staring at the motorcycle with her mouth hanging open.
“You drive a motorcycle?” she asked softly.
“Is that bad?” I asked quickly. “If you don’t want to ride on it, we can ask one of the officers to drive us. I’ll just get the bike later.”
“Are you kidding?” Paisley said. “This is awesome.”
I smiled and threw my legs over the bike. I held my hand out to her and helped pull her on behind me.
“Is your helmet tight?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“Okay, hold on to me,” I ordered. “Tightly. And do not let go.”
“Okay.” I felt her little arms wrap around my waist. I turned on the bike and kicked it into gear. Paisley’s arms tightened as we pulled out of the parking lot.
I drove ten miles under the speed limit the whole way to my place. My heart raced with fear as I turned every corner. I knew after about five minutes that I would need to invest in a used car. Paisley didn’t need to be on the back of my bike any more often than she had to be.
When we pulled into my driveway, I turned the bike off and helped Paisley to the ground. We walked in silence to the front door. I unlocked it and walked inside with Paisley right behind me. Immediately, I wished I’d cleaned up that morning. The place wasn’t a wreck, but I wasn’t proud of it, either.
“This way,” I said.
I showed Paisley to the spare bedroom. She walked inside and looked around. I laid her bag down on the bed.
“The bathroom is just down the hall,” I told her. “And my room is across the living room. If you need anything, just come get me. Did you pack a toothbrush?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” I said. “Well, it’s late so…”
Paisley climbed on the bed and rolled over to the face the wall. I stayed in the room for another minute, trying to think of something to say. “I’m sorry” felt fake and “Everything will be okay” just felt like a lie. Instead, I decided to say nothing. I left the room and pulled the door closed behind me.
That night, I didn’t know how I was going to be a dad. I didn’t know the first thing about raising an eight-year-old girl, let alone one who just lost her mother. All I knew was that I had to try. No matter what.