CHAPTER TEN
KP
The drive home from Connecticut was long and lonely. Somehow, having Caitlin meet Wenton made me feel sad when I should have been feeling joy. It went well, and Caitlyn saw in my brother all that I did. As an artist, I knew she would capture his true spirit and that her portrait of Wenton would express the real him, inside and out. That wasn’t the problem. What plagued me was Caitlyn herself.
The more time I spent with this beautiful creature, the more I wanted to be with her. My insatiable desire to experience her body certainly wasn’t going away, but on top of it now was the need to share my life with her. I wanted to show her so many of the things I loved to do. I wanted to see her reactions to them and relive them through her eyes. I also wanted to try things I’d never allowed myself the opportunity to enjoy, like those crazy beach vacations I’d wanted as a kid or even a camping trip.
The closer I got to her, the more afraid of her judgment of my more obvious faults I became. I couldn’t fully subdue my lust. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help but become aroused when I was with her. I kept it hidden well, but the need taunted me.
I went home to my lonely penthouse and watched the New York skyline, but even such a huge city seemed empty and barren. To distract myself, I booted up my laptop but just stared at the hundreds of emails filling the screen. Some were urgent, shoving me back into the life I’d ignored all day.
There was only one message on my phone that I felt was important enough to answer, so even though it was late, I returned the call.
Wenton answered on the first ring. “Yay, you called me back!”
“What are you doing up so late? You need to be in bed,” I chided.
“Naw, nurse checked in an hour ago, and I pretended to be asleep.”
He sounded okay, but I worried just the same. “What’s up, buddy?”
“I forgot to give you this week’s hunt.” His voice was serious as usual.
Shit. “Wow, I completely forgot too. Okay, hit me with it.”
Usually his scavenger hunt requests were fun and something I actually looked forward to doing. Most were easy to accomplish, and they often took me places I never would have gone without his quests. Some were harder to manage and took more than a week to accomplish, but this was all part of Wenton’s master plan.
“It’s gonna be a really hard one this time. I don’t know if you’ll be able to do it.”
“Alright. Hit me with it. I’m ready.”
“I want you to fall in love.”
Boom, blood roared in my ears.
If he’d grabbed my heart and ripped it right out of my chest, it wouldn’t have hurt more than what I needed to say next. “Sorry, buddy, I can’t do that.” I’d never told him no.
He sighed. “It’s time, KP.”
“No, it’s not,” I said, trying and failing to tease him. “I have a hundred more years before I have to think about settling down.”
“You’re not allowed to refuse a quest, remember?” He didn’t sound angry. He sounded sad. “And you might have a hundred years, but I don’t. Come on now, don’t disappoint me.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck, not now. He’s okay, I told myself. He’s fine. I’d pretended I didn’t even notice the graying tone of his skin or deep, dark circles around his eyes, which were starting to sag. His eyes had always been a little droopy and puffy — part of Williams Syndrome — but lately, those eyes were tired, world worn, and ebbing toward closure.
I wouldn’t say my brother was dying, but he was. Deep down in my heart, I knew.
He wasn’t supposed to live past the age of three, then ten, then fifteen. and he was twenty-nine. The doctors’ reports showed various ailments, all of which they were attending, but his liver and his heart were slowly failing. Bearing a transplant, they would both give out eventually. Transplants weren’t really an option for Wenton; they were too risky.
I needed to shut this shit down, bring the lightness back. “Oh, shut up, drama king, you’re fine.”
“You’re still gonna have to fall in love. That’s the next one.”
“Wenton, how do I take a picture of that?” I was desperately trying to guide him toward seeing the ridiculousness of this hunt.
“You have to send me a picture of flowers you buy her, carve her name in a tree, take her on a picnic. When she looks at you the way they do in the movies, take a picture.” He chuckled. “And the last thing you have to do is kiss her. Don’t worry, I’ll email you a list of these things.”
My heart was beating hard. “You’re impossible. How about I get you the director’s cut of ‘Till Death Us Do Part,’ you’ll love it. The director’s cut is this sappy, horror love story. It won’t be in the theaters.”
“Cool, send it over, but the task remains. Duhhh duhh duhhh duhhhh,” he warned in a menacing tone with his own brand of darkness.
I laughed, knowing I had to figure out a way to make him happy. “Oh my god, you’re impossible.”
“Yep, see you this weekend,” he laughed.
“Go to bed,” I said, pretending to be stern.
After we said goodnight, I poured myself a Scotch, turned on some mindless reality TV, and fell asleep on the couch.
The rest of the week was pretty monotonous and Saturday seemed to take forever to come. When it finally arrived, I woke up early, excited to see Caitlyn again.
I pulled up to her house to see a small elderly woman sitting in a chair on the front porch, Caitlyn next to her. As soon as the driver stopped, the woman I assumed was Caitlyn’s grandmother pulled out a huge pair of binoculars and seemed to be looking right into my soul. Caitlyn laughed and took them from her, saying something I couldn’t hear. From their body language and smiles, it was clear they loved each other and got along well.
I tried to not let that make me feel uncomfortable, but it did. A woman joined them on the porch with a wheelchair and Caitlyn grabbed her bag before kissing her grandma goodbye. The woman raised an ancient-looking hand and waved. I waved back as I was exiting the car to open the door for Caitlyn.
She looked as beautiful as ever, but this time wearing a sundress and a happy expression. I didn’t remember ever seeing a carefree look on her face before, it really brightened up everything around us.
“That was your grandma, right?” I asked as we slid into the back seat of the car.
“Yeah, she was feeling well enough to get a little sunshine today.”
I laughed. “And well enough to do a little espionage too.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Sorry for the surveillance gear, but it’s official, you’re “hotter than a chuckwalla in the sun.”
I had no idea if that was good or not. “A chuckawhat?”
If it was possible, Caitlyn brightened even more. “It’s a Southwestern desert lizard. Gran likes horror movies and the odd Western.”
“She sounds like quite a character.”
“Oh, you have no idea.”
“Is she feeling better?” I asked, genuinely concerned.
She sighed, the brightness fading a little. “She is today.”
“That’s good.” After seeing her grandmother and the fragile condition she seemed to be in, I understood what Caitlyn must have been up against.
Death, life, illness, it was all-consuming. I knew how much the threat of death colored one’s life. Good days were a miracle.
“Do you want to stay with her? Wenton would understand. We can reschedule if you’d like.” I didn’t want her to say yes, but I need to ask.
“It’s fine. She actually booted me out. We ate a whole cheesecake yesterday and watched seven and a half hours of eighties horror flicks. I wiped her out. She just wants to chill on the porch today.”
“If you’re sure, then Wenton says he has something planned for us when we get there, so consider yourself warned.” I gave her a foreboding look that was genuine because Wenton could really pull out the stops if he wanted.
Since love was on his agenda, any amount of awkwardness was possible.
“I’m cool with whatever Wenton brings on. I can take the heat.” She eyed the radio. “Also… since I’m a millionaire-ish now,” she gave me a sassy look, “I have a new iPhone. It’s my turn to crank up the tunes, but I don’t know how to work it.”
I took it. “Nice, but it’s a six, didn’t you want the latest?” I didn’t really mean to question her choice in phones, but if you had the money, get the best.
“No, six is good for me. It was on sale, but I’m pathetic, I can barely turn it on.” She bobbed her eyebrows. “I have tunes though.”
Her eyes were wide and beautiful, like a child with a new bike.
“Alright Miss I-got-tunes, let’s see what you’ve got.” I was glad I wasn’t driving this time, so I could kick back and enjoy just being with her.
After connecting her phone to my system, we listened to her playlist, which was quite eclectic. There were some old favorites, some new stuff, and a lot of alternative rock. It was fun exploring the music she’d collected. It was like listening to the soundtrack of her brain. I learned about some new artists, heard some incredible covers of classic songs, and elevated my cool quotient by at least six notches.
I was exposed to music through our productions as we’re often trying to secure rights to songs for our movies, but she was able to find a few gems that were new. When we arrived at Wenton’s, we were both feeling rather musically inclined. That was good because as soon as we met him we discovered what his surprise for us was.
He had set up a very elaborate Karaoke stage in the multipurpose room of the main building. The stage had a big screen, Karaoke music machine, and three microphones. There was beer, snacks, juice, fruit, drums, maracas, and costumes with all the accessories you’d want to dress up as just about anything you chose with authenticity, including hair in every color of the rainbow. I hadn’t purchased these items for Wenton, so I looked at him curiously.
“You discovered Amazon, I see.”
Wenton beamed. “It’s amazing.”
He wasn’t usually interested in online shopping because either I gave him what he needed or he swapped with friends. While shopping was a great fascination for him, he usually just web-surfed shopping sites but never bought anything. He had a credit card in his name for emergencies, but he had to get the staff’s approval to use it.
“How did you convince the nurses to let you buy this stuff?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “It’s an emergency.”
“Karaoke is an emergency?” I was completely bewildered.
He batted his eyes. “I thought it would help you with your task.”
Then I got it. He wanted Caitlyn and me to fall in love, so he was helping. I loved this insane guy with all my heart. People with Williams Syndrome loved music, and Wenton was no exception. Today would be interesting. When Wenton got near a microphone, there was no stopping him, not for hours. We were in for a long day.
I clapped my hands together, actually feeling a little excited. “Okay, fire this thing up.”
“This is so amazing,” Caitlyn breathed.
“I put in the first few, so I get to start,” Wenton said, almost hopping out of his skin.
I smirked and hooked an arm around his neck. “Of course you did.”
Wenton proceeded to sing quite beautifully to some great ballads. He loved sappy songs, but this was overboard. It was like he was serenading us. Even Caitlyn finally caught on and started to laugh. Everything he sang was some goofy love song about two people getting together. It was madness. When he crooned Elvis’s “Can’t Stop Falling In Love,” Caitlyn and I had endured as much as we could bear. I needed to stop Wenton’s little concert before it made her too uncomfortable and scared her away.
Wanting to put the brakes on this very obvious matchmaking attempt, I brought my own brand of crazy to the table. “Hey, Wenton, how do you work this thing? I think we should get a chance to sing too.”
“Right, right.” He walked over to the console and showed me the ropes, and I found a few rousing hits that we could all sing and dance to. I also cracked open a beer, because if I was going to do this — which was far outside of my comfort zone — I needed to be inebriated or at least a little lit. I asked Caitlyn to look over the songs and she picked a few, looking like she was having fun. Then I did something I swore I’d never do… sang my fool ass off.
Off-key and tone-deaf, I still belted them out. I appeared to be massively hilarious as Wenton and Caitlyn were nearly crying with laughter. I didn’t care. This was fun. And I realized I’d do just about anything to see her smile.
When it was Caitlyn’s turn for the stage, she quickly ducked into the dress-up pile and came out wearing a purple wig and Superman cape. She looked fantastic as she belted out an Adele classic. She, unlike me, had an incredible voice, and it felt like I was watching a private show with a rock star. Was there anything this woman wasn’t capable of?
She and Wenton did a few duets, and I picked a couple of rock ‘n’ roll classics to lower the bar because there was far too much talent in this room. After I’d massacred a few more songs, we all got on stage and sang. Even I dove into the dress-up pile a few times, and we spent hours having the best time of my life.
Score one for Wenton.
By the time we were done, and he was showing signs of fatigue, Caitlyn and I had genuinely and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. And through the fun, something else was happening too. Something powerful I hadn’t expected so soon, if at all. There was a new softness in the way she looked at me. There was no denying it. Something was there, something was happening.
I was genuinely happy. My little brother was basking in his glory, something that had been intentionally denied him for most of his life. And Caitlyn, my elusive Prince Slayer, was smiling radiantly. Even the Oscar win hadn’t produced this warm, fuzzy, magical feeling. That win was hard, visceral excitement. Heart pounding stuff. But this, this melted me… infused me with something beyond comprehension.
Wenton was still basking in the afterglow of his great performance, but I could tell he was overly tired.
“Do you want to save the painting for another day?” I asked him.
He snorted. “Nah, I’m fine. Stop being a bigger brother.”
While he was still very much in the mood to have his picture painted, and Caitlyn seemed eager to get to work, I sat and answered some emails on my phone. I kept an eye on Wenton though; there was something off about him. I feared he’d overexerted himself more than I thought.
While the two of them created a special kind of magic for a couple of hours and the painting was slowly transforming into a masterpiece, it soon became evident that Wenton couldn’t handle anymore. He looked pale and unwell.
“How about a break,” I suggested. “You guys have been at it a long time.”
Caitlyn caught on, worry in her eyes. “Do you mind, Wenton? I’m getting pretty tired. We can come again and do this next week.”
Wenton seemed sad to be ending the day, but he just didn’t have the strength to object too much. “Okay.”
I laid a hand on his shoulder. “Do you think I should call the doctor?”
He brushed me off, but I felt I needed a second pair of eyes so I texted the on-call doctor, who came to Wenton’s cottage within minutes. Dr. Wells saw what I did and transitioned him from his painting activity to his bedroom.
“Alright, friends, it’s time for Wenton to get some rest. Next week, we have the annual family picnic, so you’re all welcome to come back and join us,” Dr. Wells said as he ushered us out of the room.
“Bye, Wenton,” Caitlyn called out.
“Love you, buddy,” I added.
The doctor escorted us to the front office while a nurse arrived to attend to my brother. As we walked, he updated us on Wenton’s condition.
“I asked my secretary to set a meeting up with you just this afternoon, so please accept my apologies if you have a message from my office tomorrow. If you can, I’d like to speak with you about my concerns now.”
My heart thumped hard before falling into the knot of nerves in my stomach. “Now is good.”
He nodded. “His latest battery of tests pointed to a rapid deterioration in his arteries, leading to diminished heart function. I know you love your brother and have always been great at encouraging his progress, but I must ask you to slow it down. I’d also like to admit him to the main hospital for further testing, and possibly long term.”
Wenton’s doctors were paid well and had known him most of his life. Every one of them was like family to us.
“But that would kill him. He loves his house,” I protested as Caitlyn walked along with us silently.
“I know he does. We can have someone move down to the cottage with him, but it really isn’t a great space for that. I believe he will soon be wheelchair bound, and the hills and walkways around the cottage aren’t well suited for that kind of device. The main hospital is better equipped to suit his needs.”
“We aren’t there yet, are we? This is just a precaution, right?” The shock of this news seemed to have stopped my brain from functioning correctly.
“We may not be there yet, but for the moment, he needs some better resources and more hands-on care. His body needs to rest.” Dr. Wells seemed very serious and emphatic.
“I think moving him will kill him,” I confessed.
“I’m pretty sure not moving him will speed up the deterioration.” Dr. Wells stopped and waited for me to look at him. “Mr. Preston, he won’t live forever. He needs twenty-four-hour care.”
“But putting him in a stark hospital with noises, intrusions, and none of his stuff? How is that better?” I was trying not to lose my temper in front of Caitlyn, but I felt heated and enraged.
This was my brother he was talking so casually about. He wasn’t spoiled milk that was about to expire. He was my life, the only family I was close to. Not just some patient who was dying.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry, I can’t agree to the move, not right now.”
I needed to live in denial for a while longer, I couldn’t handle anything else at the moment.
Dr. Wells sighed. “I’ll have my assistant email some information over to you. If you need additional time to consider this, that’s fine. Technically, Wenton is still in charge of his own care, with your approval, so we’ll be discussing this move with him.” The last part felt like a threat.
I gritted my teeth. “I prefer that you don’t speak with him.”
“I wish I didn’t have to,” was his only response.
Dr. Wells excused himself and walked up the hill as Caitlyn and I made our way to the car. We were silent for a moment as I let the information the doctor shared with me sink in.
“I’m sorry,” Caitlyn said, stroking my arm.
I placed my hand on hers, needing her warmth. “I’m sorry you had to hear all of that.”
She seemed to understand and linked our fingers together as we finished the journey to the car.
“I understand how this feels,” she said, looking up at me with profound sadness in her eyes. “I fight with doctors all the time these days,” she smiled lovingly.
I wasn’t ready to leave Caitlyn, nor did I want to make the long, lonely drive home. “Are you hungry for dinner? We had our karaoke buffet quite a while ago.”
More than anything, I wanted her to stay with me. I needed someone to talk to. I wanted to stay close to her, and I certainly didn’t want to go another week without seeing her again.
She bit her bottom lip. “Let me just call in and check on Gran.”
Right, she had family obligations, of course. Sometimes I was so selfish.
“It’s okay if you want to make it for another time.”
She squeezed my hand before pulling out her phone. “Hi Athena. It’s Caitlyn. I’m just checking in on how Gran is doing?”
I watched Caitlyn’s face as she received the answer. It was grave and sullen, but she wasn’t in tears.
“Okay. If she’s sleeping now, is it possible that I can be out for a few more hours? Would she be lucid enough to call me if something happened?” She bit her bottom lip again as she listened. “No worries. I have someone I can call. Thank you so much, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
With a sigh, she disconnected the call.
“I’ll just take you—”
She shook her head. “It’s okay. I can stay. Gran is okay. She’s been asleep most of the day. The only real concern is if she wakes up and needs to go to the bathroom.” Another beautiful smile lit up her face. “She’s such a character. She refuses a catheter. She swears she’d rather be dead than use one. She’s already pulled out two.”
“We could order delivery,” I suggested.
She pushed her hair back from her face, seeming to consider my offer. “I never get to leave the house. I just go to the center and stay with Gran. I really could use the break.” She peeked up at me through her lashes. “She told me she didn’t want me coming home until tomorrow.”
“She’s a smart woman.” I couldn’t believe I let myself say that. “I mean, if you weren’t you… I mean… if you wanted to stay over… the night… ah fuck.” I gave up.
She shook her head, a grin playing on her lips. “And then, there’s that,” she said as she dialed her phone again and spoke to someone named Tammy. She glanced over at me. “I have a favor though. I hate to ask, but um… I’d like to go to dinner with a friend.” She listened and her eyes grew wide. “What? Yeah, it’s him.” She planted a hand over her face, and I would have given just about anything to have heard what her friend was saying. “No! It’s just dinner. Seriously.” I chuckled and Caitlyn shot me an embarrassed glance. “Anyway, could you watch Gran just for a couple of hours? She’ll probably sleep through…” She sighed. “Yep. Just gonna eat. Love you too.”
I laughed. “My reputation proceeds me, I assume.”
She stuffed her phone in her bag. “Well, you don’t give a girl a million bucks without a few repercussions. Anyway, we’re good, she’s gonna Gran-sit for a few hours. Where do you want to go?” She seemed very excited and genuinely happy to go to dinner with me.
“How about Dockside Seafood and Grill?” I asked, thinking a moonlit night on the water would be sexy. I might have been temporarily neutered, but I was still me.
She beamed and placed her hand on my arm. “I love that place.”
Fifteen minutes later, we were seated at a nice table right by the water. It was peaceful and calm with the full moon shining on the surface. It was actually painfully romantic. The irony wasn’t lost on us when the hostess put us at a cozy table for two, secluded from the other patrons. Caitlin looked over the menu and ordered lobster, while I decided on steak. We shared a bottle of wine and drank in the view. Neither of us seemed to be in a hurry to make idol conversation, so we just enjoyed the moment, the view, and the company.
“Thank you. My friends Rick and Tammy and I do a lot of barbequing at home, this is a really nice change of scenery.” She looked over at me, the candlelight casting a radiant light on her beautiful face.
I was feeling that insatiable tickle in my belly, and my overconfident cock started to swell. I took a deep breath and tried to steer our boat in a more comical direction, otherwise I would be propositioning the little Prince Slayer all night.
“I’ve heard a rumor that this place serves much better food than that dive off of I-95,” I said, giving her a side eye.
She threw her cloth napkin at me.
I shot her a fake surprised look. “So violent.”
She stuck her nose in the air. “The service isn’t as good.”
“On the contrary, the waitresses might actually serve their customers, rather than walk out on them,” I teased.
The nose went higher. Her fake snooty look was adorable. “Well, if the customer wasn’t such an ass—”
“And if the waitress didn’t have such a nice one,” I added, taking it a step too far.
She lifted a brow high on her forehead. “The former waitress turned almost millionaire wouldn’t have to be such a prudish Ninja… no, sex warrior, if the customer just acted like a decent human being.”
If there had been a mic available, it would have been dropped. We laughed.
I raised my hands in surrender. “I know I’m ridiculous.”
She did the same. “I’m guilty too.”
We drew a splash of unwanted attention from patrons at nearby tables, and I’m sure we looked very weird, but it was all in good fun.
The waitress brought a captain’s tray full of seafood samplers as an appetizer.
“This looked good. I hope you like to eat.”
She had a perfect figure, but she was a busy woman. I hoped she wasn’t overconscious about her weight as most of the people in my industry were.
“Oh, I can eat,” she assured me. “I hate the gym, I like to hike and bike, so I get my exercise, but I know when to salad and when not to, and this looks good,” she said as she dove for a piece of Cajun shrimp.
I grabbed one too. “Thank god. So many of the women I work with just eat air.”
“All things in moderation.”
A smudge of grease coated her lips, and my cock pulsed at the sight. My sex starved mind envisioned the glistening on her lips as a nasty breech of table manners as she dove under the table and used that well-lubricated mouth to ease my suffering cock. Too soon, her napkin had wiped away the gloss I so desperately wanted to lick off her.
When I took a deep breath, she noticed. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I lied.
She frowned. “Can we get real for a moment, or is it too awkward?”
I braced myself. “Let’s get real, just don’t eviscerate me. I don’t think I can take it tonight.”
“I won’t,” she said kindly.
I looked deeply into her eyes. “Hit me with it,”
She inhaled through her mouth and exhaled just as slowly. “Just because I don’t want to fuck you, doesn’t mean I don’t like you or that I’m not sexually attracted to you.” She twisted her napkins between her fingers. “Actually, I’m really struggling right now because I think I do like you, a lot, and I’d…” She shook her head. “There’s a part of me that just can’t. I’m not afraid of sex, I’ve had a boyfriend, but I just… it has to be love.”
She was tender and real, my heart threatened to explode in my chest. There was something else there too. Jealousy. The emotion hit me like a brick.
“What happened to your ex?” I probably shouldn’t have asked, but I seemed to be doing many things I shouldn’t lately.
“He… well, he wanted to travel the world and get lost in it. I never wanted to get lost. I always felt like I was clinging to safety, you know, so the idea of free falling was unimaginable. After we graduated college, he got a job teaching English in China. He’s still there. Lives in Guangzhou and has two kids with his Chinese wife.” She seemed sad, but relatively resolved about the issue.
“Did you love him?”
“I thought I did, but I guess I didn’t love him enough.” She curled the cloth napkin in her fingers, and I could tell there was more she wasn’t telling me.
“Why not travel?”
She lifted a shoulder. “It wasn’t the traveling. I think I really do want to see the world, but my grandma means a lot to me. I never wanted to leave her out. I thought it was selfish to just pick up and leave her alone.”
She might’ve rejected it, but I laid a comforting hand on her. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”
She stared at me, a sense of conviction and honesty in her eyes. “Where’s my mom and dad?”
“Yes, if you don’t mind sharing.” I traced the outline of her fingers with the tips of mine. “I’m also curious to know what you’re so afraid of? I mean, with sex and men and your average roll in the hay?”
Damn. Yet another thing that didn’t come out right. I was articulate in the boardroom. I could hold my own in any conversation. But when I was within arm’s reach of the auburn-haired beauty, my brain turned to mush and took my tongue with it.
She took a deep breath and a healthy gulp of wine. She was also given a moment’s reprieve because the waitress came with our meal. Before she attempted to eat the lobster, she rolled her head to release the tension from her neck, then studied the tablecloth for a moment. This was big shit. I took a deep breath too and prepared myself.
“When I was five years old, my dad told me we were going on a trip. I asked if I could bring my doll with me, and he said, ‘Sure, bring Grace along.’ He seemed really friendly when he mentioned the trip, and I was excited about going. I was little so getting in the car and going anywhere for any distance was totally thrilling. I bugged him about where we were going and remember asking him a million questions, but he didn’t give any details. He just kept saying that it was a surprise.”
She glanced up at me, and down just as quickly. I gave her the space she needed.
“When I thought of a surprise, I envisioned Disneyland or the mountains, but he didn’t give me any more information than just…you’ll be surprised. He drank beer all day while my mom packed our suitcases.”
Caitlyn swallowed hard and pressed her napkin to her mouth.
“Mom was really quiet, not like her usual bubbly self. She kept suggesting to him that they not go on the trip. She told him he needed to calm down. He seemed calm to me. He just repeated over and over again, ‘I’m taking you,’ so she stayed quiet after a while. It seemed like the start of a really horrible vacation. When we got in the car, my dad was slurring his words and was driving really sloppy. My mom was in a faraway place, and she seemed out of it. I really got nervous because I didn’t feel like either of them were okay. We drove for like an hour in silence while my mom slept and Dad white-knuckled the wheel. Then he shut the car off in the middle of nowhere. He bent down under his seat and pulled out an iron bar.”
Shit. Shit. Holy shit. Fuck. I’d been part of too many movies not to see where this was going. I reached out and took Caitlyn’s hand in mine again.
“Instinctively, I was terrified, but I didn’t know why. It was just a piece of metal. He asked her if she was leaving because she wanted to be with Uncle Jonas, a friend of our family, instead of him. My mom said she was leaving him because she no longer loved him. She tried to open the car, but I later learned he had activated the child lock feature. She screamed at him and called him a drunk bastard. That’s when he hit her with the bar. I just closed my eyes and put my hands over my ears and screamed, ‘Stop it, Daddy!’ I remember yelling that over and over, again and again.”
Caitlyn closed her eyes, and I’d never wanted to hold anyone more.
“I stopped screaming when all was quiet. Deathly quiet. My voice and my head hurt badly. I looked up, and he was staring at me. There was blood everywhere and my mom was slumped over the dashboard covered in it. I don’t think I breathed. He had a gun. Even though he hit her with the metal bar, he had a gun. He pointed it at me.”
My stomach had a pulse. Every cell in my body had a pulse. I couldn’t believe this happy person could have gone through so much.
“I thought she was alive. I must have known she died, but I didn’t want to believe it. I didn’t want to think that he had just bashed her skull in. He had both weapons in the car, he was always planning on killing us. You know when stuff like that happens, you just… it isn’t real.”
Her fingers were trembling under mine, and I held them tighter. This was too much. “Caitlyn, sweetheart, you don’t have to go through this.”
Her eyes snapped up, remembered terror lingering behind the determination to finish her story.
“I remember his cold eyes staring at me. I tried to talk to him with my mind because I didn’t dare open my mouth. He said I was a pretty girl. Then I heard a clicking sound. I froze. I had no concept of death. The only thing I really understood was that he was my dad. He was this hero. He had made this amazing tree fort in the backyard. He swung me really high on the swings. Why was he acting this way? He, um, then took the gun and put it to his ear…there was a horrible loud sound…and I don’t remember anything else.”
I took her hand between both of mine. “I’m so sorry.”
She nodded, a tiny movement of her head. “My gran told me he was sick, he had mental problems and my mom was pregnant. We were going to stay with her sister for a while until the baby was born. I found out later, it wasn’t his child.”
“That was his trigger?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I think so. Anyway, I moved in with Gran, and I’ve lived with her ever since. I know it’s a super sick, awful story, and we’re, you know on this…” She looked down at her food. “I’ve probably killed the mood, and you’ll most likely never want to see me again. But, you wanted to know why I was scared, that’s why. I have a shrink I’ve seen a few hundred times and a bookshelf full of books that explain it all. For me, I want love. The real kind. The kind that keeps nightmares away and does stupid, fun shit, like going camping in a Yurt or making rainbow slime. I want love that doesn’t ever judge, or, you know, beat you to death with a crowbar.”
The dam holding back her emotions broke, and tears coursed down her cheeks.
My heart died for her. I felt every ounce of her pain and it twisted inside of me. Right now, having sex with this incredible woman was the last thing on my mind. I gave her hand a squeeze. “You deserve all that and more.”
She wiped her tears away and started in on her lobster, trying to avoid eye contact. “Sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry you had to live through that. This is reality and it’s what you wanted…needed tonight. I think we’re both in transitional places at the moment and both of us are facing monumental losses. This is life, and life gets so real and so ugly at times. I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing with me.”
She pushed back her hair. “I don’t really know why I did.”
“Thank you for trusting me with your story. You’re safe with me, Caitlyn. Entirely and utterly safe. I told you I’d be your friend, so I won’t threaten you or ask you to compromise your integrity. You may not care that I’m one of the most famous men in the film industry…” she rolled her eyes, which made me laugh, “but I deeply respect you. So, you have my word, it’s gold.”
The admission made me feel vulnerable, so I sawed at my steak with the knife.
“Thank you.” It was all she gave me, but it was real.
“You’re welcome. You know, Wenton has given me my next task.”
She smiled. “Oh, what now? Clowns at the circus?” This was good. She was revving back up to her sarcastic, fun self again.
“I wish. He wants me to fall in love.” Okay, if we were going to play the morbid card, it was my turn.
“Well, that doesn’t seem hard. Women must throw themselves at you. You probably just have to pick one,” she said too easily, as if she was telling herself this information, not me.
“I’ll definitely raise you your one English teacher in China to about a thousand faceless women. I’ve fucked and I’ve done it gloriously. I have had every shape, size, color, and creed of woman. I’ve seen almost every face of ecstasy a woman can make. There might even be a record for the number of women I’ve had, casually with no strings attached. I’m your worst nightmare. In all fairness to me, I was more of a ho-bag when I was in college than recently, but I was getting plenty of play, trust me.” I rolled my eyes and gave her a fake sulking look. “Except now that is. It’s all different.”
There was a flicker of disgust in her eyes, but curiosity too. “Why is it different now?”
I didn’t blame her. She tells me she’s had one man in her whole life and can’t trust men because her dad committed a heinous crime against her mother, and I come back with “you’ll never believe how many women I’ve screwed.” Well, I didn’t just eat them all alive, some were pretty adamant that they would have had me at any cost. Regardless, we were beauty and the beast, that’s for sure.
“This is a little hard to share, but it can’t be harder than your story. I really like you. I know you’re fully aware of that fact.” She shifted in her chair. “Well, I’m conducting something of an experiment at the moment. Ironically, it’s on theme with Wenton’s task. I’ve decided to hang up the ol’ flogger. Just kidding, I’m not into that. But I’ve decided to um…invest more of myself in a relationship.”
“Why?”
Because of you.
“Because I’ve sometimes known a woman’s name when I was with her, and sometimes I’ve had no clue. And… they’re all a blur mostly. So, I plan to remain celibate until I’m able to find a woman who I can share a deeper connection with. Love, however, for me, is as hard as fucking is for you. Trust me, my issues are also deep and tragic.”
Oh my god was there a reverse on this moment?
“Why? Why is love so hard?”
She continued to eat, but I suddenly didn’t have much stomach for it.
“Well, like you, I don’t have a whole treasure trove of great childhood experiences to draw from. My parents were cold people whose families married them to keep the money from filtering out of their circle. They are a part of generations of old money. These people do business together, lobby politicians together, and practically own their corners of the world. With their enormous wealth comes rules. Marry within the horde, don’t let outsiders in. Outsiders can come to dinner parties and be honored guests but never let them see what happens behind closed doors. Don’t shine too brightly, steer clear of the spotlight, avoid being noticed. Concede to your elders. Turn a blind eye to situations that look unscrupulous, you may not know what dealings are at hand. Always support the circle… even to the death.”
Her eyes were wide, and I realized I’d laid it on a little thick. But, hell, it was thick.
“I wanted out of that nonsense, so when I was old enough, I started to make my own money. Yet even with my own independently made fortune, I didn’t escape our wealth and its strict regulations. I was still a son of the tribe. My parents, Wenton, and I are billionaires many times over. The stocks they bought me when I was a baby, long before they realized that they pretty much hated having kids, have already generated much of my wealth. Then there are houses that my grandparents left me and a business I know nothing about in Abu Dhabi that pays to the tune of ten million a month. We’re loaded in ways that are almost humanly impossible.”
Her mouth was open. I didn’t blame her. It was a lot to take in.
“However, despite our family’s great wealth, my parents are stingy with money. They didn’t go bashing each other in, I’ll give them that much credit, but they put up with one another, barely. They dealt with money, handling the house and all of their assets well. They ran our home as one would run a business. They had a passing interest in one another and did things together occasionally, but when they weren’t contractually obligated to put on a show of marriage, they were each involved in their own lives.”
It was Caitlyn’s turn to squeeze my hand, and I was grateful for her warmth and comfort.
“They never showed affection to one another and they absolutely never mentioned the idea of loving each other. To the contrary, they were always picking at each other’s faults. I came to understand that love meant allowing yourself to be vulnerable to attack. It was an unwelcomed barring of one’s soul for someone else to step on, trample and obliterate. I never wanted that. In fact, I actively avoided it in every exercise of my existence.”
She was nodding now, understanding and sympathy playing on her face.
“I let my body follow its own ethics, the code of lust. This kind of self-regulation fit nicely with my family’s breed of loyalism. Fuck who you want, whenever you want. Fuck them hard, fast, and frequently. Just don’t get caught doing something stupid and don’t bring them to Christmas dinner. I’m sure my parents had multiple lovers over the years, but nobody mentioned them and nobody cared about them. I was destined to be what I am and the only person who ever threw me off my game was Wenton.”
Caitlyn smiled at the mention of my brother. “How so?”
“He couldn’t play by the rules. It wasn’t in his DNA, literally. Williams kids are the nicest, sweetest humans. He didn’t have the chops for the family’s breed of ruthlessness. And, honestly, he was someone they wanted to hide away. They never told people there was anything wrong with him. They just kept him hidden. When he kissed that girl, there was rumor of a possible scandal, so they shipped him away as soon as they had even the remotest reason. To be honest, it was the best thing that ever happened to him. At the facility, he had an opportunity to create a life for himself. It was a small life, but better than being locked in his room. When he left, my mom sort of gave up caring for her kids. I was already in my late teens and had spent most of my life at boarding school. She lived at her weekend house and my dad dove into work. I would spend my weekends and holidays with Wenton. He was my real family.”
Boy, did I overshare.
It was amazing what vulnerability did to you. It was like diving off an ocean liner into the open water, without anything but the hope that someone will come to your rescue. I felt nauseous.
“Wow,” she breathed. “People think that billionaires have the best lives, but yours sounded like a nightmare. It’s funny what you don’t know about people when you first meet them.”
She smiled, and in it was forgiveness, surrender, and trust. Possibly, a truce had been drawn between us.
“It is funny. And on that note, I just want to confirm that I will not be propositioning you again. Sex is completely off the table. If it ever creeps back onto the table, it will be at your behest.”
“Mmm, I like this very much. Thank you, and honestly, I’m starting to admire you too. Sorry I’ve been such a judgy bitch.”
“Oh no, it’s good that you’ve been a judgy bitch, trust me. It’s definitely protected you from ‘super dick.’” I managed to say that with a straight face, and she laughed.
“Super dick, huh?”
My grin was as big as hers. “Yes, and should he rise up on occasion with his cape flying behind him, just ignore him. I will try to do the same.”
She stabbed a fry with her fork. “I’ve been warned.”
“Like now. He might want to start flying now,” I cautioned just to make her laugh.
“Super dick who?” she asked while wrangling with a lobster leg.
The rest of the night we spent eating, laughing, and talking about lame movie gossip. I shared insider gossip that she found amusing and she told me hilarious stories about some of the crazy things her students had done. We just enjoyed each other’s company.
When the night was over, we walked along the beach for a while, enjoying the moonlight and the sand between our toes. Sadly, though, it was late and time to take Caitlyn home. I had a long drive ahead.
I’d been in contact with my driver, letting him know we were ready to be picked up. My driver’s name was Robert, and luckily, he had family in Connecticut. As I was getting to know Caitlyn, I was coming to understand her broad worldview — she saw everyone as a person and every person as an equal.
Robert had been driving for me for years, but I barely ever said two words to him. That started to change after meeting Caitlyn. I began to feel sorry for keeping him away from his family and friends on the weekends, and gave him an option of having the weekends off. Robert thanked me for the opportunity, but he had friends he saw while I was busy with Wenton and he liked the extra money. So, while I didn’t have to drive the long stretch home, it was nearly nine p.m. and time to go.
When we arrived at Caitlyn’s house, I got out of the car and walked her to the door.
“I had a great time today. Being with your brother, the karaoke, dinner…everything. Thank you so much, you’ve really changed my life and I especially appreciated our talk.”
“You’re welcome. I can’t think of anyone who deserves it more. I have a great deal of respect for you.”
All I wanted to do was kiss her.
But she leaned in and kissed me. Her kiss was soft, sensual, and sweet.
And I fell farther down the rabbit hole of love.