Madison

I see Noah leaving the private room and I just stand there, staring at the door. He said he loves me, twice. People can’t just go around saying they love each other without feeling that for real. It’s not fair to the one who listens and that is deceived.

I go to Rebecka’s Office and I lock myself up. I lean against the door and slide down to the floor, just as my tears slide down my face. Why did you cheat on me, Noah? Why? I’ve been asking myself that for days. Where did I go wrong this time? Because there is no explanation to being cheated on twice, it can only be me.

I can’t remember the last time I cried, I’d forgotten just how much the tears of pain weigh. I run my hand over my chest, hoping to get the knife that’s stuck in my heart. ‘I love you, Madison ...’, why did you do this, Noah? How could you cheat on me, if you loved me? And that goodbye hurt me like they opened my chest up without anesthesia.

I don’t know how long I stood there, mourning my misfortune love life. I get up, go to the bathroom to get myself together. I walk around the club, doing my job in autopilot. All I wanted was to go home and to never get out of there again!

I spent the night working at the Secret Garden, when my manager duties were over, I went to the bar to fill in as a bartender. Sometimes Ramon deserves some time to have fun. I didn’t see Rebecka, Christopher, or Benjamin for the rest of the night. I was congratulated by everyone because of my number on the stage, I received flowers and numerous invitations. I respectfully declined everything...

When I left the club, the sun was up. I walked home, went in, closed the door, and died to the rest of the world. I had to digest everything that happened in my life and try to get rid of feelings that didn’t even got the chance to come out.

**************************************

For four days, I didn’t leave the house. I was sleeping on the couch because I didn’t even have the guts to go to bed. I watched some terrible movies, I cried countless times, I eat gallons of ice cream and I realized I hit rock bottom when I put the whipped cream straight in my mouth.

I turned off all my phones, I simply texted Rebecka saying I wasn’t feeling well, but I also didn’t wait to see her reply. My house was a mess, I hadn’t done anything for days, just showered and spaced out. Oh, yes, and I’d masturbate thinking about Noah. Women are sick.

I finally get up from the couch and the first thing I do is open the windows, so the fresh air can circulate and take away the smell of defeat that’s taken over my love life. I cleaned the house and went to the shower to wash my soul because I needed it. And when everything was done, I sat down at the computer and opened my e-mail. I forgot that I had an alert setup for any news involving Noah. Everything that comes out about him was sent to my inbox.

The title of the first news was: “The Honorable Judge Lancaster, goes back to parading with beautiful companionship. This time his friend was nothing less than one of Hugh Hefner’s bunnies.” Noah had his arm around the waist of a blonde with huge breasts. His smile towards her was illuminated.

“Four days, Noah? Did you manage to drown that love you say you feel for me in four mediocre days?”

I open the second e-mail, that had pictures of him with the guys, at a dinner with the mayor. But he wasn’t alone, this time it was a beautiful brunette. The other e-mails were basically comments on his professionalism. He is one of the best judges in the Country, he stands out in social work and is responsible for taking many families out of situations of vulnerability.

I was about to close my e-mail when a new message arrived, and it was from one of my sisters. I wondered whether I should open it or not, what would they want after all this time? The subject read only “Important”. I decide to open it.

“Madison,

I don’t know if you’ll get this message. I don’t know if you still check this e-mail account, but I decided to take the chance. Dad had another heart attack and he’s been hospitalized for two days now. He calls for you every moment. Mom said that if we got in touch with you, she would disown us too, but I don’t think it’s fair, he wants to see you, he needs to see you.

Please don’t ignore him, I fear he won’t be able to take it.

Sincerely, Marla.”

I only realize my tears are falling when they start to drip on my hand. My God, my father is sick again. He thinks about me and wants to see me.

I get up and run to my room, pack a small suitcase, call the parking lot nearby and ask them to bring my car around. I turn on my cell phone and quickly type a message to Rebecka.

“Becka, my father is in the hospital again, and I’m going over there. I don’t know if my mother will let me see him, but I have to try. I don’t want him to go without knowing that I love him. I don’t know when I’ll be back, I’m gonna have to use up my vacation days. Thank you.

See you soon. Madison.”

I turn off the phone and throw it in the bag. I know she’ll call me nonstop and is gonna want to go with me. But I have to do this myself. The doorbell rings and I walk down the stairs with my suitcase.

I get in the car and head for the town I left behind so long ago, Leesburg, Virginia, where my good memories have been replaced by terrible ones. The journey is long, there is plenty of road ahead. I turn on the radio to distract myself, but the universe is a rabid dog, and I’m the old slipper it insists on fucking up. It insists on reminding me of what I want to forget. The lyrics of the song go in through my ears, straight to my heart, which has a direct connection with my eyes. And here comes the waterworks.

I drive and sing Sam Smith’s Stay with Me, crying like a crazy person. (...) Why am I so emotional? This is not a good look, gain some self-control. And deep down I know this never works. But you can lay with me, so it doesn't hurt. Oh, won't you stay with me? 'Cause you're all I need. This ain't love, it's clear to see. Oh, won't ya stay with me (...)

After five hours driving, I arrive at my destination, and it didn’t change a thing. I make my way to a hotel at the town’s border and check myself in. The receptionist looks at me with a strange smile, I look around to make sure it’s me she’s looking at. I hand her the signed sheet and wait for my key.

“Ain’t you Madison Harver?” she asks me, as soon as she hands me the keys.

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re a legend around here,” she says with a strange smile that’s already scaring me.

I smile and nod. I go towards the elevator and then into my room. I wonder if I should rest or just go straight to the hospital. I open my bag and get what I need, head in for a quick shower and leave for the hospital.

It’s night already, I get to the hospital and try to find out which room Harry Harver was in. The nurse tells me that he’s at the end of the hall, “Take the first right, last room on the left”. Okay, I can get there, if my legs obey the commands from my brain. I walk through the hallway, praying that God will take care of my father and that my mother will allow me to see him.

As soon as I turn right, I see my family in the background, they’re all together, next to a door. The closer I get, the more nervous. I don’t know what to expect from this meeting with them. Marla is the first to see me and she comes towards me with open arms.

“Maddie, I’ve missed you so much,” she squeezes me in her arms. I forgot how we looked so much alike. Marla is the oldest.

“How’s he doing?” I ask.

“He’s unstable, a few moments of lucidity and, most of the time, he’s asleep.”

“What is she doing here?” I hear my mother from afar, “Did you call her, Marla? Is this how you want your father to get better?” She turns to me, “You’re not welcome here.”

“Let me see him, Mother, please,” I beg.

“I have not been your mother since the day you disgraced us all. And no, you will not see him. Get out of here or I’ll call security.”

Oh my God, how can this woman be so cold? Not even her husband on the verge of death can soften that heart of hers. I am her daughter, her own blood, how can she not show compassion? My eyes are wet and, once again, I beg.

“Please, let me see him, just for a minute.”

“No. There’s no longer a place for you here, Madison.”

I walked to the end of the hallway with my head down, I sat on the last chair and cried until there were no more tears left. I stayed there, watching the movement, people going, people coming and no change of heart from my mother. She wouldn’t even allow my own relatives to approach me. I asked for information about my father’s situation, and the nurses said that my mother had forbidden them from divulging anything.

I sat down again, a short lady in her forties, with short dark hair and wearing a nurse’s uniform came speak to me, “Madison?”

“Yes...”

She opens an affectionate smile and hands me a cup of coffee.

“You were my daughter’s teacher, you taught her to read and write. Even today, when she draws something, you’re the princess she paints. She never forgot Aunt Maddie,” she puts her hand on my shoulder, “It’s not fair what they’re doing to you, and I, as a daughter, know how much it hurts. Well, your father’s state is stable for the moment, he was under severe stress but he’s a strong man, otherwise he could have died. He’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

I take her hand and squeeze between mine.

“Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much.”

She gives me a discreet smile and goes away. I’m looking for my cell phone in my pockets and I can’t find it, I think I left it at the hotel. I go to the chapel inside the hospital and I kneel and cry, asking God for a miracle, any miracle.

I lose track of time praying and staring at nothing. I leave and see daylight out the windows. I go to the bathroom to wash my face, straighten my hair, and I go back to the chair that’s going to be my home for the next few days. I’ll only leave here when my father is discharged.

The day goes by slowly, giving me time to rethink my whole life and think about what to do next. The nurse who spoke to me yesterday brought me a book that tells the story of a couple who, even though he was an asshole, and he really was, overcame their differences and had their Happily Ever After. Have I told you that I hate whoever it was that invented this expression?

When I couldn’t take it anymore, exhausted of body and mind, about to give up everything, I feel someone touch my knee. I raise my head and find a pair of green eyes, an old acquaintance of my dreams. I don’t know if I’m dreaming or hallucinating, I just wrap myself around his neck and hug him tight, afraid he’ll leave me.

“Oh Noah...”

I can’t contain the tears, I don’t know if they’re from joy or sadness. I don’t know anything anymore...

“Easy now. I’m here...” he speaks to me in a sweet voice, running his hands through my back to comfort me.

I step back and look up to see Benjamin, Rebecka and Alyssa. I get up and hug everyone with the same emotion. After calming myself down, I wipe my tears and ask, “What are you guys doing here?”

Rebecka sits next to me and takes my hand, “We’re here for you. We’d never leave you alone at a time like this, Maddie. How’s your father?”

“The nurse said yesterday that he’s recuperating.”

“And...?” Alyssa asks.

“I don’t know, Aly. My mother won’t let me to see him, she has forbidden anyone in my family to approach me, and the nurses from giving me any information.”

I notice that they look at each other and remain silent. Noah sits down and pulls me into the chair next to him, hugging me again.

“Everything will be alright, Madison. Everything will be alright...” He turns to Ben, “What can we do?”

Christopher arrives, causing a commotion. He comes in with all his might, his staff and bodyguards around. He leads his pack, opening his suit jacket, looking like someone who woke up in the wrong side of bed. His face is evil, by the way. Chris has it in his favor, this evil face makes him extremely sexy. He comes towards us and, as soon as he sees me, he opens a sweet smile and embraces me.

“How are you, my favorite redhead?”

“Better now,” I look behind him, “Why is your army here?”

He rolls his eyes, “I don’t know, I still don’t understand why they came along. When Benjamin called me, I told them to arrange for my arrival immediately and then,” he points to his staff, “they followed me here.”

Rebecka says, “Madison, did you eat anything? Did you sleep at least?” I shake my head. “You haven’t left at all?”

“No. I’ll only get out of here once he’s discharged.”

“Chris, she’s not allowed to see her father. Can’t the three of you do anything to help?” Alyssa says.

Noah, Ben and Chris talk to each other and soon Chris leaves, Noah sits next to me. Rebecka, then, leaves with Alyssa, and Christopher’s army goes away, leaving only two bodyguards around. We were silent, we didn’t have to say anything, words were not needed right now. The affection that brought them here is so strong that I feel protected from all evil out there.

After a while, Chris returns with a gentleman in a suit and another one who appears to be a doctor. He nods, Benjamin and Noah get up. Noah smiles, holds out his hand to me and says, “Let’s go see your father, Miss Harver.”

I follow the battalion to the room where my father is hospitalized. My mother looks at me, angry, Noah stands in front of me.

“Mrs. Harver, I’m Judge Noah Lancaster,” he points to the others, “This is Congressman Christopher O’Donnell and Doctor Benjamin Graham, Attorney in Law. We’re here to make sure your daughter can make use of her right to see her father...”

“No way! He is my husband and he cannot answer for himself right now, so I make the decisions. She is not allowed in!” my mother cuts him off.

I feel Noah getting tense. He goes on, “The Hospital’s Chief Administrator is here, and he’ll go in with a doctor, they’ll ask your husband if he wants to see his daughter. If his answer is yes, Madison will be allowed in. If not, we’ll take her back home, where she belongs.”

“You can’t do that!” she says with indignation.

Noah replies, “Just watch and see.”

They go in, my mother goes along. Chris and Benjamin stay with me outside the door. In less than five minutes, they come back out, and Noah holds the door for me to go in. I look at him, grateful. I go in and see my father connected to several machines, oxygen in the nose, thinner than the last time I saw him. I approach him apprehensively and, as soon as he sees me, his eyes water.

“Madison...” his voice was weak.

“Hi, Dad,” no matter how hard I try to hold back my tears, I shamefully fail, “I missed you so much...”

“My baby...” he tries to smile.

I sit down on the chair next to the bed and hold his hand.

“I love you so much, Dad,” I kiss his hand and put it on my face.

“I love you too, baby,” he says with difficulty, “I’ve always thought about you, I haven’t forgot you, not for one minute.”

“I don’t know how long I can stay in here, Mom’s not very happy I came. I just want you to know that I’m only leaving this place when they let you out. I’ll be outside, quietly praying that God will take care of you...” more tears roll down my face.

Someone knocks on the door. Rebecka, Alyssa, Noah, Chris and Benjamin come in. I smile at all of them. I turn to my father and point at them.

“They’re responsible for me being in this room with you.”

Christopher is the first one to approach and talk to him.

“Pleased to meet you, Mr. Harver. I’m Christopher. Now we know where your daughter got her strength from. Get well soon, so you can visit us in New York.”

“My name is Benjamin. I hope you have a speedy recovery. When you come to visit us in New York, we’ll take you to a night out to celebrate your recovery,” Ben and his ideas.

Rebecka takes his hand.

“I wish from the bottom of my heart that you get better soon. We love your daughter and we want her smiling again. I’m Rebecka, but you can call me Becka. And I’ll be here too, until you can go home again.”

Alyssa is next, and she kisses his face.

“My name is Alyssa, I’ll be here too, to keep an eye on you. Be well, Mr. Harver.”

Noah squeezes his hand and says:

“It’s a pleasure to meet the man responsible for bringing Madison into this world. Just as she is important to us, so are you, sir. Don’t worry about anything, just focus on your recovery and, once you’re good to go, we’ll be waiting for you to celebrate it. All my contacts are with your daughter Marla, anything you need, just call me.”

He lets go of my father’s hand and kisses my forehead. Everyone goes back out, leaving me alone again with my father, who is extremely excited. The doctor comes in and says that it is time for me to leave. I kiss my father and I go.

I leave the room and see my family talking about my friends. My brothers-in-law were excited to meet the celebrities who came along with their sister-in-law. I’m disgusted by this sort of thing. I shake my head and go towards those who want me around.

Christopher puts his arm around my shoulders.

“As much as I wanted to stay, I just can’t. I have to go back to Washington, I have a meeting first thing in the morning,” he kisses my forehead, “Audrey sends her regards. Take care, Red. See you at home.”

He says goodbye and goes away, with his army behind him. Benjamin also says goodbye.

“Tomorrow we have a difficult trial and I don’t know how long it will take, so I don’t think I can come back to be with you any time soon. Take care, princess. We’re here for you and, whatever you need, just call.”

“I can’t stay, either,” Noah makes a sad face, “The difficult trial is in my Court. Promise you’ll take care of yourself?” I nod. He gives me a long kiss in my forehead. “I love you, Madison.”

I move away from him, “You should have thought about that before you fucked someone else.”

“You’ll never forgive me for that, will you?” The sadness of his eyes pushes my buttons.

“No. I saw pictures of you with other women. Four days, Noah. In four days you paraded with two different women at parties and you want me to forgive you for the first time you cheated? If that really was the first time.”

He runs his hands through his hair and breathes in exasperation, “Alright. Take care.”

I turn to Rebecka and Alyssa, who are staring at us, uneasy, and I open my arms to say goodbye to them.

“Thank you for coming...”

Rebecka sits on the chair, “We’re staying, honey. Whether you want it or not.”

They both get settled and I begin to laugh. If you have friends, you have everything!

A few days go by, my father is finally discharged, fully recovered and without any complications. Thank God. During the days we stayed at the hospital, my mother would scowl whenever I went to see my father, but one of my brothers-in-law explained to her that the guys who were with me were too important for her to go against me. Smart people are something else.

Alyssa stayed with me every day, and Rebecka had to go back because of the club. Benjamin and Christopher would call me every single day. Ben even made a point of talking to my father. Noah didn’t get in touch, maybe it’s better that way.

When my father was discharged, he was worried about how he’d pay the bill, since he was hospitalized in a hurry and this hospital is expensive, certainly his health care plan wouldn’t pay for everything. I went to handle it, I have some good money saved up, I’d be glad to pay. When I got to the financial department, I had a big surprise. The girl told me that all my father’s treatment was already paid for, and that the one who paid for it demanded that they provide the best medical treatment available. I have no doubt that my friends, who came all the way here, contributed to this.

But nothing shocked me as much as the things my father told me. He says he’s getting a divorce from my mother, that he can no longer handle her hysterical tantrums and that he caught her rubbing herself on the gardener. My heart is heavy, it’s my fault. He goes on to tell me that they haven’t had intimate relations for more than two years before I left town. My mother told him that sex, the way he wanted it, was a sin. Apparently, rubbing herself on the gardener is not.

Marla was the only one who supported him throughout everything, he speaks of her with a beautiful smile. The problem with my sisters was always my mother, with her translucent convictions and questionable truths, always hiding behind her religion. I found out he’s been retired for six months now, and since then he’s been constantly getting stressed out because of my mother.

“How about you come and visit me in New York for a few days? Get away from all this?”

“Sounds good. As soon as the doctor clears me, I’ll come stay with you for a few days. Can I ask you a question, Maddie?”

“Sure...”

He looks at me, probably thinking whether he should ask it or not.

“Your friends are good people, I don’t need to know them to see how much they love you. The girls spent days away from their homes, just to take care of you. But one of them caught my attention...” His eyes are analytical, “I can’t remember his name, the blond one. He looks like the girl Alyssa.”

“Noah, her brother. What about him, Dad?”

“He likes you.”

I look away and take a deep breath, “I’m not sure...”

“I am. The way he looks at you, is not as a friend, Maddie.”

I get up and walk to the window, “He cheated on me, and the other woman is pregnant. I don’t think anyone in love can cheat...”

“I understand... Life can be cruel at times, little girl.”

“I know, Dad. I know...”