Tamzin.
“So, how’s the gorgeous mamma-to-be?” Evie asks.
We are sitting in a coffee shop in Regents Street on our much needed lunch date. We weren’t supposed to meet for another two hours but the baby wanted cake, and when the baby wants cake, Mummy has to kill anything within her sights in order to feed the unborn human.
“Uncomfortable as I have a baby dancing in my uterus and missing alcohol. Next question.” It should be me questioning her by the way she’s been acting since we got here. She doesn’t seem herself but then coming from a family that’s larger than the Walton’s and has numerous children in Christmas hype, I’m not surprised she’s a little out of sorts.
“Any weird and wonderful cravings?”
“Doughnuts,” I state, contemplating whether to lick my plate clean and gain disapproving looks from every skinny girl in here. “Noel and I walked past the Christmas market the other day and in a split second I turned into some possessive feline on the verge of going bat-shit crazy if I didn’t get to the front of the line within thirty seconds.”
She grins with a cocked brow. “That bad, huh?”
“I practically had my head in the bag licking the sugar off the paper.”
“Well, your body clearly needed it.”
“That’s bullshit, Evie. My body doesn’t normally need doughnuts before eight in the morning.”
She sniggers, picking at her chocolate cake that I could quite easily whip from under her nose. “Well the baby obviously needed it.”
“And that’s another thing: if this kid needs shit like that now, then once it’s born it’ll be given an insulin kit.”
She bursts out laughing as I twist my hips in my seat to try and get comfortable. I’ve not had that many cravings throughout the pregnancy but when I do have them, they come with the strangest concoctions. The first craving I ever had, turned Noel’s face pale. I could sense the bile forming in his throat as I swallowed down the Strawberry ice cream and raw onion. It was delicious, until the morning sickness kicked in and I thought I was going to die. “Cravings are crazy. Like I don’t even like barbeque sauce, but I needed that on them too. Surprisingly it went remarkably well with the sugar.”
“Wait a minute.” She holds up her hand looking confused, or disgusted I can’t tell. “You put barbeque sauce on your doughnuts?”
I’m a disgrace to the female population that counts calories.
“Yeah.”
A look of disgust definitely washes across her face this time as she brings her hand to her mouth as though she’s going to puke. “You, girl, aren’t human.”
“Hey, don’t knock that shit until you’ve tried it.”
“Try it when you’re not impregnated and see if you wanna retch on the unnatural concoctions.”
I pull a face at her and sip my hot chocolate. Noel has often past a similar remark. He’s been so good with me throughout this pregnancy and with my demands. I’ve often had him walking the streets in the early hours looking for what I crave in the late-night supermarkets. He just takes it all in his stride. I shiver from the winter chill that blows up my legs from the opening of the door. The weather in the run up to Christmas is dry and crisp, it’s a nice change from the rain we’ve had of late. Noel has said that snow is on the horizon—a premonition he’s always seemed to get right ever since he was a child—but the forecast is yet to even speak of it.
“So, how’s Noel since coming back early?”
I can’t help but roll my eyes at her question. Noel hasn’t left my side. Noel hasn’t let me do anything. “More protective than he was before he left. I couldn’t even shower this morning without him making sure I didn’t slip. I don’t know what’s got into him.”
She smiles. “He’s always been protective of you. And it was only a few days ago you were crying because you missed him.”
“I know but I would like to breathe as well.”
I don’t know what has got into him, since his return from Paris he seems a little distant. Not with me because I’ve hardly been out of his arms, but sometimes I find him in his own little world and I have to snap him out of it. “So how are you doing?” Annoyance tightens in my chest with the way she’s looking at me. It’s a look as though she’s waiting for me to break.
“Why do you always have that look on your face whenever you ask me this? I’m fine. The baby is fine. We are all fine.”
“Tamzin, you had a scare it’s only natural to ask how you’re doing.”
When I was early pregnant we thought I had miscarried as I bled. If that wasn’t enough the same thing happened a few weeks later and for a short period Noel put me on constant bed rest and wouldn’t let me do anything for weeks. That was a hard time for me, for both of us. Thankfully everything is ok now, but that doesn’t stop the few seconds of dread when I wake on a morning and wonder what the day will bring. When you become lost in this world of excitement and new beginnings, and then just like that your world crumbles instantly with the potential of a loss it’s difficult to comprehend. I’ve been down that road once before, I wasn’t prepared to go through it again.
“The scare was months ago and now everything is fine.”
She just looks at me and smiles, before returning to her bag. I understand their concern but it does nothing but only stress me more. I meant what I said to Noel, I know my body and I know everything is fine, and that is what I have to hold on to. If I don’t I will end up swallowed in anxiety and I don’t want that. Evie’s unusual behaviour since we got here is beginning to irritate me and I can’t hold back any longer. “Why are you acting like someone took your puppy away?”
She huffs and throws her bag to the side. “Ugh, it’s Edward. He’s only gone and told his—”
“Hey ladies.” Evie’s fiancé Edward greets us. The tall yet seriously hot under the collar guy with glasses beams at us both in his slick grey suit. They’ve only been together less than a year, talk about fast movers. They met on Valentine’s day and was engaged a month later.
“Hey, Ed,” I smile. “How’s tricks?”
He nods towards my stomach. “You still not had that baby yet?”
That’s one question about pregnancy I’ll happily throat-punch someone over. It’s obvious I haven’t had it yet, so why ask? I avoid the temptation this time and smile sweetly. “Eight weeks to go.”
Don’t get me wrong Edward is a great guy, but sometimes I want to slap him with a wet fish to knock some sense into him. It must be the nerd in him. Stick a lab book under his nose and the dictionary of science falls from his mouth, but put him in the logics of present day and the poor sod has the brain capacity of a teenager.
“What are you doing here?” Evie asks. “I thought you were at work.”
“I just stopped to get some lunch. I’m heading back now.” He turns back to me. “Noel not back yet?”
“Yeah, he came back a few days early; I’m meeting him in a while.”
He nods and turns back to Evie, taking her hand to kiss her knuckles. “I’m meeting my mother after work. I’ll be home late.” Evie just smiles at him as if she’s heard it all before. “I’ll see you both later.”
Once he’s gone I lean forward wanting to get to the bottom of her strange behaviour. “All right what’s with the face?”
“He’s only gone and told his mother we’ll spend Christmas with her, and stay at hers’”
“And that’s bad because?”
Her eyes go wide. “Tamzin, have you met his mother?”
“She bad?”
“I swear she’s a sister from the Witches of Eastwick.”
I almost spit my drink out. “Seriously?”
“It’s not funny, Tamzin, she hate’s me. We’ve never got on and Ed listens to her like she’s the only one that matters. It’s our first Christmas together and I wanted to spend it with him, not playing what he thinks is happy families while she secretly sticks knives in my back.”
“Well then just tell him what you want. He’ll understand, Evie. He loves you.”
“Yeah, and he loves his mother more,” she sighs.
Sadness clouds her eyes and my heart hurts for her. I never had this issue when meeting Noel’s parents, they welcomed me with open arms. I shift in my seat and stand, needing to change her sudden gloominess as I look towards the dessert counter at the front of the coffee shop. “I’m going to get you some cake.”
“I’ve already had cake.”
“It’s Christmas no excuse needed.”
A look of amusement wash across her face. “Does the baby need cake by any chance?”
“Oh no, baby had the first round,” I grin. “Now it’s my turn.”
Noel.
“Ugh, why do they call it morning sickness when it can last for hours?” Tamzin curses from the bathroom. Sickness is something she has struggled with throughout the pregnancy, her first trimester was the worst. Apparently according to our midwife, April, it is a sign of strong hormones.
“You want me to rub your back?”
“I want you to apologise for getting me in this state to begin with.”
I laugh, placing the unused tree decorations into the box that aren’t needed. For the first time ever, the Thompson tradition was broken and we put the tree up three days into the month. Thank God, my mother doesn’t know. First thing this morning, after I’d dragged Tamzin out of bed, we went and picked our Christmas tree from the woodland we always go to each year. Now that it’s home and decorated in reds and golds, the house smells and looks like Christmas. I’ve taken a few days off so I can spend more time with Tamzin and get things prepared for next month’s arrival. Only the ‘to-do’ list she’s provided me will have me still fixing things together this time next year. I haven’t been able to stop holding her since I got home, it’s like my hands work on their own accord and I just need her embrace. Like I need to protect her even though I already do. I can’t help myself.
“I’m not going to live this down, am I?” I shout to her from the nursery, unpacking the cot ready to start fixing it together.
“Not a chance. You be sick for nine months straight and you’ll understand.”
I hear her say as she leaves the bathroom and disappears into the kitchen, groaning to herself over the Christmas music.
“It takes two to tango, you know, angel.”
“Not if you pull out fast enough.”
As I start to build the cot designed in white wood and carved edges, excitement grips my stomach at the thought of what it will be like this time next year and many years after that, having either a son or a daughter to enjoy December with as we celebrate Christmas: playing family games around the fire, watching movies on Sundays under the blanket, watching our child grow up and seeing the excitement on their face as they’re too restless to sleep on Christmas eve.
Fuck I can’t wait to be a dad.
I’ve never lost that excitement or joy of the festive season. That magical feeling still captures my heart when I think of what this month brings. Even when I was devastated to learn it was my parents who brought the presents, that magic was still there. I was brought up to always believe that, no matter how it was created. I want what I had and what Tamzin had with her grandparents for our child.
“What are you grinning at?” she questions, entering the nursery and sprawling out on the sofa bed.
“I’m just thinking how lucky I am that I get to do the whole Santa thing from now on.”
She doesn’t respond, and I continue to work. Little humming noises come from across the room that get my attention. I give her a double take when I catch sight of what she’s eating and smile to myself. She’s clearly found her latest five-minute craving but has no idea how sexy she’s making it look as she rests there in nothing but her black lace underwear because she’s feeling the heat.
“Feeling warm today, angel?”
“Pregnancy blood, I have a personal thermostat inside me,” she sighs. “I’ve just text Karen and she says it’s natural to have hot flushes. She had them with Ruby apparently.”
“Ruby was a summer baby; she was always hot.”
She catches my stare. “What?”
“Can you eat that banana any more erotically than you are?”
She grins and puts it to her lips, slowly pushing it to the back of her throat before drawing in her cheeks as though she’s sucking, moaning as she holds her fixed gaze to mine and her legs apart. My God I love this woman: she constantly has me like I’m a dog on heat.
“Am I turning you on, handsome?”
“You are such a tease.” I shake my head with a grin and turn back to the half-made cot. If I look at her another second, I’ll be ripping the underwear from her body and bending her over the sofa.
Her phone signals a message, and I can’t help but hear her uneasy exhale. Immediately looking up, I see the colour has drained from her face. “What’s wrong?”
“Karen’s asked if we would like to attend Ruby’s carol service this week.” It’s barely above a whisper and I can already sense her dread. Going to church is a massive deal for Tamzin. She’s not stepped foot in one in seven years. Visiting the graveyard is one thing—a big thing she’s managed to overcome—but walking through the doors is a completely different challenge she’s yet to face. She sits up, crossing her legs so her stomach is on full show and her blond hair drapes around her bare shoulders. “I’m just being ridiculous,” she sighs, as if answering her own concerns that are running through her mind.
I place down the wood to the cot and go to her, kneeling in front and taking her hands in mine. “You’re not being ridiculous at all. It’s natural to be anxious.”
“I’m more worried for Ruby.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I want to go, I really do but I don’t want to be the person that suddenly can’t cope and runs out.” She huffs, getting frustrated with herself. “I need to get over it. There’re going to be christenings and weddings soon enough. Evie wants me to be bridesmaid at her wedding, for Christ sake. What do I say? ‘Thanks, but church freaks me the fuck out, I’ll wait outside while you wed’.”
I grin. She’s adorable when she’s like this. That said, it crushes me to see her on edge. Tamzin is one of the strongest people I know; it doesn’t take a lot to bring her down. “It doesn’t matter if you should cry because I’ll be there to wipe your tears; it doesn’t matter if you can’t walk through the door because I’ll be there to walk with you.” I kiss her knuckles. “Your pain is mine, angel, no matter how big or how small. We’re in this together.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Not many people do.”
She rolls her eyes and I take the nape of her neck, bringing her mouth to mine before slipping my tongue inside. With her fingers in my hair and her soft moan leaving the back of her throat as I deepen the kiss, I’m gone: furniture making is temporarily on hold. I need to make love to my girl. I drag my lips central down the front of her throat to her chest and trail my tongue along the crease of her cleavage. My dick pressing against my jeans as I smooth my hands up and down her thighs. “I need to take you to bed, angel.” I dip my head to kiss her stomach.
“You do?”
“Uh huh.”
Pushing me back slightly, she stands from the sofa, lifting my jaw to peck a kiss on my lips. “Finish making the cot and I’ll give you sex.”
“You’re making me wait?” I question, knowing she won’t hold out much longer. “And you’ll do what in the mean time?”
She seductively walks to the door, without looking back, and rolls her black lace underwear over her hips so they fall to her ankles, revealing her perfectly round arse.
Fuck she’s hot.
“I’ll be in bed naked, ready, and waiting.”
“You won’t last ten minutes.”
She leaves me grinning as she shouts back. “Tick tock, Thompson. I don’t want to have to use a banana.”
I laugh out with a groan. This woman will be the death of me.
“Uncle No-No!” Ruby shrieks, springing into my brother’s living room with a grin on her face. “I’ve missed you.” She throws her arms around my neck before going to Tamzin, completely ignoring her dad who is sitting in the armchair next to the six-foot Christmas tree covered in warm fairy lights. Karen—Ruby’s mother—gives me a little wave as she comes in through the door carrying school bags and creative work Ruby has made in class. My niece is not the sort of child you need to work hard at building a relationship with. I’ve not seen her since I come back from Paris. She’s the cutest thing ever with her big brown eyes and long curly hair and is guaranteed to light up anyone’s life. I had numours voicemails from her while away asking when I was coming home to play with her Barbie dolls and bake cookies, it was nice to have five minutes of normality from the stress I was under. Nothing has been resolved with regards to selling, the documentation I require before finalising is still missing and Alex has told me not to get to concerned just yet. Only that’s easier said than done when I want a quick sale. Ruby kisses and hugs Tamzin’s stomach and whispers something to the baby before skipping back to me for another hug, again completely ignoring James. She’s gutsy for a five-year-old and has inherited the humour of both myself and her father.
“Hi Daddy? Oh, hi, Ruby sweetheart,” James says sarcastically to her, trying to tickle her as she passes him. She giggles and climbs up onto my lap, taking the apple Karen has just handed her.
“James, you should know by now that when I’m around I have every female’s attention,” I say.
“I still don’t understand why,” he replies sarcastically.
“It’s called charm. They easily fall for my attraction. Isn’t that right, Tamzin?”
“The only thing I fell for was the bowl of punch. I somehow just ended up with you as a result of it.” She gives me a teasing smile and I turn back to the little lady wanting my attention.
“So, how was school?”
“Good,” she says, munching on her apple and swinging her leg. “I posted my Christmas cards in the school post box, and Miss Robinson picked our parts for the Nativity.”
“She did? And has my favourite girl got a part?”
“I’m a donkey,” she beams, clearly excited with her role. James however mutters under his breath as though he’s not impressed.
“A donkey!” I match her excitement. “Wow, that’s awesome.”
“Will you and Tamzin come see me in the play? I’ll get Daddy to buy you tickets. He’s the one with all the money.”
“Of course; we wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
“Yes!” she squeals.
“Ruby, go and get changed out of your school clothes please,” Karen calls. Ruby squeezes me in a tight hug before running upstairs singing a Christmas song she’s clearly learned in school as it’s one I don’t recognise. It’s little things like this that I’m looking forward to when becoming a father. Family is so important to me; I never realised just how important until Tamzin fell pregnant.
“James, you don’t seem overly enthusiastic about Ruby’s Nativity,” Tamzin inquires, smoothing her hand over her stomach and I’m itching to replace it with mine.
“They’ve made her a fucking donkey. Everyone knows the kid’s good enough to be Mary.”
I can’t help but grin at his frustration. “Dude it’s her first school play.”
“Yeah, and they’ve more or less said the girl is an arse.”
“Oh, James, don’t be so melodramatic it’s just a play,” Karen says, laughing
“Karen, you’ll have to let us know the date so we can make it.” Tamzin adds.
“I will do. Also have you thought anymore about the Carol service at church? You never replied to my text.”
It crosses my mind that Tamzin’s lack of response to Karen’s message is perhaps her way of hoping going to Church will disappear. Not in our family it doesn’t. You face your challenges head on no matter how bad it hurts. “We’ll be there,” I respond, looking directly at Tamzin.
“Great.” Karen beams. “Also, while I’m on the subject, Ruby’s mentioned wanting her Uncle No-No to go to the School’s Christmas fair so she can do the lucky dip with you. But no sweat if you can’t make that one.”
“Jeez, that girl has some social life for a five-year-old.”
“Get use to it, little brother,” James chips in. “Before you know it, you’ll be filling your diary full of school performances and parents’ evenings instead of nights out and dinner dates.” He’s forever ripping into me about how my life will change once the baby arrives. I’m not sure if he’s doing it to prepare me or scare me shitless but I find myself just laughing it off.
“You sound so deprived, James,” Tamzin replies with a laugh.
“I am. I’ve not seen the inside of a decent bar in five years. Instead of waking up with a sore head and a belly full of beer, I wake with lipstick on my face and glitter in my hair.”
“Jesus what kind of bars do you go to?” I joke.
“Ones guaranteed to give you nightmares.”