CHAPTER 8

 

Heart pounding hard, I smooth my hair and fuss with the skirt on my gown. It’s modest, to the ankle, with a little flare at the hem. My bodice isn’t revealing. Nothing about me screams vixen, except the book I’ve written. The press has had a fun time taking pictures of me from my Facebook page and sticking them next to my book. One title read: Good girl writes heartfelt story about naughty nights. Yeah, they left out the part about death, but that doesn’t sell as well.

The way my stomach churns is making me queasy. A few moments ago, I thought I could do this. I thought that I could walk out onto the stage with my shy little smile and read the prompter. But now, I’m worried that my voice will warble and that I’ll trip and fall flat on my face. All the women here look so calm and graceful, but I’m close to hyperventilating. I don’t belong here.

Neil notices the way I’m twisting the little ring on my finger and staring blankly at the crowd from the side of the stage. I wait in darkness for them to call my name. Neil reaches for my hand and smiles kindly at me. “How are you still nervous? We’ve been over this. It’s all in your head.”

Flicking my gaze up fast makes me feel like I’m going to hurl. As sweet as Neil is, he doesn’t get it. Every announcement, every word of every presentation that’s about me makes my heart race for one reason and one reason alone. I’m a liar. It’s not about the public speaking part. Okay, it’s about that a little bit, but I’m a bad liar. What if something comes up and they find out it’s Bryan? What if someone knows?

Nodding, I agree with him. “I know.”

“We could talk it through. Maybe there’s a deeper issue at play?” Neil studies me, but my gaze remains locked on the microphone that’s standing in the center of the stage. Neil Scortz is attending graduate school to be a shrink, so that’s what he does with everything. He rarely offers comfort, rather, he wants to know what makes me feel the way I do in the first place. Well, I don’t need a psychoanalysis for that. I already know. I’m terrified that I’m going to be caught, that people will find out that I’m a fraud, especially Neil.

I tried to tell him before we came, but I couldn’t say it. Not when those big brown eyes met mine with such excitement. It’d be like kicking a puppy, so I kept the secret, and now I’m going to hurl on stage…and probably slip in it and land on my butt. That sounds like me.

I’m saved from answering him. The stage hand calls my name. Sucking in a deep breath, I straighten my shoulders, and walk out onto the stage with a plastic smile on my face. The crowd applauds as soon as they see me. Nerves shoot through my body as I focus on the podium. I just have to make it to that little thing, and read the screen. I can do this. I chant the phrase over and over again in my mind.

By the time I reach the lectern, the man announcing with me is also there, but he’s much more relaxed. I don’t realize who it is until I look up and see the bright grin on Bryan Ferro’s face. What the fuck?! He’s perfectly calm and doesn’t use the lectern to hide himself from the audience the way I do. I cling to the edges of the plastic like it’s a life vest and I’m drowning.

The screen is lit, prompting me to speak. There’s too much spit in my mouth, so I swallow hard and find that I’ve gone cotton mouthed. My eyes dart everywhere, trying to avoid his gaze. He has to know. Crap!

Bryan steps closer, and touches my back lightly as he says his lines. The entire time, my heart is thumping and panic is spreading through my body. I want to run, but I can’t. I’m stuck in the middle of the goddamn stage on live television.

How did I end up paired with Bryan Ferro? He must know. There’s no way in hell that he doesn’t. His hand is barely touching my back, but I feel him there. I can’t tolerate him touching me, standing behind me like that. It brings back the memories and I remember vividly what he’s done to me, what I begged him to do.

I say my set of lines and push forward, pressing my ribs into the podium, trying to create some distance between us. Bryan steps in again, not giving me the space, so I try to squish myself into the thing harder.

Bryan finally smirks his sexy face and says in that deep voice of his, “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to get away from me.”

My face flames red and I look at him wide eyed. “That might be true. You’re much too sexy for one girl to handle.” By one girl, I mean me, but the bronzed god doesn’t take it that way.

He ditches the rest of his prompted lines and gives me a steamy look that would make the panties fall off of anyone else. “Why, Miss Raymond, you are as naughty as your book.” He winks at me and the audience eats it up, clapping wildly, until my face reaches a deep shade of burgundy.

“Mr. Ferro, remind me to introduce my foot to your ass once we’re off stage.” The audience that looked positively lethargic moments ago, is on the edge of their seats as we spar, thirsty for more.

“I’m not really into that kind of thing, Miss Raymond, but for you, I might make an exception.” The stage manager is having a stroke, waving his arms like an axe, trying to get us to stop. Bryan doesn’t falter. He jumps right back into the text on the screen and finishes presenting the award before we’re led off different sides of the stage.

I have to run. I can’t talk to him. Why is he even here? Ignoring the stage hand that’s chewing me out for deviating from the teleprompter, I haul ass trying to find Neil. When I smack into him, Cecily is standing by his side.

“And there she is!” Cecily, takes my arm, grinning ear to ear. She’s had so much plastic surgery that I’m afraid her face will split open when she smiles.  “You couldn’t have done a better job out there! Everyone will be talking about you! Add in the fact that you were with a Ferro and it’s perfect!” Cecily is twice my age with fewer wrinkles and big brown hair. She’s wearing a clingy dress that shows off cleavage that looks completely fake, but that doesn’t keep Neil’s eyes from wandering. Hell, my eyes wander. It’s impossible not to look. They’re like bowling balls, shoved into her flashy dress.

I smile nervously and press my hand to my stomach. “We need to go. I’m sorry, Cecily, but I can’t—”

“The hardest part is over with,” Cecily’s voice has that chain smoker raspy thing. She coughs and Neil picks up where she left off.

“You can handle a party, babe.” Neil gives me a side hug and smiles down at me. “I’m so proud of you. You didn’t look nervous out there at all. You’re a wonderful little actress.” He presses his pointer finger to the tip of my nose and laughs.

I’m a wonderful little liar. I should tell him. Bryan and I were together once. I should just say it, but Cecily has that vulture quality that makes me keep my mouth shut. I’ll have to tell Neil later. It’s something that I think he should know, but I don’t have to tell anyone else. “Thank you, but I feel really sick. We should go.”

“Don’t be silly. It’s just post-show jitters. Some food will help you feel better. Come on.” Neil tugs my hand toward the banquet room.

We head through twisting hallways, passing movie stars and celebrities, following after Cecily as she explains things to me. “I’ve been discussing everything from movie rights to merchandising. You’re a hot ticket, kid. If we play our cards right, you’ll be one of the wealthiest writers this year. They’re asking about you faster than I can keep up. It’s nonstop action, which is what we want.” She waves at people as we pass. When we enter the room, it’s done up in dark reds with white lights everywhere. It’s beautiful, but I need to get out of here before Bryan finds me. My pulse pounds harder when we stop. “Oh, there’s Eric. Let’s pose for a shot, for the papers.”

I force a smile onto my face and pose with some guy. I don’t know who he is, but Cecily pulls people over one by one to meet me. Someone shoves a drink into my hand and I hold it like a lifeline, practically hiding behind it, watching people from under my lashes.  Glancing around the room, I look for Bryan, but he’s not here. Neil is enjoying himself, no doubt hoping to make business connections for years to come. He probably thinks he’ll be a shrink to the stars or something like that.

A young actress is watching me and not saying much. She’s been standing in our little circle of people, sipping something from a tall glass. Dark hair is piled onto her head and bright blue eyes carefully watch me. She finally interjects, “It’s true, isn’t it?”

I glance at Neil and Cecily before I realize she’s talking to me. “I’m sorry, is what true?”

“That you’re shy? I heard it before, but there’s something so sweet about you, and innocent. I read your book and think it’s interesting that those two qualities can coexist within one person.”

I laugh nervously and look at Neil for help, but he seems enthralled. Gee, thanks. The girl mentions dual personalities and my boyfriend lights up. Great. I sputter a response quickly, “The book is fiction.”

“Yes, but fiction is based in fact to some extent.” She smiles at me as she tips her pretty head to the side, like that action will make it easier for me to understand. “I find it difficult to believe that you have no interest in such things on a personal level when you can write about them with such intensity.”

Holy fuck. Someone hit me in the head with a frying pan. Cecily laughs, and raises her glass, like the girl is correct. Neil’s eyes are glued to the woman and I half expect to see hearts and daisies form a halo around her head. I laugh lightly, fakely. “If that were true, then every author who wrote a murder mystery would have dead bodies in their basements. I’m sorry, I need to find the ladies room. Please excuse me.”

I duck away from the group before anyone can tell me which way to go. The room is packed with people, but I bob and weave through them with ease. Stopping for a moment, I look around the room trying to find a way out.

“Nice to see you again, Hallie.”

Every hair on the back of my neck stands up as my breath catches in my throat. My body tenses from the sound of his voice. My chest rises as I suck in a startled breath and hold it, unsure of what to do. “Bryan. I—”

The smile he wore on stage is gone. The kind features of his beautiful face are concealed by anger or something worse. He presses his lips together. “I don’t want to hear it, Hallie. Your little house of cards is about to fall.”

Mustering false confidence, I retort, “I have no idea what you mean.” When I turn to look at him, the hollow place in the center of my chest constricts. Bryan’s green eyes burn like twin flames. His dark hair is smoothed back from his beautiful face and a dusting of stubble covers his jaw.

“We both know that’s a lie. Here,” he presses a plastic key card into my hand. “Room 3601 at midnight or I talk.”

Every other person is suddenly sucked out of the room. There’s only Bryan and he’s pissed. My throat tightens, but I manage to speak, “You wouldn’t do that to me. If I mattered to you at all—”

His gaze narrows as he looks around the room, and then finally at me. It’s like he’s disgusted, like he can’t stand the sight of me. “Don’t pull that shit, Hallie. It’s way past that point and we both know it. You used me and I’m returning the favor.”

Fear and fury mix together and race through my veins, souring in my stomach. Bryan Ferro once meant something to me. His smile could fill me with happiness and his laugh was so contagious that I couldn’t help but giggle. Even now, with him standing there, part of me wants things to be like they had been. My body remembers him and reacts to his proximity. Tingles shoot through me and I feel hot all over.

I’m shocked, unmoving, unblinking, and frozen in place with my pulse pounding violently in my ears. Bryan grins and taps the card. “Midnight, Hallie.”

Before I can answer, Bryan slips back into the crowd and disappears from sight.