Lala
My legs are slung low around his waist while he slams my back against the cold, hard wall of his room. His rock solid hips grind into my soft skin with each lazy stroke.
“Rampage,” My teeth find the skin on his shoulder and I bite down, hard. Pulling away from me, he slams into me, hitting his hand hard on the wall right next to my face.
“Fuck!”
I bite my lip between my teeth to hold back my scream. His black eyes stare down at me as he slides into me with a deep groan. I feel him shiver when I run my nails down his back and watch as he gives me a satisfied smirk.
The air is thick with all the things we don’t say. I feel so lost. I know he’s trying, without words, to tell me I mean something to him, and as delusional as it may seem, I know this is his way of saying what his pride won’t.
With each slow grind, I live and die a little more. With each hard roll of his hips, my resolve slips. My legs are sore and my body aches with need. This is what he is offering me, making it clear that he won’t give me what I want.
“Rampage, please,” I plead.
“What, baby,” his growls back, grinding harder into me. His grip tightens around my hips, his eyes taunting me, challenging me.
“Please give it to me.”
I’m a joke. Here I am feeling broken and rejected, yet I’m still begging him for whatever he’ll give me. I’m reduced to nothing.
“Please what, Lala. Give you my love?” He says as he slides slowly out of me. My thighs are wet and my body is empty.
“I don’t want your love, so just keep fucking me.” As those words leave my mouth, I feel a tear run down the side of my cheek.
“This,” He growls, “Is all you’re ever gonna get outta me, baby,” he pulls out of me and slowly drags the metal of his piercings over my clit. He’s a fucking asshole. He’s a fucking liar.
My back lifts off the wall when he finally shoves himself back inside of me, “Oh! Please, fuck me just like that.”
“Yeah, Lala. I’ll always fuck you just like that, baby.”
****
His naked back rests against the brick wall of his room. My leg is spread across his stomach, my chest is pressed against his, and my cheek lays on his shoulder, face tucked under his chin.
His large, rough hand runs up and down my back leisurely, fingers skimming my neck down to my ass, and slowly back up. The lights are out and the radio is soft and low as Studio plays.
The sweet fragrance of weed swims through the air. An exhale of air skims across my bare shoulder, causing goose bumps to form along my skin. Peeking up through my lashes, I see the blunt hanging between his lips as his head is laid back. His eyes are closed and his face is expressionless.
I’m probably fooling myself, but this is why I can’t believe that he doesn’t love me. He fucks me for not only his pleasure, but for mine, too. He holds me. He always holds me afterward, sometimes for hours. He keeps me close and he allows me to love him. I can’t believe he doesn’t see that this is love.
“I don’t believe you.” I whisper against his neck. He inhales deeply, but says nothing.
After he takes a few more hits from his joint, he finally says, “I fuckin’ know you don’t, baby.”
****
Neither one of us has brought it up, not that I ever expected him to. As much as it hurts, I know that there is nothing more to say about it, so I’ll let it go. He still treats me the same. I’m still on the back of his bike and in his bed every night, and that’s all I should expect. I’m not going to push for something he doesn’t want to give me, so that means that I’ll take whatever he’ll give me ‘til I can’t live with it anymore.
“Babe. Imma be gone for two days. You gonna be good?” No, but I don’t tell him that. He needs to go and I’m not going to be the one to stop him.
“Yep.”
“You stay with Lil, or her ‘n Ty will crash here. I’ll call ya when I can.” I just nod and watch him pull a white t-shirt over his head, looking at the small patch of scars that catch the light.
I watch as he slides on a black and white flannel, then lastly, throwing his cut over top of it. He sits down on the edge of the bed and slides on his boots. Looking over his shoulder, he cocks his brow, “You sure you’re gonna be straight?”
“Yes.”
It’s a goddamn lie. Good thing I’m a good liar.
“Alright. Imma gas up the bike ‘n shit. I’ll come back in before I roll out, okay?”
Again I just nod. I wonder if he could pack me up in a saddlebag and take me with him?
Standing in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher, I hear the back door open softly, and close just as quietly.
“That was fast,” I call out. Everything feels wrong the second those words leave my lips. I’ve been listening to Rampage come and go through these doors for over a year, long enough to know that Rampage is never quiet.
I should have known that this was coming. I should have fucking knew better than to think I would be safe anywhere. I should have run and never looked back. I finally let my guard down for once in my miserable life, and I fucked up.
Before I can bolt, a hand covers my mouth from behind and fingernails dig into my cheek. I’m pulled in to a hard chest by another hand holding a knife. The air leaves my lungs and I drop the plate in my hands to grab at his arms. My heart pounds in my ears as panic starts to take over.
“I got ya now, bitch,” Ryan growls in my ear. I smelled the alcohol on his breath before he uttered a word. I knew it was him. This is it. It all ends here.
I fight. I struggle. I try everything I can think of to get away, but with one massive punch to my side, Ryan knocks the air right out of me. The punch is so painful that my vision starts to blur. It’s been a long time since my body has had to endure this type of abuse, and I obviously wasn’t ready for it. The blow knocks the fight right out of me.
“Stop fuckin’ fightin’ me, you stupid fucking bitch!”
Tears begin spilling from my eyes. I wasn’t ready to lose this life I had, but it’s all being taken away from me now. I’ll never see Rampage again. I’ll never see my friends. I’m about to lose it all.
The cold metal of a blade rests against my neck in his silent threat, and I know how serious he is. Ryan starts to move us toward the door.
“Why, Ryan?” After so many years, why can’t he just let me be? Hasn’t he taken enough from me?
“It was always about what you took from me so I used you for the money I lost, but now, it’s not just for money, it’s for revenge. Your little punk ass boyfriend thought he could get rid of me? I’ve been watching, waiting for him to show his weakness, and you know what I found out? His weakness is you. I’m taking what he wants more than anything in this world because I want that fucker to suffer. So, you’re gonna come with me willingly.” He shoves the blade deeper into my skin to get his point across. All I can do is pray to God that he lets me go, or he just fucking kills me.
“You’re gonna come with me unless you want you’re pretty little brunette friend and her sweet little boy to bleed to death.” Oh God, what? Oh my fucking God. He can’t be talking about Lil and Ty, can he?
Shaking my head frantically, I try to get his hand off my mouth to tell him I’ll do whatever he wants.
“Yeah, thought that’d get your attention.”
“How.”
“His room is all cutesy. That little Harley blanket he sleeps with looks comfortable.”
Fuck. He’s not lying. Fuck. Choking out a sob, I give him a firm nod. I’ll do what he wants. “Good girl.”
The rumble of bikes catches him off guard. His body goes ridged and I know he’s starting to panic. Letting me go with a hard shove, he points the blade at me. His eyes are wild.
“You meet me in Heaven’s parking lot by six. If you don’t, I swear to you that that sweet little boy will be strung up like a pig and gutted while his pretty mommy watches. You fuckin’ hear me, cunt! SIX!” He screams, disappearing through the back door.
My body is wracked with panic as I kneel down on the floor to pick up the pieces of the glass from the plate. I never heard what happened to him, just assuming that Rampage took care of it that night. So, so stupid.
Heavy boots thud through the house to the kitchen. I try hard as fuck to hold it in and suck it up so he doesn’t know what’s happening.
“What the fuck, baby?” Big hands wrap around my arms, hauling me to my feet.
“Lala, what the fuck? Are you okay?” Before he can look at my face, I step into him and bury my face into his chest.
“I’m sorry. My hands were soapy and I dropped the plate.” I mumble, keeping my face firmly against him. For a moment he doesn’t say anything, and I start to worry that he won’t believe me, but after a second, he nods.
“Okay, baby. You sure?” I nod again. I hold him as tight as I can. This will be the last time I ever see him, feel him, smell him. I want to remember every second of my time with him.
“Imma hit the road.” Kissing my forehead, he tries to give me one last look.
“Be safe,” I whisper as I pull away and turn to the sink, trying to hide the tears that just won’t stop spilling from my eyes. I wait a few moments and hear the front door open and close. He’s gone, and I’m left feeling such absolute hopelessness. Six o’clock. I knew all this was too good to be true, especially for someone like me. I don’t even care that Rampage doesn’t love me. At this point, I’m just so glad we had what we had, no matter what anyone would call it. It may have been nothing to him, but it sure as fuck was everything to me.
I run to the front window, watching as Rampage rides off without looking back.
Six o’clock.