She gasped and pulled her hand away to cover her mouth with her fingertips.

I hadn’t meant to say it. I’d tried to make it about her, to say I couldn’t imagine being home on the weekends without her here. But as I allowed myself to picture what it would be like if she left and took Aria with her, my mouth opened and the truth came tumbling out.

“I don’t understand.” Jade’s voice was so soft it was almost inaudible, and when I looked at her to get a better understanding of where she was emotionally, confusion and worry marred her expression.

“She’s like this living, breathing example of all that’s good in life. She’s not ruined by reality yet. To her, there’s no such thing as evil, and I can feel that when she’s around. It makes me wish I could live in her world, the magical place she sees when she opens her eyes. A world where a box of sand is exciting. Where everyone you pass smiles at you, or goes out of their way to make you laugh. What I wouldn’t give to live through her eyes and fall in love every ten seconds with something new.”

“That’s a nice fantasy, but that’s not the reality.”

I couldn’t respond without laying it all out there. Jade had no idea of the world I lived in, the things I had to do to protect kids like Aria. Having her around reminded me that I had a purpose, and at the end of the day, people like me needed angels like her around. We needed to know who we were fighting for. Seeing photos of strangers didn’t prove anything while I sat alone, engulfed in silence. But hearing her voice and watching her smile, seeing her eyes light up in awe, that made it mean something. It was hard to believe you were still one of the good guys if you never saw the face of the people you were protecting.

Luckily, I didn’t have to say anything. Aria chose that moment to inform us that she was done with her nap and ready to join us. Jade slid off the bed, not another word out of her mouth, and left the room. I followed but stopped just outside the door to grab the bag I’d set down when coming home.

Aria ran into the living room while Jade followed behind her at a much slower pace, a new diaper hanging by her side between her fingers. “Come on, Aria. You’re wet. Let’s put on a dry diaper.”

I sat on the couch and called the little tyke over. “I got you a present, but you can only have it if your mommy says it’s okay.”

“Way to put me on the spot.” Jade crossed her arms and stood in the middle of the room, looking like she was ready to take my head off no matter what I grabbed out of the bag.

But Aria jumped up and down, squealing in delight, completely oblivious to her mother’s irritation. I reached into the bag and pulled out a package of toddler underwear, to which she grabbed and held to her chest. I was sure she had no idea what it was, but regardless, she was happy.

“She hasn’t even started potty training yet,” Jade argued.

“I know, but hear me out. While I was gone, I did some research, and from what I found, children do better when they realize what happens if they don’t use a toilet. Right now, she’s used to pissing in that thing.” I pointed to the absorbent pad in Jade’s hand. “Since underwear won’t hold it, it’ll make her start to correlate the sensation of having to go with actually going.”

“Oh, yeah?” She raised her eyebrows in mock question, a smirk toying on her lips. “And what kind of research did you do? Where did you learn all this information, oh wise one?”

I reached into the bag again and held up a magazine.

She apparently found it more humorous than I had. “You bought a parenting magazine?”

“Why not? I seem to fuck up all the time; might as well learn everything I can so you can stop getting mad at me.”

“Is there an article in there about dropping the F-bomb in front of two-year-olds?”

I glanced at the cover before flipping it open, avoiding my fumble with the curse word. “Not sure. But I wouldn’t doubt it. This thing has it all. Breastfeeding, baby shampoo comparisons…oh, and there’s even a page in here that talks about the benefits of organic foods.”

“Yeah…sounds like it has everything.”

I couldn’t tell if she was teasing or if I’d done something yet again to piss her off. But rather than question her, I took the remaining item from the bag and tossed it at her. “Don’t worry, I got you something, too.”

She caught the oversized T-shirt and held it up to read the front. As soon as her eyes met mine again, I couldn’t help but enjoy the crimson that had taken over her neck and cheeks.

“What? What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?”

It was a nightshirt that said Just enough to cover my cash and prizes as a play on words. I thought it was fitting.

“What’s there not to love about it?” Her sarcasm was thick, but she couldn’t resist laughing along with me, finally giving in and finding the humor in it. “But seriously, Cash. As much as I appreciate you buying my child panties, it was just a waste of money. She’ll end up peeing all over your house.”

I shrugged, because honestly, I didn’t care. “I have a mop. Give it a try and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work and she’s not learning, then go back to the diapers, and then use the underwear as incentive. Oh, and, Jade?”

She cocked her head to the side and waited for me to continue.

“Two things. One: please don’t ever refer to her underwear as panties again. That’s just disturbing on all levels. In fact, let’s just put that word in the box with the F-bomb and bury it. Okay? And two: I don’t mind mopping up a little piss, but if she shits in her drawers, that’s all on you.”

She rolled her eyes and turned to grab Aria by the arm, mumbling under her breath, “I have a feeling I’m going to regret this.” A few minutes later, the tiny dancer came back out in nothing but a long shirt—which was pointless because she kept holding it up so we could all see Barbie on the front of her new undies.

I made a mental note to never buy another pack with cartoons on them again.

Jade headed straight for the kitchen to start making dinner, so I followed her. Our conversation had been interrupted, and then sidetracked, and I needed to know where we stood before going on another minute. After she pulled a bag of vegetables out of the fridge and put them on the counter, I cornered her, just like I had after returning home from the store. I had one hand on the granite beside her, arm stretched out as a barrier to keep her from leaving, and my body naturally leaned toward her, eating up most of our height difference.

“Where’s your head at, Jade?” My low, gravelly tone surprised even me, and it seemed to make Jade’s breathing stop altogether.

“Um…right now it’s on making supper.”

I grabbed her hip, turned her around, and moved to stand in front of her. My free hand fell away from the countertop and held her steady with her back pressed against the rounded edge of the granite. Now, rather than lean toward her, I towered above her, carefully gripping her hips while her warm palms pressed flat against my chest.

Staring into her eyes as if to plead with her to tell me the truth, I tried again. “No, with moving, staying…me. Where’s your head at? What are you thinking? What are you planning to do, or at least leaning toward?”

“Do you need an answer now?” Her question lacked the air it needed to carry the words to my ears.

So I lowered my head and brought my lips to the side of her face and said, “I need something. Anything. It doesn’t have to be a promise. I just need to know what you’re thinking so I can start to prepare myself.”

Her hands fisted the material of my shirt as if to hold me closer. “I’m not going anywhere, Cash. I’ll stay.” Those were the two best words I’d ever heard, powerful enough to almost bring me to my knees.

I let out a sigh of relief and melted into her, but it didn’t last long. Aria’s cries pulled us apart and had us both running around the corner to find two tiny feet spread wide, a puddle on the wood between them.

Not wasting a second, I crouched down in front of her and began to wipe the tears from her bright-red, scrunched face. “It’s okay, Aria. It was just an accident. The next time you feel like you have to pee, tell Mommy and she’ll take you to sit on your potty. That way Barbie won’t get wet.”

Jade came over with the mop, but before she could start to clean it up, I traded Aria for it. The apology written in her stare was enough to make me stop her retreat. She needed to get her daughter changed, but I refused to let her walk away thinking I was bothered by this.

“This is why I told you pant—underwear was a bad idea,” she said under her breath.

I lowered my voice to keep Aria from overhearing. “Stop, Jade. It’s not a bad idea. The more upset you are, the worse she’ll feel. Please don’t make her think I’m mad about this. It’s called an accident for a reason. You’re the mom, so if you choose to put her in a diaper, I’ll back you up. But whatever you do, don’t make that decision because you think I care about a little mess. I don’t give two shits about it.”

She nodded and then led Aria down the hall by her hand while I dried the floor.

To my surprise, Aria came out in another pair of underwear, more subdued than last time, but still showing signs of being happy rather than in tears. Jade joined me in the kitchen and resumed her place in front of the cutting board with a bag of carrots on the counter. We moved in sync around the small space, getting everything ready for her to put in the oven.

* * *

I knew the second she noticed our agreement. She’d just put Aria down for the night and came into the kitchen to grab a water. I had no sooner closed the dishwasher when I heard her snicker to herself from behind me. When I turned around, I caught her reading the paper attached to the fridge door.

After dinner, I’d added: No saying the word “panties” beneath her earlier addition of no cursing, and at the bottom, I wrote: Must give Cash proper notice before moving out.

She pointed to the last one and asked, “What’s considered a proper notice? Thirty days? Sixty? I can’t imagine you’d need that much time, but I think that’s the legal eviction period.” She cut her wide eyes to me. “Or so I’ve heard. I’ve never been evicted.”

“Obviously, Jade. That would’ve shown up on your screening.” I leaned against the counter and folded my arms over my chest, my feet crossed at the ankles. “I was going to say three hundred and sixty-five days, but I’ll settle on sixty.”

“A year? You need me to give you a year’s notice before moving out?”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her outrage. “You asked what I thought was fair for a proper notice, and in my opinion, that’s fair. But I’m prepared to negotiate here. If you think less makes more sense, then I’m willing to be flexible. I’m a rather understanding guy.”

Without saying anything else, she pulled the pen from the drawer and started marking up the paper. I moved to stand behind her and read from over her shoulder. Just beneath my bullet point about moving out, she added: Twenty-four hours.

“Hey, now. That’s not fair.”

“Fine,” she huffed, and brought the tip of the pen back to the agreement.

She scratched out the word “hours” and changed it to “days.” I didn’t argue, because I had full intention of coming back when she wasn’t looking to change “days” to “years,” just to see how long it’d take her to notice.

“I guess I should print a new one since you went and marked this one up,” I joked. “Keep adding things and we’ll have to put it in a binder instead of stuck to the fridge. I doubt a magnet would hold that much paper.”

“That’s why I call it the disagreement, but you refuse to add the ‘dis’ to it.”

She elbowed me, and like every other time she’d hit me in jest, she chose the right side. I couldn’t figure it out. Anytime I’d touch her, it was nice and gentle, yet she seemed to aim for the one bruise I had on my entire body.

“Oh my God, I did it again.” She turned to face me and immediately started to pat my chest and arm, as if that would make the ache in my ribs go away. But I could tell she had no clue what to do, and this was her way of comforting me—treating me like a dog.

“It’s fine. I’ll eventually learn to keep three feet between us at all times.”

“Here, let me get some ice.”

I grabbed her arm to stop her from pulling the freezer drawer open. “Really, I’m fine. I need to take a shower anyway, so I’ll ice it when I get out.”

She nodded but remained silent while I held my side and headed back to my room.

After the day I’d had, the hot water felt amazing. I wasn’t sure if it was that or knowing Jade had no intention of moving out anytime soon, but it was as though the tension I’d carried with me since last weekend swirled down the drain, leaving me feeling refreshed when I stepped out. I’d contemplated putting on a shirt, but after Jade jabbed me in the ribs with her elbow, I didn’t care to deal with one. I would just take it off before I went to bed, so I didn’t see the point in making the pain worse, just to do it all over again in a few hours when it was time to take it off.

To my surprise, Jade had taken her shower, too. When I stepped out of my room, I found her in the kitchen with her wet hair twisted into a tight bun and wearing the shirt I’d bought for her earlier today. She wrapped ice in a towel, just like our first night in the house together, and joined me on the couch.

“Nice shirt.” I wagged my brows, pulling a soft giggle and eye roll from her.

“I put on sleep shorts beneath it for double protection. Wouldn’t want you to see my panties this time.”

“Fuck,” I blurted out, catching her by surprise.

She froze and panic colored her expression. “What?”

“You said panties, so I said fuck.”

Realizing what I meant, she relaxed into the cushion again and shook her head. “That’s not how that works. Saying one doesn’t give you permission to shout the other.”

I rested my right arm over her shoulder to give her room to hold the ice pack to my ribs. I wasn’t sure if she intended to do that or if she’d brought it over so I could hold it there myself, but I didn’t give her an option. “I figured if you broke a rule, it’s only right to break the same one so you don’t feel like such a criminal.”

“How gracious of you.”

“I do what I can.” Our gazes met, and for some reason, I couldn’t look away. Finally, she glanced down at the ice pack in her hand, and it was enough to break the spell. “Speaking of underwear, how’d Aria do? She didn’t make a mess out here.”

“As much as it pains me to admit this, she did well. After dinner, when I took her to take a bath, she was dry. She took off her clothes and sat on the chair and went…all by herself. I didn’t even prod her to do it.”

“See? Parenting magazines have all the answers.”

“I love how you just jump in and play the part with complete modesty.”

“Thank you. I try.” With the TV off, I almost felt pressured to talk, to keep the conversation going, even though I wasn’t sure what to say. “I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you, having to do it all alone. Her father never helped at all?”

Jade grew tense, but I didn’t push. I simply waited her out, observing her reaction. She blinked a few times, swallowed harshly, and fought to control her breathing while never pulling her attention away from the towel in her hand. To anyone else, it was a simple yes-or-no question. But to Jade, that answer came with memories and heartache, the kind of pain I wished for nothing more than to take away.

“No. He, um…he didn’t do anything. He’s never even held her, which I’m okay with. I’m actually happy about it. I didn’t want him anywhere near her—still don’t.”

I was about to ask another question, curious as to how he’d managed to have nothing to do with his own daughter. But I stopped short when I noticed the tears streaming down her cheeks. Rather than make things worse, I used the arm I had draped over her shoulder to tug her against me. It was an awkward embrace with the way she sat on the cushion facing me and the ice pack between us, but she adjusted just enough to tuck herself into my side.

“Why are you crying? He sounds like a loser, anyway. You’re free of him, so there’s no need to cry. Aria is better off without him. She has you, and that’s all she needs.” I tried to comfort her the best way I knew how, but this was foreign to me. Even during my marriage, there weren’t many times I had to console Colleen—probably because I wasn’t home enough to do so.

She sniffled and pulled back just enough to sit comfortably and hold a conversation. “When I was younger, I had this picture in my mind of what my future would look like,” she said quietly, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “There was me, my husband, and our kids. I mean, the faces of them were blurry because I obviously didn’t know who they’d turn out to be. Sometimes my husband was a boy I liked in class, and other times he was a celebrity. But no matter who he was in my fantasies, he loved me and our kids. He was the kind of father mine was before he died.”

Up until this very second, I’d always believed you could find out more about a person from a thorough background check than you could from conversations with them. But listening to Jade open up about her childhood dreams of love and family, I no longer believed that to be true. She held more information in a single tear than any report I could’ve pulled on her.

“And now, looking at how my life turned out, I can’t help but be mad that my daughter doesn’t have that. I’m sad over the realization that those dreams were nothing but naïve illusions—a child who had no idea how disappointing reality could be. I want to give Aria the world, and it pisses me off that I can’t even give her a loving father. I can’t even give her a stable home.”

I took a moment to rehearse the words in my head before offering them aloud. “I may be biased, but I think this home is rather stable. And in my opinion, she—like every child—just needs to be loved. It shouldn’t matter who it comes from or what roles those who love her have in her life. You love her, and if that’s all she ever gets, that’s enough. And even though I’ve never met Stevie, I’m pretty sure she loves Aria. Not to mention, that little tyke already has me wrapped around her pinky. And she’s only two. There’s plenty of time for you to find someone to share your life with, someone who’ll love your daughter like she was their own. Hell, when I was your age, I wasn’t even married yet.”

“That’s not very comforting advice coming from someone who’s divorced.” She hadn’t meant it as an insult, and I didn’t take it as one. I could tell by her bright eyes as she looked up at me that she only meant to lighten the mood. “It just sucks that the only man who’s ever shown her any kind of love, whether he feels that way or not, is you.”

I hesitated for a moment, trying to keep from reading too much into it. “Why’s that a bad thing?”

She went back to studying her hand, taking a deep breath before speaking. “It’s not. You’re right…I shouldn’t be picky when it comes to people caring about her. But that won’t stop my hopes and dreams for her to have an amazing dad, one who buys a cartful of junk just because she asked for it and smiled at him.”

My chest constricted and breathing became almost impossible. It was a reaction I wasn’t familiar with. Not anxiety or fear. I didn’t have adrenaline pumping through my veins or endorphins spreading throughout my nervous system. This wasn’t stress. An intense rush of heat filled my chest, confusing me even more. It felt good, but I wasn’t sure why. For someone so in tune with other’s physical reactions toward emotion, I was clueless when it came to my own.

“And that’s the reason why it sucks, Cash.” Her exhale seeped past her moistened lips and bathed me in its warmth, wrapped me in its comfort. “Because you’re not her dad, and you never will be. You’re the guy who lets us live here. And at some point, this arrangement will end.”

I tugged her to me once more and rested my cheek on the top of her head, unwilling to let her see me while I worked through the onslaught of emotions her words left me with. I hated the thought of pulling away from Aria, but I understood the consequences of growing the bond we’d already started. I also wasn’t interested in letting Jade leave, even though I was aware of how much harder it’d be the longer she stayed. I’d already grown attached to them both, for two different reasons, in two different capacities. The only thing I could do was prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

I had to believe that the friendship we nurtured would survive after she was gone.

And that the relationship I’d fallen into with Aria would last a lifetime.