CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Razim busied himself with the storage area which was attached to the side of the main tent. He was glad for the chance to think more clearly. He'd seen the way Paige had reacted to being back here, in the encampment. He tried to convince himself that she was glad to be back, but, even as he said that to himself, he knew it probably wasn't true.
Back at the palace, when Ahmed had explained the situation to him, everything had seemed so simple. Razim had thought his plan was perfect. And, as he'd waited for Paige to emerge from her room in the palace, he'd told himself that he'd reveal to her the real reason why he wanted to bring her to this place. To the place where their marriage had been properly consummated as man and wife.
Surely she'd want to know there was a chance to undo the mistake they'd just made. Because he was sure she felt the same as he did. He'd seen a hint of it in her reactions. And he was sure she'd had second thoughts from the moment she'd finished uttering those words.
Razim sighed heavily as he checked through the stores of bottled water and the self-powered freezer compartment that contained some basic food.
He cursed himself for his weakness as he thought about how he'd sat in the limo, right next to Paige, on the way out to the helicopter. And as the limo had drawn up to the helicopter, he'd told himself that he would reveal to Paige what Ahmed had told him.
But, when the moment had come, he hadn't been able to do it. He'd worried she would demand to be taken to the airport and put on the first flight back to the US. Anything except run the risk of renewing her marriage to Razim.
So, he had remained silent about his motive, telling himself he would reveal the truth to her once she was here with him.
Now that she was here, and he still hadn't told her, there was a twisting knot of pain in his belly. He knew he should have explained the reason why he'd brought her to this place. It was a matter of honor, if nothing else. And it was the least she deserved, especially after what she'd been through with him. Deceiving Paige, in any way, did not make him feel good. It wasn't right, and he knew it. He resolved to make amends in any way he could.
Razim assessed the food supplies and concluded that there would be enough for him to rustle up a decent, if basic, meal for them both.
And then, after that, he would tell her the truth.
There was a low, rectangular wooden tabletop propped up on the inside of the storage space. It was used for makeshift meals out at the front of the tent. He lifted the table, feeling the heaviness of the wood.
He went back to the open space in front of the tent, placed the table down on the sand, dusted off his fingers, and waited for Paige to emerge.
Impatience tugged at him. He felt a familiar nervous tension in his body. He thought about that he was doing. Was he simply trying to recreate something from the past, their honeymoon, in a desperate bid to forge a future for himself and Paige? Was this his last, desperate move?
He gazed around the camp. This place held such significance for Razim. Coming back to the scene of their first night as man and wife brought back a multitude of memories. All of them good.
Razim recalled how he had claimed Paige right here, where he stood. They'd lain on a rug, beneath the stars, alongside a blazing fire.
How good it had felt to make love with her. And how much joy he had felt when he had seen the way she had reacted to him. He wondered if he could reclaim even a small part of that connection. That shared ecstasy. Because, he knew that if he could, his bond with this beautiful woman would be unbreakable. If she came back into his life, permanently and irrevocably, then he knew he would do whatever was in his power to make her happy. To bring peace, contentment and love into her life.
But, in order to achieve that, he knew he had to overcome a monumental obstacle. A barrier that, right now, seemed insurmountable.
He would have to take possession of Paige with exactly the same ferocity of need and passion as before. And, in doing so, he would have to sweep away every doubt she held onto. He would have to make her certain that staying with him was what she wanted. What she really needed. And that was probably going to be the hardest thing he had ever tried to do.
There was a sound from the tent and he turned. Paige emerged, looking gorgeous. Her hair was slightly tousled and she squinted to adjust her eyes to the bright sun.
Razim went to her and smiled. "Everything to your satisfaction?" he asked in a light tone of voice.
"I see we left some things behind the last time we were here," she told him.
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
She tilted her head in the direction of the tent. "The trunk in the sleeping area. It still has some of my things there. Don't say you didn't know."
Of course, he knew, he told himself. He'd left those things there when he'd discovered them on one of his solitary trips out to the encampment. It had seemed like the right thing to do. A part of him had hoped Paige would return and that she would be pleased to find some of her belongings here.
"I knew the stuff was there," he admitted.
"And you didn't think to tell me?"
"I didn't have a chance," he explained.
Paige lifted a skeptical brow at him and glanced over his shoulder. "I see you're getting ready to serve dinner."
"It isn't that late," he replied. "I think we'll wait until the sun goes down." He smiled at her. "Unless you're really starving."
She pouted. "I hate to think what's in that storage area. The last time I came, I seem to recall it was pretty basic stuff. And some things I definitely wouldn't want to put in my mouth."
As if realizing what she had just said might have another meaning, Paige's face turned red.
Razim laughed. "It isn't anything you'd find on the table of the palace dining room," he admitted. "Desert food. Figs. Some dried meat. Crackers. And water."
"Mmmm," she said and shook her head. "That sounds just yummy. A feast. I can hardly wait."
Razim grinned. "Maybe later. In the meantime, you want to take a walk?"
She rolled her eyes. "We're in the middle of the desert. Where exactly did you have in mind?"
Once again he smiled at her. "You'd be surprised at how interesting this place can be."
She quirked a brow at him. "Especially since you are an expert guide, I suppose," she said with obvious good humor.
"I think I know my way around here," he replied ironically.
This time it was her turn to laugh. Her pretty features broke out into a beautiful smile. Her eyes brightened in that special way which was unique to her.
Razim was glad to see that she had relaxed slightly. He loved it when Paige displayed her natural good humor. It was one of the things he found most attractive about her. One of things he'd never tire of enjoying.
They walked away from the camp, heading up onto the peak of a dune. Once, when she slipped, her shoes sinking into the sand, Razim reached out and took her hand. Steadying herself, she glanced up at him, but she did nothing to release her warm hand from his grasp. She smiled at him and pushed her foot into the sand, hoisting herself up.
"You can't even walk up the side of a dune," he observed with a sly grin.
Her brows furrowed and she took another few defiant steps. "Sure I can. Watch me," she exclaimed.
She strode up the sandy surface, digging her heels into the side of the dune. Razim held onto her hand as she battled her way up to the top.
Once they'd reached the summit, she released his hand, gave him a brief glance and then dusted off her hands. She gazed out across the desert vista and let out an appreciative sigh.
"Beautiful," Razim said. He knew she would assume he was referring to the landscape, but he knew different. What he really wanted to say was how good it was to stand here with her and gaze out across a landscape which had been burned into his soul.
Paige drew in a deep breath. As she did so, Razim couldn't resist the temptation to glance at her body. Need tightened inside him as he gazed at her curves. Paige glanced up at him, catching him looking at her. She didn't say a word, but he knew he'd been caught red-handed.
The wind from the desert blew softly against Razim's skin. He inhaled the scent, a familiar earthy mixture. But this time there was something extra. The scent of Paige's perfume mingled with it, adding a sweetness to the sharp tang of the desert aroma.
"This is so peaceful," she observed.
He nodded. "It gets into your soul," he admitted. "No matter what you do. There's something about this place that makes me feel alive."
Paige squinted at him. "And you don't feel that when you're back in civilization?"
He frowned. "For me, this is civilization. Most of my ancestors inhabited this place. They let it possess them. Shape their lives and their destinies."
Paige looked at him thoughtfully for a long moment. "Why don't you let it do the same for you?" she asked. "You're free to do what you want now."
That comment cut into him, reminding him of something he didn't even want to think about. A future without her.
"I think you belong out here," she said. "You always told me you feel different when you're here."
A sharp stab of guilt dug into him. That was exactly what he was trying to do by bringing her out here. Wasn't it? Hoping that this place would somehow change her opinion of him. To show her who he truly was.
He knew he had been difficult to live with soon after the marriage. But there had been so many pressures. And, he had to admit, those pressures had affected him. Made him into something he knew he was not.
However, all that was in the past. All he wanted to think about now was the future.
He sighed, enjoying the peace of the moment, standing alongside Paige.
Maybe this was his chance to tell her the truth. But, even as he played with that thought, even as he tried to summon up the courage, something deep inside him drew away from that prospect.
He saw she was still waiting for his answer to her question.
"In this day and age, many people in my kingdom do not have time for the desert life." He scoffed. "They see it as archaic. An embarrassing part of their heritage. One they want to avoid even thinking about."
Paige wrapped her arms around herself and gazed out across the golden landscape. "That's so sad. There's such a richness in this country's past. It should be respected."
Razim agreed. Joy leaped in his heart. Right there, was another reason why he wanted this woman. She shared his vision of what it meant to be a Qazhar citizen. Even though she was an outsider. Even though this all must seem so alien to her. Still she could appreciate its beauty, its true value. If he made her a part of his life, a part of his kingdom, he knew she would understand what all of this meant to him. What it should mean to the people of his country.
Drawn by a sudden impulse, Razim moved closer to Paige. Her gaze was fixed on the far horizon. For a moment, he thought she hadn't noticed his movement to be nearer to her. But then she turned her face to him and smiled in obvious recognition of what he'd just done.
Was she sending him a signal? What if he put his arms around her? Would she rebel and push him away?
Seeing the expression in her eyes, he was sure she wouldn't. And those eyes shimmered, icy blue in the bright light of the late afternoon.
Razim's gaze dropped to her mouth. Her lips were moist and inviting. He wondered if he dare kiss her, but hesitated. He asked himself where his caution was coming from.
It was simple, really. This woman was no longer his wife. That was the reason for the hesitancy. His reluctance was born out of a sense of honor toward her, and a strong impulse to treat her with the utmost respect.
A gust of the desert breeze shifted some locks of her blonde hair loose. They drifted across her features and she lifted a hand, pushing them away. But still the breeze kept the long hairs resting on her pretty features.
Razim lifted his hand and took hold of the soft hairs and tucked them behind her ear. She smiled at him. Just touching her like that triggered desire in him. Just being this close to her, and in this place, made him want her, made him need her.
He gazed at her and saw her eyes flicker, a hint of uncertainty in them.
That made him pull back. Instantly. He wasn't going to push himself on her. He wanted her to come to him. This had to be her choice.
Then she surprised him. She leaned closer to him and slid her hand around his back, curling it around his waist. He was taken aback and looked at her, narrowing his brows. She smiled up at him and snuggled close to him. Then she turned her head away from him as if she wanted him to know that she was making a gesture that was merely friendly, merely familiar.
It felt good to have her close to him. To feel her arm wrapped around his waist. He slid his own arm around her, resting a hand on her shoulder. This was the way it had once been. The way it should be forever, he told himself.
And for what seemed like a very long time, they stood on the peak of the dune and enjoyed the desert's majestic beauty.