CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Dinner was just as basic as Razim had promised. But, even though she wasn't used to this kind of food, somehow sharing it with Razim made it taste good. They'd spent what seemed like an eternity up on the peak of the dune. But, it had been a beautiful time, one she knew she would always remember. At one point she had been sure that Razim had wanted to kiss her. Clearly the romance of this place, this oasis of calm in the wilderness, had the ability to make them both recall better times, she told herself.
The meal over, Razim lit a fire from logs which were kept in the storage space. She watched him construct the logs into a symmetrical pile a safe distance away from the tent. After a while, the lit fire spread its golden glow across the flat, sandy space between the tent and the oasis pool and trees. Tiny sparks flew, like fireflies, into the night.
Razim stood alongside the fire and smiled at Paige. "I think I did a pretty good job," he said proudly. "Don't you think?"
He smiled at her and extended his hands, warming them.
She squinted at him. "I seem to recall that's what you say about just about everything you do."
"Are you saying I'm arrogant?" he asked and grinned at her.
"Let's just say that you don't miss a chance to give yourself compliments."
He shrugged. "I thought so. You do think I'm arrogant," he said firmly.
For a moment, she worried that she had offended him. But, when he smiled at her, she felt relieved. Why had that even been important to her? She recalled how insensitive she'd been toward him when she'd gotten on the plane in New York. Now that she'd seen that this separation was going to be as hard for him as it was for her, she didn't want to rub salt into the wound.
Since they'd arrived here in the oasis, she'd gotten the sense that they were both tip-toeing around each other. As if there were things they both wanted to say to each other, but wouldn't dare because of the consequences.
She squatted down on the sand and Razim sat down next to her. He gazed into the fire. He stared into the flames, clearly lost in thought. She wondered what he could be thinking about, but didn't dare ask in case the conversation became difficult.
Paige held her hands close to the fire. The warmth of the flames was a welcome contrast to the evening chill. Overhead, the night sky blazed with shimmering stars. A steady, soft breeze swept in from the desert, fanning the flames. The light flickered across Razim's features causing shadows to dance across his face.
There was no doubt about it. Razim was handsome, she told herself. Here, sitting by the fire, his back erect, his chin held proudly up, he looked positively regal. Completely at home. She could imagine him seated here, just like this, ever since he'd been young. This was his natural habitat. Like a wild animal, he seemed entirely at home in this place.
During dinner the conversation had been about inconsequential things, trivial details about things that had happened to her in New York, or what he had been doing since she had gone away.
Paige was glad that he hadn't tried to force the conversation onto the subject of their relationship. That would have made for more awkward moments, she told herself.
And, since she had arrived at the camp, there had been an absence of the tension they'd both displayed back at the palace. It was almost as if this place calmed their spirits, she reflected. She knew that some places had the capacity to do that. All couples who'd enjoyed any kind of relationship invariably had special places where they could be at ease with one another.
She gazed around the oasis. This was their comfort zone, she told herself. The oasis would live in her memory for a long time.
Who was she kidding! She chided herself, realizing how stupid that sounded.
Paige knew she would never forget this night. And, more importantly, never forget Razim. Once again, regret tugged at her, like an unwelcome spirit. How long was she going to feel like this? The ache in her middle was now even more insistent than it had been back at the palace. Would that hurt fade with the passage of time? She hoped so.
Nevertheless, she didn't want anything to spoil the exquisite calm of this time with the man who, until today, had been her husband.
Paige saw Razim glancing across at her. He looked like he was about to say something.
"Do you remember our first night here?" he asked.
She felt herself blush. "Sure," she said curtly.
He smiled. "It was a wonderful night. In every possible way," he said in an appreciative tone of voice.
Paige nodded, wondering where Razim was going with all of this. "How could I ever forget?" she said. "It was like something out of a dream."
Razim ran his gaze around the encampment. "This place is a dream." He sighed and lowered his voice. "Once you're gone, I think I'll wait a while before I come back. A long while, in fact."
Paige was startled by the directness of his confession. "Why?"
He gazed across at her. His dark eyes were filled with emotion. "Do I have to spell it out?"
She felt heat on her cheeks, and it had nothing to do with the fire burning a few feet in front of her. "No, you don't Razim."
He shifted closer, turning to face her head on. "Any magic this place once had will get on that plane when you go back to the US."
She turned her head away from him. The sudden shift in him disconcerted her. "I won't take anything away with me, except wonderful memories," she admitted, hoping that would satisfy him.
He shook his head. "You'll be taking away something more precious than memories," he replied.
"What?"
He lowered his head slightly, as if trying to control himself, and gazed at her. His eyes were filled with brooding emotion. "You," he said simply. His voice was a low growl.
Her breath caught in her throat. For a long moment, she didn't know what to say. Their eyes met, light dancing across their features. The fire crackled and she drew her gaze away from Razim.
She sensed him moving closer. When she looked at him again, she saw a resolute expression on his face. What was he about to tell her? Was he going to beg her to stay? And, if he did so, what would she say? Hadn't the damage already been done? There was no way they could repair the mess they had created. She was sure of that.
"Paige," he said softly.
She peered into his eyes. "What, Razim?"
"There's something I have to tell you," he murmured. "Something very important. About us."
She sighed heavily. "Haven't we said enough, Razim?"
"This is different," he replied and shook his head. "You have to listen to me."
Paige lifted her head and looked up into the dark sky. Why did he have to spoil this wonderful moment? When she looked at him again, she saw the same determined expression. Just like so many other times, she recognized that expression. He had something really important to tell her. He wasn't playing a game. Not this time.
Paige swallowed, feeling suddenly apprehensive. "Is there something I should know?"
He seemed momentarily relieved by that question. "There is. And it has to do with why I brought you here."
She narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"
Razim glanced toward the fire. For the first time since he'd sat down he looked genuinely worried. A hard knot of tension twisted in her middle.
"I have to tell you something. The truth." He sighed. "Because I won't lie to you. Or deceive you. Not again. I've already done enough of that to last a lifetime."
His features darkened and he sighed.
"You're worrying me, Razim," she exclaimed. And she meant it. Whatever it was had to be serious, if this was what it was doing to him.
"What have you lied to me about, this time?" she asked nervously.
He gazed at her. "I brought you here for a reason. And I didn't tell you when we were back at the palace."
"What reason?" Tension made her voice crack.
"It's about the marriage," he said.
"You mean the divorce," she retorted.
He shook his head. "No. I'm going to tell you something which you might not like. Or understand. But you have to know that I brought you here because I love you, Paige," he said.
Emotion tightened her throat and she could feel her eyes begin to moisten. "Razim! We can't use that word any longer."
"Even if it is true?"
She gasped. "We spoke about all of this back at the palace, Razim. There's no use saying such things any more."
His brows furrowed. "Are you saying you don't love me, Paige? That you have never loved me?"
Once again, she gasped. She was seized with the impulse to stand and race back to the safety of the tent, but she forced herself to remain seated. "I'm not saying any such thing, Razim."
"Then you still have affections for me?" he asked breathlessly.
"Of course I do," she replied. "We'll always be the best of friends."
As she uttered the words she saw his features darken.
"Is that all?" he asked sharply.
"What else do you want me to say?" she snapped.
"The truth," he replied. "I've seen the way you look at me since you arrived back in Qazhar. I saw how you reacted back at the palace when we were going through that ceremony. You can't tell me you don't feel anything for me," he said. His voice was rising. It echoed around the confines of the encampment. "If you tell me you have no feelings for me, I refuse to believe it, Paige. My eyes, and my heart tell me something different."
After he'd spoken, there was a long awkward silence between them. She felt suddenly very warm, the heat of the emotion adding to the warmth of the fire.
"What do you have to tell me, Razim?" she said in a chilled voice. "And what has it got to do with whether I love you or not?"
He moved closer. "It has everything to do with it, Paige. It has to do with our future."
"We don't have a future, Razim," she said sharply. Somewhere, deep inside herself, she knew she didn't want that to be true. She never had wanted it to be true. But, it was too late to change any of that now. From the moment she had stepped on the plane in New York, there had been only one outcome to all of this. The ending of her time with the sheikh of Qazhar.
"That is where you are wrong," Razim said steadily and with a curious certainty. "We can still have a future."
She stared at him incredulously. "What are you talking about? How?"
He paused a few moments, gathering his thoughts. Then he looked at her, steadily and purposefully. "There is a tradition about which I knew nothing. It has to do with divorces."
She saw him swallow. Was he nervous about what he was about to tell her? If so, why? What could possibly make him act like that?
"Ahmed told me after the divorce ceremony," Razim said. "I have to admit, I was shocked. But pleasantly surprised."
"Told you what?" Unease crept through her, creating a tight ball of anxiety in her middle.
"There is a way of undoing the divorce," he stated.
Paige stared at him. Razim gazed at her, unflinching, barely moving a muscle.
"Undoing the divorce?" Paige asked, feeling completely confused. "How can that be?"
"There is an ancient condition in the divorce ceremony which allows for the wedding to be reinstated. On one condition."
"And what is that?" she asked. She wasn't sure she even wanted to know. Emotions swirled around her body. Her heart was pounding relentlessly.
"If the newly divorced couple share the marriage bed they shared on their first night together," he said.
Paige's head began to swim. She reached out a hand and placed it flat against the cold, dry sand. Paige curled her finger, sinking them into the sand. She felt her breathing tighten and she peered at Razim. Surely he must be pretending, she told herself. This was archaic. Primitive. Didn't Qazhar have modern divorce laws?
"If they sleep together?" she asked.
He nodded.
"And then what?" she demanded, still hardly able to fully understand what he was trying to tell her.
He drew in a deep breath before answering. "Then the marriage annulment is revoked."
"And?"
He paused. She wanted to reach out and seize his arm. Demand that he speak. That he give her full story.
"The marriage is reestablished. Fully. And it can never be broken."
"What!" she ejaculated.
This time she couldn't prevent herself from standing up. She leaped to her feet and glared down at Razim. "What on earth are you saying? That, if I sleep with you here, then you get to claim me again as your wife?"
To her amazement he didn't stand and face her. Instead he simply gazed up at her and nodded. "That is exactly what I'm saying," he replied. "And the marriage can never be annulled. We will stay married forever."
She gasped and felt suddenly unsteady on her feet. She whirled around and staggered. This was unreal, she told herself. What was he saying? And how did he think he even had the right to do this? Weren't they already divorced? It was final. Just like every divorce, she told herself.
When she turned to him, she saw that he had stood up and was now facing her. Concern was written on his features. He advanced toward her, but she raised a hand and he halted.
"No," she exclaimed. "Don't come near me," she snapped. "You lied to me."
He shook his head. "I didn't. If I was going to lie to you I wouldn't have even told you about this. I wanted you to know the truth."
"Only after bringing me here under false pretenses," she retorted.
"No. I would never have done anything to dishonor you," he said.
She jammed her hands into her sides and glared at him. "How noble!" she exclaimed. "Does that even make a shred of difference?"
He narrowed his eyes. "Did we not just confess to one another that we still have feelings for each other?"
She groaned. "That was different," she said sharply. "That was before you told me about your little plan."
"I had no plan. I was merely acting on the reality of the situation." He reached out a hand. "What would you have me do, Paige. Now that I have another chance to keep you as my wife. Now that destiny has given me one final opportunity to possess the only woman I will ever love."
His words hit her with a physical force. She felt her pulse pounding and there was a roaring in her ears. For a long moment, she was completely lost for words. Had he meant any of that? She didn't know what she should say. Right now, all she felt was indignation that he could have been so callous as to bring her to this, of all places, with something like that in mind.
"I don't know what to say, Razim," she muttered.
"Tell me what's in your heart, Paige. That's all I want to know. Now that I have opened myself up to you, are you really saying you still wish to cast me aside?"
She frowned at him. "I'm not casting you aside, Razim. It's over. We did what we promised. And now it's time to move on."
Even as she said the words, something deep inside her cried out that she should restrain herself, in case she said something which would undo them irrevocably.
Razim's eyes narrowed, assessing what she'd just said. "I don't believe you," he said finally. "I know you, Paige. I know you better than you are willing to admit."
Razim moved toward her and took her hand. Inexplicably, she didn't tug it free of his grasp. Instead, she peered into his eyes.
"I love you, Paige," he murmured. "You know that to be true. But, you must come to me. Freely and of your own choice. Only then will we be able to repair the damage we have done. To our relationship and to our future."
"Didn't you hear what I said, Razim?" she pleaded. "We have no future. Don't you get it? I can't sleep with you again. Especially after what you've just told me."
His brows furrowed. She pulled her hands free of him and stepped away from him.
"Tell me you do not love me, Paige," he murmured. "Do that, and I will end this. Once and for all."
She stared at him. All she had to say was a simple phrase. And then she could carry on. Live her life without him. It should have been easy to say the words. She knew that to be true.
But, for some reason, the words would not come to her mouth. She stood, transfixed, staring at the sheikh who had just declared his love to her. How could she throw that back in his face?
Her heart ached and she fought a growing feeling of nausea. He was still watching her. Carefully. Expectantly.
This was the moment her entire life had been leading to. She knew that, even though she felt as if she had been cornered. As if she had been maneuvered into this. Anger mixed with all sorts of other emotions.
And then cried out and, as quickly as she could, she started to race back toward the tent.