Sex alleviates all tension. Love causes it. - Woody Allen

Natasha

A lunch date! I am on a lunch date with Anton.

When he asked me to go with him and picked out something reasonable for me to wear, I didn't know what to think of it. He took me out to a little cozy restaurant where we sat in a secluded corner to ourselves, a curtain pulled almost all the way around us. The menu was full of delicious authentic Italian and Greek fare, and it set my stomach rumbling right off the bat.

After I ordered and gave the menu back to the waitress, I found that Anton was staring at me, surveying me.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask him, feeling self-conscious for the first time in our relationship. This is a totally different setting than I would picture us in after all I have learned about him and what he does, and we also just reconnected the night before. Maybe this is what falling in love is supposed to feel like; nerves and butterflies rather than razor blades and death. That's what it felt like with Rusev, though I didn't realize it at the time.

“I was just studying you. I realized that I still know so little about you. I know you said you don't like to talk about your past, but I would like us to get to know each other better, you know, outside of the bedroom,” he says, shocking me to my core.

“Oh, but isn't that the fun part?” I joke. I know he likes my wit anyway.

“There is that smart-ass mouth of yours again,” he says, but he is smiling when he does.

“I think you like this smart-ass mouth.”

“Yes, and everything attached to it.”

I sip at my drink as my smile fades, turning serious. He is right, that we should get to know each other. That is the only way this relationship won't fail again is if we do it the right way. “Okay, so if I tell you something about me, then you have to do that too. This has to be both of us, or it isn't fair,” I tell him. He holds up his hand like a boy scout to let me know he plans on following through. “Then, what do you want to know?”

“What were you like when you were younger?” he asks. That is a vague question, and I think back to a time where I can be honest about it, but also, I don't have to dig into something that is still a sore spot with me.

“I was kind of a really independent lonely kid, I guess,” I say with a shrug. “Like, I wasn't a weirdo or anything like that, but mostly I had nannies, or I was shipped off to a boarding school, so I was like a little grown up and didn't have a ton of friends or a need for them, just a few. That's where I met Bethany, the last school I attended. She is my family, as far as I am concerned,” I tell him.

“I am guessing Sergei does not have much of a fatherly instinct,” he said, and I shake my head. No, he does not at all.

“Or the time to care for a growing girl for that matter. My mother died when I was a toddler, so I guess he was a little lost as what to do with me after that.” Seeing it from that point of view, I kind of get it. He couldn't have planned for that to happen. I do wish he was more involved, though, in some way, friendly phone calls once a month to check on me or something. “It's your turn,” I tell Anton just as the food comes out to us. It smells delicious.

“You are right. It is only fair. I think I was the same way. I mean, I did not make many friends either outside of other Clan children. Most of my upbringing was all about how to take over the Clan for my father when he passed, and I ended up doing that at a younger age than anyone had predicted. I was a tough kid, and I think because of my size and lineage, the others were a bit afraid of me.”

I look at him, and I can totally see that, and I am also starting to understand now what it is that draws me to him. Our family history is certainly similar. We are both involved in criminal royalty and it is not an easy position to be in. It made us both a bit hard to handle.

He reaches out as I am lost in thought and strokes my hand, and I look at his thumb, tracing the back of my hand. I don't think I have ever had a man be both protective and gentle, and it feels a bit unreal to me right now. So, I choose to eat and not say anything, mulling all of this over in my brain instead.

***

After lunch, we ended up in the pool continuing our conversation from before, and now, we are both soaking up the sun with a drink in our hand. This is my idea of a date, really. I could do this any day and just relax.

I am laughing at a time Anton is describing getting in trouble at school when I hear a voice drift through the open doors. It is a voice I know all too well, especially with what he is calling me.

“Milaya?” Sweetheart, in Russian, that's what he is saying.

I try to stand up so I can see him, greet him, but I am immediately tugged back down by Anton who I bet is afraid for my safety right now. My father doesn't do most of his business directly with people, so I would imagine Anton has never seen him up close, of at all. He has no idea who this man is who has entered his home.

I look to Anton, feeling my blood run cold like I have just seen a ghost. My father probably qualifies since I haven’t seen him in so long. Not that I am afraid to see him, but this is an odd time for him to finally show his face here, now that things are a little better between Anton and me. “It's my father. He is there,” I explain to Anton who raises his eyebrow in interest.

“I am sorry, I didn't know. Sergei rarely does his own business. He has proxies doing most of it for him,” he whispers to me like he doesn’t want my father to hear that he didn't recognize him. I don't think my father is that deadly, is he? Maybe so. Maybe I don't know the man who gave life to me at all.

I stand back up and see that my father is standing about 20 feet away from me with my step-mother, Katya and a few of their goons, just inside the house. Anton stands up at the same time, and he ends up practically glued to me, his hand wrapping around my body possessively. I don’t really mind it, and in fact, I pretty much expect such moves out of Anton at this point, However, there is something about this, about the way he holds me and looks at my father that feels a bit different than all the other times Anton has behaved this way, I wonder if I should be worried at all.

I lean into him a bit and just let it go, focusing instead on my father who I have a few words for, obviously. I want to know where he has been and why he has not come to my rescue at all before this, hearing the rumors he must have the way Rusev described them. Surely the man would not want me passed around inside an entire Clan from member to member like a whore, right?

“Hello father, Katya” I say at first, greeting them both while sizing him up. He doesn't look like he has changed or aged much. I wonder if money really does buy things, like everlasting good looks. Despite his age, no one would know he had a full-grown daughter by just looking at him. “It took you long enough to come and find me,” I tell him sarcastically, letting him know I am slightly annoyed but still glad to see him, even if it is a little late.

My father laughs, straight up laughs, and I feel the need to shrink back a little. What is so fucking funny? “I am not here to rescue you, Milaya,” he informs me, and suddenly I want to punch him, father or not. It's not like he is acting very fatherly right now.

I think Anton can feel me tense because he tightened his hold on my body so I can’t move at all. I really shouldn't be leaning on my captor as a crutch when my father is here. I thought it would be the other way around, but there I go again, giving men too much credit. “Then why have you come exactly?” I asked as coolly I can manage, though I bet he hears my thinly veiled anger.

“I am here to first remind Anton of what will happen if he steps out of line.” My father trails off and gazes deeply into Anton’s dark eyes. I have seen this look before a few times. I have seen my father scare the shit out of men with that look, Anton stands strong and tall against it, challenging him with his own stare and then a nod. He understands, though I am not sure I do. What kind of deal do these two have that I don't know about? I hate secrets, and it looks like I am about to find out about another one.

“I am also here to congratulate the both of you on your impending union.” There is a glint in his eyes as he says it and a broad smile, a genuine one. Katya smiles widely next to him, leaning against my father. It takes me a minute to register what he means by the word union. He uses such antiquated language. Then, it hits me, union, he means like marriage, engagement, being together, saying vows, and all of that shit. What the fuck is going on here?

I can feel my cheeks turning red with the ferocity of my anger. I can’t believe this man has been gone for so long, knows that I was not only in trouble with one man, but then lost my uncle just to get kidnapped by another, and he shows up just in time to tell me who I am marrying. I don't like this one damn bit, and I pull away from Anton’s hold. I am not dumb enough to think he doesn't have at least a little to do with this.

I begin to go off on him in Russian. I want him to understand how he has hurt me, how he has miserably failed as a father all of this time. Sure, I may be safe with Anton now, or for the time being, but that doesn't mean I couldn't have sued my father at any point, actually acting like my father. Jan was great, but that wasn’t his job. My father has never been there when I need him or when he should be, and it’s just pouring out of me right now. I am so fucking furious, and I am surprised Anton is not stopping him.

“What do you mean that you aren’t here to save me?” I ask him, yelling at him now. “I do not understand how you could have nothing after you heard whatever rumors Rusev told you about what was going on and not come for me. You didn’t call and check on me, nothing. Why would you not be here to make sure that your daughter is okay?” I continue to screech. I know I am going to regret this little fit later, but he missed so many when I was a kid, maybe he should get it all from me now. “And what the hell do you mean about me and Anton being engaged?”

Choosing English over Russian, probably just to piss me off and make it clear that he would rather address Anton than me, he answers me, and I do not like what he has to say. “This arrangement…” he says, looking back and forth between the two of us, and I roll my eyes at the word. That is not what an engagement is supposed to be. “Is beneficial for me, and for Anton as well. Why would I ruin a good business relationship over a rumor I was certain was not true? As for Jan, they say he did something unforgivable, I can’t help that,” he says, acting completely innocent, though he is far from it. Not to mention, hasn’t this man done unforgivable things himself? He is one to talk.

Of course, he is always worried about business. I roll my eyes at him again and decide to say nothing else. It's just going to make this worse. At this point, he might as well leave and never come back. Even if I did have a wedding, I am unsure that I would want him to be there.

“Your father and I have been discussing our union privately,” Anton says, coming up to me and trying to put his arm around me again, but I shrug it off. This is not going to diffuse the situation, and I hope he knows that. I don't know which one of these men I am angrier at now. Why would Anton not at least talk to me about this? I get that my father is a powerful man and marrying his daughter without his permission could be scary. I also know Anton could stand to gain from this, even if he does have feelings for me, why not get benefits? But I should be a part of the conversation. We were nearly okay again, and he goes off and does this?

No, he had to go speak to my father behind my back, though. Who is the one committing the bigger sin here; the man who was supposed to protect me as long as I lived, or the man that just swore to protect me against every threat? I would call this whole thing a threat, forcing me into something I do not know if I am ready for, and without a proper proposal or anything. We haven't even said those three words to each other yet,

I turn around and glare at Anton so that he knows what he has done. He has made this even harder, yet again. “Well, it sounds like the two of you have a ton of business to talk about, so don't let little old me get in the way,” I say with a lot of venom before crossing my arms and walking away. I don't need this right now. I don't need my father here if he is not truly even interested in seeing me.

I go to my bedroom and sit on my bed, half expecting one of them to follow me in here, Anton if no one else, but he doesn't show up. I guess they are too busy talking about me and my future yet again, completely without me.

I put my head in my hands and sigh after yet another man in my life has hurt me. Anton is going to atone for this later, or at least try to, but I don't think my father ever can. I don't think he even knows how to be a father, and he doesn't even want to try. It's too late now, anyway. I am a grown woman with scars, inside and out. Maybe I never needed a father. I just needed to learn to rely on myself.