You are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart. - Franz Kafka

Anton

I know I really should be pissed at Natasha. In fact, for a moment there, I was pissed at Natasha. I was thinking that she had told her father, someone I knew she was not that close to, that she was pregnant and had not told me, the father of the child. Now I realize that her father has used his connections to get this information and was possibly trying to ruin this for us. It doesn't surprise me. I'm not going to call the man directly out on it either. I want to keep this deal going too badly. However, I cannot blame Tasha for something her father is doing behind her back.
What I can do is blame her for the fact that she held the information back for 2 weeks.

I tried to see her side of things. It’s not exactly like she was planning on getting pregnant. I'm not a woman, so I do not understand the consequences or the thoughts that go through your mind when you find out something of this nature. So, how can I expect to judge?

Fuck it.

To be honest, I can't really be pissed. Hey, I can't be pissed because of what having a baby means. I have known for a while now that I want Natasha forever. Because of her last name, the Clan she is heir to, and she is incredibly hot, smart, and amazing in everything she does.

I want her. I want her to be mine every day of the week for the rest of my life. Even though I have a ring on her finger, it doesn't mean so much. For all I know she could be playing along. I could easily do something that pisses her off yet again. She could change her mind.

But a baby, that's different.

If she is carrying my child she's going to think twice about leaving me. That means forever. A family means forever. And I don't think Natasha Kolosov and I feel differently about it especially with what she's been through with her father. She wants the baby to have a father, and I am its father. 

I'm fucking thrilled about our future together. Our very long future. And I will fucking make sure that nobody fucks with my family. It will be a long life together.

I walk into the kitchen to see her taking it over. I like the way she looks so comfortable there with her hair piled on top of her head, wearing clothes that she bought on a recent shopping trip with her best friend. A trip I funded because I knew she needed it. She looks like she belongs here. Like she is at home. I want this to be her home.

Natasha has two burners going on the stove. There are ingredients spread across the counter. She seems not to be paying attention to her surroundings, me included. I don't even think she knows that I've walked into the room.

I am careful to not get burned again while I remove the cooking utensils from her hand and place them safely on the countertop. Full attention on me now, she turns around to face me. I press my body up against her and I can feel the heat radiating off her.

My lips land on hers, roughly parting them so that my tongue can slide inside. Somehow, it is like I'm chasing her for the very first time. Just knowing that she's carrying my child makes everything with her feel brand new.

My hands are on her, even though she's got something boiling and something on the stove. I hope I haven't ruined a meal. But I think I'm going to indulge in a little bit of dessert first. I do after all, have an unquenchable sweet tooth.

I lift her onto the countertop just like she weighs nothing and wonder how long it will be before I can't do this, before she has that wonderful bump on her.

Like this Natasha is actually at eye level. I'm not trying to get to her eyes, though, or even her face. Instead, I lift her chiffon shirt to look at her stomach which is already slightly rounded. It's not something you can see through her clothes, but it's there.

My lips go down to her stomach, kissing it many times. I know that I'm not just kissing her but also the child that we have together that's inside of her. Funny how the miracle of life does not exactly hit you until you know that someone around you is growing a life inside of them.

“I need you to know this. I want this. I want this baby, I want us, and I want a future together. I want a future with you. I wanted it before there was a deal with your father or I knew you were having my baby. This, however, makes it so much sweeter. And I have to tell you something else before I can’t because you know I'm a chicken-shit when it comes to this shit. Fuck, I can't believe I'm going to say this because I've never said it to anyone, but I am in love with you, Natasha. I'm so damn in love with you and your fiery personality.”

“You… you love me?” Natasha asks, blinking as if she doesn’t believe what she is hearing. It makes sense considering I have let my alpha attitude as the leader of a Clan get in the way of us and what I need to say to her so many times. I have let the strong part of me silence the part I believed to be weak. The thing is, I know better now. It takes strength to be in love and to make something work, and I am going to be so fucking strong for the two people I now love the most. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, or what they look like. I love that child already because it is mine and because it is hers.

I see the tears begin to fall from her eyes. I have just given her power over me in some way. She wipes her tears and sniffles. “I am so sorry I don't know what's come over me. It must be the hormones,” she tells me, looking embarrassed. I know she's not the type of girl that usually just cries at things, especially like this. It probably is the hormones, but this is an important moment for us. We are going to remember this day for the rest of our lives.

“There is no need to be sorry. If this is a part of the process, then I am all for it. But even if it isn't, I know you are strong. I am grateful for that. And even if you don't feel the same way yet I am confident that you will because I know I am going to get us there.”

“No, it is not like that. I have known since you brought me here that I was falling in love with you. That is why it hurt so damn much when I figured out that you had been lying to me about who you were. That is why it was so hard for me to reconcile the fact that you were these two men, the monster that killed my uncle, and the man who'd been so sweet to me that connected with me so well. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am now. Where I can feel safe and comfortable with you. I still don't think we are where we were before, but I don't know if we ever will be or need to be there again.

I think this is more than that, something worth fighting for. I want you in my child's life. And it isn't just because that would be convenient, even though it is. It's because I think I am in love with you too. No, I know I am in love with you. But please don't use that against me,” she says to me, and my heart swells bigger than I ever thought it could. Hell, sometimes I wonder if I even have a damn heart. But now I guess I know that I do.

I pull her to me for another kiss. Something else is bubbling up in her now. I think it is in me too. I feel the need to have her, to hold her and to connect with her right now on a physical level. And it's not just about fucking now, though, I certainly hope we get to that. It is about being one and proving that we are a family. It’s about celebrating the beautiful news that I have now learned. It is about every day after this. It is about now.

Her body feels so warm against me and my hands as I slide over her belly which is still exposed. I hope I'm blessed enough to get to feel a kick in there one day. Right now, I satisfy myself by kissing down her neck and then to her collarbone, making her moan into me and melt into me.

She's still sitting on the counter, and I trail the kisses down her chest as I take her shirt off entirely and then move to her belly again. I kiss her skin.

Natasha’s breath is coming in jags now, and I know that she wants me. But I want to make it clear that this is not just about lust or sexual fulfillment. I need her. I think I will always need her.

I wrap her legs around my body and then her arms around my neck. In a flurry of kisses, I carry her, and instead of to her bedroom, I carry her to the master bedroom where I've always hoped we could spend the night together holding each other. She says nothing and doesn't protest, so I take that as a good sign as I set her down gently onto the bed. I want her to feel the love with every move I make on her tonight.

I reach around her back sliding my hand up and down it and she shudders, and then I unhook her bra, unfurling her beautiful breasts. I begin to worship one with my tongue, setting off fireworks inside of myself.

I go for her shorts and panties next, making sure they quickly land in a pile on the floor. I stand back and take my own clothes off as I survey her beautiful body. I know there may come a time where she feels uncomfortable or unwanted because of the pregnancy. I don't want her to feel that way, and I'm going to make sure every night as long as I can, as long as it is safe for her, that I show her in exactly what way I want her. Because the only thing more beautiful than the woman I met in that club, is the woman that is before me, carrying my child.

I slide over her body, worshiping once again. I slurp her left breast into my mouth and tease her nipple with my teeth. She arches her back, and I hear a soft moan escape her lips. I feel my cock twitch in response to the sounds she is making. I don't care who you are, most men would agree, it’s the reaction of the woman that really makes the experience.

I slowly trace down the center of her body, finding her navel along the way. I don't stop there, and instead, I make it right down to her groin till I can smell her sweetness, feel her wetness, see that beautiful pink center that calls to me.

She looks down at me with those striking eyes of hers that see right through my soul, and if she sees herself reflected at her because I think that's the only redeeming part of my soul that there is. If I even make it into Heaven it'll be on her coat tails.

My tongue slides easily across the outside of her lips, and then I go ahead and dive in deep, giving her a taste of what she wants and myself a taste that I love to have even before dinner.
My tongue slides deep inside of her, her pussy greeting me with a sweet scent. I lick across it as she goes wild grabbing at the sheets and moaning my name.

I love the way she says my name when we are like this.

I lap her up as if this is a dying man's meal, and I wait until she is quivering at her climax before I climb back up her body. I deposit her own taste on her lips, and she begins to suck it off of me, my lip going into her mouth.

My cock is sliding up against her groin and her thigh, and I know she wants more. I plan on giving it to her shortly.

“I love you,” I tell her again because I can. Before it was so hard to say so hard to even realize that those were the words that I was feeling, but now I can't keep myself from saying it. I want to shout it from the fucking rooftop, so everybody knows that I am in love with Kolosov. That Natasha Kolosov is mine.

I spread her legs apart even more and slide inside of her nice and slow. I can tell from her face and the noises she makes that she's even more sensitive than usual. This is going to be fucking fun.

I show her my love with my body, thrusting into her slowly, teasingly, every single nerve inside of her pussy is on fire for me. And we begin to burn up the bedroom with our love. We make love, we fuck, we enjoy each other's bodies until she is too exhausted to go on, and we both pass out in each other's arms. So, this is what it's like to be in love. Why have I waited so long?