Soaking in a warm bubble bath was just what the doctor ordered. It had been months since I’d felt that kind of relaxation. Usually every time I closed my eyes, I saw Ray’s crooked grin staring down at me while I was tied to his bed, and those flashes of consciousness haunted me. I couldn’t believe I had ever trusted someone so evil.

The sound of bubbles popping in my ears as I sank down under the water calmed me. I thought about all the distance I had covered the day before. I was glad I had made it so far, but it still didn’t feel like enough. Will it ever be enough? Even if he were tracking me, it would take him a while to get to me. It was odd, but I hadn’t felt as safe as I did in this stupid, dirty motel room since I’d started running away from my ex.

“I am so sorry, Ray. I really am. But, I know this is for the best.” I sat on his couch with my eyes diverted to the off-white carpeting in his living room. The smell of jasmine candles invaded my nostrils. I fucking hated that awful stench, but it was his favorite. He always burned them whenever I was over.

He gripped my shoulders, shaking me a little. My eyes snapped to his. They were smoldering, with water welling in the corners. “But you said you loved me.” There was rage laced in his tone. Even though his voice was soft, I felt a devil’s touch in each word.

“We’re just very different people. I’m taking the job in Chicago, and your life is here in Phoenix.”

His grip tightened on my arms.

“Ow—Ray, that hurts.” I tried to pull away, but that just made him turn his nails into the backs of my arms.

“You need to feel the pain I’m feeling,” he growled.

Before I even knew what was happening, his fist was connecting with the side of my head. I heard a popping sound and the side of my face felt like it was on fire. A scream bolted from my lungs as I shot to my feet and tried to race for the front door. I only got a few steps away before Ray’s hand was wrapping around my wrist and he was pulling me into his back bedroom.

I softly pleaded and cried as he ripped all my clothes off. I tried to fight, but he was just so much stronger than me. One by one, each article of clothing I had on my body was torn from me. He didn’t say a word; it felt like something had snapped in him and he was on autopilot. He continued to punch me until I could barely keep my eyes open. I was slipping in and out as he forced himself onto me.

I barely remembered the rest. All I could recall was waking up in a hospital bed with police officers asking if I wanted to press charges on my attacker.

“Ma’am, do you know who did this to you?” a middle-aged officer asked me. She had kind eyes and a knowing somberness to her.

I nodded as sobs erupted from my soul. “His name is Ray Clyde. He was my boyfriend.”

She put her hand on mine. “Do you know what prompted him to hurt you like this?”

“Yes,” I muttered. “I was in the middle of telling him I was taking a job in Chicago and didn’t want to do long distance.”

“Are you all right with the doctor doing a rape examination?”

Her question took me off guard. I couldn’t really remember if he had actually raped me or not and quite frankly, I didn’t want to know if he had. I wanted to live in an ignorant bliss of not knowing for sure. My entire body hurt. I knew he had punched and kicked the living shit out of me, but that was all I really could tell.

“Is it necessary?” I pulled the blanket up higher on my chest.

She pursed her lips. “If he left any DNA behind, it will help us put him away.”

I reluctantly agreed to the tests. Being poked and prodded after already having been beaten and humiliated was the worst torture I could have ever imagined.

I stayed in the heavenly bath until my fingers and toes were ugly little prunes. Sitting in the tub while the water drained out, I just sat there for a few seconds. I felt like I was in such a strange limbo.

After drying off and throwing my wet hair up into a towel, I sank down on the bed to relax for a while. Guilt started to settle in when I saw that my shift was going to be starting at the hospital in less than an hour. It was the same bullshit I’d had to pull in Chicago when Ray had showed up at my place himself. I had been lucky enough to see him breaking into my bedroom window when I pulled in from work and that night I didn’t even pack, just hightailed it to the nearest police station.

The cops really did everything they could to find him. I had an order of protection, and he was violating his house arrest orders. Until they got him back into custody, I was going to have to take matters into my own hands. Running was the only option. I knew if I tried to fight, Ray would end up killing me.

My eyes darted around the room, my mind starting to race and play tricks. I knew if I stayed cooped up in the darkness alone for too much longer, I would start to go crazy. I grabbed my bag off the nightstand, dug for my keys, and decided another burger was in order.

The sunlight hit my face hard, making my eyes slam shut. I rapidly blinked while I tried to get them to focus on where I remembered parking my car but…it wasn’t there. It wasn’t in the entire damn lot. Panic settled in. He found me.

I was terrified. My entire body started shaking as I ran into the motel’s office only a few doors down from my room.

“My car’s been stolen!” I yelled as I threw the glass door open. “My fucking car is gone!”

The high schooler behind the desk grabbed the phone and called the cops.

I sat in the poorly cushioned chair in the little reception area, rocking and holding myself as I waited for a responder to come take my statement.

How is this happening again?

Why won’t he just leave me alone?

Wasn’t what I already went through enough?

An officer came into the small room. “We got a call that a vehicle was stolen.” He glanced between the receptionist and me.

I clambered to my feet, leaping to his side. “My car was parked just outside my room when I checked in this afternoon and now it is missing.”

“All right, ma’am. I’m going to need to get some information from you so we can start our investigation.”