SQUATTING DOWN, I press my fingers to my lips and press a kiss to the brass plaque, smiling.
There were days before when coming to the church in Stonebrook, alone, felt like Hell. It felt like a heated brand was being shoved right through. But ever since my wife helped me come to terms with my sister’s death, I feel better for coming to this place. I know that thinking about Bethany will always sort of hurt, but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that little pain will remind me to keep my head up.
“I miss you … Mum, Dad … we all miss you.” I withdraw my hand and start pulling the few weeds the gardeners have missed around Bethany’s plaque and make a pile out of them. “I went off the rails for a while, Beth. Forgot who I was … Took me awhile and I needed some help, but you don't worry about me, little sister. I've never felt better.”
I turn my head around and smile across at Felicity, the girl who took me apart with a look, and put me back together again with a smile. She’s standing a few metres away, underneath the shade of an oak tree. The only thing close to a proper home I’ve had — in a long time — is the smiling face looking at me. My wife gave me a reason to build something lasting, something worth growing, and I found salvation in the peace of her forgiveness.
Us Royal Marines take pride in being strong in honour and courage, but our strength comes from those who stand by us. My wife keeps keeps me strong. She told me once not to make her my whole world.
But she is. And I will.
Felicity doesn’t know this, and she probably never will, but I quit the championships for her, and her alone.
The first time I met her, I was an automatic arsehole to everything she said and did. It was the mode I’d been set in for too long. Way too long. But secretly, I loved every little thing that came out of her sweet funny insubordinate mouth — right from the very start.
The morning after I saved her from drowning — her face natural and her hair all messed up, like a crazy woman — I’ve never wanted to kiss a girl so bad in my life. So I went for it.
Hook, line, and goddamned sinker.
I didn’t get what I wanted. But she gave me something better. Felicity was like wildfire, a blaze that couldn’t be put out, where my own flames had once died. And eventually, she kindled something inside of me long forgotten. Love. Laughter. Hope. I knew then … this is the only woman I’ll ever want. The only woman I’ll ever be with.
Every man has a purpose in life. I couldn't see mine until Felicity. Protect and love her … it’s all I am. It’s all I was born to do.
When I chose to forgive West ... I gave her the impossible. There’s nothing I wouldn't give her. I love her more than life itself.
She's strong, independent, whip-smart, a little ball of fire whose bite follows her bark, and I love her more because of it. It scares me how far I’m willing to go to keep her. Even if it hurts, I’ll love her. I’ll protect her. I’ll stand by her.
I didn't believe in much until she came along. Now I've got a little faith and a helluva lot to give.
I turn back to my sister’s grave. “You know my wife?” I laugh. “Of course you do. Talk about her all the damn time. Probably getting sick of me going on and on about her, huh?”
I shake my head, smiling. It’s all I do these days. Smile. And today I’m smiling like a big idiot because I’ve got some good news to share with my sister.
Reaching into my pocket, I lay down a ring of daisies with a small origami swan linked to it. Felicity made it. Told me to write a message inside.
‘Wherever you are, you better not forget us. You better not ever forget that we love you.’
“We’re having a baby and it’s a girl. We’re naming her after you. Yeah. Bethany Saint-James Reevus. She’s gonna be just like you. Just like her mother.”
I couldn’t protect my sister, but I’ll die before I let anyone or anything ever harm or take away my wife and daughter.
I turn back to face my wife and watch her for a moment. She’s looking down, a hand covering the swell of her stomach, protecting our baby girl.
Felicity thinks the reason I hold her hand all the time is because I’m ‘an old fart’. Yeah, alright, that’s partly true. The real reason? Kissing her, fucking her, loving her … isn’t enough. I can’t get enough of that damn woman. I want more from her. I told her once I wanted to wrap every last bit of her into me and squeeze, until she and I are the same goddamn thing. I’ll never stop wanting it.
I love that woman. I bloody love her. I’m gonna spend the rest of my life proving to her just how much she’s got me twisted around her little finger and how much I love it. She shook me up. Told me to stop staring into the damn ground and start looking up at the stars. I’m gonna love that woman until the day I die.
And then some.
I smile. “She’s gonna be beautiful.”