"HOW ABOUT A bikini, Chipmunk? Like me?" I ask, holding my daughter’s hand while we walk down the shop-lined promenade by the beach.
“Over my dead body. She’s not wearing a bikini, Felicity. No argument.” I turn to look at my husband.
We’re on holiday in the Bahamas celebrating. Lenic and Cross’ stuntman company has just landed a major contract in a Hollywood blockbuster movie. A top executive producer keeps pressuring Lenic to star in his own action movie — they said he has ‘star potential’ — but he keeps turning them down. He says he is finished with the fame and glory game. The former nation’s favourite boxer now longs for a more settled life as a family man. A simple life, with his daughter and his wife is all he will ever want and need. And he doesn’t want to be away from us for months at a time. I told him to do whatever makes him happy. Just like me.
Our JUICED channel is bigger than ever and grows stronger each day. With over six million subscribers, I wake up every single day with a fire in my veins to work hard and play harder.
This is what life is. Living your life in ways that make you happy, with the people who give you a reason to smile and laugh.
Lenic’s parents are simply wonderful, and I can see why Lenic turned out to be a perfect gentleman — outside of the bedroom. They love me like a daughter, and I love them like a mother and father. None of us are replacing what was once lost. Instead, we've extended our family, with our baby girl Bethany being at the heart of it. It doesn't heal the hurt of loss, but it is even more special because of it.
As for Lenic and West, it took time. The moment everything changed between them is a moment I will treasure with all my heart. On the day I gave birth, while Lenic was holding Bethany lovingly in his arms, West came into the hospital room. Smiling at me first, Lenic passed Bethany over to West so that he could hold our precious daughter. I knew then, in time, everything would be OK. And it wouldn’t be a lie.
“She’s five, Lenic. Reserve all your worries for when she’s sweet sixteen. And with those looks, and both of our personalities — she’s going to grow up just like us.” A slow smile creeps across my mouth. “Super hot.”
He crosses his arms and scoffs. “My baby girl’s never gonna be sixteen … or … hot.” He spits out the last word like it burns him. “My baby’s gonna be cute all her life.”
“Yes, good luck with that one.” He scoffs again. “Oh, Tempest … I do love you. I really do.”
“Mummy, Daddy’s puffing. Daddy’s a huffy puffy dragon.”
“Yes he is, Chipmunk.”
Bethany starts to perform her cute Daddy The Dragon impersonation, which we usually do together, and immediately a wide beaming grin breaks the frown on her father’s face.
I laugh, and Lenic ruffles her dark-brown loose curls before Bethany starts looking excitedly through all the buckets and spades in the shop we’re standing by.
He picks up a child-size bikini with red-and-white polka dots. “I don’t mind you wearing this.” He winks with a lopsided grin. “Matches your ‘back entrance’ number.”
“Lenic. It will barely cover one boob,” I whisper firmly.
“My point, beautiful.”
I tilt my head. “What happened to the jealous monster?”
“I was never jealous,” he states. “It was fear of losing you.” My husband is the only man who can make me speechless — even after six years of marriage. “But you’re my wife now.” He wiggles his ring finger. “That means you’re mine for the rest of our lives.”
“I’m already wearing a bikini, and me being your wife doesn’t mean I do whatever you want. You don’t own me, remember?” I snatch the bikini out of his hands and place it back onto the rack.
“Not what you were telling me this morning in the shower,” he says in a hushed tone. “You said, ‘Oh baby, whatever you want. Take it. Take it, Superman.’” I shift from one foot to the other to ease the ache between my legs. “I love it when you call me ‘Superman’,” he whispers huskily into my ear.
My cheeks start blazing and he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me in for a soft kiss. I feel like we are on our honeymoon.
This never gets old.
“C’mon. I wanna get down to the beach so I can perv over my sexy wife in her bikini. But say goodbye to it. ‘Cause I’m gonna be ripping it to pieces in the shower tonight.”
I lean into his ear and whisper, “Only after I sit on your face.” I feel the breath of his deep, husky chuckle on my cheek, making me tingle all over.
I love him. The world is full of arseholes who treat people like shit. My husband is not one of them. And I love him so much for giving me Bethany; it has given my life more possibilities, not less. My family doesn’t hold me back. They take me forwards with a smile on my face, and with laughter in my heart.
I feel Lenic’s hand curl around mine and we walk over to our beautiful daughter who is looking up at all the exotic fish in an aquarium. I squat down and kiss the warm cheek of the little girl I never believed I could love so much.
“Pretty fishy,” she says, and points up at the aquarium bubbling away.
“Girl after my own heart.” I snap my head up to Lenic who is grinning at me from ear to ear.
“Fishy," Bethany shouts enthusiastically, and then turns to her father with arms out to be lifted. Lenic laughs and swings her up in the air before turning her around to face the tank.
"So you like fish, squirt?” he asks her. “I bet there's some fish out in the ocean. How about we buy some nets and try and catch some?" Bethany’s bright brown eyes are huge as she nods eagerly. He turns to face me, grinning like the Joker. “Our baby girl is gonna love fishing, beautiful. Hell yeah. Think of all the fishing holidays we’re gonna go on as a family.”
“Just great.” I huff, crossing my arms.
“Daddy, Mummy’s being a huffy puffy dragon.”
“RAINBOW!” BETHANY DEMANDS.
"A rainbow one?" Lenic asks, dipping his fishing net back into the ocean, allowing the tiny orange fish he caught to swim away. "I don't know…"
"Rainbow!" she bosses again, but this time she crosses her little arms across her chest and stomps her bare feet in the sand. She looks just like her father when she does this.
It is adorable.
I shake my head at Lenic when he holds out a net to me. "I’m not fishing. And I thought you were ‘the bee’s knees’ at all of this,” I remind him. “Does Daddy talk big, Chipmunk?"
"Rainbow!" Bethany orders again and, with a sigh, Lenic squats down and begins to wave his net around in the water, searching for that elusive rainbow-coloured fish.
"Sucker," I laugh. “She has you totally wrapped around her little finger.”
“Just like her mother then,” he grumbles. “You should help. Thought you and I were Team Felenicity."
“And ruin my perfectly-styled hair? Let me think. Mmmm, no thank you." I go back to sunbathing.
“Is that all you’re gonna do? Sunbathe?”
“Hello? British girl on a beach in the Bahamas. Of course it’s all I’m going to do.”
“When did you become so boring? Hey, little one. Mummy’s putting Daddy to sleep.” He pretends to collapse into a long sleep, snoring loudly. Bethany giggles and squeals with laughter, joining in with the theatrics.
“You know what? This isn’t interactive. Interactive Felicity. This is watch Felicity sunbathe with stylish hair and a Gucci gold bikini.” I watch him drop his net and fill a bucket with water, a lopsided grin slanting across his lips. “What are you up to?” I ask slowly.
“Nothing, beautiful.” Lenic grins like a damn serpent, then holds his finger up to his mouth and winks at Bethany. She promptly covers her mouth with both hands, and even then, barely bites back the squeal that leaks through her fingers. “Don’t you dare,” I warn.
“We’re not doing anything. Go back to sunbathing, princess.”
Lenic pretends to creep quietly towards me, and Bethany mimics her father. “I can see what you’re both doing. Don’t you dare.”
“This is payback for when we first met.” Standing over me with the bucket, he tips the water over me, and then spins around, drops the bucket, and sprints for the ocean, only pausing to pick Bethany up in his arms.
I curse at him, but it’s all in jest. I forgive him. I forgive him for anything. His love showed me that forgiveness comes from finding the light in the dark, but it also comes from finding the beauty in the darkness.
I leap up and chase them. “You ruined my hair, Lenic!” We splash into the gentle waves together, and I hear them both laugh. He holds our daughter out towards me, ducking his head behind her squirming body.
“You’ve messed with the wrong vlogger, Lenic Reevus.” I dive underwater and yank his shorts around his ankles.
"What the…? Hey!"
Bethany giggles hysterically as I surface through the water. “I’m starting to suspect my husband is a nudist. How many times has the public seen it now?”
I grin at Lenic as he tries to pull up his shorts, his cheeks burning as he darts his head around. “I’m starting to suspect my wife likes the idea of being married to a flasher.”
I stumble suddenly as a small wave hits us and Lenic snatches Bethany out of the water, putting her under one arm, while he grabs me with the other, pulling us all to safety. He drops me on my towel on the beach and puts Bethany down, kneeling on the sand beside us.
“You saved us,” I murmur, looking into his affectionate gaze. “My Superman."
“Didn’t I say I’d always look after you?” I smile. “I'd bring the walls down around anyone who tried to harm my family.” He cups my face, flicking his gaze to my lips. "Now. Will you help find this damn rainbow fish?" He touches his lips to mine in a brief, gentle kiss.
"Fine," I mumble against his mouth, and feel his arms go around my waist, his body pressing against mine. He kisses me again, a little more firmly this time, and I feel another body, a smaller one, press against my legs. When we both glance down, our daughter is hugging our legs and grinning up at us both.
"Daddy, stop eating Mummy’s face. She doesn’t like it.”
“She doesn’t?” Lenic asks her, and Bethany shakes her head vigorously. “What makes you think that?”
Bethany frowns. “Mummy makes funny noises when you do it.” Lenic and I both laugh out loud. “Come on, Daddy. I want to catch a big fishy. A big one!”
“Daddy’s going to have a big one if he keeps kissing me like this,” I whisper to Lenic.
He clears his throat and crouches down near our daughter. “Shall we catch some more fish?”
Bethany nods her head eagerly. “I want a big black one.”
“Mummy also wants a big black one…” He slides his eyes over to meet my gaze. “Good thing we kept Aunt Delphine’s present for Mummy — hey, kid?”
“Lenic,” I admonish, then hurl a clump of wet sand at his chest.
Laughing along with my husband and daughter, I finally join them in our apparent family hobby.
Fishing.
LATER IN THE day, when it is time to go back to our luxury villa, Lenic pulls out three origami swans from his packed bag and hands one to Bethany, then one to me, leaving one for himself.
He looks at me. “For my sister. For your parents and Grandpa Joe.” He smiles, giving Bethany a quick glance. “For Pickle.” I raise a smile towards him. Pickle was our pet hamster that died last month — I mean, that went to the Happy Animal Farm in the sky.
“I love you,” I reply, returning my gaze to the face of the man who shares my soul, and at least half of my heart. The other half my little girl shares now. Lenic is not the sole reason for my happiness, but he is a huge part of it. Our friends, our family, our careers, and especially our daughter, are all pieces of our happiness that fit together perfectly. I feel my heart literally burst when I look at him with nothing but love in his eyes. For me. For our daughter.
Explaining everything to Bethany, Lenic stands in the middle and reaches out to hold our hands. He leads us to the edge of the ocean, and crouching down, we set the three swans onto the surface of the water.
“Pickle,” I hear Bethany sniffle.
We stand in silence, Lenic squeezing my hand, watching the paper swans gently bob up and down, moving farther and farther away from us.
It is amazing what us human beings can live through. And if we can smile at the end of it … that is true success. We survive it, until we don’t.
My gaze locks across to my beautiful husband and then to my equally beautiful daughter, and I feel overwhelmed, in this moment, having our child here with us in our little tradition.
I start to feel something prick at the corner of my eyes, and something wet trickles down my cheek as a lump forms in my throat. I watch Lenic’s eyes widen a little, and then I realise what is happening.
I am crying.
Not for sadness, but for happiness. There are only a few drops, but I feel a lead weight lift from my shoulders. When I gaze at Lenic, there is tenderness in his eyes. He knows what this means. The smile he returns … tells me he knows.
Lenic tries to wipe them away with his thumb but I stop him. “Let them fall, Lenic.”
Let them fall away, I think.
“I think I fell in love all over again,” he says, pressing a butterfly kiss on my cheek. “I didn’t think you could get more beautiful.”
Lenic might have been the fire-breathing dragon in my fairy tale, but I was hardly the virgin princess. More like the Evil Queen, right? It doesn’t matter. Fairy tales aren't real — our love is. Our baby girl is proof of it.
“Mummy, why you crying?” I feel Bethany tug on my arm.
I swallow over a thick throat. “Because I love you and Daddy, so, so, much, Chipmunk.”
Bethany frowns. “We make you sad?”
I laugh through my tears. “No, sweetie — goodness no. You make me the happiest girl alive. You and Daddy. You’re my world.”
“That’s silly.” She starts to smile mischievously. It’s the same smile that reminds Lenic of me. “Mummy cries when she’s happy. Do you laugh when you’re sad?”
“No. And you’re a cheeky chipmunk,” I reply.
“Mummy’s silly. Silly. Silly. Mummy is a silly willy.” Lenic and I look down and laugh along with our baby girl as we watch her spin around in a circle, giggling to her heart’s content.
“She’s a comedian,” Lenic notes. “Just like her mother.”
When Bethany was born, she became our future; we never look back into the regrets of our past. We live a picture-postcard lifestyle, the three of us, in our beautiful home — the one Lenic built by the lake with those skilful Royal Marine hands of his.
It is hard to imagine life before Lenic. Sometimes I try to remember what it was like, but I never seem to get very far. I just can’t see myself without him.
Instead of anchoring down on yesterday’s pain, we took our chance and sailed away together. Our hearts only soar with joy from the happy times we had, and will have with our family and friends. Just like the happy times we created on the beach today.
The times we lie back with our loved ones and simply … float.
THE HEA END