Chapter One
Hanna
“Coffee?”
I groaned as I slouched down at the kitchen table and rested my chin in my hands. It was six-thirty in the morning – an ungodly hour to begin with – but it was also Monday, and there was nothing I was dreading more than going into work and sitting at a desk for nine hours, pretending to smile.
“Yes, please.”
Danielle nodded as she set a steaming cup in front of me. When the aroma reached my nostrils, I wrinkled my nose.
“You’re going to like it eventually,” Danielle said in a sing-song voice.
“Is that a threat?” I asked drily, staring down at the oily surface of my hot morning drink. “Or a promise?”
Danielle shrugged. “Whichever you’d prefer,” she replied. She arched an eyebrow and sat down at the table, sipping from her own mug.
“God, how are you so awake and put together,” I grumbled as I looked at my best friend and roommate. “It’s too early for eyeshadow.”
Danielle smirked. “It’s the coffee,” she replied. “Obviously.”
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for that,” I told her. “I feel so much better already.”
“You’ll get used to it,” Danielle said. “Besides, you’ve only been working there for what, six months? I’m sure you’ll like it more when you’ve settled in.”
I groaned again. “It doesn’t feel like six months,” I muttered. “It feels like an eternity.”
“Well, it’s either that or take out more student loans and go back to school,” Danielle said. She took a long drink of coffee. “And I somehow have the feeling that you don’t want to do that.”
“Indeed not.” Steeling myself, I wrapped my hands around the cup of coffee and brought the edge of the mug to my lips. The warmth felt good, and I had to admit that the smell was growing on me…but I couldn’t imagine how living, breathing adults managed to chug this stuff on the regular. It was like drinking hot, bitter poison, like feeling myself cook from the inside out.
“It snowed again last night,” Danielle said, glancing out the window. She shivered. “I can’t wait to stand and wait for the stupid bus,” she added sarcastically. “Nothing better than walking around all day with wet socks.”
I sighed. “Tell me about it.”
Danielle glanced down at her watch. “You’d better get a move on,” she said. “You’re gonna be late.”
I stuck my tongue out at her. “What are you, my chaperone?”
Danielle snorted. “No,” she said. “But I don’t exactly want to cover your portion of the rent if you get fired. You’re still in the probationary period, you know.”
“Don’t remind me,” I said as I got to my feet and wiped my hands on my pajama pants. The coffee had helped – marginally – and I felt a little more awake, but it was still ungodly early. The sun hadn’t even started to peek out over the horizon and I shivered as I went into my bedroom and quickly pulled on tights, a sweater dress, and my favorite pair over-the-knee boots. Ever since I’d started working, I’d been able to splurge a little bit on clothes…but just a little bit, as I was still paying off student loans and repaying Danielle for her months of financial assistance.
I knew I was acting like a brat. I knew I should be grateful – after all, there were twenty-four-year-olds all around Boston with no jobs. Hell, one of our friends from college, Maria, had been working as a barista for two years and she had a master’s degree!
But my new job was, objectively, awful. It was worse than awful – I was surrounded by patronizing, sexist jerks who thought that staring at my ass all day was appropriate behavior. And to make matters even worse, I hadn’t managed to befriend any of the other women there. They were all in a tight clique…and I was the only one excluded from the party.
By the time I said goodbye to Danielle and left the warmth and safety of our small walk-up, I was feeling nervous and frightened. Would this be the day I got fired, for some random offense I hadn’t even committed? I shuddered as I walked down the street and waited by the bus stop. The Boston streets were filled with brown and grey icy slush – just looking at it made me feel like vomiting – and the air was chilly and dry. I could feel the tip of my nose going numb as I ducked into the bus shelter and wrapped my arms around myself.
When the bus arrived, I awkwardly sat down on a bench as my puffer coat rose to my ears. The bus was scalding hot and steamy, and by the time I got to my office, I was sweating profusely. My brown hair was stuck to my scalp, and my hands were clammy and hot. I tottered off the bus, carefully avoiding the piles of ice and muck, and made my way into the building.
“Morning, Hanna,” my boss, Jim, said. He narrowed his eyes. “Is everything okay?”
I frowned. “Yeah, of course it’s okay,” I said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
Jim swiped his key card through the security turnstile. I followed behind to the elevator bank.
“Well, because it’s eight-oh-three,” Jim replied.
“Um, I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t quite get what you’re saying.”
“You’re supposed to be here at eight,” Jim informed me. “I’ll have to make a note on your employee file.”
I struggled not to roll my eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, trying to sound as meek and apologetic as possible. “The bus was late this morning.”
“Then perhaps you should have caught an earlier one,” Jim said. “See that it doesn’t happen again.”
The elevator arrived, its doors dinging open. Jim pushed his way through the waiting crowd, into the back of the elevator. By the time it was my turn to enter, the car was full. I groaned as the doors closed.
Today was going to be wonderful.
I could just tell.
***
By mid-morning, I wasn’t feeling much better. Jim had made a huge show of embarrassing me in front of the entire office staff – he’d told everyone that I was “egregiously tardy,” even though we’d shown up to work at the same time! I was angry, but I knew I had to keep my temper under wraps. I wasn’t going to lose this job because of my ego.
“Hanna, I need you to run out and get me some coffee,” Jim said. He leaned over my desk. “You know – cappuccino, with soy milk and a squirt of hazelnut syrup.”
I nodded and forced a smile. “Sure thing. Let me just finish up what I’m working on—”
“Hanna, I have a meeting in twenty minutes, I need the coffee now,” Jim replied tartly. “So, get a move on.”
I glanced over Jim’s shoulder at the brand-new coffee maker. “Would you rather I make you a cup here? And then after your meeting, I can go out and get your cappuccino?”
“Hanna, it’s bad form to talk back to your boss,” Jim said snidely. “Now go. Get that coffee.” His voice was loud and arrogant and I flushed angrily as I reached for my coat and bag. It seemed like everyone in the office had heard Jim as I made my way through the desks and cubicles. I kept my face down, buried in the thick faux-fur collar of my puffer jacket as I left the office.
The elevator was filled with the other girls from the office, all clutching their designer bags. They didn’t even make an effort to smile at me as I stepped inside, and I sighed as I squeezed in right as the doors closed. They lowered their voices, but I could hear them chatting about one of the neighborhood’s hottest new restaurants, a Brazilian steakhouse that had just opened a few blocks from the office.
Forcing myself to smile, I turned and faced them. “Hey,” I said. “My roommate loves that place – she’s already been twice. I hear it’s really good.”
The ringleader of the office girls, a brunette named Samantha, frowned.
“I don’t believe we asked your opinion,” she said in a cold voice. “Did we, girls?”
The other girls echoed their agreement.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “I was just trying to be friendly.”
“Yeah, well, we don’t really want to talk to you,” Samantha said. She raised an eyebrow. “You’re the new girl. And besides, you’re just a secretary.”
My cheeks were burning as the elevator doors dinged open and the stream of bitches pushed past me. What is it with people in this stupid office, I thought as I watched Samantha and her awful tribe striding away in their stiletto heels. Despite the ice on the ground, not a single one of them slipped or fell.
Outside, the sun was shining overhead but it somehow felt even colder than it had in the morning. I hustled across the street to the local coffee shop, where I gave Jim’s order and waited impatiently for his stupid cappuccino to land in my grip. It was ridiculous – I probably went on five or six coffee runs per week for Jim, and he’d never paid me back. I was keeping a secret total of his coffees back at my desk, and I wasn’t sure when I should confront him about it.
Being a working girl wasn’t exactly living up to my expectations.
When I got back to the office, I handed Jim his coffee. He narrowed his eyes at me.
“Hanna, you were gone for over twenty minutes. You know the policy – no running personal errands on company time. I’ll be subtracting those twenty minutes from your accrued vacation time.”
My jaw dropped. “I swear, I didn’t do anything else, Jim. All I did was go get your coffee.”
“It doesn’t take a reasonable person twenty minutes to fetch coffee,” Jim said arrogantly. “I should know. I used to go myself, you know.”
I could feel the anger building inside of me, hot and unreasonable, like a dragon about to blow flames and scorch the earth.
“You can go back to your desk now, Hanna,” Jim said in a snide voice. “I’ll need that report you were working on.”
The anger kept rising and rising in my throat. I swallowed.
“Jim, you asked me to leave immediately and get your cappuccino,” I said in what I hoped was a calm voice. “I haven’t finished the report yet – you told me to finish it when I got back.”
Jim narrowed his eyes. He took a sip of his cappuccino. “I don’t believe I would have given you such terrible advice,” he replied. “And while we’re talking, I want to mention something.”
By now, my ears were burning with rage. I wanted to grab the nearest heavy object and throw it right into Jim’s stupid, fat face. But I knew I couldn’t – I knew I had to be an adult, even if that meant getting yelled at by my boss.
“Yes?” I asked. “What is it?”
“The way you dress,” Jim said. He stepped closer and a wave of revulsion shot through my body. “It’s not exactly…office-appropriate, even if some of your looks are very attractive.”
I narrowed my eyes. Jim’s gaze slid down my body, lingering on my breasts, and I shuddered again.
“It’s rude to stare,” I said in a low voice.
Jim blinked. “I wasn’t staring,” he lied. He licked his lips as he continued staring at my breasts. “But I think you need to start dressing a little more appropriately. You’re not in college, anymore, Hanna. This is a real job – in the real world – and you’re going to have to learn to be an adult.”
I felt sick. First, this asshole was angry with me for taking too long to get his coffee, and now this? I couldn’t believe it – either I was crazy, or he was the most sadistic boss in Boston.
“Yes,” I said. “I’m well aware of that.”
“And furthermore, I hate to tell you this, but if you commit any more infraction, I’m afraid I won’t have a choice but to fire you,” Jim said. He leaned in close, staring at my breasts again. “And you know I’d be so sorry to do that.”
Something inside of me snapped and I stood straight and tall. “That won’t be necessary,” I said. Adrenaline began to pump through my veins and I smiled at Jim.
“Oh?” Jim nodded. “I’m glad you get the picture. I have a feeling that with a little assistance, you could become a valued employee.”
“Oh, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” I said. “Because I quit.”
Jim’s mouth flew open. “What?”
“You heard me,” I said. I stepped closer, letting the rage bubble out of my body like toxic gas. “I’m sick of being abused and demeaned and leered at on a daily basis, and I quit. Find someone else to get your stupid fucking lattes – I’m out of here!”
“Now, wait just one second,” Jim yelled. His chipmunk cheeks were turning bright pink with anger and a feeling of satisfaction began to settle over me.
“Don’t bother,” I said. “Save it for someone who cares.”
Before Jim could reply, I walked back to my desk and grabbed my coat and purse. The office was silent as I walked out, holding my head high. Fuck them all, I thought as I waited for an elevator in the lobby. They’re all sadistic assholes, anyway.
But as soon as I was outside, my confidence began to falter. What if I’d done the wrong thing? What if, somehow, Jim and everyone else in that stupid fucking office managed to keep me from getting another job in Boston?
What would I do? It wasn’t like I could live off Danielle’s charity forever, and I knew she wouldn’t be thrilled with me when I told her what I’d done…but on the other hand, I didn’t have a choice. I couldn’t stand to stay in that office, with Jim smirking and leering at me all day – it was disgusting!
By the time I got home, I was seriously depressed. It was only three in the afternoon, but the sun was already starting to set low in the Boston sky and I shuddered. I hated winter, I hated the cold, I hated almost everything about this city. I kicked off my shoes and curled up on the couch, closing my eyes and dreaming of a tropical, warm place where the chill and frost couldn’t touch me.
That was when his face flashed across my mind. The most gorgeous guy I’d ever seen, with tanned skin and unruly cowlicks of dark hair, and intense dark eyes that made my heart flutter and skip in my chest.
Jack.
Sometimes I wondered if I’d done the right thing by giving him a fake name and not leaving my phone number. In my strong moments, I felt like it was what a modern, confident, successful woman would do. But right now, when I was feeling weak and sad, I regretted it more than anything in the world.
Whenever I thought of the magical Christmas Eve night we’d shared in Jamaica, I blushed and broke out in goose bumps. I couldn’t believe that it had been almost a year ago – in just a few weeks, it would be Christmas Eve again.
But this time, I knew there would be no Jack. No sexy, fun, spontaneous trip to Jamaica. No beach and sun. Just the cold and snow and ice, and jerks like Jim who thought they could push me around.
I stayed on the couch, shivering, until Danielle got home. She stomped her boots in the foyer, sending crusted chunks of snow flying under the furniture. When she turned on the light and saw me lying there, she gasped.
“Oh my god,” Danielle said, putting her hand to her chest. “Hanna, you nearly gave me a heart attack! What are you doing home?”
“I quit,” I said lamely. I sighed. “I know, I know – you don’t have to tell me. But it was really bad, Danielle. My boss was such a creepy asshole!”
Danielle gave me a sympathetic smile as she sat down on the couch next to me. “It’ll be okay,” she said. “I’m sure you’ll find something else, Hanna. You always do.”
I bit my lip. “I’m really sorry.”
Danielle waved a hand dismissively in the air. “Don’t worry about it, sweetie,” she said. “We’ll make do.”
“I feel like the world’s worst best friend for putting you in this kind of position,” I said. “I really am sorry, D.” As I told her about Jim and the horrible day I’d just had, I felt the weight of the world start to lift off my shoulders. I still felt shitty and guilty for what I’d done, but I was starting to realize that I likely wouldn’t have lasted much longer at that job, anyway. Jim had been a colossal ass – and he wasn’t likely to change, even if I did start acting the way he wanted me to act.
Danielle shrugged. “You do what you have to do,” she said. “You know, my cousin works for a staffing agency. Maybe after the holiday, I could call her and see if she could find you anything.”
“Oh, god, that would be amazing,” I said. “You’d really do that?”
Danielle gave me a wry smile. “Of course, I would,” she said. “You’re my best friend.” She clapped her hands together. “Now, come on, get dressed. We’re going out.”
“I can’t afford to go out,” I said. I wrinkled my nose. “I have to use what money I have left for rent and bills.”
“My treat,” Danielle said drily. “You need a night of fun, Hanna.” She raised her eyebrow at me and grinned salaciously. “Besides, maybe you’ll meet some hot guy and it’ll take your mind off things.”
I flushed. “I’m not interested in dating anyone, you know that,” I replied.
Danielle shrugged. “Well, then come out with me anyway, you can be my wing-woman.”
I bit my lip. The truth was, I very much wanted to date someone. But not just anyone.
I wanted to date Jack, the gorgeous man I’d met in Jamaica.
But I knew the likelihood of that happening was about the same as Jim coming to me on his knees, begging for my forgiveness.
In other words, completely impossible.