Chapter 11
Jude drops down to the bed beside me, like he’s sick of finding uncomfortable furniture to sit down on and crane his neck to watch the TV that only has a good angle from the bed.
The furniture, by the way, is nailed to the floor. Rather peculiar establishment, if you ask me. And Jude says we’re not allowed to pry it free because it’s an important meeting place for a lot of surface guardians—which is still just a fancy term for reapers.
He’s careful not to touch me, unsurprisingly. Especially since I gave up being phantom and went whole hours ago to gain control of the remote.
It’s almost dawn—the next day—and there’s still been no sign of Lake.
“She must know I’m here or something,” I say as the light starts glowing through the curtains.
We missed one hell of a party last night. The streets were loud, and I really wanted to join in, but Lake is a very annoying girl who thinks her time is the only time that bears importance. Selfish brat if you ask me.
No, I do not sound petty.
“No. Only Lamar and Lucifer have sensed you. Lamar has a link to spirits, which is part of his power. It’s probably why he sensed you when the hell spawns didn’t. And Lucifer is Lucifer. I’d be alarmed if he hadn’t been able to sense you, especially in hell.”
“But only when I was close enough to touch,” I decide to point out.
He purses his lips.
More silence and impatient waiting follows that comment.
We watch Friends like we’re not both waiting to be dropped into hell by an escort he knows but won’t really give me many details about, because he’s apparently more loyal to her than to me.
Then again, at least I know she exists. She doesn’t have a clue about me. Even Jude has become protective of that secret. So that means I’m winning. You know, if I was in a contest with her or whatever.
My mind reverts back to the theories I’ve been working on silently in my head for the past several hours when we both grew tired of veiled insults.
“I think Kai is Conquest/Pestilence. The thing he did to those two guards seemed like he was infecting them with poison. But it could be disease,” I state randomly, causing him to groan again.
“For the last time, the Four Horsemen were killed centuries ago during a collision of the two kingdoms.”
“Who told you that?”
He gives me a dry look. “Plenty of people, including Lake. Like I said, it was the first obvious answer.”
“I don’t trust Lake.”
“You don’t know her. Anyway, it hurt the balance significantly, though the details are murky as to why they were killed. But if by some chance all of that was inaccurate, and by some narrow miracle we were the special quad who were that powerful, we’d be accepted into hell. In fact, they’d even drag us there if they suspected it, because our presence topside this long would shatter the balance. In fact, we would have already shattered it by now if we were them.”
“Balance, balance, balance,” I say on a frustrated breath. “I’m starting to hate that word.”
“Get used to it. That’s all we’re constantly trying to do: Keep the balance. Both sides, no matter how differently opinionated they are, agree on one thing, and that is the importance of balance. Good must level out with evil, or the world becomes too corrupt too quickly, and hell spills over.”
“Wouldn’t the Devil want that?” I point out.
“Fuck no.” He looks at me like I’m a total moron. “It would be the end of hell if the world had no good left in it.”
“Why?” I ask, moving closer like I’m desperate to know.
“Because without balance, there is no such thing as good or bad. Free will becomes null and void, and so do both kingdoms.”
“That makes no sense,” I grumble.
He stands quickly and goes to grab an old-timey scale with two small plates on either end.
He puts it down on the table in the center of the room, and I move to the end of the bed, no longer giving the TV my attention as he places a few lead balls on each of the pans on the scale.
“There is a perfect balance to everyone who can be topside. You have an exact amount of purities and impurities,” he says, putting a lead ball on each plate.
The scale stays perfectly balanced as he moves his hand back.
“Like you told Lucifer you guys were,” I say, frowning. “He seemed surprised by that.”
“Because he senses our impure imbalance, yet we have our souls intact and it defies the laws of balance,” he tells me, though it doesn’t make a lick of sense. “Plenty of our kind is balanced, otherwise, we couldn’t be topside. The most powerful of the balanced ones usually become royal escorts.”
He puts an extra ball on one side, tipping the scale.
“And the ones with an imbalance of impurities or purities go up or down to maintain surface balance,” he goes on.
“Define purities and impurities,” I tell him.
“Impure thoughts, emotions, urges…those are impurities. Compassion, loyalty…things like that are purities,” he says absently before continuing. “Humans have some far more pure than others, and far more impure than others. It’s their actions and reactions that define the topside balance, but an impure balance of one of our kind topside would have too much dark influence, inadvertently affecting free will.”
“Would the same be true if a good angel were walking topside?” I muse.
“They follow the rules better than our kind do, so I don’t know,” he answers.
I snort, and his lips twitch. It’s sort of nice how he’s just talking and explaining things without looking at me like I’m searching for a way to use it against him.
“People like Lake have that pure-to-impure balance and can be topside. Many do. But we’re an enigma,” he continues.
“Because you’re the Four Horsemen, but you have souls to keep you from being imbalanced. I thought all the creatures had souls.”
He blows out a frustrated breath. “The souls choose a new form. We’re in our original. Our soul is still mortal with immortal properties and shrouded by an unnatural immortal body. It balances itself against our impurities.” He quickly adds, “But we’re not the fucking Four Horsemen.”
“Famine is Gage. I saw what he did that beetle. It was like he drained it until it was shriveling from starvation,” I go on, undeterred.
He looks up from the scale, his brow furrowed.
“Why would you say that exactly?” he asks, clearly intrigued.
“When something starves, it starts eating itself from the inside. The beetle was clearly doing that, hence the shriveling. I would think that was obvious.”
He starts to speak, but I continue on.
“And Ezekiel is War, surprisingly enough. He doesn’t create chaos. Chaos would have them running in a frenzy and spurred by random events. War is a simple-minded thought to kill the opposition at any cost. Ezekiel just confused their minds with who the opposition was and created a civil war from thin air.”
He steps closer, tilting his head.
“As I said, you’re clearly death. Death can come in any form. You didn’t need a spear to kill them, because you were Death itself.”
He blinks and slowly shakes his head. “Famine. No one has ever suggested Gage’s power being famine. He drains things.”
“He starves them and dehydrates them,” I correct.
“Famine’s power was to kill the land with pests and such,” he tells me dismissively.
“Because he drained the land of nutrients and starved it until it killed everything to keep itself alive and not share resources,” I go on. “The land is just as alive as you or I. It only makes sense he could do it to a living being as much as a living entity.”
He points a finger at me. “Your ability to rationalize your point by twisting theories and half-cocked hypothesizes makes you impossible to reason with. You make me think things I know can’t be possible. The Four Horsemen are dead. That is something agreed on by everyone.”
“Then why give the quads so much extra attention?” I ask him, arching an eyebrow. “Why not just leave you forever locked in hell’s belly if Lucifer truly wants you dead? Why the theatrics for a man so powerful?”
His hands fist, but before he can answer, I hear the door opening. Instantly, I go phantom, just as a very familiar brunette walks into the room, her smile spreading when she sees Jude.
Envy like I’ve never felt before slices through me so powerfully that bile almost rises to my phantom throat when he grins genuinely back at her.
It isn’t because he’s smiling at her.
It’s because I know this girl.
“Two years ago, the four of you shared her,” I say on a shaky breath as Jude goes to hug her right in front of me like she’s nothing more than an old friend.
He ignores me, the girl who doesn’t really exist, as the one they’ve touched between them before laughs and pulls back, greeting him.
I remember the way she kissed all of them, savored them with a familiarity I couldn’t understand. Most of the other girls always seemed like strangers to them, but she seemed as comfortable with them as they were with her.
It’s now I realize why.
They shared her more than once.
I just got to view a reunion.
Staggering back, I watch as her hand slides down his arm with ease and comfort.
Jude clears his throat, and withdraws from her touch as I stare numbly at the scene at hand.
“I really don’t trust her now,” I tell him, trying to mask the fact my feelings actually can still be hurt.
Admired not pitied—my new goal, remember? I get nowhere with them when I wear my heart on my sleeve.
She moves to the scale, grinning over at him. “Playing with lead balls, Jude? I hardly pictured you as the idle-hands type after knowing you for so long.”
“It took you longer than usual to show up,” he tells her casually, moving to sit on the end of the bed near me.
Me? I’m trying not to visibly sulk. Jealousy is a powerful emotion. I literally want to kill this girl. I had no issue with her back then. I mean, of course I was jealous, even tried to possess her—like I did many of them—especially her.
She was the one they seemed to really enjoy, and she was flirty and fun, not at all timid or apprehensive of the debauchery they showered her with.
And the most beautiful.
Now she walks in here and makes Death himself smile as though it’s a simple task.
She looks around, as though she’s searching for something. Everything she does is suspicious now, because I’m just looking for a reason to kill her.
“Now I know why you made me promise to behave,” I state dryly.
Jude’s lips twitch as she faces him again.
“I was waiting for your brothers. I may not can sneak you all in, but I assumed there’d be a little trade for this very deadly risk I’m taking for the four of you,” she says, smirking before she winks.
“I’m going to have to kill her,” I say on a sigh, then stiffen, realizing I said it aloud.
Jude clears his throat, his humor gone.
“Fine. I won’t kill her.” In front of you, I add silently, deciding I’m really good at negotiating. Seems like a fair deal to me. No need in getting his vote on the matter.
“My brothers stayed home. The soul breaks are getting worse, and we’re stationed in the highest concentration of the breaks right now.”
He tells her this easily, even though this is the first I’ve heard that tidbit of information. One more reason to kill her. She makes my place feel threatened, and I don’t particularly care for that feeling.
“Would they have paid her the way she clearly wants to be paid if they’d been able to come here?” I ask, deciding that is very important information I need to know before I decide if I’m an idiot or not for thinking I was special.
I really will leave and find a way to extract myself from them completely if he answers yes. Even if it’s just to be a snarky dick to me. I will so be gone, just as soon as I return him safely home.
Those three were beginning to make me feel like I was as important to them as they are me, yet they didn’t mention any of this.
Jude, of course, doesn’t answer me, since he can’t talk to a phantom his guest can’t see, without being terribly suspicious. Since she seems to be as paranoid as he is with trust, that would be bad.
I decide to make him talk so she doesn’t trust him. I’ll find a way into hell to gather their information. They don’t need her.
“Would they?” I ask him again.
He signs the letters n and o behind his back. Hmm… I can read sign language? Oh, he’s telling me no! They wouldn’t have. I hope he’s not lying.
As she comes to stand closer to him, her eyes raking over him, I move to his side.
“You’re turned on without them,” she says, glancing at his lap.
That has me scooting away, since that’s my effect.
Jude clears his throat as he leans forward, hiding the noticeable erection he certainly shouldn’t be having with another woman in the room.
“If I’m a conduit for your attraction to her, I’ll be forced to make her ugly very soon,” I tell him seriously.
He gives a subtle shake of his head. I’m not sure what he’s telling me, but I think he’s asking me not to kill her or telling me it’s not her effect.
“I mean it. I will not be the little magic gem that offers you an independent boner so you can screw another girl in my presence.”
“I’d never betray my brothers by taking someone without them,” he tells her.
I really hate the way he calls them his brothers. It’s confusing. Which in a sense, they are. But not in the blood-relation sense.
“The Kincaid brothers only share,” she says on a sigh, as though she’s repeating something she’s heard too much. “I remember well.”
“All quads share,” he says dismissively.
We’ll have to circle back to the Kincaid brothers thing. That’s the first I’ve heard of that, and again, they’re not really brothers.
Her eyes close, like she’s relishing a memory. My phantom fists clench.
“You being turned on by her definitely makes you my least favorite,” I mutter under my breath.
Pettiness is my new shade of personality lately.
His eyes dart to me as his jaw tics, but he immediately looks away, unable to say whatever it is he wants to say, since she’s here.
I like that I’m making him want to talk. I need this siren gone before she sings her song and I lose him completely.
“You four don’t have the same last names if you were born to different families. I’ve not even been able to uncover your last names. So why does she refer to you as the Kincaid brothers?” I muse aloud.
“Are we going to hell or not, Lake? Time is very precious right now, and I’ve been separated from my brothers too long. You know how quad bonds work,” he reminds her.
I’m not sure why my stomach unsettles, but it’s not envy this time.
I look back at her as her eyes open, and she gives him a small, sympathetic smile.
“You’re hurting for their presence. Sorry. I really did expect them to be here with you, or I wouldn’t have made you wait for so long. The truth is that I was trying to get out of my latest assignment, which is the main reason I’m so late.”
He cocks his head.
“What do you mean?” he asks as he stands.
She takes a step back, pinching the bridge of her nose.
“This culling is terrifying everyone. Lucifer hasn’t stopped it yet. Forty more escorts were killed this morning. He wants nothing but devout loyalty, and you know where I stand on that fence if I’m willing to break the rules to take you under,” she says, smiling sadly up at him.
“You think you’ll be in the culling?” he asks, sounding concerned.
There’s that damned envy again.
“All of the participants of the trials survived, sans the two you and your brothers killed,” she tells him.
“Everyone survived those trials?” he asks incredulously.
She nods, a huff of a breath escaping her. “Lucifer retrieved the others before their deaths. They never made it past even one obstacle. But he needed them to start a change. To replenish what he’s recycling, because there can be no vacant jobs, obviously. Everyone has a task to be fulfilled to preserve the balance.”
“I don’t understand. No one gets out of the trials without completing them,” he goes on, confused.
Her watery smile doesn’t sit right with me.
“I’m afraid you have no idea what you stirred up by surviving that third trial. It was impossible to complete every task in the three days allotted. Even in a month, no one could have done that. I never believed them. They tried to tell me, but I refused to believe it could be true, because I really like the four of you.”
I step closer, tilting my head. What does she think is wrong with them?
“She thinks something really bad, but she doesn’t know I helped. Tell her so she’ll stop believing whatever it is,” I tell him, not liking the way I’m now worried about her damn opinion of him.
After all, I want her gone.
“What’s going on, Lake? Do you know what Lucifer was trying to achieve?” he asks, not telling her about me even though I’m giving him permission.
She nods once, then meets his eyes. I step in front of him, trying to inspect her look closer.
“I’m afraid I do. And I’m sorry I have to be the one to do this,” she says.
I see it too late. She’s incomprehensibly fast.
The glint of the blade is barely recognized before it’s halfway through my body. It’s so fast that I barely even register the fact she’s slicing through me.
I don’t even hesitate to turn whole, pain lancing through me as the blade gets jammed in my upper stomach, slicing through my spine as I shove power out of me.
She’s launched backwards, cracking the wall and hitting the ceiling, pinned there but not dying. Because it hurts too much to strain for the acid.
Two arms catch me before I collapse, and I choke on the blood I feel gurgling in my mouth, tasting like acid on its own as the black streams of it trickle down.
It’s like a heavy drumming happens in my ears. I can’t hear what Jude is saying, but I feel his power flowing through me as ashes flit around the room.
His eyes are feral and wide as he hovers over me, and I cry out when he jerks the dagger out of me. Pain. All consuming, burning, excruciating, agonizing pain has me almost blacking out.
The trickles of a cold sweat break out across my skin as I start struggling to breathe, coughing. I still can’t hear much, but I do hear him shouting on the phone.
In the next instant, I’m in our house. He siphoned us…
I try to go phantom, hoping it can heal me, but a scream is ripped from my throat as it only makes the pain worse, leaving me unable to leave this dying form.
All four of them are hovering over me, panicking, working tirelessly to save me. My head lulls to the side just as Ezekiel gets my dress ripped open, exposing the proof there’s no coming back from this.
The black veins are climbing up me from the poison on the blade as black blood pumps out through the cracks of Gage’s fingers. He presses down harder, and I scream in pain as he tries to keep me from bleeding out.
“Devil’s poison!” I hear someone shout loud enough to just barely cut through the continuous drumming in my ears that is increasing in tempo.
This weak, pathetic form I coveted and craved so much is poisoned.
But this form is what saved them when the phantom couldn’t.
“Run,” I tell them on a gurgle. “She…wanted…to…know…where you…were,” I manage to choke out.
Kai is suddenly cradling my head in his lap. I can’t hear what he’s trying to tell me, but I can see the grief already shading his eyes.
I’m not going to survive this.
Something is getting shoved into my mouth and slathered over me in the next instant, but I choke on it and spit it out when it makes it feel like my mouth is about to explode and pain shoots through my head.
Four gazes swing to me as the veins only slither up farther, stealing my breaths and causing me to convulse.
I never even got to tell them why I’d give everything to keep them safe.
Maybe they know.