“Don't be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, because most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most.”

~Unknown

 

"What are you staring at, freak?"

Looking around I see Tegan Winters and her group of mean girls stood in front of me. You know, the one every high school has? Except now, we're seniors and they're top of the food chain, and well, I'm bottom. I stutter as I try to reply but nothing comes out.

She cackles, "Seriously? What a loser. Maybe you need to go to some special freak show school where they can teach you how to talk to real human beings."

I look down at my chucks, hoping she gets bored quickly and moves on to her next victim. A pair of sneakers move behind her and I hear a high-pitched squeal and an encore of, 'awhhh'. I know it's Evan Masters before I even look up; my next-door neighbor, Tegan's boyfriend, and the love of my life. We had a, let’s call it, ‘a moment’, I guess, over the summer when he and Tegan broke up. I don’t know why I let it matter to me; they’re always breaking up and making up. Who am I kidding? I was, and remain, in spite of everything, still crazy about him.

I look up and see him draped over her; his arms around her waist, his head tipped down to the side as he kisses her, his shaggy blonde hair falling into what would be his startling blue eyes, but they're closed. I can't stop myself from looking, even though I hate every second of it.

"Ewww, perv alert!" Chrissy, one of Tegan's minions, says as Becca giggles. Evan pulls away from Tegan. "Stop watching you freak,” she squeaks as I blush, furiously.

Evan smiles in my direction and says, "Oh, hey, Erin. I didn't see you."

Read, even notice me. Ugh!

"Why would you notice her when I'm all you need, baby," Tegan coo's as she leans into kiss him.

"Err...yeah, I'm going to go... err, go. History." The words fall out of my mouth in a horrific stream of babble before I slam my locker shut and start to walk away. That's when I hear a rip, and feel the cold air on my back. Sweet fudge sticks, I can’t make it through one single day without being a complete moron. I hear giggles all around as my plain white tee flaps around at the back, exposing my back and bra straps. What an epic day! I clutch my books to my front, trying to keep the tee stable, before heading to the closest girls’ bathroom. You see, this sort of thing happens to me more than I care to admit.

I rummage through my satchel and pull out a wrinkled Jaded Hearts tee I got at a gig over the summer and replace my torn one with it. With this sort of humiliation before 9am, things can't get any worse – right?

Wrong.

I slide into my history lesson and snag the back corner before everyone else starts filtering in.

"Hey, Erin, nice summer?" Scottie, one of the other victims of Tegan and her goon squad, asks as she takes a seat at the desk in front of me. I smile at her before she turns forward. Scottie is one of the few people who actually acknowledge my existence. No-one ever sits next to me, I'm the town pariah. And, in a town with a population as small as Rocky Falls, that's some feat. I'm the poor little orphan you don't want to get too close to, just in case my bad luck rubs off. The only person who gets it as bad as I do, is Josh Sanders. I’ve never understood it; he’s the sheriffs’ son and he seems nice enough, but then, I’ve never really spoken to him.

Ever since Tegan came to my 5th birthday party, and her aunt died the next day, she's taken it upon herself to make my life hell, as if somehow, it was all related and, definitely, my fault. It was Tegan who practically handed me my pariah crown.

Mr. Lancaster walks in on the second bell. His grey hair has thinned even more over the summer, and his frame is even skinnier than before, though I didn't think that was possible. His blue suit is sharp and he’s wearing a clown tie. While everyone else might make fun of him, he's my favorite teacher, by far.

"Good Morning, class. I'm sure you're all thrilled to be back and are raring to go. This is your last year at Rocky Falls High, I'm sure you'll make it worth it," he says as he passes out our text books for this year.

"Your first assignment of the year is to research your family tree, and write a paper on someone in your tree who made a difference. Yes, even you, Mr. Donovan, has someone, who at some point, did something worthwhile," he says – cutting off Ricky Donovan’s sniggering.

Donovan had been amusing himself with a lame joke at the expense of me, Little Orphan Annie, not having anyone to write about. Well, this is going to suck. As much as Mr. Lancaster thinks everyone has something to write about, and as much as I hate to admit it, Ricky is right. I don't really know my history. I know I was left at the church in Rocky Falls, and Pastor Michaels found me a home with his sister, where I grew up knowing more love than I could ever possibly imagine, but I know nothing about my real history.

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. My head shoots up as the principal’s secretary walks in and whispers something to Mr. Lancaster.

"Well, well, students – it seems we have someone new joining us this year. I'm sure you'll be as welcoming as always to Mr... errr...."

A deep, gruff voice comes from outside the class, "Knight, Mason Knight,"

"Yes, Mr. Knight, please come in. The only available seat is by Miss Michaels."

Wait, that's me. Awesome.

Mason walks into the room and the silence turns to excited chatter. The guy looks like he has walked straight out of some stupid fragrance commercial; if I said he was ‘pretty’, I'd be doing him an injustice. He stands at around 6"4 with his dirty blonde hair buzzed at the sides but longer on top. His jaw is all sorts of sharp angles – I’m sure it could cut me if I got too close. And his eyes, they're like a storm, all swirling dark blues and greys. He's wearing indigo jeans and a long sleeved grey tee, the buttons undone at the neck, and the tip of a tattoo, peeking out. He clears his throat and I realize I'm just staring at him. Oh hell. I blush and look down at my notebook, hoping the ground will swallow me whole.

"Please sit down so people stop staring," I plead softly.

I've handled humiliation quite well up to this point, but I'd like to avoid giving Tegan any more ammunition than necessary. He grunts something that sounds like, ‘okay’ before he takes the seat next to me. His arm brushes against mine and I jump as if I’ve been shocked. Holy hell, I need to get a grip of myself. I try to focus on the lesson and Mr. Lancaster, but all I can pay attention to is how close he is to me – and just how good he smells; like the woods just after heavy rain. The bell rings and I pack my things away in record time before running from the room. I head to English and hope to god this day ends quickly.

 

***

 

It didn’t. Oh, my lord it didn’t. Today was a disaster! It has been the most horrific first day back ever. Okay, so maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but I ended up eating my lunch in the back corner of the library just to avoid people. Apparently, sitting next to Mason Knight for the majority of my classes meant I’m suddenly, interesting.

I’m not sure what’s worse, one, that people wanted to talk to me or two, the fact I couldn’t concentrate on anything because Mason Knight might just be the biggest, most beautiful, distraction I’ve ever come across in my entire life! Beautiful isn’t a word I’d usually use for a guy, but nothing else really does him justice. I blushed every time he spoke to me and I looked like a bumbling idiot. That’s even before we had to do a practical in Chem together. I repeat – this day was a disaster.

I fling myself face down onto my bed and groan at how ridiculous it all is. I mean, he’s just a boy. I’ve been surrounded by them my entire life. I’ve coped and functioned perfectly well, until now. I just need to get a grip on myself.

“Erin,” Monica calls from the kitchen downstairs. “Dinner’s nearly ready. Get yourself cleaned up and get that tooshie down here.”

I roll my eyes. I love Monica, I really do. She took me in when she didn’t have to, but as she couldn’t have children, she said I was her gift from above. I’m really lucky I have her; she’s laid back and acts more like a friend than a mom, but it works for us. She trusts me, and treats me like an equal, well unless I fuck up, then my head rolls. She’s so quirky and doesn’t give a damn what anyone else thinks, but I swear to god, if she says tooshie once more in this lifetime, I’ll explode.

“I’ll be right down,” I yell back before rolling off the bed and looking in the mirror. To look at me, you’d never know today was an awful day; my long, dark hair falls like a waterfall of soft curls down my back, my stormy blue eyes are wide, my face void of makeup, because who has time for all of that. I’ve changed since school, and thrown out my ripped tee. My black jeans hug my legs, and I have a white and black layered tank on top, my usual assortment of leather bracelets adorn my wrists, and various rings are on my fingers, and I have a leather shoelace choker with a guitar puck hanging in the middle of my throat. It’s not everyone’s taste, but I like it and that’s what matters to me. No-one out there knows me enough for me to give a damn.

I open my door and the best smell in the world hits me. Tacos! Yes! I practically run down the stairs and into the kitchen where Monica is humming along to a song on the radio. Her lavender hair is up in a messy bun and her legs, which are wrapped in her favorite blue and white Aztec leggings, are doing their own funky dance along. I watch her for a while from the door; I never cease to be amazed by her spirit, or her dress sense; she’s matched the crazy leggings with a long black jumper dress and a bright orange scarf – like I said, quirky. She’s not much taller than my 5”4, but she’s much skinnier than me; she’s athletic where I’m soft and curvy. She teaches Yoga and Pilates at the local gym along with aerobics and a ton of other stuff you’d never catch me doing. Me, I’d rather grab a book and get comfortable with a blanket on the love seat in the lounge. She often jokes that she thought she’d adopted a child but got a cat.

She turns and squeaks when she finally senses me. “Erin, you shouldn’t sneak up on an old woman like me,” she winks. “My poor heart can’t take it.”

“Oh please, you’re younger inside than I am, plus, you’re not old, you’re only just brushing your forties. That’s not old, it’s mature,” I reply with a cheeky smile.

“Oh, hush you,” she says, sticking her tongue out at me. “Anyway, I have a surprise for you.” She steps sideways and behind her are a dozen red-velvet cupcakes, topped with white chocolate cheesecake and drizzled with milk chocolate ganache. My favorite! I squeal and run over to her, hugging the crap out of her.

“Thank you, Mon! You are the best. Today sucked. Cake and Taco’s is exactly what I needed.”

“Well then, I’m extra glad I made your favorites. I know we don’t celebrate your birthday, which is your decision, and I respect that, but you’re nearly and adult, all grown up, and today is the day you made my life a whole lot brighter. Its special to me, and so, Cake and Tacos!” she says, waving jazz hands.

I squeeze her a little tighter in thanks. Today is the day Pastor Michaels found me, the day my new life started. I have no idea when my actual birthday is, my parents didn’t care enough to register me before they abandoned me. I had no documents until the Pastor and Monica registered me and I don’t want to celebrate something that isn’t true. It never really mattered to me, but every year, Monica makes me Tacos and cupcakes to celebrate the day I came into her life, and so I don’t make a fuss. I might be a bitch, but I’m not ungrateful.

“Let’s eat!” She announces before grabbing plates and shooing me towards the table.