Fourteen

Ann

Being depressed was never great but being depressed over the holidays sucked balls. I wasn’t one to give in to feelings of sadness because they didn’t really help anything after the first day. But I was on the third day of moping and being sad was officially pissing me off. It didn’t make me think of Jasper or Bryce any less, and it certainly hadn’t made their words sting less.

Especially Jasper’s.

Fuck them. I wished my parents weren’t on a vacation so I could hop in the car and make the four-hour drive to Eugene, Oregon. But they’d taken a Caribbean cruise to celebrate decades of marriage and I couldn’t begrudge them that.

I woke up on day three determined to do better, which started with a long relaxing bath filled with lilac bath bombs and then a quick breakfast with Tasha before hours of retail therapy.

“Next time you need retail therapy, call me after breakfast Ann. It’s so early I saw chicks doing the walk of shame!” Sunglasses firmly in place so she looked the part of the hard-partying stylish urbanite she was, Tasha pulled open the diner door and walked in. “Let’s see if we can get a coffee IV setup.”

“I’ll ask for the bucket, Tash.” It really was too early even though it was after ten, but I wanted a full day of shopping so I wouldn’t have to sit at home alone thinking about the two people I was determined not to think about. Not today. “I think I’m going to have a mimosa.”

“Me, too. After the first bucket.” Our coffee came and we sipped the hot liquid while browsing the menu, mostly in silence. “What’s going on, Ann?”

“Nothing.” The word came out on a sigh, a dead giveaway that I was lying, but I didn’t want to talk about it, not when I was trying hard to avoid talking about it. “What’s going on with you? Charlie should be back soon, right?”

The question worked like a charm as a beaming smile spread across Tasha’s face. “One week and we’ll be together again. Tell me I’m not crazy, Ann.”

“Oh you’re batshit crazy honey, and I love you for it, but no, I don’t think you’re crazy for this.” She stuck her tongue out and laughed. “You like him. Enjoy it.” Because rarely did those feelings last. But I didn’t tell her that.

“You mean that?”

I nodded at her hopeful expression. “I do. You can’t find that special amazing thing you want if you don’t at least try. I mean sure, it could all go to shit, look at me,” I told her with a self-deprecating smile. “But at least you’ll know you put yourself out there. You tried.”

“It’s so weird,” she shouted as the waitress dropped our food at the table and refilled her coffee. “We’ve talked nearly every day, we video chat about everything and nothing.” She leaned forward, looking to make sure there were no eager listeners nearby. “I even masturbated for him on Facetime!”

“You did not!”

She smiled a wicked grin. “I did!”

“Damn. Was it as hot as it sounds?”

“Hotter,” she gushed.

“You didn’t get your phone wet, did you?”

She laughed. “No silly. I didn’t squirt all over it or anything. I just played.”

“Then I’d say he’s at least earned a shot with the magnificent Tasha.”

“Thanks. I don’t know why I’m so freaked about this. He’s just a guy.”

I laughed at that. When it came to the good ones there was no such thing as ‘just a guy.’ “A guy you want even from thousands of miles away.”

“Yeah,” she smiled. A few minutes of silence had passed while we ate but Tasha was done gushing and her big brown eyes were focused squarely on me.

“What?”

“What’s wrong? You’re sad.”

Yeah, I was. “It’s nothing. I took your advice with Bryce and Jasper. Told them how I felt and what I wanted. They both, individually, accused me of playing games and trying to come between them even though that’s the last thing I’d ever want.” I poured the carafe of mimosas in our tall glasses and motioned for another while Tasha stared.

And stared. She looked at me for so long I felt the urge to squirm but I also wondered what she saw. “You like them.”

I frowned. “I do. I like them both, but it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters, Annie. It matters a lot.”

I shook my head. “No. But that’s fine. I’m a little bummed out about it but I’ll be fine. I’m always fine.” I made sure of it because in my business—hell in this world—a decent looking woman had to have a tough skin if she wanted to do more than fetch coffee and get down on her knees to get ahead.

“For what it’s worth, I think they’re both dummies. And I think they’ll regret it.”

“Thanks,” I told the waitress when she set another carafe in front of me. “I don’t care. Yeah, I’m sad about it but I’m also over it. They don’t want it so it’s over.”

“You sure about that?”

I nodded. “I’ve had three days to mull it over and yeah, I’m sure. In just a few days I’ll be perfectly fine.” I would make sure of it. “Maybe I should spend the rest of my time off someplace warm.”

“You can’t! You’re the one who wanted to go to that damn Christmas Eve ball because ‘it’s such a great networking opportunity,’” she said, mimicking my annoying determined voice.

Shit. I’d forgotten all about that damn ball. “I guess we both need something to wear, and you need something to welcome Charlie home properly.” And just like that, I kind of forgot all about my boy drama. At least for a little while. Shopping for pretty dresses tended to do that to a girl. “Ready?”

We paid the bill and bundled up before making our way back to the street and into the back of our waiting Uber. “Are you Allen my driver?” Tasha asked the hot guy behind the wheel before she turned to me. “You did tell them Pacific, right? I need high end fabrics, honey.”

“Yes, dear,” I mocked. Tasha was so uppity when it came to clothes.

We both got in, and the trip was quick this time of day. Soon, we were in the middle of Barney’s with piles of dresses going into our dressing rooms. “What color are you thinking?”

“It’s Christmas so I was thinking red.” It would stand out against my dark hair and pale skin.

“No. Ninety percent of the women there will have on red. You want to stand out sweetheart, and you can do it in this.”

“Shit.” The dress was absolutely perfect. Strapless silver with a sweetheart neckline and a mermaid silhouette, lightly beaded and lacy, it was pure sex with a touch of class. “Wow.”

“I am one of the most sought after stylists on the west coast, Annie.”

“I know, but damn. This dress is, the dress.” I’d never seen anything so gorgeous in all my life. “If it fits, I have my Christmas Eve ball gown.”

“Good, then you can help me. After we try this beauty on.”

We giddily went to the fitting room and I slid it on, smiling when it was a little loose in the hips. Problems like this, I could handle. “We just need it nipped in here, but if no one can fit me in, I think it still looks good.”

Tasha was tapping on her phone and I snapped my fingers at her. She looked up with an annoyed scowl. “Ricardo will pick up the dress from here and give it to me in two days. You’re welcome.” She gave me a quick once over. “If you plan to eat your feelings, maybe we can skip alterations.”

“Bite your tongue, hooker!”

She laughed and circled me. “No, it’s great. And if you must wear red . . .”

“I have that cherry topaz set that will go perfectly and red booties.”

She grinned. “I taught you so well.” She wiped away a pretend tear and clutched her nonexistent pearls.

“That was disappointingly easy.” And not therapeutic at all.

“Don’t worry, it’ll take me forever to find the perfect dress for this.” She smacked her deliciously round ass and rolled her eyes.

Tasha, despite her hatred of all things exercise related, had a really great body. Small on top with a flat, nearly six pack, abs and hips and ass that would make J. Lo jealous, she never had a bad outfit day. “Yeah right. Your problem will be choosing from a dozen dresses.”

After I took off my dress and handed it to the sales girl, I felt the therapy starting to work. Flipping through colorful silks and patterns, sequins and lace and tulle, I began to feel better. Not good, but better than yesterday. Better than this morning.

But by the time we left the mall, hours later, I had a month’s salary worth of therapy hanging off my arms.

And I felt a little bit better.

***

When day five rolled around I was no longer sad. I was pissed. Who in the hell did they think they were, making me feel like some dirty tramp for having feelings for both of them? For wanting both of them? Was it that uncommon? They couldn’t see past their own macho bullshit to see how great we could be together. All three of us.

Every night I went to bed thinking about that one perfect night we had, shoving my hand between my legs and bringing myself orgasm after orgasm just thinking about how it felt to have two mouths on my breasts, two different hands inside me, bringing me pleasure. And how alive I felt with two powerful men thrusting inside of me, doing their best to make me scream with pleasure.

Even individually, sex was amazing. Off the charts. Jasper and Bryce were so different but in the best ways. I really thought we could all be happy together.

And we could, if they were on board. Hell, if one of them were on board it would be easier, but I could no more force them than they could force me to choose. That’s where the anger and sadness came from, because I knew I’d already said goodbye to them both.

So, I spent day five on the sofa watching movies, getting tipsy and eating a family size lasagna I made earlier. For breakfast. But halfway through White Christmas the anger faded and was replaced with . . . nothing. I was numb.

Well, I was drunk, numb and full of lasagna.

And horny. Night after night of using my hand or my collection of dildos and vibrators had done nothing to ease my ache for Bryce and Jasper. All it did was make me want them even more, which was just stupid. In fact, I knew I couldn’t have either one of them because I wanted them both.

At the same time.

So I drank and sang while Bob and Phil got their happy endings with the Haynes sisters along with a white Christmas. And when it was all over, I went to my room, pulled out the brand-new acorn-shaped butt-plug from the drawer and lubed it up. I slowly pushed it inside my bottom and sighed. I loved the full feeling it gave me. Next came the happy vibrating dolphin. This guy knew exactly where to go. I turned it on low and began to fuck myself, not wanting to come too fast.

I closed my eyes and dreamed it was Jasper and Bryce, one in my ass and one in my pussy, bringing me orgasm after orgasm until my thighs quivered and my body was slick with sweat, seeping on to fresh sheets. I imagined them both kissing me intimately, using two tongues and two hard cocks to bring me pleasure.

It was magnificent. Almost as good as reality.

Almost good enough I couldn’t imagine it was just a battery-operated replacement.