Chapter Twenty-Two

Carson

The week after the stunning victory crawled by. My life became an easy rhythm of wake up, scarf down a pre-workout meal, head to practice, drag myself through the drills, and only go home when my body felt like it had been sent through the spin cycle on an industrial-sized dryer. Nothing mattered to me. I didn’t care what I ate or what I wore or who I talked to. I had to shut that side of my brain down or else I would fall into a dark pit, wondering what in the world had gone wrong with Gwen. We’d texted a couple of times since the heated phone call after the game, but hadn’t made plans to meet up and talk. It was like an awkward dance around the real issue. She was always busy with work and I was busy with practice and prepping to fly to LA for the Super Bowl.

Thursday’s practice was the last one before we’d leave and as I was leaving, Langston sidled up to me in the locker room. “Hey, Stiles. You all right? Your ass was dragging a little on that last drill.”

He smiled, but his comments sparked a slumbering rage and I jumped up from my seat at the bench. “Fuck you, Rose. Worry about your own shit, all right?”

Several heads spun in my direction and a flurry of whispers followed the outburst. I raked a hand over my head. “I’m sorry, man. I didn’t—shit.”

Langston crossed his arms. “What the hell is going on with you?”

I slammed my locker and shrugged into my coat. “Nothing. I’m just ready for all this shit to be over with.”

“This shit? You mean the biggest fucking game of our lives?”

I groaned. “You know what I mean.”

“No, actually, I don’t. We all play our fuckin’ hearts out for this chance, this one shot, the big game. I want to soak up every minute of it and I think that the Carson I’ve been getting to know lately would agree with me. This funk you’re in has nothing to do with the game.” He leveled me with a firm stare. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong,” I repeated without flinching. “Night, Rose.”

I stalked away but couldn’t escape the smothering feel of the locker room before Langston called after me, “Call her, Stiles.”

I raced home, going faster than was wise considering the shit conditions of the roads, as though I could outrun Gwen’s memory. Things between us were bad. I wasn’t sure when or where, but at some point, we’d hit the rocks and the ship had gone down. Startlingly fast. I wasn’t sure what else there was to do.

Once home, I took a quick shower, not letting myself linger on the steamy memories Gwen and I had created inside the glass stall. I warmed up my dinner and pulled a six pack from the fridge. I had a day off before my flight to LA and I was planning on spending it drunk off my ass so I didn’t have to think or feel anything.

Halfway through a rerun of Seinfeld the buzzer for my door rang. “What the…” I pushed up from my recliner and wandered over to check the security camera. No one was there but the door was slowly swinging shut. I was about to go back to my dinner, chalking it up to a wrong number, but just as I hit the volume button on the remote, a knock pounded against my front door.

A peek through the peephole showed me that Gwen was standing on the other side. Somehow, she managed to look beautiful and angry and nervous all at once. I drew in a breath and swung the door open. She dropped a glance down at my Spiderman pajama pants and pressed her lips together to suppress a smile, but the dancing glimmer in her eyes gave her amusement away.

“What? They’re whimsical,” I growled.

She held up her hands. “No judgment. Whatever makes you feel better prepared to deal with the monsters that live under your bed…”

I crossed my arms. “What do you want, Gwen? You didn’t come all the way here to heckle my choice in sleepwear.”

She met my eyes for a long moment. “All right, this is ridiculous,” she said, huffing as she pushed past me into the living room. She spun around as I shut the door and planted her fists on her hips. “Let’s talk.”

“Go for it.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, all traces of the brief moment of levity instantly gone. “You’re still pissed at me?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, dropping my arms. “I think I’m mostly confused at this point.”

Gwen’s face softened and she glanced at the sofa.

“Come on,” I said, taking the lead. I grabbed her hand and tugged her toward me. It took every ounce of strength and resolve to keep myself from pulling her against me and kissing her until our problems were erased from our minds.

We got situated on the couch, our knees touching as we angled toward one another, and I kept a hold of her hand. “I’m not too tough of a guy to say that it fucking hurt that you weren’t at my last game. That was a big day to me and I wanted you there. And fuck it, if I’m going all out, I was jealous that you were spending it at work. I wanted you to be there.”

Gwen dropped her eyes to our intertwined hands. “I’m really sorry about missing your game. I wish I’d have been there. Work was kind of a bust anyway.” She paused just long enough for me to wonder what was going on inside her head. She lifted her eyes back to mine and a glossy coating shimmered in the soft light of the overhead track lighting.

“Hey,” I whispered, brushing away a stray tear as it slipped past her lashes. “What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me.”

“I want to,” she replied, nodding her head. She glanced down again and whispered, “I just don’t know what to say.”

I slipped my thumb under her chin and tilted her face back up. “Come on, Gwen. It’s me. We used to be pretty good at this talking thing, ya know, before we discovered we were pretty damn good at other things.”

She smiled and I tallied it up as a small victory. “Pretty damn good?”

“Uh huh.”

Damn it, I wanted to take her in my arms and get my hands all over her body. She was wearing her favorite pair of jeans, black boots, and a black sweater. Nothing fancy or over the top sexy but she could wear a paper bag and look like the hottest woman on the planet.

“I’m scared, Carson,” she finally admitted.

“Scared?”

“I think I’m feeling too much, too fast.”

My heart skipped a few beats as it sputtered into a triple time pace. “There’s no such thing. It’s not something you can control, baby.”

“Well that’s kind of the problem,” she said with a watery smile. “I’m a little bit of a control freak and when I feel like this…like everything is chaotic and wild, I shut down. And between your busy life and my new job and the case—”

“I know. It’s fucked up.”

She nodded. “Real fucked up. We don’t even know where you’ll be playing next season.”

My eyebrows rose up my forehead. I’d purposefully not brought that possibility up with her, mostly because the idea of leaving her was more than I could take, without telling her and having to have a real conversation about it.

She shrugged. “I’ve heard a few things, here and there.”

I grabbed her other hand and held them both tight. “I don’t know what will happen next season, but I don’t want to lose you. No matter where I end up. We can make it work. People do it all the time.”

She smiled, but it was full with sadness and didn’t quite make it to her eyes.

“I’ve lost a lot in my life, Gwen,” I started, my voice shaky. “I don’t know who my dad is, my mom’s not in my life because she chooses not to be. I didn’t have a shot at a normal childhood and I’ve never really let myself get too attached to things, or places, and certainly not people. But that changed when I met you. Suddenly, it was like a wall broke down and I couldn’t get it built back up fast enough to keep you out. And now, I’m so thankful I couldn’t. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. This last week has been hell for me, wondering what you’re thinking and whether or not I’d ever get to see you again. I couldn’t handle the thought that we might have already had our last kiss or said our last goodnight to each other.”

Gwen’s tears poured freely as I spoke and I paused only long enough to swipe them away with my thumb. “I love you, Gwen. I’m fucking crazy about you. Since that first time I saw you at the diner. I think about you all the freakin’ time.”

“I don’t want to either,” she whispered. “I’ve never felt like this before. When I’m with you, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, but when we’re apart, my mind wanders and I worry.”

I stroked my hand up the side of her face. “You don’t have to worry, baby. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere and no matter what happens next, I’ll still be here.”

Her lashes fluttered closed as I leaned in to brush a soft kiss to the lips I’d been aching to feel for days. I pulled her hips and brought her in close, needing every inch of her against me, to assure me that she was really there and that the words we’d said were real too.

She smiled when we pulled apart to catch our breath. She snaked a hand up between us and toyed with the hair that had fallen across my forehead. “I also kinda need you to do me a favor…”

“Anything, but right now, we have something else we need to do.” Without warning, I scooped her up from the couch and tossed her over my shoulder, laughing at the girly squeal as I carried her off to the bedroom.

“Caveman!” she bellowed, playfully slapping at my ass.

I patted her ass and tossed her onto the bed. I lowered down over her, my body covering hers, and kissed her fiercely, only pulling back when we were both breathless. “You like it.”

She framed my face with her hands and gently pulled me back to hers. “I love it, because I love you.”

“I love you too, Gwen.”

The kiss that followed was hot enough to melt the wallpaper right off the walls. What had actually been days apart, suddenly felt like years, and I was like a starving man who couldn’t get enough. My hands searched her body, peeling away clothing as fast as I could. Gwen’s own eagerness matched mine and within minutes, we were both stripped naked and tangled together under the sheets.

I was addicted to the way it felt to watch her body respond to my touch. Every graze of my fingertips made her shudder. Every kiss made her gasp. And when my fingers slipped deep inside of her, I was rewarded with a satisfied moan that echoed through my ears long after it left her lips. Gwen was everything I hadn’t realized that I was missing from my life and I would do whatever it took to keep her there.

“What are you thinking about?” Gwen asked, toying with my nipples.

I nipped at her hand and she giggled. “I’m thinking about how damn beautiful you are.” I slid down her body and captured the inside of her thigh with my mouth, leaving a trail of kisses along the tender flesh until she had her fingernails buried in my back muscles and was whimpering, begging me to move my mouth over her slick pussy. The taste of her excitement had me hard as a rock, pulsing for release, but I steadied myself, determined to take my time. I’d missed her smell, her taste, and the sexy little noises she made when I sucked her pussy and fucked her deep and hard with my fingers.

I wanted it all.

Gwen gasped when my fingers slid inside of her, and her begging became more frantic as I blew a hot breath over her soaking wet pussy. Her juices slid down her swollen lips and I finally gave in and lapped them away, letting the taste of her melt on my tongue. Her nails dug into my shoulders and I went back for a second taste. “Damn, baby, you’re so sweet, like sugar.”

She arched her back and rolled her hips. Her tight walls clenched around my fingers as I fucked her with them and I smiled, knowing just how close she was already. “Fuck. Right there, baby. Right. Fucking. There.”

I stroked her g-spot and sucked her clit into my mouth, teasing it between my tongue and lips and Gwen crashed over the edge, her body convulsing and shuddering violently. I pinned her hips down and gently sucked her until she gave a final shudder and went still, the sound of her frantic breathing the only sound.

After a few moments, a giggle burst from her lips and I smiled up at her, taking a quick perusal of her full breasts and soft stomach on the way to those lips that drove me crazy. “What?”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I just…missed you.”

I chuckled and moved up her body, licking and sucking her nipples as I passed them. “I missed your sweet little pussy.”

“I can feel that,” she teased, rocking against my hard-on, moving her hips to slide herself against my shaft.

When I entered her, I nearly lost control on the first pulse. She was so tight and eager, claiming me and dragging me deeper. I’d had my share of lovers but none of them got me like Gwen. Her body was meant for mine and I was never going to let another man near her.

She was mine.

All mine.

I thrust deep, hissing as I struggled to keep it together. Gwen’s eyes went big and round and I got lost in the velvety brown pools.