Chapter Eleven

Carson

“Damn, Stiles! You gonna leave some of that bag for the next guy?”

I threw another right hook, then blasted a series of punches and jabs, ignoring whoever was jeering me from the corner of the gym. The punching bag swung and I jumped back a split second before delivering a roundhouse kick. Kickboxing wasn’t exactly a football workout, but it had always been my favorite, especially on mornings when I couldn’t shake the anger that hung around me.

“Guess that’s a no…” the voice, that I finally recognized as Langston Rose, a middle linebacker for the Cannons, added under his breath. “You okay, man?”

“I’m fine,” I replied, the answer grit between my clenched teeth as I went back to raining blows against the bag.

A glance over to my right told me he wasn’t going to drop it. He leaned against the wall and pocketed his hands. “It’s just that most of us are still in a Christmas dinner coma and you’re in here tearing it up like Rocky Balboa on meds or some shit.”

A hard punch rattled through me. Damn it. He was throwing off my concentration. I dropped my arms and glared at the bag as it swung to a stop. When it went still, I pivoted on the heel of my tried and true sneakers and stalked a few paces closer to where he was lounging. “I said I’m fine.”

The problem with Langston was that he wasn’t afraid of anyone. He could face down a 320-pound lineman without blinking. I was just about his same height and he had a good fifty pounds on me, and if we got into it, I wasn’t sure who would win. Not that I wanted to fight him. He wasn’t my problem.

I shrugged my shoulders back, releasing the tension built up between them. “What do you want, man? I had a shitty night and needed to come in here and blow off some steam today.”

Langston didn’t break eye contact. He glared at me with a cool, unflinching stare. “Listen, man, I don’t know your story and it’s cool if you don’t wanna tell me, but if you do, just know I’m here for you. All right?”

My tongue dug into the side of my cheek as I wrestled with whether or not to tell him or not. After the sleepless night, tangled in the sheets of my bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering what the hell was wrong with me, I was tired of living inside my own head. Maybe spilling my guts would help.

At the last second, I shook my head. “I’m good, man. Thanks.”

He didn’t move as I left the room and hit the showers.

The coaching staff kept practice long, even though it was the day after Christmas and most of the guys would have probably rather been home with their families. Normally we’d be done and could enjoy a nice, long holiday. But this year was different. We had a playoff game coming up and needed to squeeze out every spare minute of practice time in preparation. Which was just fine with me. All I had to look forward to was a night of mindless TV and a pre-cooked dinner.

I’d avoided my phone all day, but when practice was finally over, I pulled it from my locker and noticed that among the list of missed calls and text messages, there was a missed call from Gwen. My heart twisted in my chest as I stared at her name. I swallowed it down and shoved the phone back into my pocket. “God, you’re such a jackass, Stiles,” I said, slamming my locker closed.

****

Halfway through my microwaved dinner and a shitty made for TV movie—the only thing I could find that wasn’t Christmas related—the hole in my chest had gotten wide enough that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I pushed up from my reclining chair and went to the small table by the front door where I usually left pocket change, car keys, and my phone. I grabbed the phone and scrolled through to find Gwen’s missed call. Without giving myself another moment to think, I dialed her number and started pacing my living room as I waited for her to pick up.

Just when I thought it was going to click over to voicemail, her soft voice answered, “Hello?”

I raked a hand through my hair, still damp from my post-practice shower. “Gwen? Hey, it’s Carson.”

“Hi, Carson. How are you?”

Damn it, it was awkward. I knew I had some explaining to do. I just wasn’t sure how to start. Or where.

“I’m all right. I was at practice most of the day and missed your call.”

“Practice the day after Christmas? Wow…slave drivers.” There was a hint of amusement to her voice that melted me a little.

“Yeah. What about you? Hanging with your fam?”

“For the most part. We kind of have a tradition that the day after Christmas we go to a shelter and serve up food for the folks gathered there. A lot of people volunteer on Christmas, so we fill the gap and sign up for the day after.”

“Oh, wow. That’s really cool.” Gwen blew my mind a little more every time I talked to her. As she revealed more pieces of herself, I become more convinced that she was an angel. Granted, with a body made for sin.

“It’s always a good time. The people are so kind.” She paused and I heard noise in the background. Was she out somewhere? “I was on my way to see my friend Vivi for a little while. Uhm, would it be all right if I called you back a little later?”

My heart sank again. I dropped into my chair and nodded to myself. “Yeah, of course. I’ll be up late. So, uh, don’t worry about that.”

“Right. Okay. Well, I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Great.”

“Bye.”

We hung up and I let out a deep sigh. I knew the instant I’d made a quick exit from her parents’ house that things were off. I’d managed to pop that bubble we’d stepped inside after our first date. The worst part was that I couldn’t tell her why. I couldn’t find the words to explain the suffocating feeling that had grabbed a hold of me after having dinner with her family. I couldn’t tell her that I hadn’t seen my own family for Christmas in six years. And I definitely couldn’t tell her the reasons why.

Because that would mean admitting I was broken. Fucked up. Damaged. And I didn’t want her to know that.

****

To my surprise, Gwen called back a few hours later. I answered quickly, simultaneously muting the TV. “Hey, how was your friend? Vivi?”

“She’s all right. It’s kind of…complicated. Listen, I’m not really the kind of girl to tiptoe around shit. I’m not very good at it. So, can I just ask if you’re still interested in seeing me or whatever it was, is, that we’re doing?”

A startled laugh broke free at her bold question. “What? Are you serious? Of course I’m interested.”

She hesitated for a moment before saying, “I just…yesterday felt off toward the end. Like I’d done something wrong or maybe my family. I mean, I wouldn’t blame you if Aunt Maggie scared you off.”

I chuckled. “No, that’s not it at all.” I was overwhelmed with the urge to hold her, to pull her into my arms and never let go. “Where are you? Can I come get you?”

“I’m at home…”

“Is that a yes?” She didn’t answer right away and my heart slammed against my chest. “Gwen, please, I need to see you.”

“Okay. Yeah. I’ll be ready.”

“I’ll be there in twenty.”

We hung up and I hurried to get out of my sweats and into a pair of jeans and a soft t-shirt before bundling into my winter coat and heading for my truck. Twenty minutes later, I pulled up out front and before I could get the driver’s side door open, Gwen was on her parents’ front porch. She pulled the door closed behind her and came down the walkway. I leaned across and pushed the passenger door open for her and she climbed inside. Her hair was down in long waves, trapped under the collar of her coat. Her face was rosy from running through the brisk air and a few snowflakes glistened from where they’d landed on her face.

“Hi,” she said, her voice a breathy whisper as she turned toward me.

“Hey.” Without waiting, I reached for her and stole a kiss. She melted into me and her warmth rushed over my skin. It felt so good to hold her. Even if there were far too many layers of clothing between us. “I’m so sorry about yesterday,” I said once we parted. I kept a hold of her waist with one hand while the other went to wipe a trace of snow from her cheek. “The holidays are kind of rough. You and your family did nothing wrong. I had a really good time.”

Gwen gave a slight nod, her eyes fluttering down as she looked at her lap for a minute. “I don’t want to pry or anything, but just know that you can trust me, and whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here to listen.”

I tipped her chin back up, bringing those chocolate brown eyes back to mine. “Thank you.”

She kissed me and the intensity went through the roof, as though a barrier between us had been broken and we could get closer, touch more, feel more. Every sensation that surged through me went higher and I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. I needed more. I wanted to taste her skin, explore every inch of her body, and make her cry out my name.

Gwen pulled away, her breathing ragged as she dragged her fingers through her hair. “Whew. Okay…let’s maybe go somewhere where my parents can’t see us making out like crazy high schoolers.”

I laughed and put the truck in drive. “Buckle up, baby.”

She giggled and clicked her seatbelt in place as I pulled away from the curb.