I pull up outside Beth's apartment building, and raise my cell to my ear.
"You wanna go for a ride?" I ask when she answers.
"What, now?" she asks.
"Yeah, now."
"Give me two minutes," she replies, and hangs up. I smile. I haven't seen her in a few nights, since she's had to cover for Candice at the Keep while Candice recovers from the flu. Beth emerges from her apartment building's front entrance, and waves. She's wearing boots, tight jeans, an even tighter t-shirt, and pulls on a leather jacket as she walks.
"Still feeling healthy?" I ask.
"I'm popping Vitamin C like it's candy," she replies. She leans in to kiss me, but stops just before our lips touch. "But you sure you want to risk it?"
"Fuck yeah," I reply, and she presses her mouth onto mine, letting her lips part slightly and quickly slipping her tongue into my mouth. "Maybe we should just go upstairs," I say as she swings a leg over the bike behind me.
"No, it's one giant sick bed up there! I need some fresh air," she says, wrapping her arms tightly around my waist.
I rev the engine, then pull out of the parking lot as Beth squeals happily. We cruise through Paradise Falls and quickly settle onto the highway. It's empty out right now. It's a Sunday, and the sun is just about to take on an orange tint as it nears the horizon line. I let out the throttle, and feel Beth's body press against mine as we speed down the road. The wind batters my face, Beth's warmth heats my back, and I feel completely content.
After a while, I pull off the highway at an exit, following the signs for an overlook. I feel Beth raise her head to look around, and I steer my bike off the road and into a small dirt parking lot. I help Beth off the bike, then take her hand and lead her into the brush.
"Woah," she breathes as she sees the ground drop away a few feet in front of us.
"It's called the Red Canyon," I tell her.
"Because of the light?" she guesses, as the setting sun turns the walls of the canyon a deep, blood red.
"Exactly." I take a deep breath, and watch the shadow of one wall crawl up the side of the other. "This is the kind of stuff I'd miss the most."
"What do you mean?" she asks, turning her bright eyes up to mine. I chew my lip for a moment. The words just sort of slipped out…
"I just meant, if I were ever to leave Arizona, I'd miss this," I tell her.
"You thinking about leaving?" she asks.
"No," I tell her, squeezing her hand.
"But if you did leave, where would you go?" she presses me.
"I always had this dream about opening up a small bar in Mexico. Near a resort town, but still off the beaten track. And just…living. Little kids running around…"
"Your kids?"
I grin. "Yeah, my kids."
"So why don't you do it?"
"I'm in an MC. That's for life."
"Okay, but before you joined."
"My dad was in the MC, too. I always just figured this is what I'd do. And after I got out of the service, doing something peaceful just didn't feel right to me. After what I'd seen over there…"
"You had too much stuff inside you," she says.
"Right. The idea of me tending bar on the beach just seemed so far away."
"You deserve that kind of life, though," she says, wrapping an arm around my waist and leaning her chin against my chest.
"I don't know about that."
"I do."
"Maybe you'll have to head down to Mexico without me," I tell her with a smile.
"Oh, no. I don't deserve peace." I lean back and stare down at her, feeling shocked. She quickly glances back out at the canyon, looking like she wishes she could stuff her words back into her mouth. "I'm getting chilly," she says, and tries to pull me back toward the bike.
"No, you're not," I reply, standing my ground.
"Yes, I am," she insists.
"What do you mean, you don’t deserve peace? If anyone does, it's…"
"No, it's not, okay?"
"If you've done something, trust me, it can't be that bad."
"You don't know everything about me," Beth replies, anger tinging her eyes.
"So tell me."
"You might not like me so much," she warns me.
"Try me."
"What if I've done something really bad, evil even?"
"Well, then you've done something evil. But no one's all one thing."
"You sure about that? Even after being in war, you think that?" she asks, seeming to be genuinely asking me.
I pause, thinking. "It's not for me to condemn anyone. Including you," I finally tell her. I take her hand. "You can trust me. You know that, right?" She nods, and tears well up in her eyes. I think she's finally going to open up to me, but then…
"I'm cold. I just want to go back," she tells me again.
"Alright," I sigh, and get back on the bike.
She climbs on behind me, and murmurs in my ear, so quietly I can barely hear it, "Your place, okay?"
I nod, and we head back toward Paradise Falls. Back at my place, we have dinner, and we're both trying to make the best of it, but there's an odd silence that keeps coming up between us. We don't address it, and I wonder if I'm imagining things, but that night we go to bed without having sex for the first time.
I lay on my side in bed, facing away from her, watching the minutes on my clock keep turning over. Sleep just isn't coming. I hear a rustle in the bed behind me.
"You awake?" Beth asks, placing her hand on my back.
"Mm," I reply, rolling over to look at her.
Her face is wet with tears.
"Beth…" I murmur, trying to wipe her cheek dry with my thumb.
"I killed him, Ford," she says in a strangled whisper.
"Who?" I frown. "Who did you kill?"
"My stepfather. I killed my stepfather."