Chapter 3

 

 

 “I don’t want to leave you,” Drew confessed, sitting on the toilet while Nicky kicked his little legs, splashing in the bath water. He loved bath time and was so darn cute, balling his little fist excitedly while his feet and legs danced in the warm water.

“I’m fine, Drew. You can go. You’re only going for two days.”

“I’m afraid, Morgan. What if you’re not okay?”

I wanted to walk to him, fall into his arms, let him know that I loved him, and we’d make it through this. I didn’t dare leave Nicky though, not for a second. He was rolling all over the place now.

Laying on the bed, playing with Nicholas, Drew stared at me. I knew he needed something. I just didn’t know what it was he needed or how to give it to him. I forgave him for taking Justin from me. I didn’t know what else to say.

“Take me to bed, Daddy,” I said, talking for Nicky who was rubbing his sleepy eyes.

Drew picked him up and carried him to his room. I soaked in a tub of erotic smelling bubbles, contemplating our session with Deidra that day. Afraid of where we were going to end up, I knew things were going to get deeper. Had I known how much deeper, I may have let Drew fire her that day.

Drew was barely rocking, patting Nicky on his diapered butt when he rocked back. I stood quietly at the door, watching him with his son. There was nothing Drew could do that was any sexier. I loved seeing him rock Nicky. It warmed my blood and melted my heart.

 “He’s asleep,” I announced quietly.

“I know. I just never want to lose him. I love him so much, Morgan.”

I tussled his hair and smiled a weak smile down at him. Taking the baby, I knew where he was going with this, what he was thinking. I was right and as soon as Drew showered and crawled in beside me he started.

“Morgan?”

“Hmm?” I mumbled in his chest.

“I never thought about how that made you feel. I never thought about it until today. I can’t imagine someone taking Nicholas from me now. I can’t conceive of never seeing him again.”

I looked up to him, deciding not to let it blow over, tell him it was fine, let him off the hook. I needed to stop enabling him. “You can’t imagine that, Drew. Did you know that I was the one to take care of him from the day he came home from the hospital? I woke with him at two o’clock in the morning to feed him, I changed him using the cloth diapers that I washed by hand myself.”

“Where were your parents?”

I shrugged and rolled to my back, staring up at the ceiling. “Probably at the bar. I don’t know. They never told me where they were going. They just left me to tend to him.”

“Where was your grandmother? You said she took care of you.”

“She lived up the lane, but she wasn’t well. She couldn’t take care of a baby, and my dad forbade me to take him there.”

“He’s not your dad. Stop calling him that. Why didn’t you tell a teacher, a principle, anyone? Why didn’t you stand up for yourself and get yourself and Justin out of that environment?”

“I was twelve, Drew. Where do you think I would have gone? I was a statistic, just like everyone else that lived there.”

“Would you change it, Morgan? Would you give all this up and go back to that day if you could?”

“It’s not always about money, Drew. Yes. I would give it up in heartbeat to have Justin in my life, to have never watched him scream for me while he was being ripped out of my arms.”

“I can’t imagine that, Morgan. I’m so sorry.”

I had told Drew I’d forgiven him for the choice of taking Justin from me, but I hadn’t, not until that night anyway. Drew and I talked about my childhood, my mother, the lack of food, heat, and clothing, all of it. For the first time ever, Drew wanted to know these things. He asked many questions, apologized a million times for the life I was forced to be born in, and held me close while I cried for my little brother. I didn’t want to stop thinking about Justin. I loved him and never wanted to lose that.

Drew made slow, obsessive love to me, knowing I needed to be close to him, close to something permanent in my life. I think he needed the same thing, and once again we melted together, both needing to belong.

***

“What are you doing for the next couple days?” Drew asked at breakfast.

“Changing my shirt,” I laughed as Nicholas sputtered orange baby food from his mouth. He was so happy in the mornings.

“After that?”

“I’m going to the doctor with Alicia, probably get some lunch, maybe get our nails done. Why?”

“Curious. Are you taking little man?”

“No, he’s staying with Ms. Marta,” I inform Drew, then face Nicky. “Aren’t you, Nicky?”

“That’s it. I’m changing his name.”

“Maybe when Alicia has her baby I’ll stop,” I lied. I liked calling him Nicky.

“What’s she naming her?”

“She’s got a couple picked out: Daisy—which Celeste hates—and Trinity.”

“I hate them both.”

“Yeah, Celeste isn’t crazy about them either. She wants to call her Gabriella.”

“I like that. That’s much better. I could do business with a Gabriella better than a Daisy. She’ll never be taken seriously.”

“That’s stupid. Maybe she won’t grow up to be in ‘the business,’ maybe she’ll be an artist like Alicia.”

“I doubt that, not if Celeste has anything to do with it. You should hear Vincent’s role play closing techniques with her. He’s a spitting image of her.”

I rolled my eyes. I was like Alicia in that department; you don’t role play closing techniques with an eight-year-old. I’d save that conversation for Alicia. Drew and I would never agree on that. He’d be doing the same thing with Nicholas, I was sure.

“Drew, let’s go,” Celeste announced, pointing her arm towards the door. She was worse than Drew when it came to work.

I stood and kissed his soft lips.

“I love you,” he whispered hot words to my mouth.

“I love you too. I’ll talk to you later. Hurry home to me.”

“I will,” he replied, kissing my forehead and turning his attention to noisy, babbling Nicky. “I love you too, little man. Daddy will see you later on the computer, okay?”

“Drew!”

“I’m coming,” he yelled at Celeste, kissed me one more time and disappeared.

“It’s just you and me again, buddy,” I said, shoving more food into Nicky’s mouth for him to spit it back out. I hated Drew traveling all the time. Why couldn’t we have one or two stores? Why did we need twenty four strung about the country? I think that’s what we were up to anyway, I didn’t pay much attention.

***

“Spend the night. I don’t want to be home alone,” I begged Alicia once we were back from our errands for the day.

“Okay,” she agreed. I knew she would. She hated being home without Celeste too, and Vincent loved our house, well, the pool, I should say.

Marta, Alicia, and I made more food than we’d ever eat. It was mostly Alicia’s fault. She was the one eating for two. You would have thought she was eating for ten. We ate out by the pool and then watched a movie with Vincent. Alicia and I traded kids for the evening while Marta cleaned up. I helped Vincent with his spelling words, and she bathed Nicky.

“He’s down,” Alicia whispered, closing the door behind her. I placed a finger in the air, letting her know I was on the phone when she entered my room.

“She is not sleeping in my bed,” Drew demanded.

“Yes, she is. She always sleeps with me when she stays here.”

“I know and I don’t like it.”

“You never minded before.”

“That’s because you never rubbed your pussy all over her before.”

“Oh, my god, Drew. You’re ridiculous. Alicia, you can sleep in the same bed, but I’m not allowed to rub my pussy on you. Drew’s afraid I’m going to cheat on him with you in my bed.”

“Drew has the whole place guarded like Fort Knox. Tell him if we do, he’ll be able to watch.”

“I’m going to beat your ass when I get home,” he threatened.

I laughed. “Okay, you can do that. Maybe I will have Alicia do that, you know, just to tide me over till you get home.”

“I don’t think you’re cute at all.”

“Yes, you do. I’m just kidding. Where’s Celeste? Is she in her own room?” I asked, knowing that she was not.

“No, we have work to do, but she has her own bed here. That’s different.”

“How’s that different? You’re letting a beautiful woman sleep in the same room as you, and I’m just supposed to be okay with it?”

“Yes, aren’t you?”

I shook my head. “Yes, Drew. I’m okay with it. I’ve been on trips with you two. You’re both ridiculous. I’ll talk to you in the morning. We’re going to watch a movie.”

“Sleep in pants.”

“I love you,” I retorted, hanging up. I couldn’t believe he was suddenly jealous over Alicia. All because of the night I’d drank a little too much and grinded with the pregnant girl.

“We should go to the beach house soon. You’re going to be too pregnant to go soon.”

“I’m already too pregnant. I can’t believe I agreed to do this. How much longer?”

“Not even three months. It’ll be here before you know it.”

“Oh my god, Morgan. I can’t watch this.”

“Why?” I asked, looking up to the sex scene, laughing.

“Were you this way when you were pregnant? Always wanting sex?”

“I wanted it, I didn’t always get it. Drew and I spent a lot of those months apart, remember?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know how you did it, and it seems like it’s worse when she’s gone. Why do I want sex when Celeste leaves town?”

“How do you and Celeste have sex?”

Alicia chuckled. “You do know that your husband is listening to this conversation, don’t you?”

“Yeah, he probably is. I’m curious, tell me.”

“Like any other couple does, minus the penis.”

“You mean you have like toys and stuff?”

“Do you have toys and stuff?”

“Yes, but Drew has a permanent one that is always there.”

“Celeste sort of does too. There is not a human on earth that knows how to use their mouth better than she does.”

“I’d argue that. Drew is amazing with his tongue.”

Alicia’s phone rang first, and then mine. I could hear Celeste yelling before I ever answered mine. Drew did his own yelling, both ordering us to stop talking about our sex lives. I would let it go, but now I was really curious. I’d just wait until we weren’t in my bedroom to carry on this conversation.

***

We spent our next Thursday with Deidra, talking about me once again. I think she was easing Drew into it, knowing I’d cooperate a little more than he would. I was worried about his turn to share. Drew was so attentive, listening to me describe the way I’d been raised, the hard times we fell on, and the lack of things most people took for granted.

“I don’t think I take things for granted,” Drew interrupted. “I am very thankful for what I have.”

“You do, Drew. I’m talking about things you don’t even think about.”

“Like what?”

“Hot water. Have you ever heated water on a gas stove that you had to light yourself? Heat, have you ever had to pry frozen wood apart to stay warm? Have you ever eaten popcorn for supper because it was the only thing in the house? I can name a hundred things in five minutes that you take for granted,” I assured him, raising my voice. He had no clue. None whatsoever, and his little pity party was pissing me off.

“Now, I’m going to stop you. We’ve established that Drew was to blame for Justin. Honey, Drew’s not to blame for this. Drew had nothing to do with the hardships of your upbringing.”

Well, hell. She was right. I was getting mad at the wrong person. “I’m sorry,” I said, looking to Drew. He was wearing a sad smile and a heavy heart for me. Drew would take it all away if he could. I knew he would.