16 years old
ONE KISS.
I blew out my candles as the wish floated through my mind. All I wanted was a kiss.
Me. Sherry. Miss Everyone-Thinks-I’m-A-Bitch wanted a kiss for her sixteenth birthday. And not just any kiss… but Hunter’s kiss. Hunter’s pink, soft lips on mine was all I wanted.
Well, not just one, but one to start. One that would hopefully lead to many, many more.
My first—and only—kiss from exactly two years ago had been so innocent I wasn’t even sure it counted. It had been perfect and everything I’d ever wanted, but it wasn’t what I was craving now. It had been a simple acknowledgement of how much Hunter and I cared about one another. Nothing romantic came from it.
Tonight that had to change, even if I initiated it myself, because I wanted more. Now.
And I didn’t just want lips. I wanted tongue and teeth and hands. I wanted to be so consumed by him I didn’t know where I was or who I was… I wanted my only thought to be of Hunter.
The past few months had been torture. I’d been noticing Hunter more and more. He started wearing cologne. And maybe it was just my imagination, but he always stood closer to me than before. His hand grazed mine more often, his hugs lasted longer, and his eyes lingered just a touch too long on my lips or breasts.
I often wondered if he was cataloging these things to use later. I certainly was. Masturbation became a fairly regular occurrence after any prolonged time spent with him.
It was incredibly nerve-racking to think about making the first move. The possibility of rejection, even it if was small, was enough to make me rethink the entire thing. But then I thought about his lingering hugs, his roaming hand, and the way his eyes did more than just look at me, they saw me. I thought about how he’d never had a girlfriend, or even kissed another girl—at least to my knowledge—and I realized maybe he was just as nervous. That boosted my confidence enough to make me believe I could really do this.
Slowly opening my eyes, I stared at the dessert in front of me: a simple vanilla cake with chocolate frosting and orange icing. My parents didn’t need to give me extravagant things—I could feel their love in the simplest of actions. I looked up into their smiling faces as my father took a picture before my mother pulled the cake toward her and began cutting pieces. They started whispering when they moved toward the counter to grab plates and napkins.
Hunter walked around the table and stood next to me, his tall frame hovering over mine. I was tall enough to not feel dwarfed, but short enough to still feel protected by him.
Both of us watched my parents move around each other effortlessly. My dad gently placed his palm on my mom’s back when he walked by, like it was the most natural thing in the world. And when they were standing side by side, she’d lean into him and kiss his cheek. Their actions almost seemed to be on autopilot, but not in a way that made it feel perfunctory. It was just their natural way of being, like taking a breath or a heartbeat; it happened automatically because it had to, because it kept them alive. Maybe there were times they took it for granted, but they always knew it mattered.
“Hey,” Hunter murmured. I looked up to see him staring at me, pure affection shining in his eyes. He slid his hand into mine and gave it a squeeze.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“Happy birthday.” I opened my mouth to respond when my parents moved toward us.
“Hunter, we’re so glad you’re here.” My mother offered him a warm smile and set his plate in front of him. She always made sure he knew he was wanted.
“Of course, Mrs. H.” He paused and looked down at me while my parents continued bustling around the kitchen. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he whispered just for me. My breath caught in my throat as I thought about how to respond. But words seemed useless. And any words I wanted to say, I didn’t want to be said in front of my parents. So I settled for smiling and giving his hand a squeeze.
Then I quickly raced around the table and gave both of my parents a long hug, trying to infuse all the love I felt for them into such a simple action. “Thank you so much. I love you, guys.”
They were smiling at each other when I pulled back. “We love you too,” Mom said while Dad wrapped his arm around her.
“God, sixteen…” She trailed off in awe. “I feel old saying this, but really, where did the time go?”
They began reminiscing about my first birthday and all these small, random moments from my childhood that I didn’t even remember as the four of us devoured my mom’s homemade cake. The stories that included Bobby were easier to listen to than they had been a year ago or five years ago… and while I didn’t think time would ever heal that wound—how could it?—I did believe that time transferred some of the painful memories into happy ones. Time couldn’t take away our grief, but it could blanket it with the remembrance of the good parts of Bobby’s life.
The mood had shifted, some of the sadness outweighing the joy as we allowed ourselves a silent moment to miss him.
“Excuse me.” Hunter spoke softly and with reverence. My parents looked at him expectantly, hoping for a more upbeat topic of conversation. “I was wondering if I could steal Sherry away.”
They lit up.
My parents were right two years ago; Hunter saved them as much as he’d saved me. He could never replace Bobby, and their personalities couldn’t have been more different, but they looked at Hunter like a son… or a son-in-law?
I wasn’t sure which was weirder, to already be thinking about something that permanent with Hunter or to make him a pseudo part of our family and simultaneously want to date him.
Mom and Dad were far too excited to care either way. Because instead of scowling and giving him a lecture like most fathers would do, mine smiled wider. He trusted Hunter implicitly and I was sure in another time he would be selling me off to him in exchange for some goats.
“Of course, sweetie,” my mom answered, equally in love with my best friend.
“I’ll have her back in an hour.”
My father waved away his concern. “Take your time, son.”
Hunter gave a quick nod before grabbing my hand. My nerves skyrocketed. He probably thought I had developed a glandular condition based on how sweaty my palm was.
This was it. I had to make it happen.
Tonight.
No going back.
I took a deep breath and let him pull me out the door.
16 years old
Tonight.
I was finally going to kiss her. I couldn’t wait any longer. It would be physically impossible to deny myself her lips for another day.
Sherry’s warm hand was in mine and I was praying she couldn’t feel my thumping pulse. I’d buried my feelings for her for so long in the hopes they’d diminish so I could keep my best friend. But it didn’t work. They grew. And I was a fucking idiot to have thought they’d do anything else. Sherry was everything to me. There was no stopping this. Not that I really wanted to, because being in love with your best friend was as good as it got.
I just had to hope she felt the same way. That was my biggest fear.
I knew she wouldn’t be cruel. And I knew I wouldn’t be embarrassed about being shut down just for the sake of being rejected. But I’d be absolutely devastated if Sherry didn’t love me as much as I loved her. I’d be crushed and lost because once I put it all out there, there would be no going back. I’d lose the love of my life and my best friend. That was the only downside of being in love with your best friend: you gave them twice as much power to destroy you.
I was more than a little relieved when I felt how slick her palm was, betraying her calm demeanor.
I’d thought about kissing her a lot over the past two years, probably even longer than that, when we were hanging out on her couch or walking down the hallway at school.
Sometimes I made a pledge with myself: YOU MUST KISS HER IN ONE MINUTE. Period.
It never worked; I always chickened out.
Because she was the girl. There was no: There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Sherry was it. There was only one fish, and it was her. And I didn’t know what I’d do if she didn’t feel the same.
I guess I’d just swim along, all by myself in the great, big, empty ocean forever.
Okay, this analogy is getting weird…
The point was, I couldn’t keep being around her and not touch her in some way. I couldn’t look at her and force myself not to stare at her lips and wonder if they still tasted like strawberries, like they had two years ago.
I couldn’t pretend anymore.
We weren’t friends.
We’d never been just friends.
Even when we were kids and it was innocent, there was always something more. Not anything to do with sex, but just this general sense of rightness, of belonging to each other.
Maybe that was what a soul mate was, someone you fit with in every way possible.
Now felt like the time when we were finally able to let ourselves experience all of it, and I was done pretending.
“Where are we going?” she asked, her tone light and knowing. We always took the same path—we could probably walk there in our sleep.
“You know where.” I quickened my pace, relishing in the sound of her laughter as she sped up with me. Minutes later, we were approaching the tagged building we had come to know so well.
Sherry brought her hand up and ran it over the familiar graffiti. “I think I could draw these from memory.”
I smiled. Surely it had to be a sign if our thoughts were mirroring one another’s.
“Me too.” I squeezed the hand still holding mine before, regretfully, letting her go so I could jump up and pull the ladder down.
“C’mon, you go up first. I promise I won’t let you fall.” I was teasing her, but I made my gaze lock on hers for a couple seconds longer. I’d never let her fall, in any circumstance. It felt different now, like I was already begging her to give this, give us, a chance. And when she gave me a small nod and reached for the rung, my hopeful brain translated that into her understanding.
She carefully maneuvered her way up until she reached the first landing. And oh, how I wished this was a romantic comedy where she slipped on the way up and I had no choice but to steady her with my hand on her ass. Why couldn’t shit like that happen in real life?
But no, she stayed steady all the way until she reached the roof. I followed her over and watched her wander around. Sherry loved it up here and she was always mesmerized by our small town. Now was no different. I usually joined her in staring out over the city, but right now I could only focus on her.
She turned around, her smile wide. “Why are you staring at me?” she asked, closing the distance and standing in front of me.
“Am I?” I reached for one of her hands and entwined our fingers. We’d held hands plenty of times, but never like this. Never this intimate. I fucking loved it. Her brows furrowed as she glanced down at our palms pressed snuggly against one another.
“I’m trying to figure it out.” My voice was low and serious.
“Figure what out?” she asked, nerves heavy in her voice.
“I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with you. I mean, there has to be something.” My tone sounded strange. I was trying to joke, take the pressure off, but I was also completely serious.
She rolled her eyes, her lips twitching, before shoving my head backward with her free hand and attempting to walk away from me. “I’m friends with you. That’s something that’s clearly wrong with me.”
“Sherry.” I tugged her arm until her body was within an inch of mine again. Her breath caught and her eyes briefly dropped to my lips. I exhaled and stood up straighter, that tiny glance giving me confidence.
“I can’t figure it out, Sherry. No one should be this perfect to another person. People think it’s impossible for a person to be perfect, even a person they love. Everyone thinks it. That even when we love a person there are still things we just… tolerate.” My eyes slowly traced the features of her face. Her crooked nose, the scar above her right eyebrow from when she fell at the park, her lips which were always a little lopsided when she smiled, the freckles scattered across her nose, I looked at it all. I loved it all.
“I’m trying to understand what it means that I look at you and I can’t think of a single thing I’d change. There’s nothing about you I merely tolerate.” I paused, swallowing roughly. I knew I was going to do this tonight, but I hadn’t expected to do it so soon. And what started as a simple kiss was apparently turning into a huge heartfelt confession. Strangely enough, the nerves were the same.
Sherry’s expression was completely open. Her wide eyes were focused intently on mine, and her lips were parted, though no air was passing through them. She was literally holding her breath, waiting for my next words.
But I couldn’t force out any more words, not when my lips were begging me to do something else, to do what I’d been wanting for two years.
“Hunter,” she whispered, her breath hitting my face and making me realize I’d inched forward. Both my hands had moved to her waist and pulled her closer. I looked up and asked her the question with my eyes, too afraid if I moved my lips even a fraction, all they’d be capable of doing would be attacking her mouth.
Like always, Sherry understood. She read the question easily and gave a small nod of approval. Then she licked her lips, and like a moth to a flame, I went. She was impossible to resist. There was a good chance she’d kill me. That she’d set me on fire and I’d perish beneath her. But damn, that sounded like the best way to go.
Her mouth tipped up into the smallest smile. A smile that was obliterated when I leaned forward and softly touched my lips to hers, tasting the happiness spread across them. Her happiness tasted sweet… like strawberries.
She responded immediately, and our mouths moved automatically, naturally. Like they were meant for this. The kiss wasn’t awkward or forced. It was perfect.
All those idiots in my class practically grabbed the first girl they could find. They couldn’t wait for the kissing and sex, and while I was itching for it, too, I had no problem waiting. And it was perfect because I had.
I immediately took advantage of Sherry’s moan, my tongue inching in for more. She tasted sweet inside too, the cake still lingering, reminding me of the birthday wish she made not even an hour ago. It wasn’t my birthday, I hadn’t made a wish, so why did it feel like all my dreams were coming true?
I nearly lost it when her arms wound around my neck and she pushed her soft body against mine. My legs wobbled and I blindly moved backward. It wasn’t until my calves hit the railing and nearly buckled that I remembered how close we were to the edge. My hand flew out, narrowly missing the top bar. My fingers were dangling over the other side as I steadied us. Sherry fell against me with a yelp.
Even though we were in no danger of falling, I quickly moved her back. Her breaths were coming out fast, whether from the near fall or the kiss, I wasn’t sure.
My hands framed her face. “Sorry, I got carried away. Are you okay?” My eyes flew up and down her body. Logically I knew she wasn’t hurt—I’d been glued to her the entire time—but I still needed to make sure.
“Yeah.” Her green eyes collided with mine, making me hyperaware of everything that had just happened.
I kissed her.
She kissed me back.
We kissed.
Finally.
I carefully moved her backward until she hit the wall that housed the interior stairwell.
Moving forward, I rested my lips on her neck. Her pulse was thundering beneath her soft, sweet skin, and my tongue couldn’t help but sneak out and trace a slow line up her throat. She giggled when I reached a ticklish spot right below her ear. I pulled away, looking at every part of her.
“I’ve wanted this for so long. I don’t know what to taste first,” I whispered, the words hitting her lips before I placed a gentle kiss there.
She inhaled sharply, like my words were the oxygen keeping her alive and she was finally able to take a breath. “Me too. Ever since New Year’s… well even before that, but that night was…”
“Excruciating,” I finished for her. I had been surprised I was able to stay in her house and talk to her parents for as long as I had that night. I ran home as soon as I had the chance, jerking off the second I got into my bedroom.
“Did that really just happen?” she asked.
“No.” I smiled and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. “It’s been happening.”
I cupped her cheeks before I dipped my head, slowly taking her mouth. We gave and took in equal measure, easily finding a rhythm. My hands on her hips, pulling her close. Her arms wrapping around my neck and her fingers spearing into my hair. Sherry’s sighs of pleasure played in perfect harmony with my lust-filled groans.
We kissed. And kissed. And kissed. We kissed until our smiles made it impossible. I broke away with a laugh.
“What?” she whispered, playfully nipping my chin.
God, this was going to be fantastic.
“I’m just so happy, Sherry.” I pulled away and looked down at her, wide smile still in place. “And so damn relieved.”
“Relieved?” Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “You thought I’d turn you down?”
“No, but…” I tried to think through my explanation, and when it came to me, I snapped my fingers before pulling her closer, because I could do that now. My hands settled on her lower back, feeling right at home. “You know when you’re a kid and you’d test how long you could hold your breath underwater?”
“Yeah…” Her face bunched up in adorable confusion, and again, because I could, I leaned forward and kissed her. “God, I can’t believe I can steal a kiss whenever I want to now…”
Sherry rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t fight her smile. “You can’t steal what’s given,” she corrected. “But finish your thought. So you’re holding your breath…”
“Right. I’m holding my breath, and even though I know I’m going to come up for air, there’s this inevitable panic coursing through me. Even a little dizziness if I really pushed it. But deep down I’m calm because I know that oxygen is coming.” I paused, my eyes soaking it all in and committing this moment to memory. “You’re my oxygen, Sherry, and I know you’ll always come through for me. I trust you more than anyone.” Her eyes shone; and while I hated to see her cry, her bright green eyes looked impossibly gorgeous when she did.
“I’m honored to be that person for you, and I feel the same way,” she whispered, her fingers drawing a path from my temple to my jaw. “You’re my best friend.”
I smiled, sure of the blush on my cheeks. “Yeah, I know. But friend is probably the single worst word in the English language when it comes out of the mouth of the girl you love.”
She froze.
I froze.
Love wasn’t a word you threw out there on the same night as the first kiss.
Just ask Ted Mosby.
Well, in for a penny…
“I can’t even remember a time when I didn’t love you, Sherry. It’s so much a part of me, I would never be able to break it down. It honestly feels like there was no life before you. I don’t even remember it,” I said in earnest. “It sounds so lame, but I started living the day I ran into your yard, nearly crapping myself when I saw you looking at me.”
“How romantic…” Sherry smiled.
“I try.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered. I watched her touch her lips. They were raw and chapped… abused. But also worshipped.
“I only wished for a kiss…”
“What?” I asked.
“My birthday wish. I wished for a kiss. I didn’t expect to get…”
“Get what?” I leaned forward and rested my forehead against hers.
“Everything. The world. You.”
I’m her everything.
I’m her world.
I smiled wide. “You’ve always had me.”
“And now I have even more.”
Our smiles melted into a kiss as our lips met, and I knew…
I will never, ever have enough of this girl.