Three Days Later
It’s morning. The birds are chirping, and I want to tell them to shut the fuck up. But I don’t. Feeling almost hungover, I’m reminded of where Merit isn’t.
It’s my first day back on the job. I arranged to get busy as soon as possible because I need to stay busy. Keep my mind moving forward, not allowing myself to think of her.
I take a shower and remember Merit’s body on top of mine, moving in the moon’s light. Panting. Her hair dangling against my balls as I reached up and took her nipples between my fingers.
I need relief.
So, I lean forward and stroke myself with only thoughts of her until I come.
This won’t make it better. The heartache. But it will keep my dick from hurting.
I grab a towel. My phone starts to ring.
Please, let it be Merit.
I look at my phone. It’s Dubbs.
“Dubbs?” I say.
But there’s nobody on the line, just a lot of static.
“Dubbs? Can you hear me?”
The static grows louder and then click.
Silence.
I dial the number back. But it goes straight to an automated voice mail. I told Dubbs to get that set up a while ago when he got the damn smartphone. But he never listens.
I try to shake the nerves that the phone call caused.
Where the hell is he?
Why couldn’t I hear him?
Was it really him who hung up?
Did he finally make it home?
I make a mental note to check his house again on my way home. He’s probably on the boat. Fishing. But Ronan Fields’s name is at the back of my mind. I’ll also stop by The Angler’s Tavern and see if Felix has seen or heard anything.
I’m on my way to a spot just south of Hallowell, about a half hour down the road. ATV accident. The driver was flown out just before two in the morning. They aren’t sure if the driver will make it.
I see Eli’s truck as I step out of mine.
“I see the uniform still fits.” Eli smirks.
He walks over to my truck as I gather my tools from the cab.
A knot in my stomach has been building since Merit left. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep much for that matter.
Does he know about Destiny? No doubt he doesn’t know, or he’d have tried to kick my ass already.
“Merit make it back all right?” I ask, trying to act casual.
I’ve wanted to text Merit several times. Call her. But I know it’s space she needs. I’ll give it to her for as long as she needs it. Even if it means forever.
“Yeah. Made it back yesterday. What’s going on with Dubbs?” He changes the subject.
I shrug as I put my tripod on my good shoulder, my ribs letting me know they’re still there with a slow, dull ache. “Hasn’t been home in a week. Not like him though. Did Mer tell you about Ronan Fields?”
He nods his head. “Mentioned it. Why does that name sound so familiar?”
“I know. I said the same thing. He’s got a laundry list full of drug charges. Some felonies. Some prison time.”
We get to the overturned ATV.
“How old is the driver?” I ask Eli as I set down my stuff.
“Twenty-four. Blood test confirmed his blood alcohol level was .31 Touch and go at Maine Medical Center.”
I set up my stuff to re-create the scene.
“Is it good to be back?” Eli crosses his arms, standing across the trail.
“Yeah. Feels good.” Anything to distract me from Merit and her scent that I’ll leave on my sheets for as long as I can. I’m reminded of the ball of knots in my stomach as it growls. “How are Alex and Emily?”
My chest tightens when I say Emily’s name. Destiny would have been almost seventeen years old.
“Good. Alex just finished another novel. Got to go meet with some book publisher in New York City.”
I hate cities. I hate lots of people. That’s probably why I live here. More power to Alex.
“I’ll probably go with her. Have Pop and Meredith watch Emily.” He pauses. “You all right, bro? You seem off.”
No, I’m not all right.
“All good.”
But, really, I can’t talk about Merit with him. I can’t say that I’m in love with her and that she’s left for the last time. That she’s all I fucking think about.
Eli nods. “All right. Well, I’ll let you get to it, asshole.”
I smile. “Later.”
It feels good to be back in the warden truck. It feels good to wear the uniform again. It’s what I know. It’s what I’ve done for my entire professional career.
My phone sounds.
It’s a text from Sadie.
Fuck. What the hell does she want?
Sadie: Heard Merit left. I’m available and at your service, Warden Taylor. I’ll have on your favorite pink nightie tonight if you want to show up at my house.
Sadie’s the type of woman I need to be clear with. She’s also the type of woman who can go all night long, which would take away the itch I’ve been feeling since Merit left. But, since she left, there’s no fucking way I’d be able to walk away from Sadie’s and feel all right about fucking her. Because that’s all it would be. Sex.
Me: No, thanks.
I set my phone down and get to work on the scene.
I pull into Granite Harbor and head to Dubbs’s place. It’s after four, so the tourists are tucked in nicely to their cottages or inns or have left town completely.
I park on the side of the house under the evergreen where needles used to drag across my window as a kid. One day, when I decided I’d had enough, I went out and took a saw to the branch that billowed just over my window. Cut the fucker down.
My key dangles at the doorway as I push it open. “Dubbs?” I call out just in case he decided to come home.
If he had a choice. If he wasn’t taken.
I walk through the entire house, passing the pantry closet where I wanted to make love to Merit. Whisper my name in her ear. Tell her how good she felt against me.
But the house is still. Quiet. There’s no one here, and the house clearly hasn’t been touched in a while.
As I go to leave though, something catches my eye. In the corner of the living room, behind the front door, I see Dubbs’s pocketknife. Something he never leaves behind. Not in a million years. He’d leave me behind before he left his pocketknife.
Examining the pocketknife in its current position, I don’t touch it. I inspect the way it’s sitting, in the way it was most likely placed, slid, or thrown there. It’s open and stuck between the baseboard and the cheap laminate floor, which tells me there was force involved in getting it from point A to point B.
There was a struggle. Dubbs isn’t on a fishing trip. There’s something totally fucked up going on here.
I need to find the address for Ronan Fields. I’m sure I can find something on him to pay him a visit.
It’s after five thirty when I set my keys down on the counter. I pour myself a shot of whiskey and sit down at the kitchen counter.
There’s a knock at the door, which is odd. Nobody ever comes to Hallowell unless it’s Eli.
God. Merit?
I run to the door, trying not to look too eager when I pull it open.
“Are you”—the guy whose delivery truck says Great Option Deliveries looks down at a sheet of paper—“Ryan Taylor?”
“Uh, yeah.”
He walks back to his truck and pulls out a crate. He walks back to my front door. “This is for you. Just sign here.”
“Wait, I didn’t order anything.”
“Here’s the note the buyer wanted you to have.” He hands me the note with the crate.
The delivery guy, a young kid, is clearly in a hurry because he drives away like NASCAR might be in his near future.
A whine comes from the crate. With big black eyes and two floppy ears, a German shepherd puppy stares back.
“What the fuck?”
The puppy in the crate cries, tilting his head to one side.
I set the crate down and let him out, and he immediately attacks my face with his tongue.
A smile tugs at the sides of my mouth. “What in the hell?” I say to myself as I open the note.
Dear Ryan,
I didn’t intend to get you a puppy. But, when I saw the ad … the couple getting rid of him had named him Hero. I couldn’t not call the number. I met the little guy and the couple who had him. I asked them why they’d named him Hero because I knew you’d be curious, too. They said he had come with the name. They explained that they had to move out of state and that they couldn’t keep him.
I know how you feel about dogs, Ryan, so spare me the bullshit lines. You need Hero, and he needs you. It’s about time you start loving again. Besides, it will give you something to do.
Merit
My chest aches at Merit’s words. I let my hand fall, the note still in my grasp. I watch the little fluffball chase a bug in the front yard. It’s been a long time since I had something to care for.
I run my hand over Merit’s name, knowing this is where she touched as she signed the note. My stomach growls, and I know I need to eat, but I don’t feel the least inclined to do so. Hero runs toward me and barrels into my feet. Then, he barks, as if the shoe is the culprit for his fall.
I pick him up, and he begins to lick my face.
“You like bad guys, Hero?”
He tilts his head to the side, both ears folding over.
“Me neither,” I say. “We’ll make a K9 out of you yet.” I push his head down under my chin and feel his fur against my neck.
I set the crate inside but not before taking Hero back outside to see if he needs to do his business. Inside the crate are puppy food and a check from Merit, labeled veterinarian services.
I laugh. She knows better. I rip up her check, knowing why she wrote it. She didn’t want me to bear the costs of a puppy when it was her decision that I needed one. I set out a bowl and fill it with some food, and then I get him some water.
Watching him wolf down his food, I think he might just have a place here, but I know Merit already knew that.