Chapter6
Something in her eyes told her brother that he had pushed her enough. He wasn't sure what emotions were boiling inside her, but something had clearly happened and he realized that it would do him or Savannah no good if he continued to berate her.
Though they had both spent the better part of their lives teasing each other, they shared a closer bond that most siblings. It was that bond that told him that she needed his support now, not his guidance or protection and he resolved to give that to her, even if it was difficult to suppress his anger at her behavior.
“Maybe if you were living it right I wouldn't have to,” he said, though he face had softened. As with all of their fights, they couldn't stay upset with each other. Though they were vicious when they fought each other, they did love each other too much to let such fights define their relationship. The strain remained, but they both knew that the love was so much stronger.
“Oh shut up,” she said, elbowing him playfully as he wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulders.
“Have you always been this sassy?” he asked with a chuckle that warmed her heart. Her brother’s laughter had always been one of her favorite sounds in the world. He tended to be so serious that she knew his amusement and joy were real when she heard his laugh.
“Yes,” she said, giggling herself at the predicament that they found themselves in. Even as adults, her brother still thought he needed to safe guard her from the world.
“I'm sorry for coming down so hard on you. I was just worried when I realized you didn't come home,” he said, his eyes showing her how genuinely concerned he had been for her.
In truth, he had been out for a drink when an old friend asked him who the white boy was his sister was walking down Main Street with. He had not thought much of it then. After one of her performances, it wasn't uncommon for people to come up to her on the street and complement her tremendous talent.
Often Savannah indulged them, answering questions about her own taste in music and how she had come to love singing. As a brother, it made him proud to see how her music affected people.
When a second friend came up and asked him the same question, he had also brushed it off. It wasn't until another guy he had graduated school with mentioned that he had seen his sister; describing the same man to him as the last two friends had that his protective impulses had kicked in. He had left the bar quickly, canvassing the entire town but he had not found her anywhere.
It was then that he went to their parents’ house, hoping to find that she was already home. He had snuck out of the house enough times as a teenager that it wasn't hard for him to sneak in undetected to check up on her. It didn't take much for a trained officer of the law like him to realize that her room was empty and had been since before she left for her show.
Discarded outfits that she had tried on and rejected lay strewn about. Her makeup case was still open on her dresser. There was no sign at all that she had been back for hours.
When he realized that she was indeed not there, he waited. Though he was over protective of her, he didn't panic. His sister, after all, was a girl who knew how to take care of herself. No, it wasn't fear that had driven him to wait for her. It was concern. Now that he knew she was safe and sound, standing in front of him, it became much easier to control his emotions. She seemed to sense the shift in him because he could feel her body relax as though she was abandoning entirely her earlier defensive stance.
“I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. I know you just want what you think is best. I'm sorry I worried you,” she said, knowing that it must have been a hard thing for him, not knowing where she was or who she was with.
“I really do,” he said, giving her one of his rare smiles and hugging her tightly.
“Everything is fine,” she said, wanting to assure him that she was alright. She thought of a moment of explaining the extraordinary circumstances of the night before to him, but she decided against it. She wanted to keep what she had shared with Jake private, a sweet secret just between the two of them.
Besides, she was rather enjoying the moment with her brother and she knew that if she told him that she had fallen in love with a boy she had known less than a day, he would begin to lecture her again.
“I'm glad to hear it baby girl,” Sam said, pushing her no further. He seemed to sense that she wasn't going to share anything further with him and he didn't want to start a fight with her again. After all, she was young and the young are entitled to a few reckless nights, no matter how much it worries those around them.
“You didn't tell daddy I wasn't here last night, did you?” she asked, suddenly realizing that he might already have told their parents about her absence. Her heart beat began to quicken and she became short of breath.
The thought of her parents worrying all night for her made her feel terrible and the thought of their reaction to the news that she had not come home until the early hours of the morning was even more frightening.
“No, I had no desire to spend the night praying for your immortal soul with him,” her brother said with an understanding nod. They had both been forced to endure hours of sympathetic prayer with their father, designed to help them understand the error of their ways and find the true path in God’s word.
It was their father’s way of trying to modify their behavior without punishing them, but she and Sam had often joked that they would both have preferred a swift smack on the behind to hours listening to their father tell the Lord all of their shortcomings.
“Thanks,” she said as she breathed a sigh of relief. That, at least, was one disappointed person she wouldn't have to face.
“Who was the guy,” her brother finally asked, trying to make the question seem casual. His sister, after all, had never responded well to his inquiries in to her dating life.
“It does not matter. He is gone now,” she said, sharing all the details that she could muster without losing her composure. Had she told her brother of Jake and all the amazing things he made her feel and how her heart ached for him, the heartbreak would be too real and she wasn't ready to face that yet. Instead, she wrapped her arms around herself as though she was shielding herself.
“He ran out on you?” her brother asked, his temper flaring. He read her protective gesture as a sign that she had been hurt and he couldn't abide anyone causing his sister such pain.
“No, he was just passing through town. I knew that he would be gone by sunrise,” she said, not sure how else to describe the situation to her brother. If she thought those words would calm him, though, she was sadly mistaken.
“And you spent the night roaming town with him?” he growled, his former anger rising again at the thought of some drifter taking advantage of his sweet, trusting sister who wanted nothing more than to find her great love.
In his mind, she was still a sweet little girl playing make believe with her dolls, crafting elaborate tales of knights and princesses and the earth shattering loves she imaged that they had. She was a prime victim for a man with less than honorable intentions.
“There was something special about him,” she said, smiling fondly as she conjured an image of Jake’s sensitive eyes and handsome face.
“What was his name?” he brother demanded, looking as though he could easily kill him.
“And have you and Tony run a background check on him? I don't think I will be falling for that today, big brother,” she said, leaning in and kissing him on the cheek. No matter how badly he overreacted, she knew that it came from a place of love. She had been defensive when he first confronted her, of course, but she knew in her heart it was because of his deep love for his baby sister.
“I'm not going to tell Tony about this,” he said as though it was his offer to do her some sort of favor. That, in turn, peaked her own annoyance.
“Why not?” she demanded, clearly annoyed at his suggestion that she needed to justify herself to Tony. She had work for ages to convince both her brother and Tony that she didn't owe Tony any more than the respect one human being should have for another. She wasn't his significant other anymore and she couldn't make it any clearer.
“Because it would hurt him,” Samuel answered, shaking his head at the thought of Tony hearing the news.
He worried that it might be enough to convince his best friend to move on from his love for Savannah. That was the last thing that Samuel wanted. He had a very clear picture of the future in his mind and, in it, his sister was married to Tony. He was, after all, the only man he could trust to love and protect her as much as he himself did.
“I'm not his girl anymore,” she answered, though she didn't raise her voice when she spoke. She knew how very hard the situation was for her brother and she didn't want to hurt him or Tony any more than she absolutely had to.
“I know but that does not stop him from loving you,” her brother answered. His words were not an accusation though. They were tinged with sympathy, not anger.
“I don't want to hurt him,” she said, not sure what else she could say. The thought of hurting such a good man was painful to her, but not as painful as the thought of spending her life with a man she didn't love.
“I know baby girl. Believe me, I know,” he said, wrapping her in his best bear hug. It was the same hug he had given her when she had fallen off her bike for the first time and then again the first time a boy had broken her heart. It was an embrace that told her that he was there for her, no matter what might come.
“You need to tell him to move on,” she said, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks at the thought of Tony wasting his life pining for her.
“He will never do that,” her brother said, shaking his head as he spoke.
“But I cannot love him,” she answered, feeling as though some wild animal was clawing at her heart. Before Jake, she might have been able to return to Tony and the life he imaged for them. Now, though, she knew was true love felt like and she would rather be alone than settle for less than that.
“Why not?” he asked, genuinely curious about what kept his sister for caring deeply for a man who loved her so much and who was already a part of their family.
“There is just no spark,” she said, shrugging her shoulders as she spoke. She knew that the answer would make no sense to her brother, but it was the only way she could think to describe it.
“No spark?” he asked with a humorless chuckle.
“Yes, no spark. I will not spend the rest of my life wasting away in a loveless marriage,” she said, tears forming anew in her eyes at the thought of just what a lonely life that would be.
“You couldn't love Tony?” her brother asked, looking as though he was realizing for the first time that his sister might never change her mind and return to Tony’s safe embrace.
“Not in the way you should love the man you promise before God to spend the rest of your life with,” she said, her voice so full of emotions that Samuel couldn't doubt that she meant every word that she spoke. All he could do, he realized, was try to change her mind.
“You couldn't try again?” he asked, careful not to push her too hard.
“I tried. You know I did. He is a great guy. If I could have loved him, I wouldn't have left him,” she said with a sigh of disappointment. It was very much the truth, though. She had known how easy it would have been for everyone if she loved Tony and she had tried.
In truth she had tried for longer than she should have out of respect to her brother and Tony. Had she refused any of his attention the moment she realized there would never be a spark, it might have saved them all a great deal of pain.
“It puts me in a rough spot,” he said with a sigh. If she truly didn't change her mind, he was going to spend the rest of his life nursing his heartsick best friend through his feelings for Savannah.
“I know,” she replied, clearly bothered that she might play a role in creating any kind of divide between Sam and Tony.
They had been best friends for their entire lives. They had grown up together, the three of them. Though the boys were five years older, they had brought her along with them on all of their adventures. Tony had protected her like a brother and teased her like a brother. So much so, in fact, that she wondered if he was confusing that affection that he had for her for the deep love he claimed to feel. He had no siblings of his own, so it didn't surprise her that he might not understand the depths of such a bond.
“I mean, he might be the only guy I wouldn't have to hate just because he was with my sister,” her brother teased, trying to lighten her sour mood. He didn't want her to be sad. All he wanted in the whole world was for his sister and his friend to be happy. That was the first moment, though, that he had considered that being together might not make both of them happy.
“I know what a struggle it will be for you,” she said with a genuine laugh of amusement as she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.
“Get on up to your room and get cleaned up before Momma and Daddy wake up,” her brother urged, willing to cover for her just as he had when they were children and she had gotten herself in to some scrape or another.
“Thank you for covering for me,” she said, planting a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“Anything for you, little sister,” he said with a smirk as he nudged her towards the back staircase that would lead her safely back to her room without running the risk of waking her parents by passing their room.
Once she reached the safety of her room, Savannah could feel a flood of tears forming behind her eyes. Her brother’s sweet support, though he didn't agree with her actions, was more than her carefully crafted composure could withstand. As the tears began to fall, hot and stinging against her soft skin.
The sobs shook her whole body and she did all that she could to muffle the sound. If her Momma heard her crying like that, there would be no keeping her out of the room and she couldn't imagine how she would explain her tears to her sweet, conservative mother.
She would never understand how her daughter had allowed herself to fall so far so fast for a boy that she knew could never really be hers. Savannah couldn't bear the thought of having her mother dismiss what she had shared with Jake as puppy love or an infatuation. It would create new pain in her heart and it might very well be something that she couldn't forgive her mother for.
She knew that she should shower and let the tears all wash away, along with her memories of the night before. Still, though, she could faintly smell Jake upon her skin and she wasn't ready to part with that last bit of him that she carried with her. Instead, she drew back her covers and crawled in to her bed, creating a cocoon of sorts where she felt warm and safe. There, in the quite comfort of her room, she allowed her emotions to fully overtake her.
She cried so hard that eventually, she tried herself out. As the last tear fell from her cheek, she drifted off into the deep sleep of exhaustion. There, in her dreams, she was still in Jake’s arms. The dreams were so tender and so real that her subconscious couldn't be roused. Indeed, it was well afternoon before she awoke again.
Her mouth tasted of the salt of her dried tears and her body ached from the shaking sobs that had come over her like waves. Still, she was calmer when she awoke. Slowly, she rose from her bed and prepared to face her life once again. The fact that Jake would never again be a part of it made her feel hollow inside, but she did all that she could to hold on to the feeling that had blossomed within her when he held her close.
She knew that her life was changed, though she couldn't know how much. All she could do was find what joy and happiness she could in what awaited her outside of the safety of her room. She knew that her father would gently ask how her show had been and her mother would scold her for sleeping the day away. She expected Samuel to be around later in the day as well, just to check up on her. It wouldn't even surprise her if Tony dropped by after hearing the same rumors that Sam had.
She couldn't let any of it faze her and she couldn't allow it to tarnish the warmth that Jake’s memory gave her. No matter what life brought to her door, he was out there in the world and his heart belonged to her. Many women went through life without ever knowing the kind of love that he had shown her. Though it wasn't what she would have chosen, one perfect night would have to be enough to sustain her through the many cold nights ahead of her.