Graham
Have you ever felt silence before?
It strikes your heart with such fear, you aren’t capable of moving forward.
When I saw Craig’s devilish smile staring down at Kennedy, and his rough hands strangling the delicate skin around her neck, silence took over. Every hair on my body stood as I prepared to lay my life down for her and Ben. Like lightning, my entire life, every goal and set back, every kiss and every hug, flashed through my mind. The movie of my life played out in front of me again, but my body was too heavy. I couldn’t get to her.
“Dad,” Ben whispers, and my eyes flutter open. Like me, the little boy rubbing my hand is one of the lucky ones, and now, more than I’ve ever realized, he and I were meant to find each other. If not to prove to the world love conquers most things, then to remind ourselves how blessed we are at the end of the day.
“Hey, buddy.” Seeing Ben in front of me, safe and sound, floods everything inside of me. He’s breathing. His skin is untouched, and somehow, he still has a reason to smile. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. We’re going to be okay.
He grips me tightly like he’s just won something, and I’m his prize. “You okay?”
Tears prick the back of my eyes. “I’ve never actually been better.”
“You’re bleeding again,” Ben says nonchalantly. I follow his gaze to the bandage around my stomach. While my dad held me back, he’d sliced my stomach with a rusty pocket knife. At the time, I was too focused on Kennedy to notice. Once the paramedics realized the blood on my jersey was more than second hand, they damn near forced me into the ambulance.
“Are you okay?” I ask my son, his head nuzzled against my palm.
“I am.” He sighs, and I immediately recognize the confusion in his eyes.
I pat the spot next to me. He’s apprehensive at first, but I goad him with a smile, and he quickly tucks his shoulder under my arm.
“You do understand what happened has nothing to do with you?” I run my hand up and down his forearm, to comfort him, to try to make him understand what two people did tonight had more to do with their own demons than anything with us.
“I thought they were going to kill you.” Cries burst from his chest like bullets from a gun. “I thought I was going to be alone again.”
“You know your mom. She’s a fighter. Even when the cards are dealt, and the world turns its back on her, she finds a way of persevering.”
“What your dad is trying to say is your mom is sort of a badass.” Rico steps into the room. The dark bags under his eyes makes it seem he’s lived a thousand lives. Perhaps he has. I still can’t believe not twenty-four hours ago, I was in Atlanta, pitching the game of my life.
“How’s Kennedy?” I ask. Ben crawls from the bed and curls up in the seat beside me.
Rico’s bouncing back and forth between our rooms. They’re running a hundred tests to make sure there’s no trauma to her neck, among other things. It guts me not to be by her side. When Rico saw the struggle in my eyes, he promised me he’d take care of her.
“Amanda’s with her now. She’s doing all right.”
“Thanks to you,” I say, extending my hand. He gently takes it and pulls himself close to hug me.
“I’d do it over again if I needed to.” Rico sits in the empty chair beside me, and we glance over at Ben. His eyes are trained on the television, his laughter like everything’s normal.
“How is he?” Rico whispers, pushing his chin towards Ben.
“My guess is everything will hit him soon. His mind doesn’t have the capacity to process it yet.” I wish I could clear out all the uncertainties from Ben’s mind, remove any doubt he has, and those fears that may creep up when he least expects them. He’ll have to learn to do that on his own, and until then, I’ll keep reaching out to touch him to make sure he’s safe.
“Hey, man, it’s okay to lose it. May be good for the kid to witness his hero cry.” Rico rests back in the chair, his arms crossed on his chest.
Afraid of truly losing it, I change the subject. “What about you? How are you?”
Rico went straight from the apartment to the police station. His movements were staggered and unsure. For the first time, I saw Rico rattled.
“I killed two people.” He shrugs, and his head bobs side to side. “I don’t know what that means. Those bastards deserved far worse than what they got, but right now, my head can’t process what it means for me.”
A little while after we arrived at the hospital, Officer Franklin came to deliver the news of my father’s passing.
“If it helps you sleep at night, know it means everything to me, you saving their lives. I feel like I owe you my first unborn child.”
“I mean you could name a child after me.” He laughs but it doesn’t sound as effortless as it usually does. “Like I said, I’d run into that building a hundred times more. She’s my little sister. He’s my little dude.” Rico leans forward and holds out his fist to Ben. “Right, Ben?”
Ben’s eyes narrow and bounce between Rico and me. “Are you guys crying?”
“No.” Rico bolts from his seat and paces in front of my hospital bed. When he turns back to Ben, he leans real close and whispers, “Your dad’s crying because he’s happy.”
“And you’re crying because?” Ben challenges him.
“I already told you, I’m not crying.” Rico rubs the corner of his eyes and dries his hands on his pants.
“You told dad he should, because it would be good for me to see my hero cry,” Ben explains, his eyes wide as if Rico should already understand what he’s saying. He stands up on the chair and holds his arms out to Rico who steps into them. Ben wraps his arms around Rico’s shoulders and stares him directly in the eyes. “Why aren’t you crying then?”
“Oh, come on, Little Man. Don’t do this shit to me.” He turns away from my son, and I chuckle. It’s just like Ben to bring a grown man to his knees. “I’m not a hero.”
“Yes, you are.” At Kennedy’s soft, delicate voice, I turn to see Amanda wheeling her into the room. “Do you guys mind giving Graham and me a minute?” The bruises on her neck are like spots on a Dalmatian. She covers them with her gown when she catches me staring.
“Sure, we’ll take Ben down to the cafeteria to grab a snack,” Amanda says. Ben takes her hand, and they walk out of the room. Rico follows behind them.
“Whatever is going on with those two, I hope they figure their shit out. I don’t have time to stress out over who’s breaking whose heart when I’ll be busy painting a nursery,” Kennedy blurts.
What did she just say?
Did she just say what I think she said? A nursery? Did I get hit in the head that hard?
“Did you hear what I said?” Kennedy stands from the wheelchair and crawls beside me on the bed. I move over to give her all the room she needs.
Like a spark to a flame, I ignite. “Did you say nursery? Like for a baby?”
“I did.” Kennedy’s face pinches, her fight to hold back those beautiful tears of hers useless.
“You’re...” I caress her flat stomach, unable to hold back my own.
“I am.” She nods, grabbing my hand and pressing her lips against the skin on my thumb.
I run my fingers through her hair. “And the baby is...”
“The baby is perfect.” She looks up at me. “It’s just like us, Graham, to bring such a beautiful thing into the world in the middle of darkness.”
To almost lose a child I never knew I had. The harsh thought settles into the deepest, darkest corner of my heart. That was almost our reality, and holding my wife, feeling her heartbeat against my hand, tells me everything I need to know. We’ll make it through this season of our lives, a little more bruised, but breathing and well.
*****
Three Weeks Later
The weather is perfect for a cookout with our family.
Rico, Dan, and Mark have been tossing a ball around with Ben for the better half of an hour. Mr. Conrad is on the sidelines, watching Ben’s every move. He and Mrs. Conrad have been staying with us since the incident. It’s like he can’t take his eyes off his daughter and grandson without imagining the worst, and I fully understand what he’s going through. I still sneak into Ben’s room while he’s sleeping to make sure he’s in bed. There’s no end in sight for the habit I’ve picked up.
Mrs. Conrad being here has helped relax my mom a bit. She hasn’t sat still since Ben’s disappearance. The woman has been baking non-stop and cleaning rooms that don’t need it. She’s restless and unsure.
“You doing okay, Son?” Mr. Conrad asks.
“Would it be wrong of me to say I finally feel free?”
“I’d say the two of you have earned it, Graham. I know I’ve said it a lot over the past three weeks, but I’ll never be able to repay you for saving her.”
He doesn’t need to thank me because I don’t feel like the hero of this part of our story. I may have been the first to walk through the door, but Rico ran in when all hope was lost.
“I think we have a football player in the making,” Mark hollers.
It isn’t lost on me how our family refers to everything pertaining to Ben as a we thing. Our backyard is packed full of people who cover Ben with a protective, loved-filled bubble. Every day I wake up thankful for them. One of them, especially.
As if he knows I’m thinking about him, Rico spins and nods his chin towards me, lobbing the ball through the air. I catch it and toss it straight to Ben who grabs the pigskin with zero effort.
“He’s literally surrounded by baseball players, and he picks up a football and makes it look effortless. Someone explain to me how that happens,” I yell, flipping the chicken breasts on the grill and then shutting the lid.
We’re heading out tomorrow to be with my team for the first game of the World Series. The doctor hasn’t cleared me yet, so I doubt I’ll see a lick of time on the field, and I’m okay with it. It’s the last thing my father will ever take from me.
News of my son’s abduction is the type of shit the public eats for breakfast. The publicity has been such a nightmare, the coaches and staff have offered a safe, press-free spot at all the games for Kennedy and Ben.
“Whatcha thinking about, Babe?” Kennedy slips beside me, smiling up at me.
“How are my two favorite people doing?” I talk directly to her stomach. If I look hard enough, I swear I can see a small bump.
“We’re good.” Kennedy rubs the top of her stomach, and I lean in to kiss her.
“Hey!” Ben protests from the yard. “What about me?”
“You know I love you, kid,” I yell.
He grins and lobs the ball to Rico, who falls to the grass as if my son’s throw is too strong for him to handle.
“I told you I’d have your sexy ass barefoot and pregnant.” I laugh, standing to my full height and circling my arms around Kennedy’s waist.
“You did.” She sways in my arms, the exact place she is always meant to be.
We face our families running around the back yard, playing games, and laughing. Neither of us has to say it. We feel it, deep down in our hearts, the weight we’ve carried for so many years lifting off us. Kennedy no longer has to glance over her shoulder, and for that, I’m thankful.
There’s a sense of relief for us, and it finally feels like the world is shifting in our favor. The things that once haunted us are now silenced, leaving us to live our happiest lives.
“How did we survive?” I ask, brushing her hair over her shoulder to kiss her neck.
“I’ve thought about this a lot. How did two people get dealt such tough hands and still walk away with a little bit of luck”— she rubs her belly— “and a lot of love?” She rests her head on my chest.
“What did you come up with?” I’d like to know because I haven’t got a single clue.
“We play the cards we’re given, while other people fold. We’ve never once stopped fighting for each other and for our family.” She shifts until she can see me over her shoulder. “We had a little bit of help along the way, too.”
Violet squeals, and Kennedy giggles, searching the backyard for her best friend. “I better go or else her skinny ass is going to fly away with that thing.” Kennedy steps on her tiptoes and kisses me quickly before bouncing off to help Violet with the tablecloth.
“Rico,” I yell. “Can you man the grill? I need to run inside.”
I take the stairs two at a time and open the door to our bedroom. The plane tickets the travel agent sent me are hidden under the bathroom sink, otherwise Kennedy would have found them. When baseball is done for the season, our entire family is flying out for a two-week vacation in Bora Bora. A little bit of sunshine is needed for all of us.
As I grab the folder, my eyes catch on something in the garbage. I pull it out, tuck the folder under my arm, and head back outside.
“Kennedy,” I yell. She looks up from setting the silverware on the table.
“What’s up?” She walks towards me, her smile bright and happy. Pregnancy looks good on my girl.
I wave the stick in the air. “Don’t you think it’s a little too late for one of these?”
Kennedy’s eyebrows pinch together, and she shakes her head. “That isn’t mine, Babe.”
“Then whose pee am I touching?”
That grabs everyone’s attention, and the once active backyard freezes. No one moves. No one utters a single word.
Shit.
Kennedy glances at Violet.
“Violet,” Dan shouts across the yard. Her wide, shocked expression gives him her answer.
If it’s not Violet, then it’s...
“Oh, fuck,” I whisper.
Like we’ve choregraphed the whole thing, the entire group shifts to the middle of the yard where Amanda stands. Her attention is on her feet, but Rico’s is in on her.
“Amanda,” Rico whispers her name.
“I...” Her glance flits around the yard, stopping for an extra-long time on Will and then Rico. “I don’t...”
“Is the test yours?” Rico asks.
Amanda looks at me, and a pained, pinched smile tells me everything I need to know. I fucked up.
“I’m so sorry,” I mouth.
“Okay, everybody. Let’s head inside and finish getting dinner ready.” Kennedy ushers everyone who’s not needed for this conversation into the house. “What the fuck,” she mouths as she passes me, her eyes adorably wide at the news.
Once everyone is inside the house, I yank Kennedy into the small bathroom off the kitchen. We burst into a hysterical fit of laughter.
“I mean...” Kennedy’s eyes widen at the humor of the situation. It’s kind of funny, but as if we both realize the reality, our laughter falters.
“I seriously didn’t mean to give it away. I thought you were still taking pregnancy tests.” Even after hearing the heartbeat and seeing the little bean on the monitor, she still took two more tests.
“I know I’m pregnant. I only took those few when we got home.” Kennedy swings open the door.
All eyes are on us. Mark holds Bea close to his side. Violet sits on the counter with Dan between her legs. My mom stays busy helping Ben fill his plate. Will is at the kitchen table, his shoulders hung low. His wide eyes tell me everything I need to know. This was the last thing he expected to worry about today. Mr. and Mrs. Conrad sit across from him, wondering if they’re going to be double-duty grandparents.
The back door opens, and Amanda blows through, yelling at Rico who’s hot on her heels.
“You’re a pain in my ass, Rick Nealand. I swear to god, if you don’t back off, I’m going to break your arm and shove it straight up your ass.”
Oh shit, she used his full name.
“Woman, if you don’t stop to talk to me for a second.” He chases after her and we all startle when the front door slams.
Kennedy giggles, resting her cheek on my bicep. “Look on the bright side”—she shrugs— “at least it’s not us causing the drama anymore.”