He used me thoroughly this morning. It wasn’t a scene. I felt his pain, as he delivered it to me. Somehow, from the moment he plunged inside me, I forgave my past. I let it go and I gave everything to him. He knows my truth. He didn’t let me go when I confessed that his wife was the reason I’d found him.

I know now that love between us was and is inevitable. I love him and this morning, I felt a shift between us when he took me. I felt love. It became something so real, a tangible force between us. I’d never seen him so torn, broken, yet filled with desire. When I first met him, he was so much more than just some stranger, we’d gotten to the root of who the other person was. It wasn’t just sex, we’d built a friendship over that year. Even though we were intimate, we’d still had our friendship.

When we’d first met, there was always a sexual undercurrent, and when we finally explored it, I never realized the man who’d touched me so intimately could become a beast. A wild animal that let loose on my body. The ache between my legs is present as I move around the office. And every time I feel the twinge, I can’t help smiling. I accepted his beast, as he accepted my past. My tormented history that I cannot change has made me who I am today. A strong, independent, yet submissive woman. And Elijah loves that about me. Which only makes me happier than I have been in years.

Over the past few weeks, each day we spend together he slowly batters down my defenses. He breaks down the walls that hide my secrets, and with each discovery, he only offers me more love than he did before.

But it’s when we’re Dom and sub that the dynamic once again changes. I become another version of me. Like I was always meant to be his. Owned. He opened something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to hide again. Not that I want to. I know he wants more from me. More about the man who owned me and hurt me. Even though he’s not forced me to tell him, I know deep down he’s biding his time. He’s intelligent, calculated, so I know it will come up soon. And I need to be ready. I have to be able to come to terms with my past and allow Elijah to mend me in the only way he can. With his love and affection.

For years I believed that I was nothing. William convinced me I was merely a whore to be used as he saw fit. In his anger, he made me believe with each swat, every sting of the whip, and every backhand he delivered, that I was only made to be abused.

I saw emotion in his eyes each night he walked into the basement and unlocked my cage. It was a filthy desire that swirled in his black eyes.

Vile. Disgusting.

Lust. This sinful, yet addictive emotion is what drove him to do what he wanted. Sometimes it forces people to do some of the most heinous things. That’s why it’s named as one of the seven deadly sins. It wraps you in its warmth, taunts you with its promises. However, deep down you know that as soon as you no longer have it, you’ll be left shattered on the floor needing your next fix.

A junkie. An addict.

When Elijah’s wife asked me to find him once she was gone, I agreed, but not because I thought we’d be together. Granted, I desired him more than any person I’d been with, but it was the way he looked at me, he pierced me with his gaze. It was intense. As if he could see my wounded soul, my broken heart, and my fragmented mind. He saw me. The only person I’d ever met to be able to look right through me.

Since I was young I’d suffered. Self-harm became more dangerous the older I got because I took more chances. I cut more. I hurt myself in ways that nobody could see. My problems lie rooted in the past. After my uncle, the one man I trusted took advantage of my love, I didn’t believe that I was worth anything.

I’ll never be good enough.

The words still ring in my ears. The memories of what he did to me. What he told me every day for six months when he’d come into my room. My parents believed he was tutoring me in my school work. I couldn’t confess what was happening. Fear overrode my need to survive. So I allowed it to happen.

When I turned sixteen, I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I did the only thing I could think of, I took a blade to my wrists and I sliced my flesh. I watched it bleed. The crimson life force dripped from me. Trickling from the porcelain skin that made me so pretty as he called me. I no longer wanted to be pretty. I wanted to make the pain end.

The doctors didn’t know what to do with me anymore. Since I was ten, I’d suffered from something. They diagnosed me with ADHD, then when I turned thirteen they decided it was something else. Depression. What normal teenager gets depressed?

I giggled when they told me. It was funny to know that there was a name to my problem. My mind played with me, it toyed with my emotions. When I met my reflection in the mirror, I didn’t see a child, I saw a broken toy. A doll that needed fixing, but would never find that missing part.

It hurts. It tears you apart. Something you’ll never be able to come back from. Now, when I look at Elijah, I know he is my missing piece. Perhaps I wasn’t meant to be the beginning of his story, but I’m supposed to be the end. We’ve both been through hell, and we’ve come out on the other side only to find each other again.

I’ve never been lucky. It seemed to evade me, but this time, it feels as if I’ve finally hit the jackpot and I’ve won. When he walked into my room that first time, I knew that I would become attached. A seventeen-year-old girl, needy for a man who’s almost twice her age. But I wanted it. I was like a drug addict, needy and wasted on him. He got me high on his touch, his words, his kiss. And even now, I want only him.

As soon as I kneeled for Eli, submitting to him, I knew what I was meant to do. I found my strength. I found my confidence. Because as much as he thinks he’s in control, I’m the one with all the power. I choose to submit. To give him what he needs. The ache to please him runs deep in my bones. To the very marrow of who I am.

The moment William walked into my room, and I believed Eli had left me, I thought William would be the man to own me and I would willingly submit to him. But when I realized what a monster he was, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted. I thought I was a bad submissive. He told me enough times that I was. Instead, it was because I wasn’t meant for him. He found pleasure in torturing me rather that caring for me. My well-being was nothing to him. With Elijah, it’s different.

“Are you leaving early today?” My colleague, Mira, glances at me. She’s new to the office. When she started two weeks ago working for Oliver, I noticed there was an electric current between the two, and I have a feeling she does more than answer his calls when he’s in meetings.

He’s been well-behaved around me, but I know it’s only because Eli has probably warned him off. He shared me once. It was the first test I’d passed. Giving in to my Dominant’s demands. Allowing my heart and mind to trust him, I gave him my submission that night. And I don’t regret a moment of it.

I nod and smile. “Yes, I’ll be back in an hour.” I make sure my calls are forwarding to the reception desk, my calendar is blocked out, and I know that Eli isn’t coming back to the office today. I told him I’m meeting a friend for coffee, I hope that he doesn’t question me, because I can’t lie to him about where I’m really going. One more meeting and this will be over. I can finally come clean and explain what I’ve been doing.

Grabbing my purse, I wave a quick goodbye to Mira and head out of the building. The bustle on the street is enough for me to get lost in. If by some chance one of Eli’s friends sees me, they won’t recognize me walking into the doctor’s rooms.

Carrick and Mason live close by, and for them to see me would only lead to questions. They’ll then ask Elijah what’s wrong, which would only make matters worse. So, I duck my head, and speed walk in the heels he asked me to wear this morning, hastening my way through the lunch time crowd.

My phone vibrates and I pull it from my purse, finding Eli’s name glaring at me. Accusing me of lying to him. Of not telling him where I was really going this afternoon. I need to confess. But I need one more session. Just this one and I can put the past behind me. Even my doctor said I’m healthy again. That there isn’t any more risk of me falling into old habits.

His message is sweet. He misses me. Since I started working for him full time, I’ve been surprised at how professional he’s been. A small kiss on the cheek, or a smile here and there, but nothing more. It’s only in private he really allows himself to become unrestrained.

Yes, we’ve played in his office after hours. And one or two lunch hours. But that’s it. The only other time besides that, is when I’m in his house, kneeling, waiting, and naked. I have a feeling he’ll ask me to move in. And I know I’ll say yes. To everything he’s offering. I want him. To be his partner, his submissive, his Toy.

Before I walk into the offices of my doctor, I tap out a quick reply. See you later. And I add a kiss at the end. Stepping into the air-conditioned room, I smile at the receptionist who glances up to greet me.

“I’m here for my two o’clock,” I tell her with a smile.

“Yes, Giana. Take a seat and he’ll be with you in a moment.” She continues tapping at the computer when I only offer a nod in response. Flopping into the plush velvet seat, I turn my phone off, and sit back. My schedule is routine now. Work, sleep, fuck, and therapy. I wanted to stop the sessions, but when I spoke to Dr. Harrow, he said he’d like to do one final hour with me before he signs me off.

There haven’t been any nightmares in weeks. Months even. I’m done taking medication. I’m finished with seeing a psychotherapist because I am in control, and I no longer need to be babied. I’m a grown woman.

“Gia,” the deep rumble of Dr. Harrow comes from my left. When I open my eyes, I take in the six-foot-something hulk of a man. He’s handsome, with deep green eyes and black-rimmed spectacles. He doesn’t wait, instead, he walks into the room, and when I join him, I shut the door with a resounding click.

Settling myself on the usual chair, which overlooks the harbor, I inhale a deep breath as he seats himself opposite me. It’s silent for a long while before I glance at him and take in how he’s watching me, as if I’m the most intriguing thing in the room. Perhaps as a patient I am. He’s probably trying to see if he can work out if I’m healthy or not. After a lifetime of sitting in rooms like these, I’m used to it. The unnerving feeling no longer taunts me.

“So,” he starts. “Tell me what’s happening. Do you still have the nightmares?”

I don’t have to think about it because I’ve been free for so long, I don’t even recall when the last time I had a nightmare was. Since I’ve been with Eli, I haven’t dreamt about those times when he walked out the first time.

When I escaped the dungeon, I had them every moment I closed my eyes. I couldn’t blink without the horrors staring back at me. Now, I’m no longer a prisoner to my own mind. “No,” I answer honestly. “It’s been over two months.”

“That’s a turn around. And what do you think has eased them off? I know you’re not taking your medication I prescribed.” He admonishes me like an errant child. The pills make me sick, sleepy, and depressed. More so than I already was.

“I’ve…” My voice trails into silence. Do I tell him about Elijah? Will he need to know the details about my sex life? Yes. He needs to know everything, but I find myself holding back. I don’t want to tell him.

“You need to be honest with me for this to work, Gia,” he warns. When I lift my gaze to him again, I nod. I understand. Life is about honesty. My past is littered with too many lies and people trying to hurt me.

“I’ve been seeing someone,” I confess. He nods, but doesn’t say anything. He makes notes on the page before him and then meets my gaze.

“Tell me about him,” he asks, and I do. I give him everything. The way we met, when, how, and why. Honesty. It falls from me like a waterfall, and I feel lighter when I finally finish my story.

He’s silent for a long while as he shakes his head. I know he’s disappointed in my answer. This isn’t the treatment he wanted for me. He knows about my past with William and submitting to another man is not the best idea. But what he doesn’t understand is that this is different. This is a real relationship.

“He’s good for me. I’ve been stronger for a while. Before him. It’s been—”

“I’m happy for you. It’s perhaps what you needed all along. I must admit, I’m not entirely happy you’re putting so much pressure on this relationship, but…” He trails off with his words, then meets my gaze. “I believe you’ll be able to move on. To live without a session in here. However.” He lifts his pen, pointing it at me as if I’m a child who’s getting a scolding. “If those memories, those nightmares ever return, you call me. I want to know.”

I’m stronger now. More so than I’ve ever been. There is no way I’m going to allow myself to go back to what I used to be. To hurt myself. He waits for me to respond, his eyes resting on me almost affectionately.

“I will. Thank you.”

“I believe you’re a much stronger woman than you used to be. When you first walked in here, I didn’t believe you’d be able to live a normal life, but it seems you’ve proved me wrong.” He smiles then. A soft, gentle one.

“I’ve tried hard to live a normal life. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Love, family, just someone to go home to.” He nods in understanding. He has all my old files. Pages of notes from my previous doctors. All my problems. Those things I long believed I was.

“You’ll have it. Now go home to Elijah and tell him everything. Remember, Giana, honesty is the only way to continue being as strong as you are.”

“I know,” I respond, pushing up, I grab my purse and offer him my hand to shake. “Thank you for everything. I’m not sure I’d be here without you.”

“Oh, I doubt that. You were always on the road to recovery, I think it was this Elijah who was the one to finally make sure you stuck on that road.”

With that, I make my way out of the office for the last time. My head held high and my heart soaring with happiness. Tonight, I’ll tell Eli everything. I’ll recall all I went through, and I’ll curl myself in the safety of his arms. The only place I long to be.