I saw the outline of David’s body through the obscure glass side panels of the front door as I came out of the downstairs loo, and waited for him to ring the bell, but he didn’t. What was he doing? I crossed my arms suspiciously. Still nothing. I frowned, walked down the hall and flung it open. He smiled warmly, completely unperturbed by my attempt at the element of surprise.

‘Hello, Rob. I expect Alex has mentioned she called and asked me to pop over?’

My confusion that perhaps he had rung the bell and I just hadn’t heard it was instantly replaced by irritation. Of course she’d mentioned it. I tried to swallow down the implication that he and Alex had decided something without me, and he was kindly letting me in on the grown-ups’ plans. This was about Alex, and I had to set aside my personal feelings. Although he was still a smarmy git. I stepped to one side and gestured for him to come in.

‘Hi, David, thanks so much for this. We’re very grateful.’

‘Not at all,’ he said in surprise. ‘I’m glad to help. Dreadful old day, isn’t it? Feels rather like autumn has properly arrived with all this rain and the sudden drop in temperature.’ He shivered.

‘Can I get you a cup of tea?’ I couldn’t not offer him one, it would have been downright rude otherwise; although I didn’t want to, because it would mean missing out on whatever they were going to start discussing while I was stuck in the kitchen making it. I moved towards the stairs to discourage him from saying yes, but he hesitated and said: ‘Do you know, I’d actually love one. Thanks, Rob, that’s decent of you. Do you have decaf?’

‘We certainly do!’

‘Excellent!’ he said, equally as heartily. ‘As it comes, no sugar. Thank you.’ He took off his wet wax jacket, stepped past me and hung it on the end of the bannisters, adjusted the belt on his suit trousers then smiled and pointed to the first floor. ‘OK to go on up and find her?’

‘Of course.’

He took the stairs two at a time with his lanky legs, holding his doctor’s bag, and I listened to him call out: ‘Alex? You decent?’

Our bedroom door opened, and I craned to hear the low voices, but couldn’t catch what was being said.

I quickly strode into the kitchen. Thankfully, the kettle had recently boiled, so I grabbed a cup, the teabag, and threw it in. I was about to pour the water on when I realised I’d used a caffeinated one. I hesitated but poured the hot water anyway. He’d manage, and I didn’t much care if he didn’t. When I got as far as the kitchen door I began to feel a bit pathetic for taking such a cheap shot. I stopped, swore under my breath, took it back and made a decaf after all – before hastening upstairs with it and walking in to find David sat on the end of our bed, Alex propped up on several pillows.

‘Ah, excellent! Thanks so much, Rob.’ He reached out to take it as I looked in surprise at Al. She’d showered, put on clean clothes and was even wearing a bit of make-up in his honour. On the one hand that was obviously encouraging, but as I glanced back at David, I wished fervently I’d kept the caff cup after all. He might actually be allergic to it. Or at the very least get the shits.

‘Rob?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘Shall I take it?’

I realised I was just standing there blankly like a twat and passed it over. ‘Sorry. I’m a bit tired.’

‘Of course you are,’ he said sympathetically. ‘It’s a shocking time for you both. Off the record, of course, but I was just saying to Al that we’ve all been stunned by the media attention that Patient A – as we are required to call him, despite him outing himself publicly – has been receiving. I really no longer know what to make of this world. Anyway, Alex, this sleep situation – or rather lack of it – that we discussed on the phone earlier…’ He put his tea down on our chest of drawers, unlocked his bag, reached in and pulled out a tiny envelope that he flicked over to Al, before picking up his mug again. ‘Some Zopiclone for you.’

She picked it up, peered in it and said tiredly: ‘oh thank you – that’s great, but how did you sort this?’ Her eyes widened. ‘I don’t want to get you into trouble? You didn’t self-prescribe, did you?’

He looked embarrassed. ‘No, I didn’t. They’re my mother’s. She won’t notice.’

I suppressed a smirk. Not such the big shot doctor now, handing out his elderly mum’s medication.

‘It’s only enough for four nights and, to be honest, I’d do one tonight, one the night after and see how you feel after that. It might be all you need just to reset the clock.’ He moved on quickly. ‘Obviously you won’t take it at all if you know a good reason that I don’t, why you shouldn’t, but I trust you.’ He smiled at her. ‘Can I also make a small suggestion? I don’t know how feasible it would be, but if you had any chance of the little ones staying with granny, or a friend, tonight, it might be advisable, because these will help you get to sleep but, as you know, they won’t keep you asleep. Really you want as clear a run at an uninterrupted rest as possible. But obviously that’s for you to decide.’ His smile slowly faded, to be replaced by an expression of doctorly concern as he took a mouthful of tea. ‘Anything else been troublesome, or just mostly the sleep?’

I waited for Al to mention her earlier outburst of rage, her reluctance to leave the house, how she was barely eating, but she didn’t. In fact, she didn’t say anything, just looked worriedly between us.

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ I said, the penny finally dropping. ‘Did you want me to step out of the room?’

‘Would you mind?’ she said quietly. I minded very much, but I turned to leave anyway. As I got to the door, though, she suddenly blurted: ‘Actually, it’s OK, Rob. You don’t have to.’ She swallowed and admitted: ‘I had a major panic attack when I went out the other day. I was in the car, driving, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. It was textbook really: sweating, nausea, my chest was hurting, then I felt like I was choking. I honestly thought I was going to die and I wasn’t going to be able to pull over in time. It was horrendous—’

David frowned in sympathy.

‘Hang on,’ I interrupted, ‘you were in the car? Where were you going? And where was I? You’ve not left the house apart from that one time with me to go to school?’

‘Please don’t be angry with me,’ she pleaded. ‘I was driving over to the Days’ house.’

My mouth fell open in horror, and I saw David sit up a little straighter.

‘I know, I know,’ Al said wearily. ‘This is exactly why I didn’t say anything earlier. And I didn’t actually go there. I was just so desperate.’ She adjusted the pillow behind her. ‘It’s become very obvious to me as a result of everything that has happened, that society needs some way of treating people fairly and to find a system that makes sure everyone is protected, but that also doesn’t ever put people who have been accused – as I have – in a position where they don’t feel they have any chance at all of fighting their cause. I feel like I’ve been found guilty before I’ve had any opportunity to defend myself. The media has already made up their mind, along with all the people who have put all of those horrendous “comments” under each and every article I’ve seen. It’s made me feel so powerless. All I wanted to do was to ask Jonathan to reconsider everything he’s said. To beg him, basically, to tell the truth. I didn’t see any other way of clearing my name.’

‘When you say you’ve felt “desperate”,’ David said, ‘do you mean suicidal?’

I caught my breath. The thought of Alex hurting herself made me feel physically sick.

‘I couldn’t do that to Maisie and Tilly… and Rob,’ she said quickly. ‘I suppose I’m only really flagging up this panic attack because, while I don’t want to take any anti-anxiety drugs at the moment when I’m just about coping, that might change, and I don’t want it to apparently come out nowhere if it turns out I do need to take something at a later stage.’

She blew me away. How on earth did she manage to keep putting one foot in front of the other like this? And stay so dignified with it?

David obviously thought so too, because he looked down at the duvet thoughtfully for a minute and said: ‘I think you’re very wise.’

‘How long does it typically take the GMC to resolve complaints like this, David? Do you know?’ I turned to him.

‘OK, so answering as a friend hypothetically, rather than on a specific case, which I couldn’t comment on,’ he said, with a touch of self-importance, ‘it depends how far through the process a case progresses. After a complaint is made, is goes to an investigating officer. If they decide it needs to go further, they have to gather statements from everyone, show the doctor concerned the complaint, and give the doctor a chance to respond, then collate all of the information.’

‘That’s where we are now,’ Alex said to me.

‘Then, a case goes to two examiners within the GMC, one medical, one not. They might then decide to close the case with no further action, issue a warning to the doctor, impose sanctions such as the doctor has to agree to some sort of retraining, or refer the case to the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service. At that point they can also request an interim tribunal to suspend the doctor while the investigation continues—’

‘That bit won’t happen because I’m already suspended on full pay,’ Alex interrupted, still explaining to me.

‘Then the final stage is the medical practitioners hearing where they decide if the doctor’s “fitness to practise” is impaired, and if so, what action to take.’

‘Strike them off, you mean?’ I said.

‘Yes, or suspend the doctor. Or decide they don’t need to take any action and dismiss the case.’

He turned back to Alex. ‘I meant to say, I really hope you’re using the Doctor’s Support Service at the moment. Just speaking to another person who is a doctor themselves would be really helpful, I think.’

‘You honestly thought Day might just withdraw his complaint completely if you asked him to?’ I looked at Alex again, too, who gave a small nod. I thought suddenly about his vlog, how he’d encouraged people to address abuse of positions of power. The hypocrisy was breathtaking. He had all of the power, all of the control. And he knew it. I was suddenly so hotly consumed with anger and frustration, I could see exactly why Alex had shoved the computer off the table earlier. Had Day been stood right in front of me, I dread to think what I might have done in the heat of the moment. I understood my wife’s feeling completely.

David stood up. ‘I better get back.’ He put his tea down again. ‘Sorry, Rob, I haven’t finished it. Occupational hazard I’m afraid.’ He patted his jacket. ‘Have I got everything? Keys? Where’s my phone?’ He drew it out of his inside pocket ‘Ah! Got it. I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on.’ He held onto it and picked up his bag too.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Alex said instantly. ‘You must be swamped at the moment with doing everything yourself.’

‘I’m not really. Cleo’s been magnificent. We’ll cope until you’re back. Because you will be back. We miss you though.’ He smiled, and Alex’s eyes filled with tears again.

‘Sorry,’ she whispered. ‘Just ignore me. It’s just because you’re being nice, that’s all. I’ll be fine.’

‘I know you will,’ he said, as, to my surprise, he leant down and kissed her briefly on the cheek. ‘Bye, bye, love. Take care and shout if I can do anything else.’

Coming from him, in his well-spoken, authoritative voice, the use of the word ‘love’ actually sounded elegantly old-fashioned and rather beautiful in its kind sincerity. Fatherly, almost. I let my head drop quietly and felt glad I’d made him the fresh cup of tea after all. Thank goodness she knew someone else was behind her – it wasn’t just me.

‘Goodbye, Rob. Don’t worry about coming down, I can see myself out. I will just pop to your loo on the way out, though, if that’s OK?’

‘Of course,’ I said and, once he’d left, sat down on the end of the bed where he’d been. ‘That was good of him. Are they what you need?’ I nodded at the pills.

‘Yes, they’ll be great.’ She put her finger to her lips and waited until we heard footsteps downstairs, David call cheerily: ‘Bye, both!’, then the click of the front door shutting.

Alex sighed deeply, leaning back on her pillows again. ‘I’m exhausted. It sounds ridiculous but it’s completely taken it out of me having to shower and get dressed to make it look like I’m coping and not falling apart at the seams. Pathetic, isn’t it?’

I felt a little better still to hear that’s why she’d done it, not to look good for him. ‘Not at all. You ARE coping. And you’ll be even better after a night’s sleep.’ I pointed at the little envelope lying on the duvet and came over to sit on the bed next to her, on my side. I put my left arm round her and she leant on me. I could tell she’d closed her eyes without even needing to look down at her. I let her just sit peacefully for a moment, then said tentatively ‘Al, will you promise me you won’t go to the Days’ house, or try to contact Jonathan to ask him to change his mind, because he’s not going to. You do know that, don’t you?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘But I felt like I had to try. Exhaust every opportunity. Like I said, I was desperate. Not desperate to see him.’ She sat up quickly and urgently looked up at me. ‘Oh God, you do realise that, don’t you? I wasn’t going to try and see him because I AM obsessed with him, like he keeps saying. I really did just want to beg him to walk away from this. But I think he’s in too deep now, he’s got too much to lose. I don’t know what I was thinking really.’ She sank back down again.

I hesitated again. ‘When did you go?’

‘Last week. When you went to the shops before picking up the girls.’

‘On Thursday? How did you know he was going to be at home then? Wouldn’t he have been at school too?’

There was a moment of silence.

‘I didn’t know for sure. I just hoped he would be. If he wasn’t, I was going to wait until he got back. I just didn’t want his parents to be there as well. I realised pretty much straight away how stupid it was though, how he’d twist it to everyone else that I’d gone to the house, and I pulled over when I began to panic about how close I’d come to making such a huge mistake.’

‘OK.’ I moved us on quickly before she asked me again if I believed her and began to disappear down another rabbit hole of doubt. ‘Seeing as you’re dressed, why don’t you come downstairs? I’ll light the fire and put on a movie for you. You still haven’t eaten anything and you really do need to.’

She rested her head lightly on me again. ‘Thank you.’

I kissed her hair. ‘I need to pop out in a minute to the shops before I get the girls. Will you be all right? You won’t jump in the car straight away, go off and do something completely mental?’

She snorted sadly. ‘No, I won’t. I promise.’

---

I climbed in the car and thought hard, for about thirty seconds, made my decision – and set off.

I’d worked out easily – from one of the many, many Instagram shots of his that I’d looked at over the previous two weeks – which school he went to from the tie he was wearing in one of the pictures. It was a pretty smart private one – surprisingly, given how Alex had described his parents to me – but then perhaps they wanted opportunities for their son they hadn’t had themselves.

I parked on the road outside and walked in through the wide gates into the car park and up to the ‘gatehouse reception’. A friendly looking, middle-aged woman came to the door when I rang the bell and looked at me enquiringly.

‘Hello, I’m sorry to disturb you, but I’ve come to collect Jonathan Day’s car for him? He phoned to let us know it had broken down and needed recovery from this address, but I can’t reach him on his mobile now? It seems to be turned off.’

‘Hmmm,’ she said disapprovingly. ‘That’ll be because he ought to be in class. Hang on a moment, and I’ll find out where he is.’ She looked me briefly up and down. ‘Which garage did you say you were from?’

‘Kemptons,’ I said, out of absolutely nowhere, then added, ‘I’m just doing this to help out his dad, Gary. He’s a mate.’

‘I see. Would you like to take a seat?’

‘Actually, I’ll wait outside if that’s OK, I’ve got a few calls to make.’ I held up my phone, as if that made me the very epitome of a busy garage manager and not, in fact, a marketing account manager, very probably going to lose his job for pretending to work at home when he blatantly wasn’t.

I made my way back out into the overcast afternoon, checking the time on my phone. I genuinely did need to get something for tea before picking up the girls.

I waited for another five minutes, leaning against the gate pillar, and was just starting to panic that, in fact, they’d called the police, who were on their way, and I was about to be arrested, when the main door opened and out he came.

I was momentarily transfixed to see him in real life, striding across the car park towards me, white shirt untucked and billowing, the sleeves rolled-up despite it being chilly, presumably to show off the tattoo on his arm I could just see the bottom of. He was pretty tall but not as good-looking as he looked in the papers, with rather boyish features. He was obviously just extraordinarily photogenic. I straightened up as he approached me, frowning.

‘Wotcha mate,’ I said smiling. Wotcha? And ‘mate’? I wasn’t in an episode of Grange Hill, for God’s sake. I tried to calm down as he stopped about two feet away in front of me, and gave me a bland, but wary social smile.

‘Hey. Mrs Hornsby said Dad has sent you to pick up my car?’ He scratched his head. ‘I’ve just tried him but, as usual, he isn’t picking up. Sorry, but I don’t know anything about this. What’s wrong with it, and who are you?’

The last question managed to be both slightly dismissive and condescending. It was quite hard to remember he was only eighteen.

I held my hands wide in generous mock surrender. ‘You’ve got me. I haven’t come to get your car, and I don’t know your dad.’

‘I thought as much, seeing as I got a lift in with my girlfriend this morning, and my car’s on the drive at home.’ He put his hands in his pockets and chewed his lip thoughtfully. ‘So, go on then. Who are you really?’

He’d waited to catch me out? The arrogant little toad.

‘I’m from the Daily Mail. I wondered if you might—’

He laughed, spun round on the spot and started walking back to the school. ‘Come on “mate”!’ he called over his shoulder. ‘You’re going to have to do better than that.’

‘You don’t want to hear about the evidence that’s come to light which suggests you’ve made up your story completely?’

He stopped, turned round again, hands still in pockets and stared at me. ‘You’re not from the Mail. I know that partly because my main contact there is called Sadie, and she’s a lot more attractive than you, but mostly because I know exactly who you are. You’re Alex’s husband, aren’t you?’

My muscles tensed with anxiety, fight or flight beginning to kick in, and as I stood there, my hand started to fold into a tight fist.

I saw his gaze flicker to it, and he froze. I actually saw his body go rigid.

‘That’s how the big boys like you solve things, isn’t it?’ he said. ‘Well, no problem. Go for your life. A black eye will look great with a filter; proper vintage fight club. I might even take my shirt off before I post the pic. Alex will like that.’

I rushed right over to him, I couldn’t help it, but although his eyes widened with fright, he just stood there, shaking. He didn’t lift a hand to defend himself, and he didn’t try and escape either. I got so close up into his face I could feel the heat of his body and smell his florid aftershave; it made me feel nauseous. I have never wanted to hurt anyone so much in my entire life. I wanted to burn the world around him, leave him standing on the last scrap of space and have him beg me for mercy so he knew how desperation felt.

‘Do not talk to me about my wife.’ I was furious.

‘Are you going to push me around now?’ he blurted. ‘Threaten me unless I retract everything? Abuse me just a little bit more? Go on then. Do you know how I recognised you when we’ve never met? From the photos in your sitting room. Alex and I had sex there when you and your daughters went to stay with your parents that weekend.’

Ironically, it was that mention of Maisie and Tilly that saved me. I stepped back instantly, realising what it would do to them if I was arrested right there and then for GBH. Alex wouldn’t cope, she was barely functioning as it was. I couldn’t deprive my children of two parents. I had made an epic miscalculation.

‘I don’t believe you,’ I said, my voice shaking. ‘Alex was at home on her own that weekend, that’s true. But I bet all you did was come round, hide in the dark and peer in through the windows at her without her realising, like the dirty little perv you are. Do you know what I think, Jonathan? I think you were obsessed with my wife from the second you met her when she looked after you – but that’s what she’s paid to do. She doesn’t care about you, you’re nothing to her. She didn’t even remember who you were.’ Jonathan flinched, like I actually had hit him, and I realised I was bang on the money. He really did have a thing for Alex.

‘As for “recognising” me,’ I continued ‘there are plenty of pictures of me online. I’m on LinkedIn. It would take you five seconds to find out what I look like. I’m flattered that you care enough to have bothered, though.’

Day hesitated, then spat on the ground at my feet. ‘Fuck you.’ He turned round and began to walk away, only to stop again and call back over his shoulder. ‘That’s what she’s told you, and what you want to believe. I don’t blame you for that, but it doesn’t change the truth. For the record, I only care about what she’s done to me. I genuinely couldn’t give a shit about your wife.’

‘Liar!’

He glanced back at me and shrugged. ‘Think what you like. I also knew it was you the second I walked out and saw your car parked on the street, by the way.’ He nodded at the bumper of the BMW, just visible. ‘I’ve been in that car a lot. If you’re going to do this sort of thing, you need to get a fuckload better at it. Fast. Goodbye.’

He turned and ambled off. My moment of ‘victory’ had already slipped away. I’d achieved nothing.

‘I’ll pay you!’ I shouted after him desperately. ‘I’ll pay you to withdraw the complaint and leave her alone. She doesn’t deserve this. She’s a good person.’

‘I don’t need it!’ He laughed. ‘I’m going…’ he called out teasingly, and I felt the rage whirling up inside me all over again at that, as he made it all into a joke while pausing to briefly punch a code into a security keypad. I almost ran up behind him, saw myself grabbing around his neck and dragging him backwards, wrenching him from left to right, choking the humour out of him. But the heavy door swung open, he disappeared back into the building and it slammed shut again – leaving me breathing heavily and blinded with frustrated rage, just standing alone in the car park, like the fool I was.

---

‘Do you know how guilty that makes me sound? You’ll pay him to withdraw the allegation? What were you thinking?’ Alex had her hands on the side of her head, fingers threaded through her hair, as she stared at me in disbelief from the bed. ‘I can’t believe this can be happening. After the way you and David looked at me earlier when I said I’d almost driven over to his house. You made me promise not to go near him again, and then you go out the very same afternoon to his school to threaten him?’ She picked up a magazine next to her and flung it across the room so suddenly I jumped. ‘What if they’ve got security cameras filming the car park? What if he’s audio-recorded you on his phone without you realising? You’ve just GIVEN him his next burst of publicity! You stupid idiot!’

‘All right, calm down.’ I put my hands up. ‘I just—’

‘Calm down?’ She raised her voice; her eyes were wild and unblinking as she glared at me. She looked deranged with anger.

‘I get that I’ve fucked up, but please, shhh!’ I begged. ‘The girls are downstairs watching Paw Patrol, I don’t want them to hear you like this.’

‘Then don’t do irredeemably insane things like this that make me want to kill you.’ She actually shook both her fists at me. She’d gone white. ‘I’m so angry!’ she gasped in disbelief.

I was completely taken aback by her reaction. ‘I was trying to help. I wanted to go there and ask him to reconsider, instead of you doing it,’ I said quietly, ‘so that you’d know you HAD tried everything, without actually placing yourself at risk. I just did it without thinking.’

‘Isn’t that exactly what got us into this mess in the first place?’ she shot back immediately. ‘You acting without thinking?’

Wow. I just stood there, not sure what to say to that, as she collapsed back onto the pillow again, exhausted.

‘I think David might have had a good idea earlier – I’ll take the kids to Mum’s tonight if that’s OK? I’ve already cancelled the agency girl coming,’ I said after a moment’s silence. ‘You’ve had a really difficult day, I get that. You’re overwhelmed with stress, you’ve literally not slept in God knows how long, and tonight’s the first night you’re going to take a sleeping pill. Like he said, let’s try and make this a success and clear the decks so you haven’t got any little voices calling out in the night and disturbing you.’ Plus, I thought privately, your behaviour today has been at best unpredictable, and you’re really starting to scare me.

I didn’t want Maisie and Tilly around Alex when she was like this. She had done so well at keeping things as normal as possible for them, but it was clear she had reached a tipping point, needed space to rest, and the opportunity to pull herself back from the edge. ‘I’ll give them tea, pack them a little bag, drive them over and come straight back. Mum would love it – she’s already offered a million times. I’ll go back and get them tomorrow, after you’ve rested.’

Alex was staring out of the window. ‘It might be best.’ Her voice was flat again, as if she’d simply given up. ‘At the very least they’re sensing our tension, and it’s not fair to them. They’ve done nothing wrong.’

‘Agreed. Well, that’s settled then. I’ll go and call Mum.’ I felt relieved and turned to leave the room, as she said suddenly: ‘I was serious earlier. I want to kill him, Rob. My daughters are going to think the very worst of me forever. This will change the way they feel about me for the rest of their lives, and it is not fair. If I could do it and not get caught, I would.’ She looked at me, frightened. ‘And I’m a doctor. I’m supposed to protect life.’ She held out a hand to me desperately. ‘What is happening to me?’

‘You are very, very tired. You are suffering from extreme stress.’ I repeated it again, went straight over, took her hand and sat down on the bed in front of her. ‘These are normal feelings. I wanted to kill him earlier too. He said some stuff about you that…’

She tensed. ‘What sort of stuff?’

I hesitated. ‘That he was going to post a picture with his shirt off, because he knew you’d like it.’

She looked disgusted and shuddered.

‘I honestly think this is all about his feelings for you. He’s used to getting what he wants. I could see that.’

‘You might be right.’ She shifted uncomfortably. ‘I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t crossed my mind. I’m sorry he said things to deliberately upset you. Sometimes I think it can be harder to watch someone you love suffer than go through it yourself.’

‘It’s wasn’t great, no…’ I agreed, thinking for a moment about Jonathan stood in front of me, amused, as he waited for me to hang myself and admit, like a total amateur, I wasn’t who I’d pretended to be.

‘You do still love me, Rob… don’t you?’

‘Of course I do. He has no remorse about what he’s done at all, you know,’ I said suddenly. ‘It was… quite an eye-opener for me. He’s not going to have any problem lying to a tribunal if there’s a hearing.’

‘Which there will be,’ she said. ‘He’ll love that. It will offer no end of credibility to his nasty little book. Do you think we could get away with it?’ She turned her head back, looked at me and smiled sadly.

‘What, killing him?’ I shrugged. ‘I’d do it and get caught if today’s performance is anything to go by. I think my behaviour over the last few weeks has firmly established you’re the brains in this relationship, but I’ll have a go if you like?’

She snorted. ‘Thanks.’

‘Or I’ll just cover for you. Bonnie and Clyde.’

‘They robbed banks; they weren’t assassins.’

‘You see?’ I squeezed her hand, dropped it and stood up. ‘Like I said, you’re the brains of this outfit.’ I looked down at her and felt a sudden rush of love. ‘We will get through this, Al. I promise you. We’ll do whatever it takes to defend your reputation, and our girls WILL know that they have the most amazing mother in the world.’ I meant every single word.

She started to tear up again. ‘I’m just so frightened that this has become the perfect storm now, what with all of the other stuff that’s appearing in the news. What if no one believes me and this never goes away?’

‘It will. I promise.’

She nodded but it was obvious she was just agreeing to stop me talking. She’d had enough. ‘I’ll come down in a minute and sit with them before you take them to your mum’s, once I’ve sorted myself out a bit.’

‘Sure,’ I said, reaching the door. ‘But only if you feel up to it. They know you’re not going anywhere, Al. Don’t worry. They’re fine. Just fine.’

‘DADDY!’ yelled Maisie up the stairs. ‘That Paw Patrol has finished. Can you come and put another one on, or can we have a PJ Masks?’

‘Coming!’ I shouted back. ‘See?’ I looked at Al in what I hoped was a reassuring way. ‘They’re happy as anything. Really, they are.’

She nodded, whispered ‘thank you’ and closed her eyes again, but her brow remained furrowed like she was still in pain.

I watched her for a moment more, quietly left the room and gently closed the door behind me.

---

When I arrived back from Mum and Dad’s the house was dark and still.

Maisie and Tilly had understandably been a bit unsettled and overexcited, so I’d stayed to read their stories. I texted Alex to let her know I’d have a cup of tea with my parents and hit the road at eight. I wanted to get straight back to her, but I couldn’t leave without a quick catch up at least.

‘Alex isn’t coping any better then?’ Mum asked, sipping at her cup delicately in their immaculate sitting room. Everything was ordered and comfortingly just where it had always been. I could smell they’d had a casserole or something for dinner, although the evidence had been washed-up, dried up and the draining board forensically wiped down, to return the kitchen to the gleaming showroom cleanliness it had proudly shone with when we’d arrived. I wanted to lie on the sofa myself, watch some mindless telly, then stagger up to my old room and go to sleep. I knew Mum would be only too delighted if I asked. I imagined her getting some of Dad’s clean, ironed and folded pyjamas out of the airing cupboard for me to borrow and sighed wistfully.

‘She’s not doing great, to be honest, Mum.’ I took a mouthful of my tea. ‘Actually, that’s not true. Given the circumstances she’s coping brilliantly. She’s been publicly accused of something heinous, she’s suspended from the work she loves and has no idea yet when all of this is going to be over. I’d be in pieces if I were her, and that’s before you consider she’s doing all of this on top of chronic insomnia. She’s still getting up every morning to see the girls off, and getting up every evening when they get home, so it all feels normal for them, but I really, really hope she’ll get some rest tonight.’ I didn’t mention the pills. I knew Alex wouldn’t want me to. She’d see it as an invasion of privacy and God knows she’d had enough of that already.

‘Fingers crossed,’ Mum agreed. ‘I’ll say a prayer for her.’

‘Righto,’ I said doubtfully, and Mum frowned.

‘Robert!’

‘I’m not criticising.’ I held a hand up. ‘I’ll take whatever positivity we can get right now. Seriously though, thanks so much for having Maisie and Tilly. This way Al gets the best crack at a whole, undisturbed night, and that might be all she needs to break this messed-up sleep pattern she’s got herself into.’

‘We can keep the girls as long as you like tomorrow?’ Mum offered. ‘Another night even, if you want? They’re such good, dear little things.’

‘They are. Thank you for making a fuss of them. That’s just what they need.’

‘We’re going to make an apple pie tomorrow!’ Mum revealed. ‘We’ll save you some.’

‘Sounds lovely.’ I drained my tea and, catching sight of the carriage clock, got up. ‘Ten past already – I better go, sorry.’

Dad looked at his watch. ‘Well, you’ve missed the worst of the Friday night rush now in any case. It should only take you forty minutes, you’ll be back by nine. Although there are works at the crossroads. I’d go via the Tesco’s roundabout instead if I were you. I can shave as much as five minutes off, usually, by doing that.’ He stood up stiffly, and I hugged him, almost overcome with sudden affection for them both. It had been an emotional day. ‘Thanks, Dad. I’ll try that.’ I planted a kiss on his cheek.

‘Well done, son,’ he said, hugging me back and giving me a kiss. ‘Very well done. This too shall pass, just remember that.’

I whispered it to myself in the car over and over again as I drove back home.

This too shall pass.

This will all become a distant memory. We will reach a point where we no longer think about this even most of the time, never mind all of the time. It felt impossible to believe, somehow.

---

I felt a little strange as I let myself back into the house, switched the hall light on and quietly shut the front door behind me. It occurred to me that I hadn’t eaten a thing since lunchtime, and that was probably why. I wondered if it was too late to get a takeaway after all?

I crept over to the stairs and padded softly up to check if Al was awake and wanted one too – but when I reached our bedroom the door was closed, with a note sellotaped to it:

That answered that about the curry then. I tiptoed back downstairs, wandered into the sitting room and sat down on the sofa in the dark for a moment.

‘Do you know how I recognise you when we’ve never met? From the photos in your sitting room, which Alex and I had sex in when you went to stay with your parents that weekend…’ I heard his mocking tone from earlier, closed my eyes and forced him away. Jonathan Day was not going to bother me any more tonight. I wanted him silent.

Impulsively, I got up and went to get a curry after all. It wasn’t until I arrived back at home clutching the plastic bag containing the two foil containers, a paper bag with the rest of the poppadums I’d managed not to eat on the way back, and a larger bag containing a garlic naan, that I noticed the BMW was missing. For a moment I panicked. Where had Alex gone? She’d said she’d taken a pill! I was about to rush into the house, go upstairs and open the door, when I remembered just in time that I had actually put the BMW in the garage myself earlier, intending to give it a hoover in the morning because it was filthy inside. I felt ill at how close I’d come to barging in on her and ruining it all. I had to sit back in the car for a moment and try to gather myself. Funny the things your mind decides are important when you are completely overwhelmed with stress. I simply couldn’t believe I had forgotten I’d done it. Even then, I had to check I was right, I doubted my own sanity that much. To my relief, it was there, where it was supposed to be.

I went to retrieve my food, found a beer and plonked in front of a Gerard Butler movie, watching him liberate the entire White House single-handedly from a terrorist attack. I dozed on the sofa then crawled off to bed in the spare room at about half eleven, falling instantly and deeply asleep.

---

When I woke up, I was slightly confused to find it light and that it was already quarter past seven. The luxury of a lie-in. No small voices shouting ‘my clock is yellow!’ No trying to grab another five minutes while they watched the iPad at full volume sandwiched between Alex and me in our bed. I turned over with a happy sigh to go back to sleep, but then wondered if perhaps I ought to go and check on Alex, see if she’d woken up yet.

But when I reached the door, it was still closed with the note on it. I decided I’d take her some breakfast at eight and glanced back at the spare room, considering getting some more rest myself, only I couldn’t somehow bring myself to do it now that I was up. I decided to go for a run instead – and, brightening at the thought of some fresh air and five minutes to myself, I went off happily to find my running gear, leaving Alex to sleep a little longer.