When Jonny came back into class just before the last bell, something was badly wrong. I tried to get his attention, mouthing ‘what was that about?’, but he totally ignored me, keeping his eyes straight to the front.

When we were finally dismissed, I was all ‘Hey! Hello?’ as everyone started packing up, and he was forced to look at me, but he didn’t say anything.

‘Where did you go, halfway through?’ I got to my feet and walked over to his table.

He was shoving his stuff into his rucksack. ‘Some bloke turned up pretending that he’d come to collect my car, that Dad had asked him to.’

‘But I picked you up this morning? Your car isn’t here.’

‘Yes, I know that,’ Jonny snapped.

‘All right.’ I frowned. ‘So who was he really then, this man?’

‘A journalist.’

‘Oooh.’ I brightened. ‘From where?’

‘I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to message Mum to come and get me. See you later.’

He put his bag on his back and I think he was just going to walk away. It was super awkward for a moment, but I cooled it down.

‘Jonny, you don’t need to do that. I said I’d take you back.’

He sighed, closed his eyes for a moment, then suddenly opened them again. ‘Fine, but I want to leave now.’ He started walking out of the room before I had time to answer. I grabbed my own stuff and went after him. He didn’t say a word as we walked down to the car, even though some of the others said: ‘Bye, JDay’ and ‘See you later?’ He just nodded, not smiling, and they gave me a wtf? look. I just had to shrug, and mouth ‘Sorry’, practically having to frickin’ trot behind him to try and keep up as he marched off, getting ever further in front of me with his crazy spider legs.

‘Jonny, can you slow down?’ I called behind him. ‘My skirt is actually too tight to walk this fast?’

He stopped, and waited pointedly for me to catch up, but then instantly strode off again the second I was alongside him. I watched him bomb towards the car and began to feel pissed off. I flicked a V sign at his back and paused to decide how I was going to play this.

He was waiting on Bertie’s passenger side when I arrived, having deliberately slowed down to take my time. I was prepared to help and listen. What I was not going to do was be a mug. He could NOT walk all over me. I blipped Bertie open and watched Jonny sling his bag on the back seat, and fold himself in. He wasn’t designed for small three-door cars. I got in myself and started Bertie up, checking my phone last of all. Alice had sent me a GIF. It was hilarious, and I tried to send one back, but my stupid phone kept crashing.

‘This heap of shit!’ I pressed the screen repeatedly. ‘Time for an UPGRADE!’ I sang, finally getting it to work, as Jonny exploded next to me.

‘Will you just drive the car, please?’

I turned to him in astonishment, my phone still in hand. ‘Literally, what is wrong with you? Are you getting hypo? Do you need a snack?’

‘No, I am not “getting hypo”. What’s wrong with you? You’ve started the car. So why are you sat here on your PHONE sending some pointless message to Alice?’

‘OK, Dad,’ I said – and at that, he suddenly flung the door open and started climbing out.

‘Where are you going now?’ I sighed. He could be such a little bitch.

‘I’m going to walk home. I need some peace.’

I wrinkled my nose. ‘Walk? Are you crazy? It’ll take ages and—’ I checked my phone again, ‘it’s like four already? We’re meant to be at Alice’s around eight?’

‘Yeah, and I’m going to flake tonight, so it doesn’t matter.’ He tried to yank his bag back through the small gap between the side of the passenger seat headrest and the door, but it got stuck. ‘Fuck – this – shit!’ he exclaimed as he tussled with it, then really pulled when it still wouldn’t give.

‘Hey! Be careful!’ I exclaimed. ‘You’ll hurt Bertie!’

He turned to me and gave me one of his ice stares. ‘It’s a car.’

‘No, she’s not. Alberta is my baby.’ I stroked the steering wheel.

He let the bag go, and it thudded back onto the seat as he put his hands on his head and looked at me wide-eyed. ‘I just can’t do this any more.’

‘OK – unnecessary drama.’ I raised an eyebrow. ‘I’ll just flip the seat forward if you get out of the way?’

‘No – I mean I can’t do this any more. I want us to split up. I’m sorry, Cherry.’

I froze. ‘You’re finishing with me? For real?’

‘Yeah. I am. I should have done this ages ago.’

Tears sprung to my eyes. ‘Because of me, or because of her?’

‘Because of everything!’ he shouted, making me jump. ‘Everyone wants a piece of me, everyone is looking, everyone has something to say. Everywhere I go this whole thing is following me. I can’t escape!’

‘Don’t shout at me!’ I yelled back. ‘And I thought that’s what you wanted anyway, to get attention to all of this, and you.’

He sighed and then collapsed back down on the seat awkwardly, facing backwards this time with his legs stretching out of the open door beside him. ‘I’m not dealing with things well. You know that. Everyone knows it. I just need some space at the moment. I’m feeling very overwhelmed.’

I started to shiver; the door was open but I felt cold from inside as I tried to process what he’d just said. He was ending it. This was actually happening, and it was tragic. ‘But I want to help you and support you through this. I love you.’ Just like always, he didn’t say it back. He’d only ever said it to me once, when he’d not had anything to eat, got completely off his face at Ol’s and I was truly out of my mind with terror that he was actually going to die because none of us could find his pen.

‘I know you love me,’ he said, suddenly miserable, ‘but you shouldn’t. I’m not worth it.’

‘That’s not true. What she did to you…’ I trailed off for a moment as I tried to find the right words. It was really hard knowing what to say. Instead I reached out very slowly, took his hand and just held it. But that was kind of stressy too, not knowing if he wanted to be touched, or if I would make him feel all invaded – but like, if I didn’t touch him, would he think I didn’t want to because he was in some way dirty? Which wasn’t true at all. It was really confusing. He looked so sad though. I wished I’d let him call his mum.

I’d known for a while, obviously, that he had something to tell me. At Ol’s party, when he turned up really late – his sister was having some kind of crisis and he’d needed to be there for her – he was actually totally wired. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong with Ruby, only that it was personal to her. I didn’t say anything to him, but I saw Ruby in town the next morning coming out of Costa as I was going into Fenwick, and she didn’t exactly look like she’d been having a meltdown the night before. In fact, she was with a new bloke; holding his hand and laughing. Where ever he had been, it wasn’t with his sister. Dr Bitch said she was in her house alone all night and that Jonny drove to her house to watch her from outside like some sad perv. While that might have explained why he was ‘excited’, that’s not exactly Jonny’s style. Just look at him. He doesn’t exactly need to window lick. That’s pretty obvious.

Anyway, after I got back from holiday we had a really great three weeks; some beautiful moments. We drove Bertie to Brighton, we talked about when we were going to launch our YouTube channel – Jonny said he was investigating ways to give our profiles a real upswing, fast. Everything was really, really good. It was so hot one day, we just lay on my bed in each other’s arms next to the open window and listened to the birds singing, and when he kissed me, I was completely happy. I took a selfie – no filters – just lying there together, holding each other. It’s my favourite picture of us.

But then he came back from Ibiza. I had planned everything for when he walked into my room. I was wearing this really cute little dungaree playsuit I’d found in this vintage store – it was so retro but really hot, not actual denim, but dyed really deep blue, and just straps going up over my tits. Once Mum and Dad were out at the pub, I took my top off underneath it and wore it like that. It just about covered my nipples. I heard him let himself in and when he appeared holding some Marc Jacobs he’d bought me, I knew instantly he’d slept with someone else. I don’t know how, I just did. I’m very gifted with awareness. He was smiling, and his body language was all the same as usual, but there was nothing in his eyes. I went up to him straight away and kissed him, put his arms around my waist, and he hesitated.

‘It’s good to see you!’ I’d smiled. ‘I missed you!’

‘I missed you too.’

‘Still love me?’ I teased.

‘What can I say?’ he said, playing our usual game and, inside, I screamed, for the millionth time.

‘You can say “I love you”,’ I replied.

‘You know I do.’

But that’s not actually saying it. School was DOA after that. He was just vacant. Everyone noticed and was asking me what was wrong with him – it was quite a lot of pressure actually, because I had no idea what to say. I didn’t know anything more than they did, which hurt. It actually makes me sick now to think that the Thursday when we went to his house and SHE was there having some kind of scene with his parents it was Jonny that she was sleeping with, and not his dad, like Jonny tried to make out. When she pushed past me, I was just surprised. Now I wish I’d shoved the slag back.

I think his crisis moment came when he got smacked in the face with a football, at lunchtime, the next day, in front of everyone. He went batshit. It was beyond embarrassing. He was so mad. I’d never seen him like that before. He gets moody, of course, and sometimes when his sugars are low you could kill him, he’s that much of an asshole, but this was a whole new level of crazy. It was obvious by then that something was really, seriously wrong. Now I know that he’d been over to see her at the surgery, to beg her to leave him alone, and that’s why he was so stressed, but as it was, I just let him slam out of school. I’m not going to lie, I was starting to re-consider our narrative, but then he called me and asked me to come over. His dad let me in when I arrived – he was really subdued too, not himself at all. He’s usually over the top and just that little bit too hugsy for your boyfriend’s father, but he just said Jonny was up in his room, and when I got to the top of the stairs he called out: ‘Cherry?’

I looked back down, almost frightened by what he was going to say.

‘Try and understand, OK?’

I nodded, although I had no idea what he was talking about unless Jonny had actually told his dad he was going to finish with me, which was going to be really fucking shit if it was true.

Jonny was sat on his bed when I went in and he asked me to come and sit next to him. He told me the doctor who had shoved me in his kitchen hadn’t been there to confront his dad, he had slept with her – in Ibiza.

‘Her?’ I just stared at him. ‘But she’s so old.’

It got worse, a hundred times worse. He told me everything. All the stuff that everyone knows now that was in the papers. I cried. I didn’t know what to do with what I felt about her. I still don’t.

---

I squeezed his hand again. He was just staring into space, and we were both getting colder and colder sitting there in the car with the door half open.

‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Let me just drive you home and you can dump me after that.’ I tried to make a joke of it, but he didn’t laugh, just sighed again, pulled back his hand, turned round to face the right way and swung his legs back in.

‘Thanks.’

As we drove back, the new Sam Smith song came on, ‘Too Good at Goodbyes’. I tensed and tried so hard to keep it together, but as I listened to the words, I wasn’t imagining that I was saying them to Jonny, I heard him in my head saying them to her. Was he even mine any more? Had she damaged him so much it had broken us?

I swallowed but I couldn’t help the tears streaming down my face.

He looked back across at me, tutted impatiently, and muttered ‘for fuck’s sake, Cherry’, then leant forward and changed the station, flipping around until he found Taylor Swift’s ‘Look What You Made Me Do’.

‘There you go. Perfect. You can #squad power-emote to this instead,’ he said and returned to staring back out of the window.

It was legitimately the rudest thing he’d maybe ever said to me. We pulled up at some lights and I turned and stared at him in disbelief. Power-emote? ‘Just who do you think you are?’

‘Cha-ching!’ He sighed, like I was that predictable.

‘I’m serious, Jonny. I’ve done nothing but try to help you and support you for the last two and a half weeks.’

‘You must be exhausted,’ he said, looking out of the window. ‘It’s so tough to be you.’

‘Hey!’ I said. ‘You say you feel it’s following you, but you’re letting yourself become more and more obsessed by it all – you keep vlogging and posting about it. It’s like it’s eating you up from the inside out. You can’t give her this much power. And I HAVE been there for you, for the record.’

He turned very slowly and looked at me. ‘Yeah, it must have been a real pain in the arse to have to come on national TV and watch your own social media numbers soar.’

‘That was NOT why I was doing it. I did it to support you.’

The car behind us honked. The lights had changed, and as I pulled away I sniffed.

‘Oh God, stop crying about it.’ Jonny glanced across and rolled his eyes. ‘You don’t even understand any of this, Cherry. It’s not your fault. But you really don’t. Trust me. I’m sorry for what I just said about why you were with me when I did that TV thing, I know that’s not true. All I want is to try and get something good to come of this; use it to help other people, because what’s happened has been so wrong. So messed up.’

‘I know it has,’ I said.

He shook his head, exhaustedly. ‘No, you don’t. That’s exactly what I mean. You don’t know what I’m talking about at all.’

We drove out towards his house, but as we were about to turn left, he suddenly said, ‘can you go down towards Sainsbury’s before we go back?’

I did as I was told. Anything to delay the actual moment of leaving him for the last time at his house. We reached the roundabout.

‘You know what?’ he said. ‘I’ve changed my mind. Can we go out to the forest and just drive a bit? I want to clear my head. Take the second exit… that means you need to be in the other lane. Cherry! Watch out! There’s a woman about to step out!’ he raised his voice in alarm.

‘Don’t shout at me!’ I shrieked as I swerved round this stupid bitch in the middle of the road – frozen and staring at me, all wide-eyed. ‘She shouldn’t be looking down at her phone while she’s crossing the road!’

‘No, it’s this dumb electric car, you can’t hear it coming. It’s fucking dangerous,’ retorted Jonny. ‘Especially with you driving it.’

‘Can I actually do anything right any more?’ I demanded but carried on out towards Eridge.

‘OK, OK – I’m sorry. Calm down. It is dangerous though.’

‘I had the noise sensor on, OK? You have to switch it off if you want it to be totally silent, and I didn’t. It was her fault for being a dick and wandering out into the road without looking.’ We reached the bunny run and I indicated to go left, but he shook his head.

‘No – turn right here.’

I had to break at the last minute and some asshole in a lorry behind us leant on his horn, properly freaking me out as he, like, thundered past us. I’d almost totally had enough. I was a shaky mess and breathing fast as we drove into the forest, but Jonny didn’t say a thing, just stared out of the window. I glanced at him. He honestly just wanted a pretty drive? Seriously?

‘Slow down a bit,’ he said after a moment of my grumpily wondering if I was allowed to speak while he ‘cleared his head’.

We approached a bend – but as we went round it wasn’t even tight. I opened my mouth to say I really wasn’t that bad a driver, but he was concentrating on a house to our left.

‘Slower – please,’ he added as an afterthought.

I was almost crawling past. It was just an ordinary house. A car outside, gate shut. Then I saw a figure moving around upstairs at the window. A woman.

It was her.

My mouth dropped open. This was where she lived? She wasn’t looking at us, and disappeared out of sight, walking into another room.

Jonny sat back heavily in the seat as I drove off in shock, staring out of his window. I was trying to think of what to say, when he blurted: ‘I hate her for making me feel this way.’

‘I know you do, baby. I hate her too.’ I suddenly felt bad for not being more supportive. ‘But why are we even here? We—’

‘Her husband came to the school this afternoon,’ Jonny interrupted. ‘It wasn’t a journalist. It was him. He threatened me. I was going to tell her, but I’ve changed my mind.’

My eyes widened. ‘He threatened you? Then we definitely shouldn’t be here! You do need to tell someone, but—’

Jonny half smiled. ‘Someone? I’m going to tell everyone what he did.’ He looked back over his shoulder. The house had gone. ‘Just not quite yet. I want to go home now, please.’ We didn’t say another word the rest of the way back. No wonder he’d been so whacked out all afternoon. I couldn’t believe her husband had come to school. What had this doctor done to all these men? When we finally pulled up at his, only his silver Golf was sat on the drive.

I turned to him. ‘Well I’ll see you then.’ This was it, we were over. The next time I saw him he wouldn’t be my boyfriend any more. I wouldn’t be allowed to just walk up to him and kiss or hug him. I imagined us at opposite ends of the room, everyone whispering, wanting to know what was going on. I felt totally overwhelmed.

He was staring at his house. ‘Just come in.’

‘What?’ My eyes had filled with tears and I wiped them away quickly. ‘You are literally insane. I thought when we left you said—’

‘I know, I know. I don’t want to be on my own at the moment. My head starts going crazy.’ He leant forward and tapped the side of it. ‘I don’t want to think any more. I just want to go in and watch some crap telly for a bit. Please come in?’

‘OK,’ I said quickly, before he changed his mind.

I made us both a hot chocolate, and we padded upstairs to his room. I love his house, it’s exactly the kind of place I’d like to own one day. My mother would say it’s tacky, and it is a bit, because it’s all white, really deep soft carpets, candles and twinkly lights, but I also think it’s amazing. Angel trotted in after us and we lay on his bed watching The Inbetweeners.

His parents got back at about half five. ‘Hello my darlings!’ I heard his mum call up the stairs. ‘We’re back! Want a drink or anything?’

‘No thanks,’ Jonny shouted back, as I adjusted position next to him, and he moved his arm round me to get more comfortable. I snuggled down into his chest, Angel nestled between us.

Moments later Christy appeared in the doorway and smiled at us fondly. ‘Ah! Hello you lot.’ Angel sat up and wagged her tail. ‘Had a good day?’

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I looked up at Jonny and he shrugged. ‘It’s been OK. Glad it’s the end of the week.’

‘Me too! You stopping for tea, Cherry?’ Christy smiled at me.

Again I looked up at Jonny.

‘’Course,’ he shrugged. ‘If you want to.’

‘Then yes, please, Christy.’ I smiled back at her.

‘Lovely. I’ll go and start putting it on. You out tonight, Jonny?’

‘Not sure yet,’ Jonny replied. ‘See how I feel in a bit. I’m a bit tired.’

Christy frowned. ‘Your sugars all right?’

He rolled his eyes. ‘See you in a bit, Mum.’

She stuck out her tongue. ‘Come on, Angel, I’m not wanted. You come and keep me company in the kitchen.’ Angel dutifully trotted off with her and they went downstairs.

It was so nice, just lying there in his arms watching TV and hearing the pots and pans as his mum started to cook below us. I felt totally comforted, and I hope he did too.

---

Christy and Gary had finished their glass of ‘Friday fizz’ when they called us down to dinner at quarter past six; although Gary wasn’t looking like he’d had the best of days either when we walked into the room, still dressed in a shirt, tie and smart trousers.

‘Hello, sweetheart.’ He looked up at me as he sifted through some post and forced a brisk smile, which vanished almost immediately. ‘All right, Jonny?’ he added. He was on edge, I could tell.

‘Yes, thanks.’ Jonny was just as short back.

We sat down at the table in our usual places and Jonny got his pen out. I looked away as he lifted his shirt to inject his short-acting shot. I have no clue how he does it so many times a day. I couldn’t. I’d have to be one of those people with a paid nurse who follow them around all the time, or something. Christy was fiddling around with some plates and getting some bits out of the fridge. The boys were on one side, Gary opposite me, with a place set at the end for Ruby.

‘Where IS Rubes?’ Gary said sharply, nodding at it.

‘Running late. Bit of work to finish off.’ Christy came over and put a plate of prosciutto, chorizo, hummus and pitta strips in front of me, and then Jonny.

Gary nodded approvingly. ‘Good girl, staying until the job’s done even though it’s Friday night. That’s the kind of work ethic that gets people noticed.’

I saw Jonny glance at him sideways and my heart sank. It was going to be one of those sorts of meals. Christy obviously thought so too, because she put a plate down in front of Gary and said brightly: ‘We’re going fancy tonight. I’ve done a starter! Tapas-styley!’

Jonny didn’t say anything, just picked up his fork and began to eat silently.

‘Good day then, kids?’ said Gary to me and Jonny.

I looked at Jonny, who didn’t answer.

Gary looked annoyed, glanced at Christy and cleared his throat. ‘I said, good day?’ He twisted to Jonny.

‘Not really, no. Alex Inglis’s husband came to school this afternoon. He nearly hit me, then offered to pay me to change my story.’

‘What?’ Gary exploded furiously as, simultaneously, Christy dropped her fork, which clattered to her plate, making me jump. ‘Why didn’t you tell us?’

Jonny frowned. ‘I’m telling you now.’

‘I mean earlier!’ Christy exclaimed. ‘We’ve been home for nearly an hour!’

Jonny shrugged. ‘I handled it. It was no big deal.’

Gary stared at him in disbelief. ‘You handled it? He came to your school and threatened you, but you handled it?’

‘Can you stop saying it like that?’ Jonny looked at him.

‘Should we call the police?’ Christy looked at Gary worriedly.

‘Hello?’ Jonny waved at her. ‘I’m right here. I’m eighteen now, Mum. If I want to call the police, I will. I’m thinking about it, but can we drop it for a minute, please?’

‘Did he so much as lay a finger on you?’ Gary’s voice was ominously low.

Jonny closed his eyes briefly. ‘No, Dad, he didn’t.’

‘Well, that’s something at least. Fine. We’ll talk about this more after dinner then.’ Gary began to eat, but we’d only managed another couple of mouthfuls when he started up again.

‘It must have been one of them days all round. I was just telling Mum before you came in,’ he pulled his chair in a little tighter, ‘we’ve had a couple of our receptionists come forward and make complaints about two of the gym staff today. Seems everyone’s ready to speak out now!’

I watched Christy pause, mid mouthful. ‘I thought we weren’t going to mention this?’ She looked at Gary carefully.

‘Nah, I’m getting sick of things I’m not allowed to talk about. It’s good to talk. Good that other people have been given the courage to step forward, isn’t it?’ He turned slightly in his chair again, addressing Jonny directly. He tried to make it sound light, but he was getting ready for a takedown. Fact.

Jonny just swallowed his mouthful, and Gary was forced to turn back to his setting.

‘Well, I think it is anyway. You do have to ask yourself where it’s going to stop though. Is every single bloke going to be too scared to make a move on a girl at the office Christmas party this year in case he gets the sack for ‘inappropriate behaviour?’

Jonny started pushing some chorizo around his plate thoughtfully with his fork. He was biting the bait, I could tell.

‘But it is a good thing, of course it is,’ Gary repeated. ‘I’ve seen so much stuff coming out about how things that were acceptable ten or twenty years ago just aren’t now, and that’s right.’

Jonny put the fork down, turned his chair to face Gary full on, widening his legs, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. It was weirdly aggressive somehow, even though it was supposed to be relaxed. ‘It’s never been acceptable, Dad. That’s the point. There was no “culture” that was different then. If anyone – like your gym staff – still doesn’t know the difference between flirting and sexual harassment, then that’s really scary and they need to ask themselves some serious questions.’

‘Thanks for that,’ Gary said. ‘Now turn back to the table and sit up properly.’

‘Both of you, stop it now,’ Christy said warningly.

‘I had some woman come up to me today too, giving me grief about something you’ve put online – it being about men too, not just women,’ Gary continued as Jonny turned back to the table and picked up a bit of pitta, dipping it in some hummus. ‘She was going on about how men even want to be the best at this. “You can’t even let us have abuse,” she said.’ Gary made his voice all pretend-high, squeaky and outraged.

‘Well men do get abused too,’ Jonny said.

‘Not often by women though. You’ve got to admit that.’

Jonny tossed the pitta back down on his plate. ‘What are you actually trying to say, Dad? You’re embarrassed and ashamed of me? Well, we all know that already. Perhaps you’ve had a doughnut and not done your hundred press-ups today; maybe that’s why you’re so pissy? Or is what’s really frying your arse that I’m the one getting the – unwanted – attention now, rather than my old man?’

Gary moved so fast I didn’t see it coming. He shot sideways, grabbing Jonny by the front of his shirt, but high up round the neck, pulling him out of his chair to his feet, before shoving him up against the kitchen cupboards.

‘What did you just say to me?’ He roared into his face, his fist still full of shirt ‘What did you just say, you little runt?’

Jonny looked down at him, terrified, right on tiptoes and his fingertips - trying to steady his balance by bracing them on the work surface, where Gary was pushing him so hard. Angel was barking like crazy, and Christy had already rushed over to them by the time I was on my feet too.

‘Put him down, Gary!’ she gasped, trying to reach over the top of them and break Gary’s clasp, but he kept staring up at Jonny, his eyes had gone small and black. He looked like a pig.

‘You don’t get to speak to me like that, ever, d’you hear?’ Bits of white spit had gathered in the corners of his mouth. He gave Jonny one last shove then released him.

Jonny bolted from the room, and I went after him, running up the stairs as fast as I could to his bedroom.

I didn’t know how to process what I’d just seen. I was so shocked. Is it possible to humiliate your son more than doing that in front of his girlfriend? I don’t think so. It was brutal.

I pushed open the door to Jonny’s room and went in. Jonny was pacing up and down, his eyes were full of tears.

‘I should have hit him,’ he said. ‘I should have hit the bastard.’

‘I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything.’ I was stunned. I knew Gary had always been tough on Jonny, that they rubbed each other up the wrong way, but I’d never seen him force Jonny down like that before.

‘I hate him. My whole life, he couldn’t have made me more aware of how disappointed he is – but at the same time, he’s jealous of me. I can’t help being younger than him. I can’t help being ill. I hate him so much. He’s nothing but a bully – that’s how he’s got to where he is today. He stamps on people like they’re insects and smiles at everyone else while he does it.’ He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his iPhone, tapping in his passcode and holding it up to his ear.

‘Who are you phoning?’

‘Ol. To see if I can go and stay at his for a bit.’

‘Don’t be daft,’ said a voice behind me. ‘You’re not going anywhere.’

I jumped and turned to see Christy standing there holding a plate of mains, looking shocked. I moved out of the way awkwardly and sat down on the bed, but she didn’t even look at me.

‘Put your phone down. You need to eat something. You only had a few bites of starter.’

‘I don’t bloody want it, Mum!’ Jonny exclaimed. ‘Stop trying to control me. I’ll eat when I want to eat!’

She stood her ground. ‘Hang up, please. We need to talk, Jonathan.’ She took a step back, holding the door open with her free hand.

‘I’ve got nothing to say to him.’

‘Your dad’s downstairs. I want to talk to you. Now.’

‘For fuck’s sake!’ Jonny exclaimed, throwing the phone on the bed and pushing past her into the hall.

She let the door drop closed, and from the mumbling I could hear, they were obviously having ‘words’.

I glanced across at his iPhone and picked it up. It was still unlocked, and I nosily clicked on photos looking to see what ones he had of me. There weren’t that many full stop, seeing as he’d not had his new phone for long. I quickly scrolled through the thumbnail shots and, in among the selfies, I found several identical pictures of me asleep in bed, my hair spread out over a pillow, face to one side. Smiling, I clicked on one of them to get a better look – but as it upsized, I realised it wasn’t me. It was her. Again. Her at the window, now on his phone… I felt the sick actually come up into my mouth.

I stared at the image hard: she had some white sheet tucked round her, but her shoulders were bare and all tanned. I peered closer – it was natural. You can’t fake colour like that. She was abroad, in a hotel room, and I was looking at a post-sex picture. No question. I swallowed. He’d only kept it to prove they had slept together, hadn’t he?

The voices were starting to rise on the other side of the door; I hesitated, but looked some more. As I studied it, I realised she was out of it. Like, practically comatose, and the harder I focused, the more… I don’t know – creepy? – it became. The only time I’ve ever taken pictures of people sleeping is when they’ve got their mouth wide open and they’re dribbling, or something funny. There was nothing LOL about this picture. She looked almost dead. I threw the phone back down on the bed feeling dizzy with shock and jealousy.

Seconds later, the door flung open and Jonny burst back in. ‘How many times? I don’t want the food!’

Christy was still standing there behind him, holding it.

‘Please, Mum,’ he begged. ‘Just take it away.’

Christy didn’t say anything, just finally turned and did as he asked.

I stood up, moving over to him so I could take his hand, but he shook me off.

‘Can you just go, please?’ I realised he was crying. ‘I’m OK, but I want you to leave. I don’t want you to be here while this is all happening, and I don’t want you to see me like this.’

I didn’t want to force him to let me stay. I moved to the door. ‘Come and sleep at mine tonight, if you want?’ I said suddenly. ‘For as long as you want – you could move in with us if you like? Mum wouldn’t mind.’

‘Thanks,’ he said, not able to meet my eye, as he furiously wiped his own. ‘I’ll message you later.’

‘Your dad shouldn’t have done that, Jonny. He should be supporting you.’

Jonny snorted bitterly. ‘You’d think, wouldn’t you?’

‘You’re not a bad person.’

He lifted his head up quickly but, as he stared right at me, his eyes went all wide. ‘Shit,’ he whispered. ‘You’re right. I’m just like him. I didn’t stop myself either.’

I was confused. Stop himself doing what?

He’d started staring into space. ‘Please, Cherry, just go.’

But I kept seeing the photo in my head, so I carried on. ‘People do dumb things, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. Whatever it is, you can tell me, Jonny.’

He focused right back on me again. It was like he was looking into my soul or something. ‘You’d hate me if you knew what I’ve let happen.’

I swallowed. I wouldn’t, would I? I shook my head. ‘Promise.’

But he must have seen I was scared, because I watched him shut back down again. I had messed it up.

‘There’s nothing to tell.’ He shrugged blankly. ‘Forget I said anything. I’m a state tonight. It’s better if you all just leave me the fuck alone, to be honest.’

I gave up and reached for the door. ‘I love you.’

‘What can I say?’ He looked at me desperately and our ritual didn’t seem so cute any more.

‘Say you love me,’ I whispered.

‘You know I do.’ His voice was toneless.

I can’t lie, I kind of wanted to go – the atmosphere was beyond toxic, and I needed to start getting ready for Alice’s, but I should have stayed. I think for the rest of my life, I will see him pushed up against that wall and know that’s what it looks like when you break someone who ought to be able to trust you – and you damage their sense of self so badly they won’t ever be able to recover.

I ran downstairs and was putting my shoes on in the hall when I looked up to see Gary through the gap of the door, sitting in his study. I straightened up quickly to leave, but the movement caught his eye. He got to his feet, came to the doorway and leant on the frame as I picked up my bag. I tensed and waited as he looked at me.

‘I’m sorry about what happened at dinner, sweetheart.’ He tried a smile, but I could tell he was still angry. ‘I was upset. Christy always says I handle things badly.’

I looked around for Jonny’s mum, but she was nowhere to be seen. It was just the two of us.

‘I’m just trying to look out for Jonny,’ Gary continued. ‘Whatever he thinks. I don’t always show it right, but what that woman has done to my son really offends me.’

That, I understood. ‘I know where she lives,’ I blurted, and Gary’s smile faded as he straightened up. ‘That doctor, I mean. And her husband. Obviously.’

Gary’s gaze darted up the empty hall, then back to me. ‘Go on, babe. I’m listening,’ he said softly.

---

Once I was back at home getting ready, I wished I hadn’t told Gary anything, although a part of me liked the idea of him storming round there and giving them what for. She definitely deserved it – but then a text from Jonny pinged through which made me feel instantly better. Until I read it.

Cheers? I sat down on my bed and tried not to cry again. We were so over. I’d lost him. I wasn’t sorry at all then that I’d told Gary how to find her.

I called Jonny again later to see what he’d decided about coming out, but he didn’t pick up, so at about quarter to eight I drove back over to his house on my way to the party. I couldn’t help myself. I needed to see him again and was prepared to use any excuse. I was only a couple of minutes away when another text pinged in from him. I pulled over quickly. It said he’d decided to stay at home and would catch up with me in the morning.

He wanted to stay at home after what had happened when he’d been so desperate to leave he’d been phoning Ol? What?

I paused and sent him the kissing, heart and boy and girl holding hands emoji. Then I waited in the dark, just sat in the driver’s seat going nowhere, for him to send something back. He always texted back.

But nothing happened.

He’d gone.