Jaysan didn’t call a cab right away. He was too angry, too frustrated, so he simply walked. He made sure not to walk in a circle, because he needed distance from home so he could think.

Home. Morris is home now. My home.

He wanted to talk to someone, but no one truly understood Jaysan’s reasons for resisting Morris. Hell, half the time he wasn’t sure he understood his own reasons. Morris was everything an omega should want in a mate, everything he’d hoped to find as a teenager. And then his world had been shattered into unfixable pieces. Jaysan was shattered, as well, and he was barely holding his own jagged edges together. No, getting close to Morris would only hurt him. Telling him the truth about his hookups would hurt Morris, too, and Morris didn’t deserve that kind of pain. He didn’t deserve to hear that his bondmate was a slut.

A familiar numbness spread through him, and he paused next to a postal box to get his bearings. Phantom pain speared his abdomen. Hot breath panted against his neck. Rough hands held his already beaten body down. Cruel voices laughed at his pain.

So. Much. Pain.

“Hey, hey, are you okay?”

Jaysan blinked hard to focus on the vaguely-familiar face. He didn’t know when he’d sat down, but his butt was on the sidewalk and his back against the postal box. A beta teen was squatting in front of him, brow creased in concern. “Jaysan?” he asked.

“Yeah.” He studied the guy. “I know you, right?”

“We’ve met. I’m Demir Higgs. Liam’s stepson.”

Right. He kind of looked like Isa Higgs, now that Jaysan knew his identity. Jaysan must have walked into their neighborhood without realizing it. Then again, he wasn’t super familiar with this area of the province. The Jensens lived in a more heavily beta neighborhood to the south.

“Are you okay?” Demir asked. “I was walking home from the bus stop and saw you just kind of hit the ground.”

Bus stop. Oh yeah, the kid had a backpack on. “Yeah, I’m okay. I think I had a panic attack. Happens.”

“I bet. You want to come over and get a drink of water? My house is just around the block. Liam and Layne should be home.”

The last thing he need was Liam trying to convince Jaysan he was an idiot for rejecting Morris. And hadn’t Morris also said he wasn’t ready for a mate?

Except Morris’s arms. His scent. Gah!

“No, thank you,” Jaysan said. “I feel fine, I promise. I really should get home.”

“Are you sure? It’s really not a problem.”

“I’m positive, thanks.” He didn’t turn down a hand from Demir to help him stand. The kid was four years younger and several inches shorter, but he was a strong little beta. “It was nice seeing you again, Demir, despite the circumstances.”

“Same. Take it easy, Jaysan.”

Demir turned and ambled down the sidewalk. Jaysan reversed course, and then crossed the street, going in the opposite direction in case Demir blabbed to Liam, and Liam decided to come looking for Jaysan. But the aimless walking had lost its appeal, and he needed to get somewhere safe before he lost his shit again.

His phone dinged with a text. He half-expected it to be from Liam or Morris. Instead, it was from Mikel, one of his regular alpha hookups. Not the one from Aeron’s birthday, because Jaysan wasn’t sure he ever wanted to see those men again. He felt sick now when he remembered how far he’d let the sex go that night.

Mikel: Busy tonight?

Jaysan’s thumb hovered over the reply button. He should say yes, should delete all his hookups from the phone’s memory, and go back to his bondmate. Part of him wanted to do that more than almost anything.

But the part of him that was irreparably broken hit reply instead.

Jaysan: Nope. Free right now. Your place?

You know it.

His stomach sloshed with unease over the plans he’d just made, but he called a cab anyway. Figured out where he was so they could pick him up. The entire ride to Mikel’s place, a tiny voice in his head screamed at him to change his mind, to go home, instead. He ignored it, screaming back that this is the life he deserved. Reid died because of Jaysan. His dad Leon died because of Jaysan, died because Jaysan told a secret he should have kept to himself, and that one single act had tainted the rest of his life.

Dread filled his entire body as Jaysan walked up the two flights to Mikel’s apartment. Mikel opened the door before he had a chance to knock. He shared the place with two beta roommates, but Jaysan didn’t see anyone else when he walked inside. Mikel was a nice enough guy for an alpha. Nineteen, in university, and a good lay. A little rough but he made sure Jaysan got off.

“You must be in a mood today, Jay,” Mikel said. “You already get some? I can smell him.”

He smelled Morris.

My mate. I shouldn’t be here.

“Jealous?” Jaysan asked.

“Nah, I know you get around. But I was wondering if maybe you wanted to change that.”

“Huh?”

Mikel pulled him deeper into the apartment, and then took both his hands and held them. It was the most affectionate thing he’d ever done to Jaysan. “Look, we get along really well, right? You have fun when you’re here?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He wasn’t having fun now, though.

“Well, my parents have been on me to find a mate and start a family, because I’m the oldest alpha, and my father is eager to see his line continue. I don’t have a lot of time to look for a bondmate, with all my university studies, but I know you, and you’re single, and I think it would be cool to have a celebrity in the family.”

Jaysan stared stupidly at Mikel. “A celebrity?”

“Well, yeah, you know with the fight ring and all the trials.”

The idea that anyone considered Jaysan and his friends celebrities for the horrors they’d survived was mind-boggling—and a little bit gross. No, a lot gross. Epic levels of gross.

“Anyway,” Mikel said with a hopeful smile, “I know we don’t share the mating bond, and I don’t care that you sleep around, or even if you want to keep sleeping around, so what do you say? Your heat’s in a few weeks, right? Be my mate?”

Had Jaysan been picked up and dropped off in some bizarro world where a casual hookup was proposing? Saying yes would solve his Morris problem in a heartbeat, but what if mating someone else caused Morris to fire him and prevent Jaysan from ever seeing Aeron again? Morris had the right, and losing his son a second time would destroy Jaysan. He also knew next to nothing about Mikel, and he could be a nightmare alpha waiting to happen. At least with Morris, Jaysan knew in his soul the man was kind.

No, he would never mate Mikel, not in this lifetime or the next. Still, he hated to crush Mikel’s hopeful expression and ruin their afternoon, so he simply said, “Can I think about it?”

“Sure, just don’t wait too long.” Mikel winked. “Come on, baby, slick’s in the bedroom.”

Jaysan couldn’t explain why he didn’t turn around and leave. He should have. Every step Jaysan took down that narrow hallway felt like another step toward doom. He didn’t want to be here, didn’t want this weird proposal hanging between them, but he couldn’t make himself leave. This was all he was worth.

Not to Morris. You mean everything to him.

As soon as Mikel shut the bedroom door, he pressed Jaysan against it and kissed him. Not all his hookups liked to kiss, but Mikel did, and usually Jaysan didn’t mind. It broke up the monotony of being shoved to his knees and a cock pushed into his mouth. But today Jaysan minded. Mikel tasted wrong, felt wrong. Was too tall, too dark, too young. Jaysan tried to pull away, but he was pinned against the door. Mikel ground his thigh between Jaysan’s legs, and the contact turned his stomach.

I don’t want this.

He shoved at Mikel’s chest. Mikel simply pinned his arms above his head and kept fucking kissing him! Probably thought this was some sort of game, that Jaysan was pretending, but he needed Mikel to stop. He hated hurting the man who’d always been decent to him, but he could only think of one way to get Mikel to stop. Kissing. Him.

Jaysan bit Mikel’s tongue. Hard.

Mikel yelped and jumped back, one hand over his mouth, dark eyes wide with shock. “The fuck, man?” he asked, the words slightly muffled.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this,” Jaysan replied, one hand scrambling sideways for the doorknob.

“What do you mean, you can’t do this? We’ve been doing this for months. I just proposed to you.” The alpha dropped his hand from his mouth and squared his shoulders. “Get your ass on the bed, omega.”

Jaysan quailed but held firm. “No. I shouldn’t have come here. It was a mistake.”

Instead of getting angry, Mikel’s scowl turned into an amused smirk. “Oh, I see how it is. You wanna be sweet-talked, hot stuff? Or do you want to play a different kind of game?”

His hand closed around the cool knob. “It’s not a game. I changed my mind. I have to go.” He yanked the knob, turned and pulled.

Showing his back was a mistake. Mikel snatched him up and had Jaysan pinned to the bed face-first, one arm twisted up behind his back in a painful grip that made Jaysan shout. But he had no real voice to scream for help. He writhed and twisted, trying to dislodge the bigger man from his back as terror raced down his spine.

Mikel pressed a forearm across his shoulders and leaned down. Rubbed his erection against Jaysan’s ass. “You got me all hot and bothered by this reluctance thing you’re doing.”

“I’m serious, Mikel, let me go.”

“Sure you are, baby.” He shoved a hand between Jaysan’s stomach and the bed, and he boldly groped at his crotch. Jaysan swallowed back bile. “Hmm, not hard for me yet?”

“I don’t want this. Please, I don’t consent.”

Mikel froze. “Don’t play games with me, Jay.”

“I don’t consent. Please let me up. Please. I’ve been raped enough, Mikel.”

That word got Mikel up and off him in a hurry. “The fuck? You came to my place and you’re tossing around rape? Are you stoned?”

Jaysan slowly rolled over to face Mikel, but didn’t dare stand up yet. Not with the rage pouring off the alpha in front of him—and standing between Jaysan and the door. “I’m not stoned. I changed my mind. You aren’t my mate, so I’m allowed to change my mind.”

“You said you’d consider my proposal.”

“And I will.” Not. “Please, let me leave. How can I trust you to care for me as my future mate if you try to force me to stay against my will?”

Mikel’s expression softened. “So this is a test? You want to know if I’ll listen to you when we’re mates? Did I pass?”

No, you fucking well did NOT pass.

Not that he was going to tempt Mikel’s wrath further by admitting the truth. So Jaysan caught on a quick lie. “If you let me leave right now, then I will give serious thought to being your mate. I know an alpha’s nature is to take, but I want a mate who will hear me when I speak.”

Mikel frowned. “Not even a blow job?”

“No.”

“Okay, fine. Rain check tomorrow?”

“Sure.” Never. Even if he’d completely blown it with Morris, Jaysan was done with hookups. “Can I go?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Mikel opened the bedroom door. “Man, I hate whacking off alone. But at least I got the memories of fucking your tight little ass to keep me company.”

Holding back rising bile, Jaysan slowly climbed off the bed. Walked past Mikel to the hall. Down the hall to the front door. He felt Mikel following him, smelled him close by, and tremors raced across his shoulders. Adrenaline made his hands shake. Only a few more feet, and Jaysan would be out of the apartment.

His hand was on the knob when Mikel’s hand came down flat against the door, and Jaysan was so sick of alphas blocking his way today. A small flare of rage burned hotly alongside his quaking terror.

“Not even a kiss goodbye?” Mikel asked, his free hand squeezing Jaysan’s waist. A familiar, casual touch that enraged Jaysan further, because the young alpha had no idea how scared Jaysan was. Probably couldn’t smell Jaysan’s fear over the scent of his own arousal.

Jaysan flashed what he hoped passed for a flirty smile. “Just think how much sweeter it’ll be next time if we don’t.”

Mikel pouted, but he pulled his hand away. Jaysan opened the door and forced himself to walk until he heard it snick shut. Then Jaysan ran. Heart in his throat, he burst into the stairwell on unsteady legs, tripped several times on the way down, and then sprang through the main doors to the street. Sucked in cool air a moment before his stomach rebelled.

At the first public trash can he found, Jaysan bent over and vomited.

Safe, safe, safe, get to a safe place.

With the memory of Mikel’s hands on him, mouth on him, Jaysan wanted a long, hot shower to rid himself of those sensations. Of the other alpha’s scent. An alpha no different than all the others. He just wanted to take.

No, one alpha was different. One alpha was safe.

Morris. Please, goddess, I need Morris.

With shaking hands, he pulled out his phone and dialed.

After Morris filled Alec in on Aeron’s illness and Jaysan’s abrupt mood change, his phone rang with an unfamiliar home number. “Hello?”

“Hi, Morris? It’s Liam Higgs.”

“Hi, Liam.” Hope tried to seize his heart. “Is Jaysan with you?”

“No, but I have some information on him. My stepson Demir ran into him on the street a few minutes ago. Jaysan was sitting on the ground, and he admitted to having a panic attack. Demir tried to encourage him to come over, but he refused and walked off.”

Another panic attack. And on the fucking street! Morris squeezed the phone receiver hard enough for the plastic to creak. “Was he hurt at all?”

“Not that Demir said. He looked pale and shaky, but he walked away just fine.”

Jaysan was anything but fine, and he needed to make sure his mate got home unharmed. “I appreciate the call, Liam. If you hear from him, please let me know. I’m worried about him.” He told Liam about their day. “He wasn’t in a good headspace when he left here, and I don’t know what set him off.”

“I could guess, but it’s better if Jaysan tells you himself. I’ll call some of our other friends so they can keep an eye out for him if he calls or visits.”

“Thank you. I hate that he ran from me.”

“That’s because you care about him. I can hear it in your voice. Good luck.”

“Thanks, Liam.”

Morris hung up, uncertain what to do next. Once Liam started the phone chain, all the omegas and their respective alphas would start to find out. But maybe he could get some eyeballs looking for Jaysan. Since he didn’t have the man’s mobile, he called the constabulary and asked to be connected.

“This is Constable Tarek Bloom,” Tarek said after about a minute on hold.

“Sir, it’s Morris Danvers.”

“Hi, Morris, is everything alright? I’m guessing Ronin told you the good news about Rajel.”

“He did, but this is actually about Jaysan.”

“Is Jaysan okay?” The instant alertness and protectiveness in Tarek’s voice was a lovely thing to hear.

“I don’t know.” For the third time in half-an-hour, Morris explained his afternoon and Jaysan’s sudden departure, plus Liam’s call. “I’m worried about his mental state and what he might do. I don’t suppose there’s any way for patrolmen to keep their eyes peeled for him?”

“Technically, he isn’t missing or a person of interest. However, do you believe Jaysan could be a danger to himself or others at this time?”

Morris didn’t want to say yes, but he understood Tarek’s angle here. Patrolmen couldn’t be on the lookout for someone without a good reason, or else people could abuse the system. Use constables to track down exes after a bad breakup. Morris had been part of a case where an angry beta had used his friendship with a patrolman to find the abused spouse who ran away from him. When the spouse showed up dead, the patrolman was arrested as an accessory to murder.

“Yes, I do,” Morris said. “I do believe he could be a danger to himself.”

“All right, I’ll put out the BOLO. I assume Liam is letting the other omegas know?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good, and you don’t have to call me sir.”

“Sorry, habit.” His sire had beaten that habit into him well. “I appreciate this, Tarek. I’m so worried about him.”

“I know. When I first met Braun, he went telephone silent for hours one day. I drove myself insane worrying. But he came home to me, and we’ll find Jaysan, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Morris called Alec to fill him in on the latest developments. Then he went upstairs to check on Aeron. He was awake in his crib, playing with a stuffed elephant. Morris took his temperature, which was only one degree above normal now. And Aeron wasn’t rubbing his ear anymore.

“Where did your omegin go?” Morris whispered. “Why did he leave us?”

Aeron blew bubbles. “Papa!”

“I miss him, too, little man.”

Downstairs, his mobile rang. He left Aeron where he was, the baby seemingly content to play in his crib, and went down to grab it off the coffee table.

“Hey,” Kell said. “Liam called. How are you holding up?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Morris replied, and that was the bald truth. “All these phone calls are keeping my mind off it, but I’m terrified he’s going to do something dangerous.”

“Oh, fuck me.”

“What?”

“How much has Jaysan told you about, um, his social life?”

Morris stared at a small crack in the wall. “Uh, like his friendship with you guys?”

“His, ah, sex life.”

Morris growled.

“Didn’t think so,” Kell said. “Listen, Jaysan has hookups with other alphas, because he feels like he’s broken. He doesn’t think he deserves a mate, and he’s scared of risking his heart. The morning he showed up with me and Braun smelling like another alpha? He did it on purpose to drive you away. He doesn’t want you to want him, or to see him as anything other than damaged, and I’m scared whatever demons are eating him today might drive him to do something really, really dangerous.”

“Fuck. I need to find him, but I can’t go anywhere, because Aeron is sick.”

“I can come over and watch him. Braun’s home today, so Branson will be fine with him and Jax.”

The selfless offer made Morris doubly glad he’d fallen in with this wonderful group of people. “I would appreciate that so much, Kell, thank you. I just…I need to know Jaysan is safe.”

“I know you do. I can be there in ten minutes.”

Aeron was yelling for him now, so Morris retrieved him from the crib and held him on the couch while he waited, willing his phone to ring. Aeron seemed perkier since his trip to emergency, and Morris soaked in the little boy’s sight, sounds, and scent. A scent so similar to Jaysan’s. A scent he wanted to wrap himself up in forever.

Kell knocked and let himself in. He gave Morris a supportive, sideways hug, then eagerly accepted Aeron into his arms. “If Jaysan happens to show up here, I’ll call your mobile,” Kell said.

“Okay. I don’t know where I’m going, but I guess Higgs’s neighborhood is a good place to start.”

“Yeah. Good luck.”

“Hopefully, I won’t be gone a long time, but just in case, Aeron needs another dose of his meds at six.”

“I’ve got this. Branson got a lot of ear infections when he was Aeron’s age. We’ll be fine. Go find your mate, Morris.”

Morris’s heart squeezed. He made sure he had his mobile before leaving. The neighborhood where Liam lived was about six residential blocks from here. He drove as slowly as he could without getting honked at, keeping his eyes half on the road, and half on the sidewalk. Searching for a head of familiar dark, curly hair. But the sidewalks were fairly crowded, what with schools letting out and people returning home from work.

Still, he drove because he didn’t know what else to do. Kell’s words about Jaysan’s “social life” had him terrified to his bones that his mate was in a bad situation, maybe being hurt right now by someone who didn’t actually care about Jaysan’s feelings.

If anyone touches Jaysan, I’ll rip the other alpha’s arms off and beat him to death with them.

No one got to touch his bondmate, damn it.

After maybe twenty minutes of driving up and down neighborhood streets, his mobile rang. The sight of Jaysan’s name on the display nearly sent him into a parked car. He pulled into the first driveway he saw, not caring whose, and answered the call.

“Are you okay?” Morris asked. Incoherent sobbing dropped Morris’s stomach right to his feet. “Jaysan?”

“I’m okay,” came through in Jaysan’s familiar, tear-choked voice. “I’m not hurt, but I need you. Please.”

Anger over his mate’s fear and grief overtook Morris’s concern. “Where are you? I’m already in the car, I can come get you.”

“Aeron’s sick, you can’t have him out.”

“Kell’s watching him. Liam called and told—you know what, that can wait. Aeron is safe and I need to get to you.” Jaysan told him the address. Only a mile or so, closer to the university. “I will be there soon. Are you safe where you are?”

“I think so. I’m hiding in some bushes.”

Morris wasn’t mentally prepared to ask why Jaysan was hiding in bushes. “Stay put. I’ll honk when I get close.”

“Okay. Stay on the phone with me?”

“Definitely. Give me a second to back up and get on the road again.” Morris did so as quickly as was safe, and then he was on his way. As a paralegal who did a lot of interviews and legwork, he’d made it part of his job to study the streets and neighborhoods of Sansbury, so he had a good idea of where Jaysan was, and maneuvering in near-rush-hour traffic had him cursing a blue streak most of the way.

He finally found the street and block number, so he parallel parked outside an apartment building and hit the horn. He’d only hit it twice before a body crashed into the passenger side door and yanked at the handle. Shit. Morris leaned over to pop the door’s lock. Jaysan climbed inside in a whirlwind of panic, fear, and worse, the acrid scent of another alpha.

The other alpha didn’t matter right now. All that mattered was pulling Jaysan into his arms and hugging the quailing, panting man. Jaysan tried to climb inside him, he hugged Morris so hard, burying his face in Morris’s armpit. “I’ve got you, angel,” Morris said. “You’re safe, I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

Jaysan’s throat vibrated, suggesting words, but they were muffled and unintelligible.

“Shhh, hush, we can talk about this later.” Morris kissed the side of his head. “Let me take you home.”

His lifted his head, face bright-red but free of fresh tears. “No, your house.”

Morris smiled. “That’s where I meant.”

“Wait, you said Kell is there. I don’t want this around Aeron.”

Without knowing what “this” was, Morris couldn’t really argue. They needed a safe, private place to go and figure things out, but he kept circling back to home. He untangled one arm and phoned Kell’s mobile.

“Hey, did you find him?” Kell asked. “Is he okay?”

“I found him, but part two is yet to be determined. Listen, Kell, I hate to put you out, but Jaysan is really upset, and I need to bring him home, and—”

“I’ll call Ronin to come get us. Aeron can stay with us tonight. Don’t worry, ear infections aren’t contagious, so the other kids will be fine.”

“Thank you.”

“Just take care of Jaysan, okay?”

“Believe me, I will.”

Morris had a hard time extricating himself from Jaysan long enough to get back on the road. He also ignored seat belt laws and allowed Jaysan to remain plastered to his side for the drive home. They didn’t speak. Jaysan continued to shiver, but his tense muscles relaxed by degrees the longer they were together.

Whatever he had to say was going to make Morris see red.

Kell was strapping Aeron into Ronin’s car when Morris pulled in next to them. Jaysan didn’t look at him, he simply hid his face in Morris’s armpit again, and that worried him. His omega was so upset about this that he didn’t even want to say goodnight to his son? Morris caught Ronin’s concerned look through the window; he tried to shrug with his face, since he couldn’t with his body.

He waited until the other car left before opening his door. Jaysan followed him out the driver’s side, clinging to Morris as if he’d disappear without contact. Made it difficult to walk and unlock the house, but Morris also took heart from Jaysan’s behavior. He was acting like a frightened omega who knew his alpha would protect him from any danger, no matter what. And Morris would. Jaysan’s rose petal scent barely made it over the odor of the other alpha, and they’d have to address that shortly.

Imagining the reason for the scent shot another sizzle of rage down his spine.

Once they were both safely locked inside the house, Jaysan let go of his arm and wandered straight for the stairs.

“Jaysan? Where are you going?”

“I need to take a shower,” was the bland reply. Jaysan no longer seemed upset, more resigned to something terrible.

Genuine fear flashed through Morris. “Why a shower? Do you need a hospital, angel? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m not hurt.” He turned his head, haunted eyes fixed somewhere on Morris’s chest. “I want his smell off me, that’s all.”

That’s all!?

Morris didn’t want to upset Jaysan further, but he had to know. He crossed the few feet between them and cupped Jaysan’s pale cheeks in his palms. “I’m not asking you to tell me anything right now, but before you take a shower, should we take you for a”—Morris swallowed hard—“a rape kit?”

“No, goddess, no.” Jaysan turned his head far enough to kiss his palm. “It didn’t go that far, and I don’t want to press charges, and I promise I will explain why, but I need to get his scent off me. Please.”

“Okay, yes, go.” He took a chance and pressed a soft kiss to the middle of Jaysan’s forehead. “Want me to make hot chocolate?”

“Sure. I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. You’re here and you’re safe, and that’s what matters to me right now. Go shower. You can borrow any of my clothes.”

“They’ll be a little baggy.”

The half-joke gave Morris hope his Jaysan wasn’t irrevocably broken. “You aren’t all that much smaller than me. Use the sweatpants with the drawstring, you’ll be fine.”

Jaysan’s mouth twitched. “Okay. Promise you’ll be here.”

His heart ached for Jaysan’s unspoken pain. “I promise. Go on. It’s okay.”

Morris watched his omega ascend the stairs like an old, old man, in a careful shuffle of steps, and the only reason he didn’t follow Jaysan straight up there to guard him was because he’d promised hot chocolate. So he stalked into the kitchen, determined to make the hot chocolate and be the very best alpha he could be for his fragile, upset bondmate.