If Jaysan had any remaining qualms about Morris being his mate, they shattered the moment he climbed into that car. Morris’s concerned smile, his scent, the fact that he’d dropped everything to come when Jaysan called…mate. My mate.

He still had to tell his mate the horrible things he’d done, admit why he smelled like another man, and he dreaded it. As he climbed the stairs, the shower was partly to buy time and partly to get Mikel’s scent off his skin—not only for Jaysan’s benefit, but for Morris’s, too. No alpha liked to smell another man on his omega.

And he was Morris’s omega. For all that he’d tried to deny it, to pretend it wasn’t true, his heart and body knew. But whether or not Morris still wanted him when he heard the full story…well, that remained to be seen. But Jaysan was an adult, and he’d face the consequences of his actions.

Jaysan went into the master bathroom, which he’d never used, not even the toilet. The basic toiletries were still there, though, so he stripped off his soiled clothes—even though they could be washed, he wanted them burned—and got under the hot shower spray. He washed his hair first, then his body with the same all-in-one wash. Twice. He liked the simple aloe scent, and it rid him of the lingering smell he hated.

Lying to Mikel about the proposal and rain check was cruel, but he didn’t honestly care. Jaysan had a bondmate; now he had to be man enough to admit it and claim him.

But would Morris still want him when he heard what Jaysan had done? Where he’d gone? What he’d been prepared—even if only for a few minutes—to do?

Unlikely, but at least Jaysan could walk away knowing he’d been honest.

He stood under the spray long after he’d finished washing, allowing the scorching water to blister his skin. To drive any remaining hints of Mikel from his body, so he didn’t anger Morris further. Yeah, he’d sensed Morris’s flares of temper. Wasn’t that what bondmates did? Sense each other’s moods and shit? Maybe Jaysan hadn’t wanted this, but this was his reality, and he had to deal with it. Tell Morris the truth and face the consequences.

When the water cooled, he shut it off and dried. Then he dashed across the hall to Morris’s room and rummaged in his dresser. The smallest sweatpants were still a bit loose, even with the drawstring pulled tight. Instead of a simple t-shirt, he found a sweatshirt to cover the rest of him. To hide his body as best he could. His body was what had gotten him in trouble, after all.

He stood at the top of the stairs for a long time, knees locked, his stomach a sour pit of fear. Not over physical retaliation from Morris. No, he believed in his heart the big, ginger alpha would never lay a hand on him in anger. But temper wasn’t only fists. It was words, and sometimes words could cut just as deeply as a knife.

The pleasant, sugary scent of hot chocolate wafted up the stairs, and Jaysan inhaled a deep whiff of it. He could to this. He could start by doing something as simple as sharing hot chocolate with Morris. So he put one foot in front of the other and descended the stairs.

Morris stood in the archway between the living room and kitchen, hands in his pockets, obviously tense and trying to pretend he was relaxed. “Hey,” he said with a bright smile. “It’s all ready to go, but I didn’t want to pour until you were down here.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” Morris disappeared into the kitchen.

Jaysan waited by the couch, doing his best not to fidget, until Morris returned with two steaming mugs, each topped with a dollop of whipped cream. He put them both on the coffee table, then sat near the center. Jaysan sat beside him, close enough so their legs touched, and he sighed in relief when Morris didn’t scoot away.

“Do you feel better?” Morris asked.

“A little, I guess.” Jaysan picked up his mug and blew across the surface. Then he licked a bit of the sugary cream. “I am so sorry, Morris. I’m sorry for racing out like I did, and I’m sorry for scaring you. For all of it.”

“Forgiven. Completely. Please, help me understand what happened today.”

“I’m not even sure I completely understand, but I’ll try.”

“Then let’s start small.” Morris ignored his cocoa and put a warm, firm hand on Jaysan’s knee. “Tell me why you ran from me earlier? Please?”

“I was scared.”

“Of me?”

“No.” Jaysan put his own mug down on the coffee table, not trusting his hands to hold the hot beverage. “I don’t think I’ve ever been scared of you. Not really. Maybe it’s the bondmate thing, but I know I’m safe when I’m with you.”

“Then what were you scared of, angel?”

Emotion bubbled up inside of Jaysan, hot and scorching, and he choked out a gasp. “Everyone I love leaves me.”

Something scary and wonderful lit in Morris’s eyes. “Oh, Jaysan, I’m not going anywhere. You have my word.”

“You can’t promise that. When I was seven, my dad Leon went to prison, and when I was ten he killed himself. My papa died two years ago. I lived in hell where nothing made sense except not dying, and then I gave up my baby, and Reid died, and I can’t lose anyone else.” His cheeks itched, and he wiped away a few stray tears.

“Your dad killed himself?”

Old pain punched Jaysan in the chest. “It was my fault.”

“How was that your fault?”

Jaysan pulled away and turned to face Morris, feet on the cushions, knees pulled up to his chest. A protective barrier that did nothing to stop the memories from surfacing. “My parents both worked, so when I was young I stayed with neighbors. A mated couple who had kids of their own, and the omegin took care of us until we were school age, and then I went to their house during summer recess.” He inhaled, then let out a shaky breath. The only other person he’d ever told this to, besides his parents, was Reid, and they were all long dead. “When I was six, the couple’s fourteen-year-old alpha kid forced me to go down on him.”

Morris growled, but instead of frightening him, the sound caressed a part of Jaysan’s soul he’d never noticed before—the part that knew his bondmate and knew he was safe, even if Morris got angry over the worst parts of his past. He wasn’t angry with Jaysan, and that was the most important thing.

“I told my parents the same day it happened, as soon as they got home from work,” Jaysan continued, buoyed by Morris’s support. “My dad was furious. He went straight next door to confront the kid’s parents, and of course they denied it. Called me an attention seeking omega brat. Dad lost it, and because he swung at the sire first, he was arrested. Didn’t matter what me or Papa had to say about the abuse, because there was no proof. So Leon went to prison for two years. Because of me.”

“Oh, angel, no. That wasn’t your fault.”

Jaysan wiped at more stray tears. “If I’d kept my mouth shut, he wouldn’t have gone to prison.”

“You did the right thing by speaking up.” A new ferocity sparked in Morris’s voice. “No child deserves to be preyed on like that.”

“He went to prison because of me.”

“Angel, he went to prison because of antiquated laws that say omegas and betas cannot hit alphas first in a fight without facing prison time. You were right to tell your parents what happened. I can’t speak to the fight, but your dad stood up for you. One of the most helpless positions a parent can be in is when your child is in pain. You faced that weeks ago when Aeron wanted his papa and couldn’t be consoled. Imagine that times fifty, because that’s how I feel hearing about you being abused, and I’m not the parent of a child hearing such a thing from his six-year-old.”

Morris sounded so reasonable that Jaysan almost believed him. “He was in prison for two years, got out when I was nine. And as young as I was, I knew something about him was broken. He was quiet, couldn’t work anymore, jumped at shadows. I didn’t find out until I was older, but he was a small guy, and he was assaulted multiple times while he was locked up.”

“Assaulted?”

He held Morris’s gaze with his own, hoping he understood, because Jaysan was tired of that word. He was exhausted of saying that word. “Assaulted. I was sixteen when Papa finally told me the truth, and I took it personally. I kept my head down, avoided alphas, avoided people in general, as much as I could. We struggled, the two of us, but we loved each other. He was a great parent, and my entire world shattered when he died.”

“I can’t imagine how that felt.” Morris’s eyes were wet, his cheeks red, but he wasn’t crying. “To suddenly be so alone. At least when I lost my family, I had Morgan.”

The stray comment startled Jaysan into realizing he didn’t know jack about Morris’s past, only that he’d had a beta brother he adored. “Maybe it wouldn’t have been so awful if I’d had a brother. But Braun had a brother, and he still went to the halfway house.”

“Your past and Braun’s past are very different. You can’t compare them. And after hearing everything you’ve been through, I am in awe of how strong you are.”

“I don’t feel strong. I feel like a coward.”

Morris scooted closer so he could squeeze the hands Jaysan had wrapped around his knees. “Tell me why?”

“Because I’m afraid to trust. I trusted Lawry and he betrayed me. I trusted Reid and he left me. I’m terrified to trust in this thing between us, because I always expect the worst. Either you’ll become cruel and abusive, or you’ll hear all the horrible things I’ve done and you’ll decide I’m trash. That’s why I ran earlier. Being held by you felt so amazing and right, and I can’t lose that. Except I tried to sabotage it, and I’m so ashamed of myself, because you’ve given me no reason to doubt you.”

“Come here.” Morris leaned against the far armrest, then opened himself up, one foot on the floor, the other propped up on a cushion. Jaysan crawled to him, drawn by the warmth and strength he knew those arms possessed. He curled up in Morris’s lap, head on his shoulder, forehead pressed against Morris’s neck. Being in those arms again, safe and comforted, was everything. “Angel, there is nothing you could ever say to me that will make me think you’re trash or that will make me stop loving you.”

Jaysan tensed, then relaxed, a bit awed by the admission of love. “Are you sure?”

“I’d bet every credit I have and this house on it. You have been hurt so badly, and you’ve been acting out, sure. But you’re my omega, Jaysan. Starting now, past is past. You have a clean slate, I promise.”

He believed Morris with all his heart. “I blame myself for Reid’s death. We’d been so close until a few weeks before Iverson’s trial. We bonded over our anger and loss, but I was listening at our support meetings. Inside, I think part of me wanted something besides anger, and Reid felt like I betrayed him, so he stopped calling me. We stopped hanging out. I was furious with myself for not realizing how angry he’d gotten, or that he was so far gone he wanted to die. And then Liam was kidnapped by Layne’s sire and…I spiraled.”

“How bad did it get?”

“I refused to leave my room for weeks. Orrin dragged me to the mental health wing at the hospital.” Jaysan rested his palm over Morris’s heart, finding comfort in the steady beat. “I mostly talked about Reid, a little about my captivity, but it was a waste of time. The only thing I got out of it was that I should take control of my life. I just didn’t do it in a safe or healthy way.”

They sat in silence for a while. Morris’s fingers absently stroked his hip, while Jaysan soaked in his bondmate’s scent, his warmth, his silent stoicism. His restraint in not asking all the questions that must be swirling in his mind. Morris was allowing Jaysan to tell his story in his own time, and Jaysan adored him for that. But this part of the story would prove to Morris that yes, Jaysan was trash.

“I was seven the first time I saw my sire nearly beat my omegin to death,” Morris said, the first the break the silence.

Jaysan’s entire body jerked. He sat up high enough to see Morris’s face, which was pinched with grief. “The first time?”

“Yes. He was an abusive alphahole, an alcoholic, and he hated that his mate only gave him three children.”

“What?” Jaysan gaped at the man. “Three? You have another brother?”

“Had.”

He hadn’t expected to get Morris’s personal past today, but he adored the man for sharing a bit of himself, as well. Jaysan wasn’t the only one baring the darkest parts of his soul today. And Jaysan wanted to know more about his bondmate. Needed to know more.

“Marlon was two years younger than me and an omega. A sweet kid. Morgan tried to protect us as best he could, because he was our big brother, but we all got hit, tripped, shoved. Yelled at. Omegin got it the worst, then Morgan as he got older and tried to intervene. And I didn’t grow up here, I grew up far west in Cornerstone Province, and they have extremely lax laws regarding domestic discipline. Even worse than Sansbury, so my sire never paid for the abuse. We all had classmates who were abused regularly. No one cared. And I tried so hard not to be like my sire, to set an example of what an alpha should be to my brothers. To my friends.”

“His abuse is why you’ve resisted mating?” Jaysan asked.

“Yes.”

“Morris, the fact that you worry about it means you won’t ever be like him. I’ve only known you for a few weeks, but even I can see there isn’t a cruel, abusive bone in your body. And being alpha doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be cruel. Look at all my friends and the wonderful alphas they met. And we’ve all heard plenty of news stories about domestic violence among beta couples. You will never be your sire.”

“I’m also scared I won’t be able to protect you.” Genuine fear flashed in his pale eyes.

“Why are you afraid you can’t protect me?”

Morris took a deep, cleansing breath. “I was fifteen when Omegin died. He fell down the stairs of our two-story home. The official report said it was an accident, but Morgan and I found him. There were so many bruises and broken bones, more than a fall like that could cause. No matter what any of us said to the local constabulary, no one would investigate our sire for murder, not accidental or intentional.”

“Goddess.” Jaysan wrapped his arms around Morris and hugged him tight, while Morris shivered and clutched him back. “I’m so sorry.”

Morris pressed another tender kiss to the side of Jaysan’s head. “Thank you. It’s only been nine years, but it feels like a lifetime ago. The next year, Morgan turned eighteen, but in our province, an un-married beta can’t get guardianship of his siblings if a custodial parent is still alive. Morgan wanted to stay and protect us, but our sire kicked him out. After that, Marlon changed. He became withdrawn, depressed, and I thought it was the loss of our omegin, or Morgan moving out, or anything other than the reason I discovered.”

Jaysan buried into Morris’s broad chest, unsure if he wanted to know more, and so proud of Morris for sharing this much. For talking Jaysan through the worst moments of his life, so Jaysan didn’t feel so alone in sharing his own.

“I came home early from an after-school event,” Morris said after a long pause. “I found Marlon and our sire in Marlon’s room. Our sire was…he was…they were…fuck. To my little brother!”

Not even the shout scared Jaysan from his spot holding Morris together. He didn’t need to hear the words to know what that sorry excuse for a sire had done to Marlon, and probably not for the first time. Jaysan couldn’t imagine being that twisted, that evil as to molest your own child. And for Morris to have witnessed it?

“I rushed the bastard,” Morris continued, “and I was on the school’s soccer team, so I had some muscle tone, but he was bigger. Stronger. I woke up in my own room, with Marlon wiping dried blood off my face and trying to set my broken nose. I was in so much pain I couldn’t reassure Marlon it wasn’t his fault, that I wasn’t mad at him. I was out of school for two weeks, and Morgan wasn’t allowed in the house to visit. We were so isolated.

“When Morgan finally found out about the beating, he applied for emergency placement for us both, but before we could be taken out of the house, Marlon found our sire’s shotgun, shot the bastard to death, and then killed himself. I heard the first shot, but with my fucking fractured ribs, I couldn’t get there in time to save Marlon from his own guilt.”

Jaysan’s silent tears had soaked a dark spot on Morris’s shirt, and the clinical way Morris described all these things worried him. He looked up as best he could without breaking their embrace, surprised to see Morris’ face red, but stony. Furious.

“Morgan was nineteen and working steadily, and I was only four months from turning eighteen, so he was granted temporary custody. He moved us here to Sansbury, so we could start over without all the ghosts. Someplace brand new. I’d have lost my mind without him, more than once. Sometimes the life I left behind in Cornerstone feels like this awful nightmare that happened to someone else, you know?”

“I kind of do,” Jaysan said. “I have so many nightmares that don’t feel real, even though I know I lived through them. I thought today was going to become one more nightmare, one more regret and bad decision, but you came for me. You don’t have to be afraid to mate and have kids, because you will be amazing. I know in my heart and my gut you will shine as a sire. You already do as a father to Aeron.”

Morris’s intense gaze held his. “When you say it, I believe it.”

“Good, because it’s true.” Jaysan couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting to Morris’s lips, or his mind from wondering how they’d feel against his.

They’ll feel right. He’s my bondmate. He’s my future.

And then Mikel’s harried, hurried kisses drop-kicked him out of the moment, and he dropped his head to Morris’s chest, unable to look his alpha in the eyes any longer.

For one brief, shining moment, Morris swore Jaysan was going to kiss him. After all his confessions, after hearing the evil in Morris’s bloodline, Jaysan still wanted him. Still looked at him like a hero—until something changed and Jaysan looked away. He didn’t pull away, which relieved Morris, but why the sudden mood shift? His words didn’t jibe with his actions.

Morris inhaled Jaysan’s rose petal scent, grateful it was no longer marred by that strange alpha. They still hadn’t talked about that, but Jaysan had hinted at it in his earlier statements about his unhealthy and unsafe reaction to Reid’s death. To not believing he was worth a good life, a happy future, like so many of his friends.

You are worth so much, my omega.

Hearing about Jaysan’s abuse as a child had enraged him on a cellular level, especially knowing it was a teenager preying on a young boy. And then losing a parent because of bullshit “who hit first?” laws? Infuriating. No wonder Jaysan was so slow to trust—especially to trust an alpha.

“I can’t imagine seeing all that,” Jaysan said, his voice softer than usual. “First finding your omegin dead, and then your sire and brother? It’s heartbreaking just hearing about it, but living it?”

Morris stroked Jaysan’s forearm with a light touch, enjoying the easy way Jaysan allowed physical contact now. “It was awful, and I had nightmares for years, but moving here and working hard to attend university and become a paralegal helped. I had a goal to focus on, and I was honored to work with Ronin on Kell’s trial. Even more honored when he asked me to stay on at his new firm. I like working a job that allows me to help people who are abused or taken advantage of, to help protect them from harm.”

“That makes sense. It’s too bad more omegas can’t do work like that. Before you hired me to govern Aeron, there were days I thought I’d lose my mind from boredom. Sitting at the Jensen house, taking walks around the block, sometimes visiting my friends. It wasn’t a life that allowed me to feel anything.” Jaysan shivered. “So I found a way to feel something.”

Morris’s heart flipped in nervous anticipation. He could easily guess this confession, but Jaysan had to say it. For both their sakes.

“There’s a section in the Omega Classifieds that’s written in a sort of code,” Jaysan said, “so if you know what to look for, you can find the ads.”

“Ads for what?”

“Usually older, widowed omegins who need an alpha to help them through a heat. Sometimes alphas soliciting for sex, specifically with an omega, mated or not. My entire life, sex had been forced on me, Morris. First as a child, then as an orphan in his first heat. Then the fight ring. I could never choose who, when or why I had sex. Until last fall when I answered an ad, and I had sex because I wanted to.”

Morris bit back an instinctive growl hearing his omega had had sex with another man. Yes, intellectually, he knew that, because of known crimes against Jaysan, but hearing Jaysan talk about it—forced or voluntary—pissed off the alpha inside who didn’t like other men touching his mate.

He also had no room to judge Jaysan for the choices he’d made, considering the hellscape of a life Jaysan had survived so far. So he held his bondmate tight, kept lightly stroking his arm, and listened to Jaysan’s truth.

“His name is Mikel, and he was incredibly nice, especially the first time,” Jaysan continued. “There were others, too, some more than once, and others definitely no-repeats because I didn’t enjoy it. But each time, I felt something. Physically, emotionally. I avoided being near them during my heats, though, because I didn’t want to chance an accidental mating, or a child with someone I was just using for sex.”

The no-heat sex thing relieved Morris more than it should have, because previously-mated omegas (which Jaysan technically was, because of Aeron’s sire) could handle their heats however they saw fit, and if that meant soliciting an alpha to knot them with condoms? Omegin’s choice.

“The night we saw each other in emergency?” Jaysan said. “I scared Orrin into dragging me there. I’d been regretting giving up Aeron, and it was his birthday, and I was so fucking numb. I needed to feel something, so I arranged a date that ended up being with three men at once.”

Morris bit his tongue hard to keep still and silent, while he internally raged at the scenario Jaysan was spinning—especially knowing Jaysan had been taken to the hospital after the encounter. The only thing keeping him together was the memory of a snarly, un-bruised Jaysan being wheeled into that cubicle.

Jaysan sat up, and Morris feared he was going to move away. Instead, his brave, beautiful omega turned to face him, his expression determined. It helped quell Morris’s fear that Jaysan had been coerced or forced into something. “We all did shots while I took turns with them, so when one suggested I could take two at once, it seemed like a good idea. It hurt, but at the time I wanted it to hurt. I wanted to feel it. And I honestly didn’t know I was bleeding until I got home hours after curfew and freaked out Orrin. He didn’t believe me when I said I hadn’t been attacked, so he dragged me to the hospital to get checked out.”

Anger erupted inside Morris, and he focused it directly on his targets—the three men who’d made his omega bleed. Didn’t matter that Jaysan had consented, they’d hurt his bondmate, and he wanted to rip their balls off. “Names,” he growled.

Familiar obstinacy spread across Jaysan’s face and he crossed his arms. “Absolutely not. You do not get to beat up men I consented to sex with.”

Morris growled again, but acquiesced to Jaysan’s wishes. “How many since we met?”

His defiant look fractured a bit. “Two. The morning I showed up smelling like another alpha was on purpose. I knew what I was doing. I wanted you to see me as the broken slut I saw myself as. I didn’t want you to want me, so I tried to show you I wasn’t good enough for you, and I’m sorry for doing that. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

“I know.” Morris pulled Jaysan’s hands into his lap and squeezed them. “The second one was today?”

“Yes. It was stupid and wrong, and I put myself in a dangerous situation.”

When Jaysan didn’t go on, Morris rubbed his thumbs in gentle circles on the backs of Jaysan’s hands. “What happened after Demir found you on the sidewalk?”

“Mikel texted me.”

Morris officially hated this man and his name. Every single thing about him, actually, the son of a fucker.

“He asked if I was free to hang,” Jaysan continued, his voice edged with grief. “I was so angry at myself for running from you, and I was so confused about my feelings, that I said I could come over now, and I’m not even sure why. I knew it would piss you off, and I risked losing access to Aeron, and I think at the time, I wanted to punish myself. I wanted to drive you away, to drive everyone who cared about me away, so I could just be the horrible, broken, unlovable person I thought I was.

“But as soon as I walked into his place, I didn’t want to be there. Do you know before we did anything, Mikel asked me to mate with him?”

Morris growled low in his throat. “You’re mine.”

Jaysan’s lips twitched. “He’s always been kind to me, and he was so earnest that I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, so I said I’d think about it, and we went into his bedroom. But the moment he kissed me, I changed my mind. He was…wrong. Felt wrong, tasted wrong, just…it was all wrong. I told him to stop, and at first he thought I was playing some kind of game, because he shoved me onto the bed.” He swallowed hard, then coughed. “I fought him, revoked consent, and he finally stopped pawing me. I convinced him it was a test, to see if as my mate, he’d listen to me and honor my wishes, and I used that to get out. As soon as I was outside, I barfed into a trashcan, and then I hid so I could call you. All I wanted was you. No one else, Morris. I’m so sorry I did that, and I understand if it’s unforgiveable, because I can’t even forgive myself.”

Morris pulled Jaysan into his arms where he belonged, internally battling anger, horror, and relief. Anger that another alpha had tried to force his omega. Horror at how vulnerable Jaysan had been. Relief that Jaysan hadn’t been irreparably harmed today. He’d been terrorized, though, that much was obvious.

“You’re safe,” Morris said. “You’re safe, and I forgive you. I’m a little bit angry with you for putting yourself in danger, and I need to know you’ll never do that again. Ever.”

“I won’t, I promise. I’ll delete all my old contacts. I don’t want anyone except you, Morris, I swear, and I’m ready to admit it now. You’re my bondmate, and I trust you.”

“Good. I need you safe. You’re the only omega I’ve ever met who makes me feel like I could be a good alpha and a good mate.”

“You’re an amazing alpha, and you’ll be a wonderful mate.”

“The goddess knows what she’s doing when she blesses us with our bondmates.”

Jaysan sat up, his expression clear. Not quite smiling, but also not unhappy. “Maybe she knew we were both too broken and jagged from loss to fit with anyone else. I want to build a life with you and Aeron, if you’ll have me.”

“I’ll have you. Very much so. My angel.”

He blushed. “I’m no angel, but when I’m with you, I finally feel worthy of being loved. You do that for me.”

“Happy to.” Morris ran his fingers through Jaysan’s thick, curly hair, an odd mix of coarse and soft. “May I kiss you? Please?”

“Yes.” Jaysan trembled once, and before Morris could make a move, leaned up and kissed Morris first.