EPILOGUE
Six Months Later
St. Patricks’s Cathedral
New York City
A storm of nerves churns in my stomach as I look down the aisle. The church is packed with friends and family, and down in the front, I can see that my mother is already crying.
God, Mom. No. It’s a happy day. Please don’t cry or I’ll follow, and then my makeup will be ruined for the photos.
I take a deep breath and glance down at the bouquet in my hand. The symmetrical beauty of the flowers calms me a little, and when I look back up the aisle, Liam’s handsome face gazing back calms me even more. He looks at me with so much love, my heart swells.
I step away from the door and turn to Cassie, who’s waiting nervously behind me. She looks absolutely stunning in her ivory form-fitting gown and long veil. I always knew she’d make a stunning bride.
“Everyone’s seated,” I say, and take her hand. “Ready to make an honest man out of my brother?”
She nods, and I can tell she’s fighting back tears. “I’ve been onstage in front of thousands of people, and yet I’ve never been this nervous before. As soon as I see Ethan at the end of the aisle, I’m going to be a sobbing mess. You know that, right?”
“Yep. Don’t worry—I’ll be right there with you.”
Ruby, Cassie’s best friend from college, steps forward. “I have tissues and a flask of vodka. Don’t panic, girls. We got this.” Ruby’s a nice no-nonsense counterpoint to Cassie and me. We all take a deep breath and share a group hug.
When the music starts, we do last-minute checks before taking our positions, then it’s time to take the long trek down to the altar. I go first, followed by Ruby, and then Cassie.
At the end of the aisle, my brother turns. As soon as he catches sight of his bride, his jaw clenches and his eyes fill with tears.
Oh, Ethan.
I well up just looking at him. I can’t remember the last time I saw my brother cry. He used to be so closed off and damaged, and now look at him. I never thought I’d see the day he’d stand in a church and take a wife, looking so handsome in his suit, with so much love on his face I can’t even deal with it.
Beside him is Tristan, Cassie’s other best friend. Tristan is huge, exotic, and gorgeous, and he isn’t even trying to hide his tears. Behind me, I hear Ruby and Cassie sniffling as well.
Man, we’re all going to look like raccoons in the wedding pictures.
As I pass Liam, I reach out and he gently grazes my hand. That tiny touch brings everything into sharp focus. How lucky I am. How lucky my brother and Cassie are. Even Josh and Angel are here. As I make my way to the front of the church, I see old friends from e Grove: Miranda, Aiyah, Lucas, Jack. Zoe is here with a boy who’s mildly famous. Connor Baine, who loved Cassie from afar for years, seems to have a new girlfriend. Even Erika Eden, the head of acting at The Grove, is here. She grips Marco’s hand and lays her head on his shoulder as they catch sight of Cassie in all her glory.
As we take our positions at the end of the aisle, I float between grinning and weeping during the whole ceremony. Ethan and Cassie recite vows they’ve written themselves. By the time they’re done, there’s not a dry eye in the house.
What is it about weddings that reduces us all to romantic saps? Is it the presence of such incandescent happiness and love? The miracle of two souls finding perfection in each other when so much in this world is imperfect and wrong?
Whatever it is, everyone in the church feels it today. Having Liam here after so many years of struggling without him, I feel it more than most.
After the ceremony, everyone decompresses with lots of hugging and laughing, and then we all pose for photos until our faces ache. Cassie and Ethan are radiant in their happiness, and every now and then I see them gaze at each other, and I know that for those few seconds, no one else on the planet exists for them except each other.
I feel the same way when I gaze at Liam. It’s like everything else fades into hazy black-and-white while he glows in brilliant color.
It’s not until hours later, when I finally have my arms wrapped around him on the dance floor, that I can take a moment to just exhale.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look today?” Liam asks as he strokes my cheek.
“Just a few times,” I say. “Well, that makes number twenty-seven, but who’s counting?”
“Hmm. Only twenty-seven? I’m slipping.”
He tightens his arms around me.
In the six months since the news that almost broke the Internet aired on prime-time television, it’s been a long road to get to where we are now.
Mayhem erupted after Angel and Liam “broke up.” The interview that had been hailed as their phoenix moment ended up being their swan song. When they both admitted to having fallen out of love with each other, the whole country gasped. They vowed to remain lifelong friends, but they announced that the wedding had been canceled. Liam was being sincere when he said he’d always love Angel. In a way, Angel is Liam’s Josh. She’ll always be in his life, come what may.
Of course, the fans were devastated. Some of the YouTube reactions were extreme. Blame was thrown everywhere, but mostly onto Liam. “If only he hadn’t cheated!” they cried. Conspiracy theories flourished, with some clever commentators doubting the relationship was ever real. And yet, to this day, some die-hard fans still believe the breakup was a smoke screen to cover up the fact that they married in secret and are expecting their first baby.
Ah, sweet delusion.
“Hey. Are you asleep?” Liam asks with a low chuckle as he strokes my back.
“No. Just resting my eyes and thinking.”
“About?”
“You. Me. You know, the usual.”
“Hmmm.” He rests his cheek against my forehead. “You and me is my favorite thing to think about, too.”
I open my eyes and smile up at him. He rewards me with the world’s softest, yet most arousing kiss.
“Aw, get a room.” I look over to see Josh and Angel dancing beside us.
“We’ve got one,” I say. “It’s right next to yours. And that leads me to ask if it’s absolutely necessary for you two to make quite so much noise when you’re expressing your physical love.”
“It’s all Josh,” Angel says with a roll of her eyes. “I’ve tried to get him to be quiet. He sounds like I’m murdering him, for God’s sake.”
I give her a wry smile. “Oh sure. So I know that you call him Mr. Jackhammer because you’re so quiet?”
She giggles and leans over to kiss my cheek. “Shut up. You’re making me horny.”
“So, Lissa,” Josh says, trying to ignore the fact that his girlfriend is now nibbling on his earlobe. “Are you going to put on your big-girl panties and stand beside your man at his fund-raiser tomorrow night?”
Liam looks down at me. “Good question. Are you?”
One other thing the Tori Bell interview did was enable Liam to tell the world about his dyslexia. Now, he’s the founder and CEO of the James Quinn Foundation for Dyslexia Research, named for his twin brother, and he’s garnered the support of dozens of other celebrities who’ve followed his example and admitted to their disorder. The foundation’s inaugural fund-raiser is tomorrow night, and he’s been trying to convince me for months to let him show me off for the first time as his girlfriend. Every time I think about that level of scrutiny, however, it gives me the heebie-jeebies. I adore Liam with all my heart, but revealing myself as the woman who’s replaced Angel in his affections is going to get me swift and vicious hate mail. Still, I realize we can’t hide our love forever. And I do want to be there to support him.
“Tell you what,” Josh says. “I’ll bring Angel. Then we can all walk the red carpet together, and everyone will realize Angeliam has well and truly moved on. I even volunteer to let Angel kiss me with full visible tongue in front of the paparazzi.”
“Do you now?” Angel asks with a raise of her eyebrow.
“Yes. I’m selfless like that.”
“Such a giver.”
“Come here,” he says, and cups her cheek. “We should practice.” He kisses her deeply, and it makes me smile. I was starting to doubt I’d ever see him so in love. He deserves someone amazing, and Angel is all that and more. I love them both like family.
When I look back at Liam, he’s smiling at them, too. He glances at me before saying, “Hey, Josh. Mind if I steal your girl for a dance? I barely get to see my ex-fiancée these days. I miss her.”
He kisses me before handing me over to Josh, and I admit, I’m glad I get some alone time with my bestie. I miss him.
I clasp my hands around Josh’s neck and he puts his arms around my waist.
“So, things with Angel are getting serious, huh?”
“I guess. She asked me to go back to L.A. with her next week.”
I look up at him. “To live?”
He frowns. “Yeah.”
A lump forms in my throat. I can’t figure out if I’m happy or sad. “What did you tell her?”
“That I’d have to think about it.” I’m having trouble deciphering his feelings as well. “Leaving New York. Leaving . . . you. It’s . . . I don’t know, Lissa. Every time I think about it, I get angry and I don’t know why.”
“Change is scary. Fear makes us angry.”
“Yeah. I guess.” He’s quiet for several seconds, then he exhales and says, “For as long as I can remember, I’ve been in love with you. You had to know that, right?”
I look down at his chest. “You always played it off like a joke, but . . . I suspected. You don’t know how many times I wished I was meant for you.”
“But you weren’t. And for a long time, it didn’t matter—what we had was enough for me. That’s why I dated girls I knew wouldn’t last. Being emotionally unavailable didn’t matter when no one was in it for the long haul. But then . . .”
“Angel came along.”
“When I first saw pictures of her, it was lust at first sight. But I wasn’t prepared for how she made me feel when we actually met. It was like . . . God, how do I even describe it?”
“Like there was a stranger standing in front of you who felt like home?”
His expression melts into a soft smile. “Exactly. You felt the same way about Quinn?”
I nod.
He looks down. “I thought no woman would ever measure up to you, but Angel does. In so many ways, she’s just like you, except for the fact that she actually wants to jump my bones on the regular. I don’t know that I deserve someone as sweet as she is, but I’m sure as hell going to try to make her happy.”
I hug him. “I’ve known spotlights that beam less than your girlfriend. Trust me: You’re knocking this boyfriend thing out of the park.”
We sway to the music for a few minutes, and I know he’s made up his mind about going back to L.A. with her. I’m happy for him, but it doesn’t mean I don’t already miss him.
“Is there a way for me to go with Angel and still stay here with you?” he asks, his voice low.
“No, but that’s okay. It doesn’t matter if life leads us down different paths. We’ll always come back together. You’re my bestie, Josh. Now and forever. No amount of miles between us will ever change that.”
We dance in silence for a while, and when the song finishes, Angel and Liam appear next to us. Judging from their expressions, they’ve just had a conversation similar to ours. Liam’s decided to spend most of his time in New York from now on. I’m thrilled about it, but I have no doubt Angel is going to miss him.
When the next song starts, we share a group hug and sway in unison. It might be the last time we’re all together like this for a while, and we need to make the most of every moment.
The morning after the wedding, I open my eyes to find Liam already awake. He’s sitting up against the headboard in just his underwear, looking ridiculously sexy in his new glasses as he frowns at the book in front of him. I smile when I see what he’s reading. The Outsiders. It was one of my favorite books when I was growing up. When I first read it, I loved it so much I bought a copy for Ethan. He ended up loving it every bit as much as I did, maybe even more. So when Liam told me he wanted to test out his new dyslexia-busting, high-tech glasses by reading a book for the first time in his life, I thought it only fitting to buy him a copy. Easy to read and short enough to not give him a headache, it’s the perfect introduction to the world of classic literature.
“Hey,” I say, my voice husky with sleep.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” He leans down for a soft kiss. “Just so you know, I’ve been sporting the world’s most painful boner for the past half hour and I plan to fuck you to within an inch of your life very soon, but I need to see what happens in this scene first. The Socs have just cornered Ponyboy and Johnny in the park, and if either of them gets murdered, I swear to God I’m going to launch this book off the top of the Empire State.”
I glance at the clock. It’s only 7.30 a.m. “How long have you been awake?”
“A couple of hours. Worked out. Showered. Now I’m reading. Shush.”
I smile and watch as his eyes scan the page. It’s hard to believe that this is the same man who used to avoid looking at the printed word as much as possible. His new glasses have dark rims, and the lenses glow with faint light. The difference they’ve made in his life has been immediate and remarkable. I love watching him read. I mean, any man who reads is sexy, but Liam reading is off-the-charts hot.
I move over and kiss his shoulder. “You’re enjoying it?”
“Sssh. They’re shoving Ponyboy’s head into the fountain. They’re going to kill him, aren’t they? Goddamn rich, entitled assholes.”
I kiss his shoulder again, and this time I add a flick of tongue.
He sucks in a sharp breath. “Hey. I’m trying to concentrate here. You’re making that impossible.”
“I’ll save you the time. They kill Ponyboy and everyone’s sad. The end.”
He slaps the book down and glares at me. The way the light of the lenses reflects off his incredible eyes makes me warm all over. “You’d better be joking right now, lady. Seriously. I will take you down.”
I lean over and kiss his neck. “As if I’d ruin it for you. But let me give you a spoiler alert about what’s going to happen in this bed right now—I’m going to lick you. Everywhere. Brace yourself.” I start with his neck, and God, he tastes good. I kiss and suck my way down to his chest. I don’t miss the way his breathing speeds up, or the way his boxer briefs now seem a whole lot fuller.
“Uh . . . is this going to happen every time you see me reading?”
“Probably. It’s super-hot.”
“Then I’m never going to get through my reading list.”
“Oh, sweetie. No one ever gets through their TBR list. For every book you finish, you’ll add five more. That’s just the way it works.”
He groans as I graze my fingers over his abs and finger the edge of his underwear. “In that case, maybe I’ll take a break.”
“Awesome idea.”
He places his glasses carefully on his nightstand before pouncing on me. In a matter of seconds, he’s yanked off my nightie and settled between my legs.
“Now, how should I punish you for your heartless Ponyboy joke?” He grinds against me. God, he’s so hard. So arousing.
I swallow. “Well, usually the sentence for false reports of character death is mind-blowing oral sex. Just saying.”
“Is that right?” He circles his hips. I pant and grip his shoulders. “Why is it that every evil thing you do is punishable by oral?”
“Hey, I don’t make the rules.”
“Lucky for you, I’m more than happy to punish you as often as you like.”
He kisses me before moving down my body, setting every piece of skin he touches ablaze with his mouth and hands as he goes. My breasts get special attention. I close my eyes and moan. This man is a foreplay genius. Within seconds my whole body is aching for him. By the time he starts kissing up the insides of my thighs, I’m already half gone. When he closes his mouth over me, I bury my fingers in his hair and gasp. Sweet Jesus. He growls against me, and I have enough experience to know that when he grips my hips like that and pulls me to the end of the bed, there’s nothing I can do but try to keep breathing and hold on for the ride.
A few minutes later, I’m arching off the bed and screaming his name.
“God, I love you,” Liam whispers as he yanks down his underwear and climbs on top of me. “I seem to love you more every day. How is that possible? It’s driving me insane.”
When he pushes inside me, we both let out a sigh of relief. My whole body seems to melt around him.
Being together like this isn’t optional. It’s essential, like breathing. There’s nothing else in the world as miraculous as having Liam Quinn inside me. I knew it the very first time we made love and I know it now. How we both survived without each other for so many years, I’ll never know.
Liam takes his time as he makes love to me. Neither of us wants it to end.
We end up making love all day. We punctuate it with eating, sleeping, and reading, but barely a moment goes by when we’re not touching each other.
In the late afternoon, we shower and get ready to go to his foundation’s fund-raiser. He’s in his tux and ready to go within five minutes. I take over an hour to bring my hair and makeup to a red-carpet standard. The pressure is extra high, because it’s our first public appearance together. I just hope I don’t get rotten tomatoes thrown at me.
I finish up, and when I ask Liam to zip up my dress, he presses soft, warm kisses to my neck and shoulder. “I have something I want to give you before we go. When you’re ready, come out to the living room, okay?”
I turn and give him a gentle kiss. “Okay.”
It takes me only a few minutes to put all the essentials in my clutch and step into my shoes, and by the time I get out to the living room, there are two bright gift boxes sitting on the coffee table.
Liam leans back on the couch and appraises me as I sit next to him.
“What’s this?” I ask.
“A game.”
“Pick a box?”
“Something like that.”
“How does it work?”
“You pick a box. That’s pretty much it.”
“Huh. Sounds boring.” He gives me a smile that tells me he’s not buying my nonchalance. “Okay, I’ll take the one on the left.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think so.” There’s a smugness to him that’s making me nervous. He was smug the very first time I met him, and he’s even smugger right now. Considering he changed my life all those years ago, I can’t help but wonder what the heck is going on.
“What if the one on the right contains something amazing?” he asks.
“Then you should have put it on the left ’cause that’s the one I’m choosing.”
“Don’t want to change your mind?”
“Nope.”
God, he’s bought me a car, hasn’t he? Although I have no idea why he would. I’ve lived in New York my whole life. I can’t drive.
“Okay, then.” He passes me the box on the right. “First of all, let’s see what you’re missing out on.”
I open the box. Inside is a joke check for a million dollars and a card written in Liam’s messy handwriting: Thank God you didn’t choose this box. This box sucks. Really. Out of all the boxes in the world, this one is the worst. P.S. I love you.
I look at Liam and smile. “I love you, too.”
“Good. Now, you can choose to keep that check for a million dollars, or stay with the other box.”
I laugh. “Hmmm, let me think if I should keep the bogus check.”
He says nothing and smiles. I look down at the small piece of paper. “Oh my God, Liam, this is a real check for a million dollars?! What the hell?”
“Does that change your mind about choosing the other box?”
I fan myself with the check. “No.”
“You sure about that?”
I just about scream in frustration. “Liam!”
“Okay, fine. Here.” He passes me the box. “Just remember, you turned down a million dollars for this box. I couldn’t be happier with your choice. I just hope you’ll feel the same way.”
I take a deep breath and let it out. When I lift off the lid and peer inside, my breath catches.
Oh, God.
Inside is a black velvet ring box. A very expensive-looking ring box.
I look up at Liam, and he smiles. “Take it out.”
I clasp the tiny box with trembling fingers and pull it out.
Oh my God. He bought me a ring. And knowing Liam and his generosity, it’s going to be a monster.
Okay, Elissa, just breathe. Don’t pass out when you see he’s bought you something that makes the Hope Diamond look like a Cracker Jack prize.
I take a deep breath and exhale.
I’m not prepared for this. Not even a little. It’s not that I haven’t considered marrying Liam, because I have. I still get embarrassed about how passionately I pictured myself walking down the aisle to him when I was trying on wedding dresses with Angel. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon.
Liam leans over and presses his lips against my ear. “So are you going to open that thing or just hold on to it all day?” There’s the smugness again.
I close my eyes as I open the case. When I open them, I can’t believe what I’m looking at.
“Uh . . . wow. Okay.” It’s not a ring. It’s a quarter nestled in the place where a ring should go. “I’m so confused right now. You said the box containing a million dollars sucked, but you’re happy I’ve chosen the one containing . . . twenty-five cents? Is it just that you’ve saved yourself a whole bunch of cash, or . . . ?”
Liam reaches over and takes the coin. Then he gets down on one knee and pulls another ring box from his pocket, and this one doesn’t contain a coin. It contains the most stunning engagement ring I’ve even seen. Emotion knots in my throat as he takes my hand and kisses it.
“Elissa, I love you more than anything in the world and desperately want to be your husband. I’ve wanted it for a long time. And yesterday, seeing you walk down the aisle in that church . . . I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life. I want to be yours, and for you to be mine. And even though I’m certain you want that, too, I know your sensible side will try to argue that it’s too soon. at the world’s not ready to see me committed to another woman. So, I’m going to challenge you to leave it up to fate. What can be more random than a coin toss, right? Five flips. If it comes up heads every time, you wear that ring to the fund-raiser tonight. You don’t have to make a big announcement or anything, but if anyone asks, you tell them we’re engaged. And if I lose, well then—”
I stop him with a kiss. The kind of kiss that tells him I’m not interested in flipping a coin to prove how much I love him. My love isn’t based on chance or luck. It’s a fact. Solid and irrefutable. I’ll shout it from the rooftops if that’s what he wants.
“Put that ring on my finger,” I say, holding my hand out as I pull back. “It would make me the happiest woman on the planet to be your fiancée.”
He beams at me, and I feel like my heart and my eyes are about to over flow. With the care of handling something precious, he slides the ring onto my finger. When it’s on and glinting in the light, he lets out a shaky sigh of relief.
“You okay?” I ask.
He nods, and I can see how emotional he is. “I wasn’t expecting you to ditch the coin toss. I thought for sure I’d have to convince you, so I went to the trouble of getting a double-headed coin.”
I gape at him. “Liam! What about all your talk of fate?”
He looks at me lovingly. “Sometimes, fate is what you make it, right? And there was no way in hell I was taking any chances with this. I want to be with you, Liss. Always. I’ve even practiced saying, ‘Oh, hi. Have you met my wife, Elissa?’ See how good that sounds? My wife.”
Hearing him say those words gives me goose bumps. “That’s pretty sexy, you know.”
His voice is dark and lustful when he says, “Oh, believe me, I know.”
“It doesn’t seem fair to all the other wives that I’m going to have the world’s hottest husband.”
His expression intensifies, and I see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “You’d better not say that again, or we’re not getting out of this apartment tonight. Jesus, Liss.” He pulls me into his arms, and as our bodies press against each other, I can feel his heart racing and thrumming beneath the surface. e tempo of it matches my own.
To be honest, I’m surprised at my reaction to his proposal. I’ve always considered myself to be a strong, independent woman, immune to the silly giddiness of the traditional gender stereotypes. And yet having Liam’s ring on my finger and knowing it represents his love and commitment . . . I can finally see what all the fuss is about.
I think it has a similar effect on him.
“I’ve never been turned on by jewelry before,” he says as he pulls back and caresses the ring. “But right now, I’m about as hard as this diamond.”
“If I were to buy you a ring,” I say, “would you wear it?”
“So everyone knows I belong to you?” I don’t even get to answer before he whispers, “Hell, yes.”
Then it’s his turn to kiss me with everything he has, and I don’t even mind that I’m going to have to redo my makeup before we leave. Kissing Liam is worth it.
For too many years I fought against what I felt for him instead of fighting for it, but now I know better.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past few years, it’s this: You can give up on a lot of things in life and still be happy. You can decide that jogging is the work of the devil, or that the super-popular book everyone loves just isn’t for you. Or you can let your gym membership keep ticking over every month without ever stepping foot inside the door. But the one thing you’re absolutely not allowed to give up on is true love. When you find it, you should grab it with both hands and never let it go, because although it might not always be easy or convenient, it’s worth it. I can tell you that much for sure.
There was a time when I thought I’d missed my chance at true love, and I regretted it every single day. But now, here it is, wrapped around me in the form of the most remarkable, loving, talented man I’ll ever know, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Do I believe we were brought together by fate? Maybe. If anyone could make me believe in fate, it would be Liam. But I also think Liam’s right in thinking that sometimes fate is what we make it. You get the love you fight for. The one you think you deserve.
Now I know I deserve Liam Quinn, and he deserves me.
Our fate is to keep reminding each other of that, no matter what craziness life throws at us.
Always.