SIX
THE CONSEQUENCE OF WANTING
On the closing night of the show, it’s near midnight when Josh and I arrive at the after-party. As soon as we emerge into the uber-trendy warehouse space, our Benvolio, Andy, rushes toward us with a tray of shots. He has the bright-eyed fervor of someone who’s already three drinks over the limit.
“Guys! You finally made it. You need to try these.”
I pick up the bright blue shot glass. “What is it?”
“I have no idea, but knock it back fast, and try to keep breathing.”
I throw back the shot without hesitation. When I swallow, my whole body shudders. “Jesus!”
Andy laughs. “Awesome, right?”
I grab another and knock it back, too. Josh joins me. The impact of the second isn’t any less forceful than the first.
“Fuck me.” Josh coughs. “It tastes like battery acid mixed with plutonium.”
Andy nods. “Yeah, but in a couple of minutes, you won’t care. Trust. Oh, and Elissa? Liam’s been looking for you. Like, a lot. Just FYI.”
He stumbles off to peddle his wares elsewhere, and Josh and I move farther into the party. Behind a gauze curtain, a large group is dancing to the bass-heavy music. I start to feel a little buzzed as I watch them.
“So, you and Quinn going to finally seal the deal tonight?” Josh asks. “Because God knows, if I have to witness one more second of you two panting over each other, I’m going to lock you both in a room until someone comes.”
I shake my head. “You know why I can’t go there.”
“I do. But I also saw the look in his eyes when he left the theater tonight. The man was wired. And determined. He knows you’ve been avoiding him. And let’s be honest. If you were truly serious about not getting involved, you wouldn’t have come to this party.”
I’d like to be strong enough to stay away from Liam tonight, considering our situation, but I can’t deny that the past couple of months have taken their toll. I want him. Desperately. Even if it seems as though I can no longer have him.
Josh stumbles and leans against me. “Whoa. Those drinks were strong. Want me to get us a couple more?”
“Most definitely.”
He heads off to find Andy, and I loiter at the edge of the dance floor to avoid seeking out Liam. Everyone’s hugging, and kissing, and some are even touching each other in ways that warrant a little more privacy.
My God, theater folk are a horny bunch.
I lean against a post and watch. Whatever was in the drinks is making me feel hot in inconvenient places.
As I look around, I spot Liam across the room. He’s surrounded by a group of girls, all trying to get his attention, but it’s clear he’s not listening to a word they’re saying. He scans the crowd and sips a beer. As soon as he spies me, his posture changes, and the sudden intensity in his expression makes every hair on my body stand on end.
Without excusing himself or taking his eyes off me, he passes his beer to one of the girls and crosses the room. All of the women he’s abandoning deflate with disappointment.
As he approaches, his expression is so primal I have an urge to flee, but I’m so frustrated and horny, I force myself to stand my ground and see what happens.
When he reaches me, he doesn’t say anything. He just takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor.
Several people stop and stare as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. After so many weeks of denial, the feel of him pressed up against me makes my head spin. I grasp his shoulders, and he tightens his arms.
“Liam—”
“Don’t say it.” He gives me a look that shoots sparks straight down to my toes. “Don’t you fucking dare. The show’s over, so I’m done staying away from you.”
He moves his hands over my back, which makes my heart pound and my brain go fuzzy. The alcohol is making me feel like I’ve done ten shots instead of two, and I’m in no condition to be this close to him, let alone try to deny my feelings.
When he pushes under my T-shirt and grazes the base of my spine, I close my eyes as a shiver runs through me. It feels like my skin is extra-sensitive.
“What the hell was in those shots Andy gave us?” I ask. “They’ve made us all very—”
“Horny?” The roughness in his voice is crazy sexy.
“I was going to say ‘friendly.’ ”
Fingers trace over my back. Soft and electric. “Right. That’s what I’m feeling for you. Intense, throbbing friendship.”
“You’re making me dizzy.”
“There’s a treatment for that. Come home with me and I’ll show you what it is.” His voice is just as distracting as his touch. When he pulls me more firmly against him, I can feel the hardness in his crotch. It awakens a deep ache inside me. “I want to be alone with you, Liss. Naked. Right the fuck now, please.”
“I can’t leave yet. I just got here.”
Without meaning to, I run my hands down his arms, and revel in the flex of firm muscles as he continues to stroke my back. He makes a contented noise in his chest and closes his eyes.
“Put your arms around me,” he orders quietly. In a daze, I trail my hands up over his broad shoulders and clasp my hands behind his neck. “Good. Now, loosen up and dance with me.”
Loosening up when he’s pressing against me like this isn’t even a little bit possible. I glance down between us. “Judging from your current condition, you’re after more than just a dance.”
He keeps stroking my back. “Then we’ll start with dancing and see what happens.”
“Liam, where, exactly, do you see things going between you and me?”
He moves his hands from my back to my hips, and when his fingers tighten, goose bumps run up my spine. “Well, for starters, back to my place. More specifically, my bed. After that, I have no clue. Maybe the shower? The roof garden? That would be pretty spectacular.”
It really would. I close my eyes to banish the mental image of us naked, wrapped around each other beneath the stars. “Spectacular or not, you’re leaving on Monday.”
His confidence falters and his hands freeze. “Elissa—”
“You weren’t even going to tell me? I had to hear people gossiping about it backstage?”
He looks down and sighs. “Telling everyone else was easy. Telling you?” He looks into my eyes. “I couldn’t. Just thinking about leaving you . . .” He tightens his arms. “I don’t want to.”
“Liam . . .” I stroke his face and make him look at me. “Yes, I’m pissed I heard about it from someone else, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime deal. You have to go. If you want proof of fate, then here it is. What are the odds of a talent scout coming to your first show and begging you to let her make you a star? That only happens in movies.”
He gives me a wry smile. “You’re trying to cheer me up by talking about fate? A concept you don’t believe in?”
“Maybe I don’t, but you do.”
He cups the back of my head. Before I have time to figure out what’s going on, he leans forward, and oh-so-gently brushes his lips over mine. Every single molecule of oxygen in my lungs rushes out.
“Yes, I do believe in fate,” he says, still so close we’re sharing the same air. “And that’s why I’m so torn. My head is telling me to go, but my heart wants me to stay. With you.”
“But you can’t.”
His hand is on my cheek, his thumb grazing slowly. “No. I can’t.” I grip his arms as he rests his forehead on mine. “So us being together is now or never. And since I can’t cope with the concept of never, I vote for now.”
I draw in a shuddering breath. “But what’s the point of us getting in any deeper when we know it has to end?”
“The point is, I’d get to make love to you in all the ways I’ve been dreaming about since the night I met you.” He brings his mouth next to my ear and whispers, “If I only have one more day in New York, I want to spend it with you. Please, Elissa.”
He’s not allowed to say stuff like that. Not when the only valid response is to drag him into a shadowy corner and mount him.
“Liss?” I look up at him as strong arms tighten around me. “Come home with me. If you don’t want to have sex, that’s fine. Talk to me. Touch me. Whatever you feel comfortable with. Just be with me. Please. We don’t have much time left. And I have the strongest feeling that having part of you is going to be better than having all of anybody else.”
I close my eyes and sigh. How can I say no to that?
Without another word, I take his hand and lead him out of the party.
Anticipation is tingling in all of my limbs, making me hot and restless. Liam seems equally tense. His hands are shoved in his pockets, shoulders hunched, eyes darting around nervously before coming back to me, time and again. My face. My breasts. My legs.
All of me.
The sexual tension is making the confines of his apartment stifling, and the boxes of his belongings that are stacked against the wall don’t help.
He stares at me for a few, spine-tingling seconds, and then he seems to come to his senses. “I’m being a terrible host. Can I get you anything?” He walks the two steps to the fridge. “I have . . . uh . . .” He opens the door and peers in. “Well, not a lot.” I can see that the fridge is practically bare. He shuts it and turns to me. “I spent all my food money on the airline ticket. I’ve been surviving on crackers and cheese for most of the week.”
“Nothing wrong with surviving on cheese. I do it all the time. It’s the food of kings.”
He gives me a smile. “If I ever become a big star, I’ll buy a Hollywood mansion with a dedicated cheese room. You can stay over.”
“Just when I thought you couldn’t get any sexier, you go and say that.” I’m not even joking.
His expression darkens. “Is that right?”
We stare at each other, and I swear to God, the walls inch closer.
Liam takes a step forward. “Elissa . . .” The way he says my name makes me step forward, too. Then his hands are on my face, and he’s leaning down, and sweet Jesus, I’ve never wanted someone to kiss me so much in my entire life. I take a breath and try to keep my eyes open.
“Do you understand how many fantasies I’ve had about you over the past two months?” he asks, his lips almost touching mine.
“If it’s even half the number I’ve had about you, then yes, and I’m embarrassed for both of us.”
“We can compare fantasies later. First, let me do this before I lose my mind.”
He brushes his lips across mine, and we both inhale sharply. He pulls back and opens his mouth a little more to capture my lips in his. Light suction spins tiny shock waves down all my limbs.
“These lips have been driving me insane. Also, this neck.” Soft kisses trail down my throat. Teeth nibble and tease. “This body. Okay, let’s be honest. All of you.” He grips my hips and maneuvers me back against the wall. “You’re the most arousing woman I’ve ever met. Will ever meet.”
My pulse thunders in my ears as I stare at his mouth. “I doubt that’s true.”
“Don’t. And I don’t know how, but . . .” He takes my hands from his chest and pushes them into the wall above my head. en he traps my wrists in his hands and squeezes. Not enough to cause pain. Just enough to make every neuron overload and scream for more. “I know how to please you, Liss. I’ve known it from the first time I saw you.” He squeezes my wrists again as he grazes over my lips. “I can feel what you need. But I’d still like you to tell me what you want.”
I’m not good at saying what I want. I think that’s why I’ve never orgasmed with a man. I boss people around enough in my professional life—I don’t want to have to do it in the bedroom. And I definitely don’t want to have to draw a man a map to make me orgasm.
“Say it,” he says, his voice low and commanding. “I can see you thinking about it. Tell me and I’ll make it happen.”
He winds his fingers between mine and slides them down the wall until they’re beside my head. My breaths are so fast and shallow, I feel like I’m about to hyperventilate.
“Make me come,” I say.
His expression intensifies into pure, primal hunger. “Yes, ma’am.”
Without another word, he pins me to the wall and kisses me like it’s his job.
Oh.
God.
This man. His mouth. The same mouth I’ve fantasized about every day for the past eight weeks. The same sweet lips. Exactly the right amount of suction to drive me crazy.
When he slides his tongue against mine, I lose control. I kiss him back desperately. His hands roam across my body as we kiss, pushing under my clothes, gripping and squeezing flesh. He’s not gentle. That’s fine with me. Gentle is boring.
I take the opportunity to touch him in all the ways I’ve dreamt about. I explore every muscle. Every hard plane and groove.
I grip his forearms as they tense and release, then run my hands up to his biceps. They flex as he cradles my face and covers my mouth with his. When I push under his T-shirt and run my fingers along the waistband of his jeans, he grabs my hands and presses them back into the wall, hard.
“We’ve just established I have a job to do. Stop trying to distract me.”
I kiss him deeper. A low rumble echoes in his chest, dark and animalistic. I’ve never heard a sexier noise come out of a man. He kisses my neck, then works his way back up to my ear.
“Take your clothes off,” he whispers. His warm breath makes me shudder. “I need to see you.”
I’m too turned on to even answer, so I nod.
He kisses me once more before he walks over to the bed and sits on the edge.
Nervousness prickles my spine. I like to think I’m con dent with my body, but that’s when I’m with mere mortals. Liam is the definition of masculine perfection. Being open to his scrutiny is downright intimidating.
“Elissa?” When I look at him, he’s leaning forward, elbows on his knees. If possible, his expression is even more intense than before we kissed. His eyes are penetrating. Demanding. “Stop thinking. Start with your shoes.”
The roughness of his voice talks straight to the deepest parts of me. Something hot and urgent res in my belly.
I strip off my boots and socks and await further instructions.
He looks at my feet. I didn’t think it was possible for feet to blush, but I swear they do. He brings his gaze back up to my face. “Now the shirt.”
I draw up my T-shirt, then pull it over my head and drop it on the floor. I’m only wearing a plain black bra, but his sudden exhale makes me think he likes it. A lot. His gaze lingers on my breasts, making them ache for his hands.
He licks his lips. “Very nice. Jeans next.”
I unbutton my black jeans and slide down the zipper. I glance up at him as I push them slowly down my legs. A muscle in his jaw jumps as he sits up straighter. His swollen crotch distracts me for a moment, but then he clears his throat, and my attention goes back to his face.
When I step out of the jeans and straighten up, he lets out a long breath. “Jesus. Okay. So there you are.” He breathes for a few moments, then stands, and I watch as he clenches and unfurls his hands. “So much better than the fantasy.”
I’m wearing a black thong. Nothing fancy but kind of small. He studies it intently.
“Turn around,” he says, his voice rough.
I turn. I hear him swear under his breath, then he’s behind me and rough fingers are brushing over my buttocks. He groans and squeezes, then grazes his hands up over my hips, my rib cage. He traces along the line of my bra under my arms before cupping my breasts as he pulls me back against him.
“You,” he says as he plants soft kisses on my neck, “are fucking perfect.”
Warmth fires in my groin and spreads down all my limbs as I reach behind me to grip the back of his head. This man is too much. Too sexy, too good-looking, too . . . Oh, his mouth. The feel of his mouth on my shoulder, kissing the side of my neck, gently taking the skin between his teeth.
One arm circles my waist, and he grinds against me. Feeling how hard he is makes me ache even more. My whole body feels swollen and desperate. A large hand caresses my breasts. He finds my nipples beneath the fabric, and teases them before moving the other hand down my stomach. When he pushes inside my panties and presses tight circles against me, I suck in a moan and close my eyes.
Oh, this is going to be good. He wasn’t kidding when he said he knew how to please me. I may have had only a handful of sexual partners in my nineteen years, but every one of them had been clueless, the type of lazy lovers who claimed that bringing a woman to orgasm was like finding a unicorn, and so they just couldn’t be bothered. Clearly, Liam can be bothered. Hot and bothered, judging by the way he’s breathing against my ear and whispering how good I feel. He seems to be enjoying it almost as much as I am.
He drops his head onto my shoulder as he increases his pace. More pressure. Tighter circles. I anchor my fingers in his hair and hold on for dear life. It helps keep me upright, which is good, because the thick pleasure that’s coiling in all my muscles makes standing an impossible concept.
When my knees buckle, he scoops me up and lays me on the bed. I’ve barely registered our change of location before he’s sliding o my underwear and crawling between my legs.
“Just so you know,” he says as he pushes my knees apart and kisses the insides of my thighs. “You’re getting kind of loud, and these walls are thin. The whole building can hear what I’m doing to you in here.”
I’m surprised I’m being loud, considering I can barely speak. “S-sorry.”
“Don’t be. I love it. I’m sure if I try a little harder, I can make you scream.” After a final soft kiss to my inner thigh, he closes his lips over me, and I gasp in surprise as he kisses me down there with just as much passion and hunger as he did my mouth.
Oh, sweet holy . . . fuck!
I throw my head back and moan so loudly, I startle myself. He hums in satisfaction as he continues to work.
Oh.
Ohh.
Ohhhhhh.
If I thought his mouth was a miracle before he went down on me, I now believe the sole purpose of those amazing lips and tongue is to bring me the most debilitating pleasure imaginable. Every time I think I can’t feel any more, he proves me wrong.
After an eternity of panting and crying out, every muscle is so tense I’m arching off the bed. He reacts by closing strong hands around my hips and pulling me more firmly onto his face.
Jesus . . . take the wheel.
Thick pulses start, increasing in frequency in time with his tongue, and I can’t do anything but hold my breath as all of my wire-tight muscles release. The resulting waves of pleasure are so powerful, I have to bite down on a long, strangled scream.
I squeeze my eyes shut as everything spasms, and when the last shudders move through me, I concentrate on simply breathing. I feel high as Liam kisses his way back up my body. Everything is fuzzy and nothing hurts.
Wow. Okay, so that’s what it feels like to have someone else bring you to orgasm. I could get used to this.
Soft lips are on my neck, then my chest. I’m still dazed, but my body reacts. When Liam pulls me on top of him so he can remove my bra, I gasp at how hard he is. He sits up and kisses the swell of my breast, then my nipple. I praise any god who might be listening for Liam Quinn’s perfect, talented mouth. I curl my fingers into his hair as he moves to my other breast, and groan as he further demonstrates his divine oral powers. I look down to watch, and frown when I realize he’s still completely clothed.
This is not right.
“You intend on stripping soon, right?” I ask. “Because my nakedness is lonely and would like some company.”
“If you want me naked, then by all means. . . .” He pulls us both up to standing. “Go right ahead and make it happen.”
He holds me tight for a moment while the strength returns to my legs, then lets me go and stands back. I can feel his hot-blooded stare all over me as I bend down to remove his shoes and socks. When they’re off, I stand and look him in the eyes.
“Your shirt,” I say. “Off. Now.”
He suppresses a smile, then reaches over his shoulder to pull off his T-shirt. “Have I told you how hot it is when you boss me around?”
“Not half as hot as when you do it to me.” My voice wavers as I take in his beautiful body. Broad shoulders. Wide, hard pecs. Ridiculously defined abs that lead down to crazy-sexy hip muscles and a smattering of light hair.
He drops the shirt on the floor. “You like it when I tell you what to do?” I swallow my excess saliva and nod. “In that case, get on your knees, Miss Holt.”
The air of dominance in his voice sends a shiver up my spine. I’ve never had a man be so commanding in the bedroom. I like it.
I keep eye contact as I drop to my knees. From this angle, he looks even more magnificent. Smooth, lightly tanned skin. Rippling muscles. An expression that screams of being so turned on, it hurts.
“Unbuckle my belt.” His voice has dropped to a dark whisper. My hands tremble as I grab the belt and release it. “Now, the jeans.” I pop the button and pull down the zipper, then breathe shallowly and stare at the waistband of his boxer briefs as I wait for his next order.
He grips my chin and urges me to look up at him. “Whatever you want to do to me, I’m going to enjoy. Trust me on that.”
I smile. “I know. I was just waiting for permission to blow your mind.”
At that, he clenches his jaw, and the fingers holding my face tighten a little before releasing. “Do it.”
I hold his gaze for a second longer before moving my attention lower. With restrained impatience, I work his jeans and underwear down and off, and then there he is in all his glory.
Good Lord. That’s . . . well, that’s a whole lot of man.
I try to keep my breathing steady as I take in his impressive erection, jutting stiff and proud from his body.
I touch him, gently at first, getting to know the size and weight of him. He takes a ragged breath as he winds his fingers through my hair and pulls it away from my face.
“Fuck. Liss.” His voice cracks, and I move with more confidence. Well, as much confidence as is possible when one is faced with something of this size. None of my previous lovers was this big. Just more proof I’ve been sleeping with boys up until now, and that Liam is a full-edged man.
When I put my mouth on him, he groans, loud and long. I glance up to see his head thrown back, eyes closed. His fingers clench and release sporadically in my hair, and it only spurs me on to please him further. I continue kissing and sucking, and take special note of what I’m doing whenever I make him curse or grunt. When I start using my hand in tandem with my mouth, he lets out a low growl before he steps back and pulls me to my feet.
“Fuck, woman.” He picks me up and all but throws me onto the mattress, then climbs over and kneels between my legs. I have a moment to appreciate how supremely sexy he is as he reaches into the nightstand, tears open a condom package, and rolls it on with sure fingers. When he’s done, he looks down at me.
“You are . . .” He shakes his head. “I’ve never ached for a woman as much as I ache for you.” He settles between my legs and braces on one arm. “I feel like I can’t get enough of you, no matter how hard I try.”
He drops his pelvis down and then kisses me. I wrap around him, and kiss him back. I know exactly what he means. It’s like feeding my hunger for him just makes me more insatiable.
I close my eyes as he uses his mouth all over my chest, and when his hips push forward, the pressure of him makes me gasp.
Oh, God.
He kisses me and moans at the same time, all the while moving forward, then back. Small movements that bring him a little deeper each time.
Sweet mother, the feel of him. I’m not a big woman, but he’s a big man, in every sense of the word. I suddenly experience a real concern about our size difference.
“Relax,” he says between kisses, picking up on my tension. “There’s nothing to worry about. It will feel good soon, I promise.”
He keeps kissing and touching, trying to soothe me as he pushes and retreats. I breathe through the pressure and run my hands over all of him. His amazing back. His magnificent chest. His abs that tremble with every deepening thrust.
“You feel so . . .” He groans into my neck. “God . . . Liss.”
As his thrusts become more confident, I realize he was right: He fills me so completely, it feels amazing. He slides one hand beneath my butt and lifts my pelvis, and . . . Sweet Jesus!
I grip his shoulders and moan. He’s hitting a place inside me I never knew existed. Every time he thrusts, I gasp, and each subsequent gasp gets louder and more desperate.
“There?” he asks, panting as he watches my face.
“God, yes. Right there. Don’t stop. Please . . .”
He thrusts harder. I can’t even cope with how good it feels.
“Touch yourself,” he says as he gains speed. “I want to feel you come while I’m inside you.”
I reach down and circle my fingers.
Oh.
Sweet.
Holy.
Mother.
My orgasm builds so quickly, I’m not even remotely prepared for it. Liam’s powerful thrusts, in conjunction with my hand, bring me to a place I’ve never been before. I gasp as I feel the first sparks of my orgasm begin to fire.
Liam groans, and when I look up at him, it’s clear he’s struggling to hold on.
“Please, Liss. God . . . I can’t—”
I move my hand faster, and it’s only a few more seconds before I’m coming so hard, I’m arching o the bed and groaning his name.
Everything explodes. My mind. My body. The sensation is indescribable. I hear a keening noise and realize it’s me.
I’m still reeling when Liam moans into the side of my neck. Every muscle in his back tightens as he presses in as far as possible, and I grip him and stroke his back as he trembles with the force of his orgasm. After tense seconds and a final muttered curse word, he relaxes and collapses on the bed beside me. We both lie there for a while, panting and blinking. Wondering what the hell just happened.
My body is still in shock.
“What was that?” Liam asks, still out of breath.
“Sex?”
“No way. I’ve had sex before, and it was nothing like that. Tell me you felt it, too.”
“Are you kidding me? I’m still feeling it.” I’m not exaggerating. Little ripples of pleasure are still spasming inside me. For a moment, I wonder if his size made the difference, but I have a feeling that he could have had the most average-sized penis in the world and still shattered me into a million quivering pieces.
“After that,” he says, “are you still going to deny that we’re fated? Because let me tell you, sex like that doesn’t happen every day. Or every year, for that matter. Or in my case, even every twenty-two and three-quarter years. You need to finally accept that this”—he turns to me and points between us—“is freaking extraordinary. Because I’m not above spanking you into submission if you continue to delude yourself that’s it’s not.”
Part of me wants to deny it just to find out what it would be like to be spanked by him. Those big, rough hands, one holding me in place while the other one—
I close my eyes and push away the urge.
“Elissa?”
“I’m pleading the Fifth.”
“That’s as good as admitting I’m right.”
“No, I’m just not saying you’re wrong.”
“Hmmm. Not sure whether or not that earns a spanking. I’ll think it over.”
“You do that. My butt awaits your verdict.”
He chuckles, and I feel the mattress move as he gets up to dispose of the condom. When he climbs back into bed, I turn to look at him.
His face is flushed, his lips are swollen, and his hair is insane, but I’ve never seen a more attractive man in my life. He studies my face, then brushes a damp piece of hair away from my forehead.
“Stay the night,” he says quietly. “I want to see how many more times I can make you scream before morning.”
Before I can turn him down, he pulls me over and kisses me, his hand gentle on my cheek. It’s unexpectedly sweet and makes me forget all about the excuse that was on the tip of my tongue. He pulls back and nuzzles my neck. “Plus, I’m an excellent snuggler. Stay.”
A tiny voice warns me it’s a bad idea. That getting any closer will only make things harder when he leaves. I tell that voice to shut its mouth. After what I just experienced, I need more of Liam Quinn. Much more. Consequences be damned.
“Okay.”