Chapter Nine

 

 

Self, do you ever think you spend too much time in bed?

Now that you mention it, I do.

Great, I was just checking.

Saffron chuckled at her erratic thoughts. It felt like she had spent a lot of time in bed and to be honest she couldn’t remember when she went to bed last night, but she was starving.

She went to sit up only to realize she was being held prisoner. She kicked and tried to move her arms until a pair of bright green eyes looked at her.

Self, have you ever been under so much pressure that you panic for no reason?

Been there, done that.

Great, I was just checking.

“Hi.” She gave Xander a big smile to let him know everything was okay.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine I wasn’t the one who was… Oh my God you were shot!” She jumped out of bed. “Turn over, lay on your back. You shouldn’t be moving.”

She reached for a robe only to see that she was dressed in her clothes from yesterday.

“What happened?”

“You saved my life.”

“No Cait did that.”

“You did it wild cat. I’m not sure how but you managed it.” He sat up and threw the cover off.

“What are you doing you can’t get up? I really need Cait’s number, but first I need a cell phone. I think I’m falling apart.” She sat on the side of the bed. “Why are you up?”

“It’s how we’re made. If we can’t regenerate or heal quickly, then there is no need for us.”

“What happens to you then?”

“We are decommissioned.”

“They kill you? Is that what you're telling me?”

“Saffron…”

“No, don’t Saffron me. Are you telling me you're killed and left for the vultures?”

“There are no big birds of prey where I come from, but yes, that’s what happens. And no, Declyn doesn’t leave anyone behind, but he’s not the norm.”

“What am I supposed to do?” She laid down. “Your world challenges me, and you call to me.”

“What I’ve gone through, how I think and what I believe isn't going to be the easiest to adjust to. Here’s what you need to know. I’m never going to sit idly by and watch someone hurt you, not happening. I will always love and cherish you. To be given a mate is special, you’re special, and I don’t want to lose you. I’ll wait for you as long as it takes.”

“You confuse me. You make me feel like a queen, someone worthy of devotion. It’s a new feeling, but I like it. I’m starving let’s go eat.”

“After you.” He whispered it in her ear making her laugh even as her insides did a different dance.

“I’m taking a shower after I eat, no protest from you.”

“I won’t give you any.”

They walked into the kitchen, and she stuck her head in the fridge. “What do you want to eat?”

“Steak?”

“What time is it?” She looked at the clock over the stove it was almost one. “We slept a long time.”

She took out the steak, cauliflower, and potatoes.

“Don’t you think steak is a dinner food?”

“No, I could eat it for every meal, but you’re not going to let me.”

Her grin was radiant. “Look how well you know me.”

They worked in silence cooking the food. Watching him was like a dream. His movements were sure, and occasionally he would rub against her, or touch her hand. They were a team, and he was proving it in little ways because those were the things she would remember.

They sat down, but she was playing with her food. Finally, she set her fork down.

“You killed a man yesterday. That freaked me out. It has been going round and round inside my head. Your world is violent.”

He nodded but didn’t interrupt.

“I thought a lot of different things. Like should I run away? Then I wondered where I would run to. I thought about Richard the mysterious figure that wants me dead. Then I thought of the man that died. Lastly, I thought of myself.” She picked up her fork and knife and took a bite of her steak.

“I won’t apologize. I want you to know and love me.”

The word love hit her like a ton of bricks. She picked it up carefully and put it away for further examination later.

“I don’t need one. Yesterday you made me remember my life had value too. I feel like life beat me down, and I forgot some important things. I deserve and want to live. If you come for me, I’m coming back for you, and you may be the one that falls. Thank you.”

“What does this mean?”

“I will not freak out when you protect me, just know I’m going to do the same for you. We do have a problem. Richard now knows I’m alive, and I’m with someone who isn’t human.”

“I think he already knew.”

“Then what’s our next move?”

“We go to your apartment after your shower.”

“I don’t know where it is.”

“It was on your license.”

“I need that back.”

“We’ll get it from Cait later.”

She nodded feeling lighter. Her apartment would give her clues to who she was.

 

*~*~*~*

 

Her apartment was nice, not the dim, dingy place she was imaging. It was bright there were a lot of materials that she once used for teaching school. She was already filling up a bag with materials she felt were age appropriate for Mia.

“Saffron, what’s in this room.”

“Don’t go in there.” Her stomach was rolling, whatever was in that room scared her.

He turned the handle to the door, and she knew what he would find. The joy that she was feeling faded fast as the dread and the fear of the last two years swallowed her whole.

 

My life is over, and I just don’t know it.

Today they laid me on a table,

My body shivered, and I screamed and cried.

They laughed over my misery while taking their

Spears of agony and pushing them deep inside

 

Today I died, how dare my body walk

and pretend to Live.

I looked for him. The one that would love me

Forever but sadness and loneliness

ate at my bones.

 

Today I tried to run, but they trapped me

like a helpless animal.

So instead I cried tears that no one

will ever see or wipe.

 

Today I died, but the agony followed me

into the arms of death.

 

“I was lost. They would take me to this deserted building and run tests on me. Then they erased my memory, and all I could do was write words on the wall as I tried to believe that there was more to life than what I was experiencing.”

“Why didn’t you escape?”

“They had the one thing I thought I needed.”

“What?”

“My twin.”

“You have a twin?”

“I do, but I didn’t know until Richard came. He told me I was a twin. People like me were always twins, and he had her. I would have done anything to fill the hole inside of myself. When he said I had a twin, I knew he was right, and I wanted her back.”

“If he had her, he would never let you find her.”

“I know that now. At the time, I thought my life for hers. It was a fair trade. I was wrong, it should have always been both our lives.”

“Do you still feel like this?”

“Sometimes, do you understand that I might not be worthy of love?”

“I think you're more than worthy. You’ve been forced to go to the depths of humanity and still survive. I will always choose you over anyone else.”

She walked over and pressed herself against him. He had seen her darkness and cared for her anyway. He was never getting rid of her.

They stood that way for a while. He just held her and slowly rocked her back and forth comforting her.

“I don’t want to live here anymore.”

“I’m glad.”

“Come look at this.”

She took him over to the closet. Inside of it was a glowing black crystal.

“One morning I woke up, and this was sticking out my side. I didn’t know what to do with it. It wouldn’t break no matter what I did to it, so I put it in here.”

“Did it leave a scar?”

“No, it was inside of me, but when I pulled it out, nothing. It was like it hitched a ride but never intended to hurt me.”

“I think we should take it with us.” He reached out to touch it and pulled his hand back. “Can you pick it up?”

She reached out and picked it up.

“Get whatever you want. If we can’t take it, we’ll ask someone to come back and get it.”

She put the crystal with the material for Mia then started packing. She was only going to take the things that she couldn’t live without the rest she’d acquire another time.

“I’m ready.”

“Do you want a picture of what you wrote on the wall?”

“I don’t need one. It’s been burned into my soul and will always be a part of me.”

He nodded but wisely left it alone. That was her past, he would do whatever he could to make sure her present was better.

“If you had your choice between a butterfly and a moth, wouldn’t you prefer the butterfly?”

They had just brought the last load of what she was taking with her down. The Jeep was packed tight, but they had been able to get it all in. Now she was buckling her seat belt.

“I’d rather not spend my life chasing the illusion of beauty.”

She turned to him. His green eyes were caressing her like she was worth whatever trial he had to go through.

He reached out and took her hand. She looked at them. He was big, and she was small, but together they made an incredible team. Nothing was ever going to keep her from living her life or reaching out for what she wanted. Never again.

“Xander, will you make love to me?”

The Jeep picked up speed and growled as it ate up the road ahead of them.