Chapter Fourteen
Poppy
“Boo!”
I nearly screamed, jumping back on the sidewalk, before realizing the sound had come from an automated decoration in my neighbor’s Halloween display. Jesus, I must really be on edge.
I usually didn’t scare at the sight of a cheap plastic ghost, but ever since the night I’d gone home with Zach I’d been feeling jumpy and anxious. The night you rejected Zach, I reminded myself. I had avoided being alone with him after that night, which proved to be a bigger feat than I’d expected. I’d had to pull some serious ninja moves around campus to dodge him. I knew I was being childish, but I’d been feeling a mixture of embarrassment and regret; we’d had a great time and then I totally freaked out, running out of there like a crazy person.
Maybe a grand gesture would fix things? I thought about what Zach would do if I dressed up as a slutty nurse and showed up at his door. Last week I would have confidently said he’d pull me inside, rip off my costume and do all the things I’d been fantasizing about him doing to me, but now I wouldn’t be surprised if he shut the door in my face. He’d put himself out there, and I’d rejected him, it was as simple as that. I just wasn’t brave enough to start something—and not just because he was my adviser—I wasn’t brave enough to begin another relationship period. And Zach was leaving anyways. Just like men always left. Especially once they discovered how much of my time was devoted to Connor.
As I walked in the front door my thoughts were interrupted by Kody tossing a plastic bag in my direction. He and Jodee had been watching Connor while I ran a couple of errands. I caught it, giving him a questioning look. “What is this?” I asked.
“It’s your costume.”
Kody was wearing a plaid sweater vest and slacks. Jodee walked into the living room from the kitchen wearing a checkered dress and an apron.
“Why are you guys dressed like that?” I opened the plastic bag and pulled out a pale pink onesie and a plastic baby rattle.
“What the…” I started.
“You’re a baby.” Kody grinned.
“And we’re your parents,” Jodee chimed in.
Kody had texted me last week that he had an idea for our costumes and I’d assumed I could trust him to pick something out. I was clearly wrong.
“Why do I have to be the baby?” I asked. “I have a baby.”
“Exactly, you are the most qualified to be a baby since you raised a baby,” Kody threw back at me.
As if on cue, Connor looked up from the toy cars he was playing with on the floor, making tiny buzzing sounds with his mouth to imitate the engine.
“Connor, don’t you think your mom will look cute as a baby for Halloween?” Kody asked. Connor’s face screwed up like he was trying to imagine it before he burst out laughing. He jumped up, running around the house shouting, “Mom’s a baby, Mom’s a baby.”
“He’s never going to stop saying that now,” I told Kody, but I couldn’t help but laugh about how ridiculous it all was.
“Trust me this is a great costume,” Kody said, standing up and adjusting his fake glasses in the mirror. “We should hurry or we’re going to be late for the contest.”
* * *
After dropping Connor off at my parents’ house for the night we headed to the Hog’s Head, a bar popular for their annual Halloween party. I’d hesitated at first, not wanting to be away from Connor all night, but my parents had practically forced me out the door. I never expected to be at a point where my sixty-year-old parents were telling me to get a life, and I figured I should take it as a sign that I needed to get out more. Plus, Halloween technically wasn’t until Sunday night, so I wouldn’t miss trick or treating with Connor.
Hog’s Head was packed with students and locals, all eager to win the costume contest. The bar had been decorated with cobwebs and fake spiders and they were serving a specialty Halloween drink that was called “monster’s blood.” Kody surveyed the room, assessing everyone’s chances of winning the contest.
“Okay, I think our biggest challenger is them,” he said, pointing to a group of friends dressed as Kiss.
“Damn, they look really convincing,” Jodee said, standing on her tiptoes to get a better look.
“I still think we can win,” Kody said confidently.
We pushed our way through the crowd, trying to get to the bar. I had to duck to dodge someone’s plastic scythe from poking me in the eye, and when I stood back up and caught sight of the bar my heart stopped.
Zach.
He was standing at the bar talking to someone, but I couldn’t see who through the crowd. Of course, he hadn’t dressed up and he looked effortlessly sexy as always in black jeans and a gray t-shirt. I thought about walking out right then. Away from him, away from this crazy attraction that made me feel dizzy. But I didn’t. I snuck another look at him instead.
Even now, the sight of him sent my heart fluttering and brought me back to that kiss at his house. I’d had quick flashes of it ever since that night, which seemed to be totally out of my control. Just the thought of it was enough to get my heart pounding in my chest. I’d been so turned on that that night, walking away had been almost impossible. But it had been the right thing. Right?
That’s what I kept telling myself. But the memory of Zach’s lips on my neck, his hands anchoring my waist to his lap, where I writhed and rocked until I almost came—fully clothed—on top of him. And then after when he’d quoted Shakespeare and asked if he could fuck me with his fingers.
Shit. I shook my head.
Maybe I should say something, go and clear the air. How could he stay upset with me when I was wearing a baby costume?
I had started to fight my way over to him when the crowd parted for a second and I saw who it was he was talking to.
Oh, hell no.
He was with a woman. She was tall, and blonde and dressed in a black leotard that said Barbie, pink tights, black knee-high socks and pink accessories. I rolled my eyes. Seriously?
I was frozen to the spot, until Zach’s date whispered something in his ear and headed toward the ladies’ room. My stomach knotted and I had to remind myself to breathe. The noise of the crowd had gone silent, everything fading away into the background. Without thinking, I pushed my way through the crowd and walked right up to him. Even in my state I couldn’t help but compare this moment to the night we met, me walking up to Zach in the middle of a crowded room, except this time I was pissed off.
“So, you’re fucking Barbie now?”
Zach turned to me, startled, and looked me up and down, taking in my baby costume. He smirked.
“Her name’s Stacey. And no, I haven’t fucked her.” He paused, his green eyes drilling into mine, making my heartbeat speed up a few paces. “I haven’t even kissed her, actually.”
I crossed my arms. “So, what, you’re on a date?”
He sighed, exasperated. “You told me to move on, that we couldn’t be together. What was I supposed to do? Wait for you? You were very clear, Poppy. It doesn’t matter how much I want you, if you don’t want me back …”
Tears sprung into my eyes and I swallowed hard to keep them from falling. I took a deep breath, releasing whatever adrenaline had caused me to confront Zach in the first place.
“You’re right.” My voice cracked and I wasn’t quite able to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
His brows knitted in frustration and Zach shook his head. “I am too.”
I turned and pushed my way through the crowd, not waiting to hear if Zach had anything else to say. What else was there to say? It was selfish of me to reject him and then be mad that he was trying to move on. I just hadn’t expected him to move on so quickly. Who was I kidding, Jason moved on in less time than it took me to down a sushi roll, so why was I expecting anything different from Zach.
I found Kody and Jodee at the other end of the bar. Without saying anything to them, I signaled the bartender.
“Three tequila shots,” I shouted over the noise. Kody and Jodee gave each other a look.
“What’s up? You look like you’re about to cry,” Jodee said, concern in her voice.
I pointed in the direction of Zach and Stacey, who had returned from the bathroom and was batting her eyelashes at Zach and giving him pouty looks. Kody and Jodee both gasped.
“Who is that? Is he on a date?”
I nodded miserably.
“But he’s right, I’m the one who said I didn’t want anything to happen,” I said, voice still quavering.
Jodee hugged me. “I’m sorry, Poppy.”
“She’s not even cute,” Kody said, leaning over to get a better view.
I forced a smile. “Thanks, guys, but it’s okay, let’s just have fun tonight.” I didn’t want to be a downer and ruin the night, especially after seeing how excited Kody was about the costume contest. I also didn’t want Zach to see my friends staring him and his date down from across the bar.
They were still giving me concerned looks, so I held up my tequila shot.
Paraphrasing F. Scott Fitzgerald, I toasted to each of my friends, “Too much of anything is bad, but too much tequila is just right. Drink up, my friends.”
They didn’t look convinced, but they went along with my toast. After downing the shots, I ordered a cup of ‘monster’s blood’, which sounded gross but was actually fruit punch and vodka. I was feeling slightly less miserable once the alcohol kicked in, but I still couldn’t stop myself from sneaking glances at Zach and Stacey, who were laughing and flirting at the bar. Of course she was having a good time. Zach was sweet, funny, sexy, a total catch. A total catch that I’d rejected. Seriously, stop moping, I told myself.
Everything that had happened had been my choice, and I needed to accept it. There was no way I could keep up with school and raising Connor if I lost myself in Zach. Not to mention the complications with him being my adviser. It was just that being around Zach—and the copious amounts of alcohol I was consuming tonight—made it incredibly difficult to remember what about this situation was so wrong. I sighed and turned to find my friends when I walked straight into Chad, a tall, blond poet in my workshop, dressed as the Joker from Batman.
“Hey, Poppy,” he said, looking me up and down. “You’re a…”
“A baby,” I said, shrugging. I’d accepted that my outfit made me the least sexy person at the bar and was glad I could at least be comfortable.
He laughed. “I get it, it’s cute. So how are you liking the program so far?”
“Everything is going great,” I lied.
We continued to talk about school and discuss the latest poems we’d been writing.
“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked at a break in the conversation.
I hesitated. Chad and I were friendly, but I’d always gotten the feeling he had a crush on me, and I didn’t want to lead him on. I glanced over at Zach, who was cracking up about something Stacey had just said.
Fuck it.
“Sure,” I said, turning back to Chad with a smile. “That sounds great.”
After taking yet another tequila shot with Chad, we continued to talk about school. I tried to focus on the conversation but couldn’t stop my mind from wandering. I couldn’t see Zach anymore and wondered what he and bitchy Barbie were up to. After a few more minutes of trying and failing to pay attention to Chad, I told him I needed to find my friends. I just wasn’t interested in him, and it was becoming painfully obvious.
“Can we go?” I asked after I’d found Kody and Jodee by the DJ. I stumbled a bit as I walked up to them.
“Whoa, how much have you drunk?” Jodee asked.
“I’m fine,” I said, waving her off. “But seriously, can we leave?”
“Five more minutes, please,” Kody begged. “They’re about to announce the winners of the group contest and I’m pretty sure we have a shot.”
I sighed, resigning myself to a night of torture, when a man dressed as Frankenstein walked onstage.
“Alright, folks, it’s time to select the winners of the contest. All groups to the stage first.”
Kody grabbed my arm and towed me up the steps to the stage.
Jodee followed and the three of us stood in the center of the stage, flanked by a group of guys dressed as a hockey team, and a group of girls dressed up as Playboy bunnies.
As much as it pained me, my eyes found Zach. He had stopped talking to Barbie and stood there staring at me. I felt his gaze like it was licks of fire and I was ablaze.
After making a big show of opening the envelope, Frankenstein grinned and shouted out four names I didn’t recognize. The Kiss group stepped forward, high fiving the crowd. As they accept their prize of movie passes and certificates for free pizza, I headed down off the stage and toward the exit, my friends trailing after me. It looked like the only thing I was going to win that night was a massive hangover.