Chapter 20

She had a lovely evening out on the town with Ben and Cody that night. It was wonderful to see how relaxed Cody was in displaying his affection for Ben in this environment, and though it was the first time she had met Ben, she could certainly see what Cody saw in him. They did seem to be meant for one another. It must be nice to be so sure about something. So sure that you were willing to risk everything to be together in the way you feel you were meant to be.

It was another late night, but while Benn and Cody stayed up celebrating, she backed off after a celebratory glass of champagne and started rehydrating with some water. When they all finally crashed, sleep came quickly after last night’s tossing and turning. She was grateful. Her dad was taking the shop for a couple of days while she was in the wedding and regained her bearings a bit after the way she blew up at Della.

Morning was busy with the guys trying to get their ties and cummerbunds in place, and her trying to get ready with two men to trip over in her tiny pad, but somehow, they managed to catch the car service she had called to take them to Central Park in time. Though it was within walking distance, she didn’t want them to get all mussed up before they arrived and had pre-arranged the vehicle as a surprise. It was amusing watching two otherwise masculine men get all jittery and nervous as they rode hand in hand to the park.

The officiant was already there when they arrived. She was an older woman licensed as a celebrant and a lesbian who had married her partner of forty years not long after the laws had changed. She gave Susan a small vile for after the ceremony, and they wasted no time in getting started. Susan was surprised to learn that the two men had written their own vows and was moved by the words they had chosen for one another. When it was over, she blew bubbles from the small vial the official had given her over their heads as they exited the gazebo, husband and…husband, she guessed. Whatever they were, it was sweet, and she was happy for them.

“Okay, let’s all get back to Susan’s place for a quick sip of champagne and a slice of miniature wedding cake, and then we’ve got to get our stuff and book it to the airport for Miami!” Cody said gleefully, followed by a loud cheer. The car service was waiting to take them back per the schedule Susan had given him, and they rode quietly back to Susan’s place, all smiling happily.

Less than an hour later, she had seen them off at the curb as they climbed into a cab to begin their new life together.

“Don’t forget to call me when you get back home and let me know how all the other stuff went,” she told Cody.

“I think you are more nervous about it than I am, beautiful. We’ll be fine.”

Then they were gone, leaving her there to realize how alone she felt. She returned to the kitchen to face the leftover bottle of champagne and half-eaten cake they had shared during their tiny reception. Cody and Ben wanted to have a larger one at home later in their new farm house, but it would be a while as they had a lot of work to do. Susan suspected that not all that hard work would be on just getting the farm up to acceptable standards. They were going to have to win over a lot of folks that weren’t used to progressive thinking.

Right now, all Susan wanted to do was sleep. She felt exhausted. Though she had slept well enough last night, she could have used a few more hours. Climbing onto the couch, she fell asleep right away. When she woke up, the sun was setting outside, and she decided to shower, change, and go out for a quiet meal someplace. She ended up at a little bistro that she and Paul used to sometimes come to, and melancholy washed over her. She missed him so much and wanted him by her side.

She sat contemplating why he had done what he had done. It made no sense that he would just let her walk away as he had if she meant anything at all to him, but that is what he had done. He could claim he had tried, but he really hadn’t. He knew where she worked, he knew where she lived, and he was only a few more blocks away. He had her phone number and ample opportunity to use it. So, he had tried to call while out of the country? When had he tried to call before or after that? It seemed half-hearted, at best.

Her mind drifted back to the nights they had spent in each other’s arms. He had seemed so happy with her – not with some memory she elicited, but her. Was it possible that he had convinced even himself that he had true feelings for her, and that her calling him out on it had made him realize the he was wrong? She just couldn’t understand any of this. All she really knew was that it had seemed real, and she loved him.

Not ready to go home and stare at the walls for the rest of the night, she decided to go to a nearby theater and catch a movie, preferably something to make her laugh. She found just the thing and tried to lose herself in it, putting all the terrible things behind her and drowning her sorrows in a bag of popcorn and a large soda. It seemed to work for a while, but the moment the movie was over, she found herself right back in the middle of thoughts about Paul and how much she missed him.

She spent some time at home doing some housework, cleaning up and doing laundry until she felt a bit more tired. She pulled her freshly laundered sheets directly from the dryer and put them on the bed, climbing between them and sinking down into the soft, warm Egyptian cotton.

What is Paul doing? she wondered. Is he thinking about me, or has he written me off? She wondered what he had come to the shop for and why he hadn’t tried to intervene when he thought she was about to marry some relative stranger. She really must not have meant much to him, after all.

After the long nap and with all that was on her mind, sleep was a long time coming. When she finally did drift off, she found herself once again in the throes of dreams about Paul, but this time, they were of the good times. She was in his arms, kissing him. He held her in that way of his that made her feel like she was the only woman in the world and he was the only man. She had considered herself safe with him and the bit of that trust he had instilled in her flowed through her now as she dreamed of being with him again.

Her dream changed, finding them in Paris where they had spent night after night just making love lazily after touring the city. It seemed so real that she could almost feel him inside of her and her body shifted beneath the covers. Even in her sleep, she ached for his touch. He came to her once again, making love to her beneath the stars and in exotic places. Her visions of him shifted from one thing to the next, but they always revolved around how beautiful it was just to be with him.