Chapter 15

Annie

After dinner, I volunteer to help Elly clean up in the kitchen. Jake and Charlie take Aiden downstairs to the arcade to play video games. After that, the three of them are going to watch Aiden’s favorite Disney movie, Cars, on the big screen in the theater.

I’m happy that Jake is taking so much interest in Aiden, and I’m grateful for the respite this evening. I figure I’ll have three whole hours to myself.

After finishing in the kitchen, I head up to my room and take a long hot bath in the sunken tub, relaxing in the luxurious jets of hot water. After my bath, I take the opportunity to shave my legs and underarms because… well, just in case… and brush my teeth and floss.

Jake made it pretty clear earlier, when he had me pinned to the wall in his room, that he wants us to be together. Knowing how determined and resourceful he is, I imagine he’ll find a way to make it happen fairly soon. So I want to be ready.

The thought of having sex with Jake again both thrills and terrifies me. I’m thrilled because I love him, and of course I want to be with him. I never thought we’d be given another chance, and I don’t want to squander it. I want him. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, assuming he feels the same way.

But I’m also terrified. When we were together in high school, we were both essentially still kids. Jake’s all man now, and I have no doubt he’ll be an aggressive, unapologetic lover. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. Ted was satisfied with quick sex, no foreplay. It was plain old missionary style. But Jake doesn’t strike me as the kind of man who’s going to be satisfied with that.

I read a lot of romance books, and while I don’t think Jake’s going to want to tie me up or chain me to the bed, I don’t think he’ll be satisfied with a quickie in the dark. He’s going to want to look and touch… and probably taste… and oh, my God. The thought of his mouth… his tongue… there. I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

Just the thought of getting naked with him scares me to death. As I told him, I’m not the same girl he remembers. My body has matured, and time and childbirth has taken its toll. I have stretch marks on my breasts and belly and thighs. And there’s a lovely cesarean section scar stretching across my lower belly that’s impossible to miss.

I’m not vain, or at least I hope I’m not. But I don’t want him to compare the me I am today with the girl he once knew and find the current me lacking. Or a disappointment.

Just the thought of being naked with him again makes me queasy. I saw glimpses of his body in the pool today. His muscular thighs are like tree trunks. And his arms… well, they’re ridiculous. Arm porn, pure and simple. His biceps and triceps are huge, well defined, and rock hard. And those thick, ropy veins… not to mention the tattoos. Good grief! And that’s just what I’ve seen with his clothes on. I can’t imagine what he looks like naked.

After my impromptu spa treatment, I dress in a pair of comfy PJ shorts and a white cami and curl up on an armchair with one of the books I brought from home. I’d lowered the lights, and I’m so cozy I could melt into a puddle and stay like this forever.

I’ve been reading for about half an hour, struggling to focus on the words in front of me, when I hear a quiet knock. “Come in.”

Elly opens the door and pops her head inside. “Would you like some tea? I brought you a pot of hot water and a cup. I’ve got an assortment of teas if you’re interested.”

“I’d love a cup. Thank you.”

Elly pushes a small serving cart into my room and parks it beside my chair. There’s a little stainless-steel pot of steaming water sitting on a trivet, a cup and saucer, and a basket of assorted tea bags. She rifles through the collection. “There’s chamomile and peppermint. Lemon balm, passionflower, and here’s a basic green tea. Do any of these sound good? Or, if you’d prefer coffee, I can bring you a cup of that instead.”

“This is perfect, Elly, thank you.” I select the peppermint tea thinking maybe it will help calm my nerves.

“May I sit?” She eyes the other armchair. “Just for a minute?”

“Of course! Please do.”

Elly sits, turning in her seat to face me. “I know it’s none of my business, but I just wanted you to know.” She pauses, looking conflicted. “I’ve known Jake for several years, and he’s never brought anyone here before. Not even during family parties or holiday get-togethers. Never. I’ve never even known him to be dating anyone. Since you arrived, it’s like he’s a different person. I’ve never seen him so relaxed and happy. I just thought you’d like to know.”

“We have a history,” I tell her, wondering how much she knows.

She smiles. “I’ve heard bits and pieces over the years. I know you and he were sweethearts in high school.”

“We were.”

“You don’t have to explain. It’s none of my business. I just want you both to be happy.”

Suddenly, I want to tell Elly everything. In the little time I’ve known her, she’s been kinder and more supportive to me than my own mother has ever been. My mother… who judges me constantly, always finding fault with me. My own mother, who others refer to as the dragon lady, and with good reason. Even Aiden’s afraid of her. “Right after high school, I left to go to Harvard.”

Elly’s eyes widen. “That’s impressive.”

I shrug. “While I was gone, my parents interfered in our lives, telling me one thing, and telling Jake another. They lied to both of us, and in the end, their lies drove us apart. With hindsight, we shouldn’t have let that happen, but we were both young and insecure, and it was easy for us to believe the tales they told.

“I’m so sorry.” She frowns. “You’re divorced now, right? And I take it that your marriage wasn’t a pleasant one, based on poor Aiden’s reaction at the dinner table tonight when he spilled his milk.”

I nod. “My husband was abusive, both physically and emotionally. That’s why Aiden and I are here under protective custody.”

Elly smiles. “You’re in very good hands, believe me. Nothing gets past Jake.” She stands. “I’ll leave you alone to enjoy your tea. If you need anything, you can call me on the house phone, there by your bed. Just dial 2 for the kitchen. Leave a message if I don’t pick up when you call. Anything you need… just let me know.”

“Thank you.”

Elly quietly lets herself out, and I sip my tea, trying to get back into my book, but it’s impossible. My mind keeps wandering to Jake. I was hoping the tea would settle the butterflies in my stomach, but so far that doesn’t seem to be the case. If anything, the later it gets, the more nervous I feel.

I’m warm and comfortable, and before I know it, my eyelids are so heavy I can’t keep them open. I close my book and lay it on my lap, then lean my head back and close my eyes. Just for a few minutes…

The next thing I know, I feel a pair of lips pressed to my forehead. Then I hear a male sigh combined with a quiet groan.

I open my eyes and find the room darkened. Jake is looming over my chair, gazing at me intently.

“Where’s Aiden?” I glance around the room, realizing it’s late. I must have dozed off.

Jake nods toward the bed. “He fell asleep during the movie, so I carried him up here to bed.”

“Thank you. I was going to give him a bath tonight, but I guess that will have to wait until morning.”

Jake reaches down to skim his index finger along the scooped neck of my cami top. “You smell really good.”

I chuckle. “I had a rose-scented bubble bath tonight, and Elly pampered me with peppermint tea.”

He leans closer and runs his nose down the side of my face to my throat, where he places a lingering kiss. “It’s not roses or peppermint tea I smell. It’s you.” He presses his lips to my throat and growls quietly. “Your skin is an aphrodisiac.”

He sets my book on the floor and pulls me to my feet, wrapping me in his arms and resting his chin on the top of my head. When he speaks, his rough voice makes my belly quiver. “Please don’t make me sleep alone tonight.”

His simple request makes my chest ache. “Jake, we can’t.” My throat tightens painfully. I hate saying no to him, but I have to think of my son. “I need to explain things to Aiden.”

He sighs, then he presses his lips to my temple. “It’s just been so long, Elliot.”

I slip my arms around his waist and hold him tight, letting my hands slide up beneath his T-shirt and stroke his taut, bare skin. “I know. Believe me, I know.”

With another quiet growl, Jake scoops me up into his arms and carries me to the bed, laying me down. Aiden is tucked in on the far side of the bed, fast asleep.

Jake crawls into bed with me. “Let me lie with you for a little while. I just want to hold you. I’ll be gone long before Aiden wakes up, I swear.”

How can I say no? I turn on my side, facing Aiden so I’ll know if he awakes, and Jake molds himself to my backside, tucking his arm around my waist and pulling me against his body. We both ignore the huge erection pressing into my back.

He nuzzles the back of my head, his mouth slipping down to kiss my neck, making me shiver. “Go back to sleep,” he murmurs. “I won’t stay long, I promise.”

Of course, I’m wide awake now and falling asleep seems almost impossible. Having Jake in bed with me, even with the two of us fully clothed, makes it impossible for me to relax. His warm fingers slip beneath my top and splay possessively over my abdomen, while he lays his forehead against the back of my head.

Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed with sadness for everything we’ve lost. I imagine him being alone all those years, hurting, and it breaks my heart. My eyes sting as tears begin to form. One sob escapes me, followed by another, and I have to press my face into a pillow to muffle the sound so I don’t wake my son. The last thing he needs to see is his mother crying.

My heart cracks wide open, breaking into several jagged pieces, the sharp edges stabbing me from the inside.

“Shh.” Jake presses his lips to the back of my head. “God, please don’t cry.”

But I can’t help it. It’s too late. The dam has ruptured. That protective wall that has been shielding my heart for all these years has finally crumbled, and I can’t hold back the surge of pain. I feel completely lost, swept away by a rush of emotion that’s pulling me down into a deep well of sadness and loss.

I sob into my pillow, grieving for the pain and loneliness we’ve both endured all these years.

He kisses my bare shoulder. “I’m sorry, Elliot. Jesus, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you go. I should have pushed. I should have fought for you. If I had, none of this would have happened.”

“It… wasn’t… your… fault.” It’s a struggle for me to speak between wracking sobs. “Not your fault. Mine—”

“No! Shh.” He tightens his hold on me. “Baby, please.”

I cry as quietly as I can manage into my pillow, afraid of waking my son, but fortunately Aiden is out cold, undoubtedly exhausted after a busy day.

Jake holds me tightly, comforting me—comforting both of us. I can feel his body shaking too.