Chapter 20

Annie

After I read him two more bedtime stories, Aiden finally falls asleep, clutching his dinosaur to his chest. Normally, he sleeps pretty soundly, but I think being in a strange place and meeting so many new people has him a bit hyped up.

I lie beside my son and watch him sleep for a few moments, wanting to memorize his sweet little face. I gently brush my fingers through his spiky hair and admire his long eye lashes and that cute little nose. He’s my baby. He’s brought me nothing but joy from the moment he was born. It was Aiden who gave me the courage to leave an abusive husband. There was no way on Earth I’d stand by and let Ted hurt Aiden again.

Once I’m certain he’s deeply asleep, I climb gingerly out of bed and practically tiptoe to the bathroom to brush my hair and teeth. I set up the nanny cam so I can monitor Aiden remotely, and then I let myself out of the room.

By the time I step in front of Jake’s door, the butterflies in my belly are going crazy. I knock lightly, but there’s no answer. I try again, a little bit harder this time. Still no answer. I try the door knob and find it unlocked, so I open it and step inside. “Jake?”

A quick search of his suite confirms what I already suspected. He’s not here. That’s odd, because I said I’d come back. I find his jeans lying on the floor at the foot of his bed. Where could he have gone?

I check the nanny cam app to make sure Aiden’s still asleep. Then I head down to the kitchen to look for Jake, thinking maybe he’d gone downstairs looking for a snack. I find someone standing in front of the open fridge, but it’s not Jake. “Hi, Charlie.”

She pulls a bottle of beer out of the fridge and holds the door open. “Hey, Annie. You want something?”

“No. Thank you. I’m looking for Jake. I thought he’d be in his room, but he’s not. I thought maybe he came in here.”

Charlie closes the fridge and opens her bottle. “Try the fitness room downstairs. When he’s restless, he works out. Beating something up tends to calm him down.”

“He’s restless?”

She nods. “As hell.”

“Why?”

Charlie rolls her eyes at me. “You’re kidding, right? He’s been restless since the moment he laid eyes on you.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sure this is difficult for him. It is for me.”

She leans against the fridge. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“I know it’s none of my business, but… what exactly is the history between you two?”

“How much has he told you?”

“Just that you guys dated in high school. But it’s got to be more than that. I’ve never seen him mooning over anyone before.”

Her terminology makes me smile. “We were together in high school. And yes, it was a lot more than that. We loved each other—we still do. We had plans to marry after we graduated high school.”

“Obviously that didn’t happen. So?”

“No, it didn’t. My parents—it’s a long story. I went away to college, and we never saw each other again, not until yesterday. I believed he was married—which as it turns out wasn’t true—so I got married.”

“Wow.” Charlie is silent for a moment as she sips her beer. I can tell she’s debating whether or not to dig for more information. “Since I’ve known him, he’s pretty much been a loner,” she finally says. “He’s never dated anyone that I knew of. I never understood that, given how hot he is.”

I laugh. “You think he’s hot?”

Charlie grins. “Hello, girl! I’m not blind.” She looks at me out of the corner of her eye. “Go downstairs. You’ll probably find him beating on a punching bag.”

“Thanks, Charlie.”

I retrace my steps back to the foyer and take the stairs down to the lower level. It’s dark down here, but I can see a faint light coming through the viewing pane outside the work-out room. I stand at the window, peering inside the dimly lit room. There’s just a tiny bit of light coming from the locker rooms in the rear.

It takes me a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, but I finally spot Jake standing in front of a punching bag, just as Charlie predicted. I watch him, mesmerized by his strength and coordination as he delivers blow after blow to the bag, sending it rocking on the chain it’s suspended from.

He’s wearing a pair of black shorts and that’s it. Even his feet are bare, and when he pivots and kicks the bag with the edge of his foot, I cringe. That’s got to hurt. Those bags are hard.

He pummels the bag relentlessly, his fists slamming into it, sending it reeling.

Suddenly, he stops, catching the bag and stopping its momentum as it swings back toward him. He turns to look right at me, his chest heaving, his face dark and sweaty from exertion.

I walk inside. “I went back to your room, but you were gone.  Charlie said you’d probably be down here.” I don’t know why I’m practically whispering, as there’s no one else down here but us.

I don’t know what to make of the expression on his face. Just an hour ago, he wanted me to meet him in his room. Now, he looks agitated, angry. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he says, wincing. His jaws shut tightly, and he turns away from me, heading for the locker room. “I need to shower.”

I run after him. “Jake, wait!”

He stops dead in his tracks, his chest heaving as he draws in air. “What?”

It’s a little disconcerting to see him practically naked. I’m still not used to seeing his body like this, a far cry from what it was when he was eighteen. Now, he’s a monster of a man. He doesn’t even have to try to be intimidating. He just is.

I lay my hand on his chest, shocked by how hot his skin is to the touch. “I know something’s bothering you.”

He opens his mouth as if to speak, but then he shuts it. He’s looking everywhere but at me. “You should go to bed, Annie. It’s getting late.”

“Just an hour ago, you were trying to sweet talk me into having sex, and now you’re shutting me out. What happened after I left your room?”

He squeezes his eyes shut and grimaces, obviously upset about something.

“Jake.” I slide my hand down his arm to his wrist. Glancing down, I see that the material wrapped around his hands is bloody. “Talk to me.”

“I can’t!” he hisses, pulling his hand free. “Not right now. It’s not a good time. Please, just go to bed.”

Clearly he’s hurting. Charlie’s comment about him being restless comes back to me. “You can talk to me, you know. You always talked to me before.”

“That was before!”

He makes a fist and slams it into the wall, leaving a blood-stained hole.

“Jake!” I grab his hand and hold it to my chest, mostly to prevent a repeat. He’s going to break his knuckles if he keeps that up.

His face screws up in pain, and he pulls away from me, staggering back to lean against the wall.

My throat tightens painfully, and my eyes tear up. I can’t bear to see him hurting like this. “Jake, please. Talk to me.”

“I’m so fucking sick with jealousy!” he yells. “I can’t get it out of my head!”

“Jealousy?”

“Yes! I’m fucking jealous of your ex-husband. That motherfucker was married to you. He made a baby with you! He had everything with you, when I had nothing!”

Jake throws his head back against the wall with a loud thud, his face twisted in agony. I’m stunned by his reaction. He’s been holding this inside all this time? Never letting it out, never letting me see how much he was hurting. Dear God, I did this to him.

I don’t even realize that tears are streaming down my face until he looks at me and his expression softens instantly.

“Ah, shit, baby. Don’t cry.” He reaches for me with blood-stained hands.

When he realizes he’s still got the bloody wraps on his hands, he tears at them. The skin over his knuckles is torn and bleeding, and his knuckles are already swelling. Still, he pulls me into his arms, pressing his lips to my forehead as he speaks. “Jesus, Elliot, don’t cry. It’s not your fault. I just can’t stop thinking about him with you. It’s driving me crazy!”

“It is my fault. I married him.”

“No. It’s not. I don’t blame you.”

He’s a sweaty, bloody mess, but I don’t care. He’s hurting, and it’s my fault. I pull his head down to mine and kiss him, both our lips trembling as they come together in a rush. He tightens his arms around me, holding me close as he closes his mouth over mine. He seems almost desperate, his mouth eating at me, his lips crushing mine. Our teeth knock together, and I taste blood, but I don’t care, and he doesn’t back down. This is necessary, this reclaiming of each other.

“You are mine,” he grounds out against my lips. “You’ve always been mine.”

“Yes.” My heart breaks at the pain in his voice, and I think I’d give almost anything to move the clock back in time and change history. But I can’t because that would mean never having had Aiden.

“You’re both mine,” he says, his mouth gentling.

My heart swells with love for this man until it hurts. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve his loyalty and his affection, but I’m grateful for it. It’s not too late for us. We can get back what we lost and move forward, together, as a family.

Jake pulls back to study me. “Did I hurt you?”

“No.” I reach up, staring into his dark, glittering eyes and brush his hair back. “Come,” I say, linking my elbow with his and leading him into the locker room. “Is there a first aid kit in here?”

“In the bathroom,” he says, pointing at an open door across the room.

I lead him into the bathroom and steer him to the counter. “Sit here.” Then I search through the cabinet drawers for a first aid kit. After locating a clean hand towel and wetting it, I dab gently at the blood on his hands.

Neither one of us talks while I administer first aid, first cleaning his hands, then carefully blotting them dry before applying an antibiotic ointment and bandages. When I’m done, I move to stand in front of him, between his knees, and take his battered hands carefully in mine.

I meet his gaze, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. “I’m so sorry.”

He looks away as his eyes fill with fresh tears.

I lift one of his hands to my lips and kiss it. “I would do anything to take this pain from you, but I can’t change what happened. I’m sorry, and I love you.”

He’s struggling not to cry, and it breaks my heart to see this strong man brought to his knees. He closes his eyes and squeezes my hands. “I should have fought harder,” he says. “I should have gone to you. If I had, we would have realized we’d been lied to.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“Because you were still just a kid. We both were. And we didn’t know how much power we had back then. It’s just as much my fault. I could have insisted on coming home to confront you about this supposed girlfriend you’d gotten pregnant.”

He laughs bitterly. “That’s so ironic, considering there hasn’t been anyone since you. Sure, I had the odd one-night stand. I’m no monk. But I never dated anyone—never cared enough about anyone to make it official.”

We’re both silent for a moment, as the implications of his words float in the air between us. He stayed true to me. I married the first man who came along when I thought I’d lost Jake. I feel sick with shame. “I wasn’t as strong as you,” I say, my words breaking apart. 

“No, don’t. Listen to me.” He gets right in my face. “I don’t blame you. Do you understand that? I. Don’t. Blame. You.”

Jake slides off the counter and pulls me into his arms. “I need a shower. I’m a hot mess.”

I laugh, turning my face to kiss his sternum. “You are a hot mess, all right. But you’re my hot mess.”

“I’ll be anything you want me to be, as long as I’m yours.” He bends down to touch his nose to mine. “Elliot?”

“Yes?”

His breath is shaky when he says, “Please grab on tight and don’t ever let me go. No matter what happens. Promise me.”

I wrap my arms around his waist, my heart aching. “I promise.”